The Coin

As I mentioned in the forum, what I see here is a framework, something that allows a reader to find -some- meaning, guided by the poem. It won't necessarily be the meaning you had in your mind, while writing, but hopefully it will be something similar. And I disagree with the opinion on the forum that there is "nothing to connect with", here. However, I'd say that you've selected your audience, by laying a trail to be followed. Just something to think about...

I don't think it's useful for you if I tell you *what* your poem means to me. But it's perhaps useful that yes, I do see something in it, and by assigning my own meanings to the different elements (coin, outer margin, hurts), I've assembled something which has deep meaning to me. I was going to tell you what lines were my favorite, but really, I like all of them. Really excellent poem, imho.

Not very useful, I guess, but these are my thoughts on it. Thank you for the read.

Your comments are always welcome and highly valued. Most of all because of the kindness and judgement I have noted in your comments to all writers.

‘Eternal’ is there and I believe needed as it establishes clearly that the coin will not land and thus we cannot see whether it is double sided heads or tails – ever. I am not sure how else or better to achieve that.

This poem was, like most I have entered, written a long time ago. It was always anomalous, I looked at it then rather as a young, inexperienced and possibly not very bright chicken might look at this large egg it has produced and think WTF. None of my other poems seemed similar in style or content – though I now see some similarity with ‘People in books’.

I have never been able to work out if it was profound or trite. In particular the line ’we are the thing we seek’ ought to have me sticking my fingers down my throat. But it does not – it still moves me. Possibly because it does not seem so much proffered as an ‘answer’ as being something like a sentence of death.

It was always a poem of two halves. I was always happy with from ‘For living’ onwards but the first two lines did not seem to fit. Yet when I took them away or tried to change or replace them that was clearly wrong. In preparing it for Literotica, I did actually change one word that made a big difference. I changed to ‘humanity’ from ‘divinity’ – I think this change not only made it better but is actually truer to what the poem was.

In terms of ‘meaning’, I can get two interpretations of what ‘within the outer margin’ means but I am not sure if either one is correct. I think that the phrase is more about feel & that precise meaning is not essential on this particular phrase. Otherwise, I think the poem is fairly clear cut. Obviously, the image repeated will cover questions such as whether there is a God or if there is life after death but I really hope it is not just as simplistic as that.

I noticed that the poem appeared on the New Poem Recommendations thread & was then used as an example elsewhere by the same commenter. In particular, he showed it with the enjambment removed to demonstrate it made absolutely no difference. I thought it did make a difference. As to whether I had any genuine studied poetic technique in it – I have absolutely no idea, so probably not.

The last two lines were very climactic. Perhaps for that reason I thought the beginning a bit too strong: "with sad/Humanity we face our equivocal fate." The rest of the poem built effectively the layers that supported the climax, particularly lines 7&8.

I'm not sure why you wrote "eternally."

I enjoy your poems, Cleardaynow, and hope my comments provoke thought, not necessarily agreement.

Insightful and well said.

we come full circle.