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Click hereFrustrated
at the kitchen table,
doing mundane inane tasks
bills, bills, and books,
I felt a hello,
a serpentine around
and through ankles.
I'll tell ya
I don't know if I believe
in ghosts, or angels
but for a moment there,
I forgot you were gone
and called out your name.
I wish I could feel Nick and Sophie like this. It made me cry. I have no problems with your poem, it is perfect to me. My hubby even loved it. :)
you know I ain't no gaddam grammer queen, check with them. But the whole argument can be avoided by changing "a" to "so"; get's an added s sound.
......this sweet, sad poem. Good to be able to read you once more, Neo.
Tess +5
Actually, twelveoone, "serpentine" is used as a verb here, if it helps, imagine a cat since this poem is indeed about one on guilt and grieving.
I like your 3 B's comment. I will use it when I re-edit. Thanks so much.
bills, bills, and books,
feel it would be better with another different "B"
as an example:
bills, books, more bull
serpentine here is used as a noun, as a noun it is a rock, whatever you where thinking of, it will as perceived as a mistake.
I gave you a five, with a suggestion, I got a feeling from L4 of bell, book, and candle, and other wording supports, strengthen it.