A Letter of Regret : A Reponse

[Author's note: Thanks to Mr. Blair for this inventive response!]

*

Of course I recognized you...

I just had to go away, get away... from you! I think you know that, and don't need to ask why.

You were a whirlwind that blew into my life, picked me up off the ground, spun me around until I was senseless, other than all the feelings I had towards you, feelings you cultivated in me. I awoke that next morning, the one after our... I don't even know what to call it, our last 'date', 'meeting', or would you call it a 'session'?.

I simply awoke up unnerved, lost in the sense of not knowing who I was, what I was becoming, where it would lead. I was afraid I was going to lose myself. All I knew was that you were the calm neutral center of my crazy emotional storm. I wanted the whirling to stop even as I wished it would go on forever. I wished that you would go on forever. I wished that we could continue down this path, together, forever.

Lost, god, the word doesn't nearly describe the roiling of emotions raging inside of me. I was frightened, and felt I needed to ... to ... to escape and gather myself, regain my bearings. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to leave you that way. I'm sorry to leave things unfinished between us. Most of all, I'm sorry to disappoint you. Please understand I never would have left if I could have seen any other way. Never would have left if I hadn't panicked.

From that first kiss, feeling those tongue rings slip between my lips and wrestle their way into my psyche - I wanted you, needed you, desperately. I wanted what I thought I had always wanted: to take you, to make love to you, with you, to be the lover that would win you and keep you. I took that first step, letting you have control, with just that in mind - but then you took control of my mind and never let it go!

Making me kneel to worship your body seemed a small price to pay. I did so willingly and, dare I admit, willingly even. I adored making you moan! And to be honest, kneeling in front of you, the way you bade me, ignited something within me, something I thought perhaps you knew about me, that I didn't yet know about myself. Seeing you standing before me as I knelt between your boots set me into a frenzy. When you twisted your fingers into my hair I nearly lost it!

The paddling and the restraints, I can only say, I did my best, but it scared me. You scared me. I scared myself. But what I feared the most was the recognition that I was willing to go that far for you. Maybe if we'd made love it would have been enough of a breather to continue. But the ropes came next, the smothering, the humiliation and embarrassment in front of others, and then ... then...

I tremble just reliving the moment... having another man's cock in my mouth, sucking it in the hopes that it would please you, make you wet, make you want to finally fuck me properly, not you fucking me, not taking out that obscene strap on - no! I mean if perhaps you'd relented in the need to control me, and after a proper evening of dinner and dancing, we'd found ourselves in a loving embrace and passionate enthusiastic fuck, as equals - but that wasn't in the cards, was it? Not with you in control. I slowly came to realize you would never relent that control, either.

I never would have thought that I would want something I would want. But now? I'm getting hard dreaming about your control over me. WANTING your control over me. Wishing, panting, waiting desperately for you to resume your control over me, for I truly never gave up on it.

And so, I had to leave, to get away! But funny thing is, the me that felt the need to escape, was not the me that arrived on the other island. The sound of your voice when you dominate me, the things you said, the feel of your tongue rings when you licked my nipples, took your own pleasure around my cock, even ... oh god, even the wicked sensations on my ass that lingered for a long time ... I just couldn't stop thinking about you!

The woman you saw me with? A friend I asked to accompany me that day, thinking I would need the support in order to confront you, speak with you ... but then, I chickened out and left. Yes, I've seen you since ... probably every time you saw me ... I guess, I'm writing because I don't know what else to do...

But now I'm back, waiting for you, wanting you, as desperate as ever. My mouth waters at the thought of seeing you again. I can't wait to kiss you again. I'm desperate to lick and taste and smell you again. And I can only pray I will be given the opportunity to fuck you. I desperately desire, want, need you.

I need to be possessed by you, and only you. No other will do, this I know. I am ready and willing to get down on my knees and beg your forgiveness. I know you will have some form of punishment in store... this I will take gladly, if it will only help me back into your good graces.

Please Mistress! My soul cries out to yours. I know you will see this, will find me, and, dear God, you will easily retake possession over me. Find me, I implore you. You know where to look for me, the same place you found me before. Just as desperate, just as lonely just as lost without by my side. Please, Mistress.