3-3-5 R, W, and NC-Blue

Tough job.

It's not part of the job description; I'm blind.

How can you be blind if you're a...

A what?

...an angel?

Is that what I am?

Yes, you're my angel, and I will do whatever you ask.

Then I think Calvin will be in good hands.

While we're on the subject, why are you with me rather than him?

I don't know him. I would probably just make him worse.

And you know me?

Yes, I do. We've met twice. Or rather, we will meet a second time.

Where have we met before?

How many blind girls have you met in your life?

Just one, at the... that was you?

I'm flattered you remember. So there you have it. You know how I look now.

You're breathtaking; I remember it like it was yesterday.

Thank you. I can say the same about your voice, I think.

What happened to your vision?

It's a long story that I must never tell until it is too late.

Too late? Too late for what?

Too late for it to matter. Will you be satisfied with such an explanation?

For you, anything. I just hope you know what you're doing.

That's the tricky part, isn't it? I'm trying to do the right thing, but who knows how everything will turn out? In fact, I used to know. In retrospect, that may be what caused my eyes to bleed. In knowing what was to happen, I grew careless. Rather than pity myself for my loss, I decided I was better off doing what was right for its own sake than doing what I thought needed to be done for the sake of the future.

That sounds like a hard lesson to learn. I wonder if I'll ever be so benevolent.

Silly; I learned it from you.

You're teasing me.

Remember when you said you didn't want to know who the father of your son was?

Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?

It was important for you to make love to people you loved whether you had a name to give to your son as his father or not. His father will be with him whoever he is just as I will be with you wherever you are.

You will?

Granted, there are other obligations I have, but if ever you talk to me, I listen, wherever I am.

I love you, you know.

As I do you. With all of my being. I also know that whatever you do, you'll never fail as long as you lead with your heart. In other words, keep doing what you're doing.

You there?

Always, as I told you. Not doubting me already, are you?

It's all so new to me.

You always spoke to me before; this doubt is new.

You didn't used to talk back to me.

I didn't always exist.

I'm not gonna ask.

What are you going to ask?

You remember how you told me you loved me?

You said so first, but yes, I do.

I was thinking earlier. Isn't it required that angels love us?

An interesting notion; I can't comprehend life without unconditional love. But then, that was true of me before I ever rose. Coincidence?

I'd like to think not. Are you sure you're not a ghost?

Ghosts are stuck in the place and time of their passing.

You're right. Do you like me?

You do have some silly questions. Do you doubt that, too?

I know you love me, more than I know anything else, I know it.

Well, there you go.

That wasn't my question.

Do I like you?

It's completely different.

What does it mean, liking someone?

I suppose I wonder whether you approve of me sleeping with so many different people, or kissing so many more at random, being so mean to Calvin, all that.

Darling, it isn't for me to approve or disprove of anything you do or don't do. I love you regardless of any condition.

I know. What I'm asking is whether or not there's anything I might do or might be doing already that sickens you so much that you can't stand to be with me anymore, whether you love me or not.

Oh. I see your point.

Well?

I suppose that's only something that comes after getting to know someone.

You make it sound like a problem.

It is, in a way. After all, I'll be here no matter what you do, so it sounds as though it doesn't matter whether I like you or not. And it's not like we'll ever get to know each other, because you'll only ever tell me the things you can't tell anyone else, and I can tell you nothing about me at all.

That, and we can never even see each other.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that part. Look at it this way: I'll never be able to tell you about myself, so you'll never really get to find out whether you should like me or not. On the other side, I only see what's in your heart, rather than the halfway actions you show everyone else.

I suppose that will have to do. After all, there's no one else I deal with that I don't have to bother with liking or not.

Likewise. Is this goodnight, then?

Do you sleep?

I do other things...

Goodnight, then. Love you.

Goodnight, my love.

"Scarlette?"

"Ow."

"Awake at last, are you?"

"Yeah; I'm awake." Finally, truly, I felt awake. Endlessly wandering through the void, dreaming and not able to tell awake from sleep in my dreams, I knew I was finally awake.

"Good. That means we won't have to bother keeping you on life support until you come to term."

"And not a word about the tragedy of never knowing his father?" I asked with a bit of cheek. Being awake again had me feeling energized. The pain that had put me to sleep in the first place was hardly even a memory anymore, and it had left a giddiness behind.

"I know very well who the father is," Jen said with a sour look on her face. Only then did it occur to me that I had probably been asleep for a very long time indeed, that she and probably others were probably very worried about whether there were actual concerns about whether I'd ever wake up. Hell of a way to bring a child into this world.

"Thanks," I said somewhat weakly to her.

"It's my job," she said grumpily. "Mom put me in charge of you for a reason."

I looked away, down to my feet. Another scoop of shit from the hole I'd dug for myself. I'm not Mom's only daughter, so it isn't right of me to be causing more trouble for people who are already dealing with loss.

"So you mentioned the father..." I said in a half-attempt to get a new conversation going.

"Don't worry; I didn't give away your dirty secret," she said in that bit of sneer older sisters are entitled to.

"So... mind letting me in on the secret?"

"You mean you don't know?" she asked in surprise. Still the older sister, now her face was warping into abject joy. To think such a proper woman with as many titles as she had could get such delight at knowing who fathered my child when I did not.

"No I don't, if you must know," I spouted back at her, finding a pillow to chuck at her in addition. She caught it with pristine ease and set it on another bio-bed. At that moment I began to rub my tummy. I was pregnant, and I knew it. Before, it had been more of a guess. Mom, she always seemed to know. Now, with my doctor sister telling me so, I finally felt sure. I was going to have my son at last, and Mom was going to be proud of me despite everything I'd done.

Then again, it takes more than raising a child to be a good person. You have to do the hard thing if it means doing the right thing. It means sacrificing your own comfort, putting yourself into the den of lions, of thieves. It means opening yourself up to get hurt.

"Uhh... Jen? You wouldn't happen to know where Calvin is, would you?"

"Calvin?" she asked, confused, and more than at the simple change of topic. "I'm sure he's here. Why?"

"Because I have a job to do." No, I didn't forget my dreams. Do I really have a guardian angel? But it doesn't really matter, does it? I have a conscience either way, and my conscience tells me that there's someone that needs help for his own sake, no matter how big a shit head he is. Even if there are plenty of other people that can help him, that doesn't excuse me from trying myself. "Because I have a job to do."

Author's notes

This bit is part of the biggest challenged I faced since beginning the Rotterdale project, that being the fate of Calvin. With so much else going on, this story arc ended up being a major part that would involve two dozen main characters or more, and that would be a mess in itself because of the twenty or more stories already going on in the course of two or three years, and everything hadn't been coordinated into a timeline yet, nor had all the stories been at least outlined to tell me where and when everybody's doing at the time of Calvin's saga-to-be.

At the time of this footnote, which is at least two years after writing Scarlette's and Cloudy's dialogue, I still haven't finished the individual stories of those in Rotterdale's third generation nor have I written Calvin's saga. At least I've gotten this far: how Scarlette ends up being designated as the one who fixes him, an event without which there would be grave consequences for the entire planet. But that's in another timeline, which may or may not appear online for the world to see.

The first part of this story was written much later to describe more precisely the life Scarlette was living at the time of the other two tragedies in her life. It was inspired after reading "Whole Lotta Love" by BadHobbit, one of the authors I've had the pleasure of editing for. The two stories admittedly have nothing to do with each other but for the band party concept.

The dream sequence was a difficult issue I had that fulfilled the duty of describing what goes on in the mind of someone in a coma. Sometimes, like the band party scene, I'm just on and I can write whatever wherever. Other times, I'm at a loss. I've always been at a loss of how to write the whole saga of Calvin fucking everything up and I was at a loss of how to set Scarlette on the path of preventing it. In this way, I'm cheating sufficiently to put people on the road to understanding. In the end, I don't think I'll ever have all the story I have planned posted. Maybe if I get enough demands for it, which usually gets me writing.

Cheers, and thanks for reading.

~Vic TG