The Pleasure Pain Principle

All over your body, muscles tighten, then loosen.

Sudden impulses surge through your brain.

Like a distinct message repeated ad nauseum your body screams "I'm not used to this! What are you doing to me?"

Waves of pain shoot throught your joints.

You rub your calves, your thighs, your arms, absentmindedly. You can feel their stiffness, you know they have little flexibility or give.

The muscles in the small of your back contract and the pain there is constant. You grit your teeth to stop complaining about it, not even realising that's what you're doing.

The blood pounds in your temples. You can feel the speed, the urgency of your physical behaviour reflected in your heart beat, in your pulse.

Your breath rasps in your throat. You can feel the constriction of your lungs. You are fighting for breath, for oxygen, for life. You hardly notice.

Because all of this, ALL of it, is background noise to you right now. Right there on top is the adrenalin, the endorphins, the competitive spirit, the love of the game.

That's what it's like for me, playing the sports I love as my body deteriorates, still loving the energy and physicality while simultaneously mourning my loss of athleticism, the erosion of skills, the deterioration of speed and strength.

That's what it's like as you cling to every moment of your life...

...even as you creep inevitably closer to your death.