A Chemical Moment

The week at home was nice. I spent one day at the garage with Dad, and I studied a little bit every day, but mostly I just goofed off. Much more would drive me crazy, but a week of doing nothing from time to time can be great. I talked to Anne every evening, taking the phone into my room and shutting the door.

The Saturday before I went back to school, Mom made meatloaf for dinner. It was Alex's favorite, and he needed to eat a lot of it to keep his giant teenage body going. I really liked it too, especially after months of pasta on a stretched food budget. I set the table, Alex poured out water for everyone and we sat down to dinner. Mom started the dinner conversation by asking about Alex's new girlfriend Debbie. That lasted about ten minutes, with Alex getting more and more embarrassed. After that, Dad turned to me and asked, "So, mija, is there anyone special in your life?"

I had a mouthful of mashed potatoes, for which I was grateful. Eating gave me time to go through the options in my head. One: change the subject. Two: say no. Three: say yes, but evade the follow-up question of who exactly it was. Four: tell the truth. I considered option one - not technically a lie - but I decided that anything less than the whole truth would be deceiving my family, something I couldn't do. They'd find out eventually anyway.

"There is. I've been dating somebody for a few weeks. Smart, funny, cute and really sweet. It's my roommate Anne - you all met her over Parents' Weekend."

I stared at my plate as I spoke, my face getting hot. I was afraid of how they would react, especially Mom, but I had to know, so I looked up. Alex looked like he'd been smacked in the head, but then his face shifted into his normal goofy grin. Dad was just as shocked as Alex, but he turned thoughtful after a while. He didn't look mad, which was a great relief.

Mom's reaction was the one I worried about - she was the one who made sure we went to Mass every weekend, and I'm very aware of what the Catholic Church thinks about people like me. I looked at her face and I saw ... nothing. There was no reaction at all. It was as if she had pushed a big red reset button and gone back in time two minutes, before the conversation started.

Alex was the first to recover, and broke the awkward silence. "Way to go, sis! She's totally hot!"

Okay, that was a little creepy and weird. My little brother was drooling over my girlfriend. Older brothers may be used to it, but I certainly wasn't. I suppose I was at least glad he approved.

Alex's comment got a reaction from Mom. It was the briefest of looks, but it told everyone at the table that the subject was not to be mentioned again. Ever. Alex got a sheepish look on his face and averted his eyes. After the look, Mom's expression shifted back to neutral, and she said, "So, Allison, are you ready for your exams next week?"

"I still have some reading to do - Daoism, mostly, for comparative religion - but I'm in pretty good shape." I was just happy to be talking about something else. I'd been on the receiving end of that look once or twice before, and it's the most uncomfortable thing in the world.

Later that night, after Mom had gone to bed, I sat down in the living room to study. About half an hour later, Dad came in and sat down on the couch next to me. He put his arm around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head, and said, "Don't worry about your mother, mija. You know how much the Church means to her, but you're still her daughter and she still loves you. It's just going to take some time before she can accept . . . what you said tonight. We're both very proud of you, you know."

"Thanks, Daddy. I know Mom thinks it's wrong and sinful, but I can't lie about who I am. I was hoping at least you would understand."

"I don't, really. I'd be happier if you were dating a boy. But you need to do what's right for you, and I'll support you, whatever that is. I think it'll be a little easier after we get to know Anne."

He gave me a little hug and said, "I'm going to bed. Turn off the lights when you come up."

"Night, Daddy. I love you."

"I love you too, mija."

~~~

Anne knew something was up as soon as she got into the car. She stayed quiet until we were through the worst of the traffic, but when it eased up outside Waltham she put her hand on my shoulder and asked, "Family troubles?"

"Yeah. I guess I kind of came out to my parents last night. Dad was okay - not happy, but okay. Mom, though, she didn't take it well at all. She wouldn't even acknowledge what I said. Just changed the subject and asked me about school."

"I'm sorry, sweetie. Are you okay?"

"Well, you know. They didn't yell at me or kick me out, so that's good, I guess. I think Mom will come around eventually. I hope so, anyway."

Anne kissed my hand, and then draped her arm over my shoulders for a while. She always knew how to make me feel better.

Twenty miles later, I said, "My little brother thinks you're totally hot, by the way."

She laughed and leaned over to give me a peck on the cheek, and the rest of the drive went by in a happy blur.

~~~

The first week back felt more like two, with late nights reviewing for exams and another difficult experiment in the chem lab. This one was shorter, but every single team had something go bad on the first try. I don't even know what we did wrong, but our solution turned cloudy and smelled terrible. We must have contaminated it with something, but I never did figure out what it was.

Friday night we both crashed before midnight, and we didn't wake up until close to noon. A good night's sleep is a wonderful thing, especially sharing a bed with somebody you love. After all the exams, we had minimal homework over the weekend, so we could do pretty much whatever we wanted. Anne insisted on working out - we had gotten behind for the week - and I convinced her to go to a second run movie afterwards, a fun but utterly forgettable comedy. Thanks to my day at the garage, I had enough money for a couple of semi-nice dinners out, so we went to a pub near campus after the movie.

Walking back to the dorm, holding hands, with the sky full of stars, it felt like the most perfect night of my life. I decided to do what I had been wanting to do for weeks. Sometimes the big moments just happen; sometimes you need to help them along. I stopped on the foot path where we were walking, next to a stand of maple, took Anne's other hand in mine, and for the first time to anyone but family, I said, "I love you."

Well, I tried to, anyway. Anne leaned in and kissed me before I could get a word out. And it wasn't a soft, sweet kiss, like I was used to with her. This time it was full of passion, wild and almost out of control. I felt her tongue in my mouth, and my heart started racing. She made this little sound as we kissed, a whimper full of happiness and desire, and her arms pulled me in tight. I kissed her back, the best I knew how, and the world around us disappeared.

A gust of wind and rustling leaves brought us back into the world, and we started to walk back to the dorm. Just before we went in the front door, Anne whispered in my ear "Take me to bed, Allison."

~~~

When we got to our room, there was a moment of awkward tension as it dawned on both of us what we were actually going to do.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" I asked. "Are you sure this is what you really want?"

"I want you. I'm not sure I'm ready, and I'm a little scared, but I'll get over it." She answered. "And you? Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," I said, bluffing a little. I felt like a little bird fluffing its feathers to look bigger. It wasn't working.

"I'm scared too, more than a little," I said. "I'm a virgin - I've never even kissed anyone besides you - but more than anything in the world, I want my first time to be tonight, right here, with you."

Anne reached up to stroke my cheek and said, "I want that too, sweetie. I want to make it special for you."

I took her in my arms and kissed her. Her head may not have been sure she was ready, but when she kissed back, I could tell that her heart and her body were. My own heart beat faster as she pressed against me, and the nervous little knot of butterflies in my stomach became a great cloud. I felt dizzy and almost sick, but I certainly didn't want to stop.

After what seemed like a very long time, Anne let go of me, backed away and started undressing. Her shirt came of first, button by button, followed by her lacy black bra. I was paralyzed, unable to do anything but stare. She paused after the bra, breaking the spell, waiting for me to do the same. I obliged, pulling my sweatshirt over my head and taking off my bra. My blue jeans came next, followed by my panties. After that, Anne's eyes got big and her mouth gaped open.

I'd like to think it was my incredibly sexy performance stripping for her that shocked her so, but I actually felt rather awkward. Gracefully taking your clothes off in front of somebody, especially somebody who's really paying attention. . . It's not easy if you don't have much practice, and I had none at all.

I don't know whether it was just dumb luck or whether my subconscious knew something I didn't, but I had shaved my pubic hair that afternoon for the very first time. After we worked out together in the afternoon, Anne had to run over to a friend's dorm to pick up some course material that she had lent out, so I took a little extra time in the shower. All that was left of my bush when I was done was a little strip, just like Anne's. It felt a little sexy while I was doing it, but it was mostly just weird. It was sensitive and distracting on and off for the rest of the day, and a little itchy. But right then, standing naked in front of Anne, with no fuzz to conceal anything, I felt very ... exposed. It's not that I didn't want her to see me; I just felt incredibly vulnerable. I was sharing my body with somebody else for the first time, and the heightened awareness of my newly exposed skin made it that much more intimate.

Anne recovered from her shock and kissed me again, and then held me and whispered in my ear. "Wow! You sure know how to surprise a girl. It looks really good."

I was happy she approved, but I was standing there naked, and she still had clothes on. That didn't seem at all fair. So I reached back to unzip her skirt, hooked my thumbs into her waistband and pulled both skirt and panties slowly to the floor, kissing my way down her body, from the hollow of her neck to the bone at her hip. I made my way back up by a different route, kissing her in all sorts of sensitive spots, ending with a kiss on each closed eyelid. She trembled slightly at each unexpected touch of my lips, and made little happy noises.

I held her in my arms and kissed her again on the lips, and then on her neck and her ear, while she wrapper her arms around the small of my back and nuzzled in close. We slowly made our way to the bed, still wrapped up in each others' arms. When we got there, Anne sat down on the edge and laid back, pulling me down on top of her. I kept kissing, but now I had her whole body to explore. Anne stretched her arms wide and grabbed fistfuls of the comforter, content to let me do whatever I was going to do.

I really had no clue what that was - I didn't even know what made me feel good in bed, let alone her - but somehow the nerves melted away. I guess I just figured that my body would know what to do. And if I did something wrong, Anne would tell me. She had always been a woman who knew what she wanted, outside a few very important areas, and she wasn't shy about telling other people when they needed to know.

I loved her whole body, from her lustrous hair to her cute painted toenails, but I was particularly interested in her breasts. They were so round and perfect and ... not mine. I figured if I couldn't have breasts like Anne's, I could at least play with hers. When my lips met her nipple, the noises she was making went from light, happy sighs and giggles to deep moans and whimpers. I licked and sucked and even gently nibbled. Anne arched her back and squirmed, but stayed right where she was. Her breasts really were amazing, and not just because I was jealous of them.

I could have continued to tease Anne like that for a long time, but eventually need takes over, and Anne needed me between her legs. She let go of the comforter and put her hands on my shoulders, pushing my away, toward the edge of the bed. Toward the juncture between her legs. She said, "Sweetie, please. I need . . ."

I knew what she needed, and I adjusted my position to meet that need. My mouth was between her legs before she could finish speaking, and my tongue cut her off completely. The only sound she could make after that was "mmmmmmmmm". I didn't know what to expect from her scent or her taste before I was immersed in them, other than a little sour (low pH, to counteract the high pH of semen. Yes, science is always popping into my head, even during sex). The taste was indeed a little sour, but otherwise neutral. The scent, thought, was amazing. It was subtle, but it drove me crazy. Breathing it in deep brought desires into my mind I didn't even know I had. I suspect some of them aren't even physically possible.

My tongue moved around her pussy indiscriminately, with a sense of need but no sense of direction, like a blind man without a guide dog or even a cane. I finally found her clit - I do have some knowledge of the female anatomy - and the "mmmmmmmmmm" turned into "aaaaahhhh!!" I settled into a rhythm, alternating light, soft flicks with firm, slow licks, and I felt that wonderful connection that happens when sex and love come together. Her body was overflowing with pleasure, and I could feel it spilling out of her as I gave her more.

I felt the tension building up, but the release surprised me, in both timing and intensity. I didn't know the human body could shudder like that. Anne gasped and then cried out as she came, and then her whole body relaxed and went still.

I snuggled in beside her, proud of myself, but I needed her to make love to me. Badly. Still a virgin at nineteen, I had a lot of desire built up. Anne kissed me gently, and then saw the need in my eyes. Foreplay was not an option.

Her mouth was between my legs before I even knew that she had moved, and the sensation was amazing. The first time you feel the soft warmth of a tongue probing around and then inside you is unforgettable. I was so happy I was with a girl for my first time - I suspect most straight girls get some perfunctory foreplay, then a minute or two of thrusting, and are left profoundly unsatisfied.

Anne, though, was focused only on me. Her tongue and her mouth drove me wild, and when she found my clit, my whole body tensed up. Time kind of stopped for me, but it was probably only a few seconds before I came. The wave that washed over me was nothing like what happened at home in my bedroom by myself. The physical sensation was a whole different level of intense, and the intimacy of sharing that moment with the woman I loved made me cry.

I had to wipe away the tears as Anne cuddled up next to me, and I sniffled a little when she kissed my forehead. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

"Thank you so much, Anne. You were absolutely perfect. It was everything a girl could ask for."

She smiled at me and said, "I just wanted to make you happy."

I let out a big sigh of contentment and sank back into the bed. Anne put her arm over me, lovingly and almost protectively, kissed me on the cheek and held me.

~~~

As we lay together afterward, with the comforter tangled up in our legs, I wanted to do what I had tried to do on the walk home - tell her I loved her. I rolled onto my side so I could look her directly in the face and kissed her on the forehead. We nuzzled together for a little bit, foreheads gently touching, eyes closed, and I breathed in her scent. She always smelled good, even glistening with sweat after exercise.

I drew back a little so my eyes could focus and said, "Anne, I ..."

She got the briefest look of panic on her face, and kissed me before I could finish. The first time could have been a coincidence, but the second time felt deliberate. The third time would tell me for sure. After a long, slow, deep, wet kiss, I looked her straight in the eye, again, and said, "Anne, I . . ."

I paused to give her an out, and she took it. She put a finger to my lips and said, "ssshhhhh," and then kissed my nose and held me close.

A little hurt, I asked her, "Why won't you let me say it?"

"Saying it out loud makes it real. Can't we just be together? Without complicating everything?" Her voice had an edge of fear to it that I couldn't ignore.

"I'd say what we just did was pretty real," I said a little tartly, "but if saying it out loud is too much for you, I'll try not to."

I couldn't resist adding, "I can't promise it won't slip out by accident, though."

Anne smiled mischievously, her fear apparently calmed for now, and said, "Well then I'll just have to tickle you to death before that happens!"

She tried to do just that, which started a pretty epic tickle fight. It only ended when I used my size advantage to pin her to the bed and kiss her into submission. The kissing got passionate, and could have led to another round of lovemaking, but it was late and we were both tired from the first time.

We put on underwear and nightshirts and trudged down the hall to the bathroom to brush our teeth. I generally didn't mind having a shared bathroom at the end of the hall, but I was not very happy about it that night. The nightshirts came back off when we went to bed. Cuddling together felt so much better with skin touching skin.

~~~

Waking up with Anne snuggled in behind me, her hand cupping my breast, was the most wonderful way to wake up I could imagine. The usual sadness and fear I feel in the first few seconds of awareness - I'm really not a morning person - were replaced by deep contentment. This I could get used to.

Anne woke up minutes later, squirmed loose from me and extended her arms in a big stretch. Her face had that foggy expression of someone who's not quite awake, and a big smile. I planted a big kiss on her mouth when she was done stretching, and wrapped my arms around her. We lay together for a while, enjoying the closeness, but I had to pee.

We both put our nightshirts back on and went down the hall to the bathroom. Nobody else was moving around in our wing of the dorm right then, so when we showered, we did it together. It was both nerve wracking and incredibly exciting - the tension of possibly getting caught drove me more than a little wild. We stuck to just washing each other, and finished pretty quickly, but by the time we got out, I was very ready to go back to our room.

We were all over each other the moment the door shut. Possibly even before. The previous night had been about excitement and need and, though it went unsaid, about love. The morning was about discovery. I had waited a long time to go to bed with someone, and now that I had, I wanted more.

I fell backward into the bed, pulling Anne down on top of me, lips still locked together. My towel was already on the floor, and Anne's came loose as she fell, covering us both briefly with damp before a foot shoved it away to join its counterpart.

Anne took the initiative - she was in the right position for it - and started kissing my ear and neck. I wanted to reciprocate, but her kisses felt so good, making me tingle all over, that all I could do was lay there in pleasure and let her do what she whatever she wanted to me. That turned out to be quite amazing.

The light touch of her fingers across my body was almost ticklish, but not quite. It felt like every neuron in my skin was attuned specifically to her. She kissed all over my face and neck and chest, her breath warm and moist, but kept away from my nipples, teasing me until I could no longer stand it. When her mouth finally did find a nipple, I think I probably screamed a little. I wasn't very conscious of my own actions; just her mouth and her fingers on my body. Anne demonstrated for me, with amazing skill, that a woman's breasts could be exquisitely sensitive now matter how small they were. I never felt bad about mine again after that.