This Is Not About the Postpartum

I may have it
I may be sick
But I still know this much is true
I was't and I still am not ready to be a mother
I may never be
Postpartum or not postpartum
Today I've made my choice

My husband is gonna wanna a divorce asap
My parents are gonna be shocked and all my friends are gonna turn their backs
I don't care
To be happy and whole again
To be the old me the way I was before
I'm doing what I have to do
I'm walking out on this very much unwanted little person before I hurt her any worse

I had this baby
I gave birth and life to this little girl
I wanted her or thought that I did before I found out being a mom just isn't that much fun
Is it so wrong now to realize that she's just too much work?
Too much trouble getting in the way of my dreams and plans for the future
God help me but this is the truth
Just holding her makes me feel like a prisoner held down by a thousand 10 ton chains

Packed my bags
Got my eyes set on the open road and the bright lights of Sin City beyond
Got Las Vegas calling in my veins
Beckoning me to become something more and better then just another stay at home loser
She's crying but I ain't going to her
She's not my concern anymore
Let someone else do the dirty work of feeding, cleaning and burping that spitful little creature

I'm done
100 percent
Not a doubt in my mind
Through with it and through with her
 'Cause I know
I just know someday I'm gonna be a big star
And no star has time for the pullback of a whiny, helpless nobody
There only to be another useless hanger-on

2009 Ramona Thompson