- Erotic Poetry
- White Weapons
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He slices them through birds of prey, infinite air
along the jet streams to slash
across their backs,
of blood constructed,
and watch them soar, sullen as words,
enormous as poems,
metaphors of dream stirring sails,
Transient bodies.
He did not set off
with the flesh of women.
He studied the phenomenon on the gaze of dreams
when obsession burns and fights
the quiet submission.
Horns of bulls garnish the secrets
of these nocturnal birds.
Arena, anaphora.
He slices them through caverns
and catches each virgin in the mystery
of the water that streams from fountains,
illuminating the mouths of serpents.
Red is the moon of the inaugural night.
Someone will fall into his silence, of white scarves, of love poems.
Of destiny.
- COMMENTS
Lauren Hyndeabout 19 years agoAuthorThank you all for the comments and feedback, here and in email. I truly appreciate it.
I am currently attempting to write a short essay on hyperlyricism, surrealism, and phonetic kabbalah - self-important as that may sound - that has been fascinating me and influencing my latest experiments, and that I hope will help clear some of the doubts you expressed. At the very least, I hope that putting on the metaphorical paper some of the concepts I have been exploring will help clear some of my own doubts about the process.
Please be patient. :)
Thank you all again.
twelveooneabout 19 years agoYes, a tightly woven piece.
Despite an overtendency to use linguistic and /or poetic terms
Arena, anaphora.
this works so well in the context.
Despite a tendency here also, to be overdramatic, i.e title, "Red is the moon of the inaugural night." it does work well
and can be forgiven.
This can't:
"Of destiny"
It screams self-importantance, and accents the worst tendencies of the rest of it with it.
But, that is just my humble opinion.
WickedEveabout 19 years agobecause I understand where ozymandiask is coming from. Even though I'm not completely sure what's happening in this poem, I'm enthralled.
ozymandiaskabout 19 years agoI have read your poem at least 20 times and thought hard before responding. I don't understand it at all. At first I thought it might be about Patrick White, then bats then possibly a tribute to someone. I can't connect. But am I supposed to understand or are the words supposed to work much as an impressionist painting might?
The other comments talk of structure, images, and metaphor but mostly speak of their appreciation rather than what they appreciate, so I can't see through their 'eyes ' either. Could you give some guidance about how one should read/interpret/understand/ respond to your poem . Thank you
dcpoet44about 19 years agoto the construction of this piece. it's very articulate and with a voice that carries. this is my fave spot:
He slices them through caverns
and catches each virgin in the mystery
of the water that streams from fountains,
illuminating the mouths of serpents.
My Erotic Tailabout 19 years agodid the bull horn the bat in a cave with cotton mouths? The dove made love to the lion! I got all kinds of GREAT images from this poem, but none are probably the right ones <grinin> Zen master poetress poetry is a tad bit deeper than a country boys river <smile> I enjoyed your poem!
Liarabout 19 years agoYou've always had a way with style, a level of metaphor that is really compelling and that makes me envious. This is no exception. In fact, my initial gut level reactin tells me this is one of your better ones. Thanks for the experience.
LuciousBi-Writes4Uabout 19 years agoIN A NUT SHELL...that's it...totally freakin' awesome!
kisses,
T
Syndra Lynnabout 19 years agojust about sums it up. Your words leave this poet speechless. Thanks
