A Pessimists Romance Ch. 04

"When can we start?" Neil asked.

"I can check. If you want I can probably get you a session today." He said.

"I'd like that." Neil smiled a little. Connor hadn't seen him smile much since he woke up. Most of the time he was sleeping or was seriously determined. Connor still wanted to call his dad. As soon as Dr.Stein left, Connor turned to Neil.

"When does your dad get back from Florida?" Connor asked.

"What day is it?" Neil frowned.

"It's Wednesday." Connor checked his phone for the date, even he had lost track of time.

"His flight gets in tonight..." Neil sighed. "I didn't want to deal with him." He rubbed his forehead carefully with his hand, trying to avoid the gash in his head.

"Why not? He's your dad. I thought you would want him to be here." Connor frowned.

"I guess. I mean, we don't really...Connect..anymore. I just...After I got out of the camps we had drifted apart. He see's me as that weird Infected kid living in his house. I feel like that weird Infected kid living in some random guys house." Neil shrugged. "I just don't feel comfortable there...Oh shit! I cant believe I forgot about the animals! They're probably starving to death how could I-"

"Calm down, I took care of it. When the nurses kick me out I go back to your place and feed all of the little guys." Connor said. Neil sighed.

"Thank you, so much." He rubbed his neck. "I thought I had forgotten about them...Jesus." Neil said, voice shaking. Connor was surprised when he started crying.

"Hey hey hey." he said, stroking Neils hair, trying to get him to calm down. "What's wrong? I told you I took care of them. They're fine and just waiting for you to go home." Connor smiled sadly. He sometimes forgot about all the stress that was on Neil now and how he seemed to be dealing with it on the outside, he was probably crushed on the inside.

"Sorry. I just...There's so much going on. I have to worry about everything." He said, sadly.

"I know...Neil, maybe you should talk to somebody. We can ask Dr.Stein about a good therapist. You've been through a lot the past few years. Have you ever seen somebody about it?" Connor asked. Neil shook his head.

"I was always too embarrassed." Neil admitted.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's your life, Neil. You should take care of it." Connor kissed his forehead gently.

"Do you think Dr.Stein would know someone I could talk to?" Neil asked quietly.

"I'll ask him, okay?" Connor smiled. Neil nodded. "I'll also get a hold of your dad once his flight comes in. He should know what's going on, Neil." Connor said.

"I know..." He mumbled.

~~~~~~~~~

Neils dad had rushed to the hospital and ran frantically to his room, but when he got there, the silence was awkward and he shifted from foot to foot awkwardly.

"Are you okay?" he asked awkwardly.

"Yeah." Neil shrugged. And that was the end of the conversation. His dad excused himself to to go the cafeteria and Neil watched him leave.

"Wow, you weren't kidding." Connor laughed and sat down.

"Yeah...I really don't want to go back home with him, but now really isn't' the time to move you, you know?" He held up his amputated arm.

"Well, you could always move in with me." Connor said.

"What? Really?" He was shocked.

"Yeah, my parents won't mind, and my brothers are nice. They're just a little...Yeah...But they're nice." Connor said.

"I couldn't just invite myself in." Neil shook his head.

"You're not. I'm inviting you. If it makes you feel better, I'll ask everybody first. Okay?" Connor asked.

"Okay." Neil nodded, convinced his parents would never agree to it.

~~~~~~~

"Mom, He's kind of tired I don't think he'll-"

"Hi! I'm Connors mom, but you can call me Becky!" A large woman with bright red hair stepped into the room, surprising Neil. Neil raised an eyebrow and looked at Connor, who shrugged helplessly. "We just wanted to stop by and tell you that of course you're welcome into our home!" She smiled brightly.

"W-we?" Neil sputtered, still in shock from the loud woman barging into his normally quiet room. With the word spoken, three very large men stepped into the room. It was obvious that Connor was the youngest, most of them were probably in their mid to late twenties.

"Hey, Neil! Connors told us a lot about you. You can have Big Bens room. He's moving out anyways!" One of the men said.

"Uh..."

"Guys, would you leave him alone, Jesus. I'm sorry Neil. I just asked and they insisted they all come down here to introduce themselves. We can go if you're too tired." Connor said.

"Uh..."

"Hi Neil! I'm Connors father, Mark." The man held out a hand and Neil hesitated. He blushed and held out his left hand. "Uh, Sorry." He was large man but the deep blush in his cheeks and the warm smile he gave showed that he wasn't some big guy with a tough guy complex.

"It's okay..." Neil smiled at little and shook his hand with his left. It felt weird but he supposed he would have to get used to it.

"Connor told us what happened, we're so sorry. Are you okay?" His mother put a hand on his shoulder and pouted her lip as if she was talking to one of her own children after he had fallen off a bike.

"Yeah. I'm okay." Neil smiled weakly, still overwhelmed by the very tall people that filled his room. Connor was the shortest and was already standing at five foot eleven inches. Neil felt incredibly short, at his own five foot six.

"You're completely welcome in our home, in fact, we already cleaned up the room for you and got you a nice bed. You have a good sized closet so you'll have lots of room to put your things!" Connors mother crooned.

"Really, you guys. It's okay. You don't have to do this..." Neil was a little shocked at how warm Connors family was. He had never really had a family like this. He supposed it was like this before his mom died, but that was so long ago it was pointless to try to remember.

"Nonsense! You're a sweet boy and it's obvious Connor cares about you. We're honored to have you in our home." Connors father boomed.

"We'll get out of your hair, dear. Oh, but here we brought you some good home cooked food. None of this hospital crap." His mother cursed. Neil blushed at the mention of Connors feelings for him. But accepted the food gratefully.

"Thank you... It smells fantastic." He smiled.

"It is!" One of Connors brothers smiled widely. Neil recognized him as the one he had met when they were looking for Connors backpack.

"Alright, good bye guys!" Connor practically had to force them out the door, but soon it was shut and the room was quiet again. They stared at each other a second.

"What the fuck just happened?" Neil asked.

"I'm so sorry, they can get like that. They're just really loud." Connor chuckled awkwardly.

"Is it like that all the time in your house?" Neil smiled and began trying to unwrap the food.

"Yeah kind of. You get used to it though. It's better when they're not in a closed space together." He sat down next to Neil and finally helped him unwrap it.

"Sorry." Neil muttered, after struggling with the wrapped food.

"You'll get the hang of it." Connor smiled, confident. "Speaking of which, you have your first physical therapy today, right?" He asked.

"Yeah. In about five minutes." he said.

"Do you want me here?" Connor asked.

"Yes please." Neil blushed.

"Okay." Connor held his hand. "There is one more thing I should ask though..." Connor said.

"What?" Neil frowned.

"Don't get mad." Connor warned, and Neil just turned his head like a confused puppy. "What are you going to do about Dalton? I haven't told you, but he comes by like four times a day asking to see you. You can't avoid him forever." Connor said. Neil sighed.

"I don't know. To be honest...I'm really scared to face him. All I see when I look at him is that jealous look on his face when he was driving..." Neil covered his eyes with his hand.

"You don't have to talk to him, I was just asking." Connor stroked his hair.

"Are we...Are we together now?" Neil asked.

"No." Connor said, without hesitation. Neil looked shocked.

"No?" He said.

"No." Connor repeated. "You're going through a lot right now, and I don't think you need to worry about a relationship on top of that. When you get better, we can see where it goes if you want. But right now...I think you should just take a break and focus on getting better." Connor said.

"So you...You're not...You don't..." Neil bit his lip.

"What?" Connor asked, turning his head this time.

"You aren't bothered that I only have one arm?" Neil asked. Rubbing his shoulder nervously with the only arm he had left.

"Of course not. Just because I don't think we should be together now, doesn't mean I'm not interested. I still like you Neil. Which is why I don't want to be with you right now. I want you to focus on getting better is all." Connor said, before smiling. "I'll make you a promise. When you come to terms with what happened to you, I'll take you out on our first REAL first date." Connor smiled.

"I've already come to terms with it." Neil frowned.

"No you haven't." Connor shook his head. Neil sighed.

"Fine. Okay." Neil pouted.

"Then you better get to work. You need to get better for me." Connor winked, and Neil smiled weakly.

"Okay." He agreed.

~~~~~~~~~

After a month of being in bed and only doing small physical therapy for his left hand, he was finally able to get up and walk again. There was almost no spinal cord damage to his back and he only had a little trouble getting up and walking again. Connor walked slowly with him, prepared to catch him if he fell. But Neil continued to move along slowly. After a while, he was tired and crawled back into bed.

"Man, I can't believe I'm tired after only walking around a little." Neil said.

"It's been awhile since you have, it's expected that you'll be tired the first few times. You have to remember that your body is still healing." Dr.Stein said.

"Yeah...So when do I get out of here?" Neil asked. After a month in the hospital he was done. The walls were starting to drive him crazy.

"Well, I really would like to keep you here for awhile longer..." Dr.Stein frowned.

"Come on, Doc. I'm sick of this place." Neil moaned. "It can't be healthy to keep me locked up in here." Neil pouted.

"I know I know, but look on the bright side. It will be good for you to walk around and escape this room for a bit everyday. You'll live." The doctor smiled. Neil groaned.

"Suck it up." Connor laughed.

"Don't tell me you're not sick of this place already." Neil said, annoyed.

"Okay, you got me. If I have to look at these walls one more time I'm going to flip." Connor chuckled.

"See!" Neil pointed at Connor, begging the Doctor to release him.

"Sorry. I have spoken!" He shouted dramatically, and walked out of the room chuckling to himself.

"Damn you." Neil growled to no one in particular.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Come on, Neil. Just eat the god damn soup." Connor begged. He had been sitting with Neil for as long as he could, but he had a job interview to get to. He sat there, in his fancy clothes, trying to get Neil to eat something, anything. Neil had lost his appetite awhile ago and it was a chore to get him to eat anything. Dr.Stein and Neils therapist both agreed that it was because he was still in shock from losing his right arm. They said he would get over it, but it wasn't looking promising.

"I'm not hungry." Neil said, for the thousandth time.

"Neil, please. You haven't eaten a single thing all day. How are you supposed to heal up if you don't eat anything? You're only hurting yourself right now, Neil." Connor said, trying again to get him to eat the spoonful of soup.

"I don't need your help!" Neil shouted, slapping the bowl of soup from Connors hand, spilling it all over his black pants and white shirt.

"Fuck! God damn it Neil!" Connor cursed. He stood up and stepped into the bathroom of Neils hospital room. He picked up a rag that was folded neatly on the counter and began scrubbing at his shirt with cold water. He looked at Neil in the mirror and saw him turning away from him, staring angrily at the wall.

"I have a fucking job interview. How the hell am I supposed to explain why I look like I just walked in out from under a fucking bridge." Connor snapped.

"Tell them you were at a hospital volunteering to help some poor cripple." Neil said bitterly. Connor stopped scrubbing for a second and just stared at the back of Neils head, through the mirror.

"I'm sorry, Neil. I shouldn't have gotten angry. I knew you would have a hard time coping with this." Connor took a deep breath. "You're not 'some poor cripple', Neil." He turned around to face Neil, who still refused to look at him. "It's okay to accept a little help sometimes. It won't be forever." Connor said.

"But for now, you need help." he sat down next to Neil, making him look at him.

"I don't want your help. Or your pity." Neil whispered.

"I don't pity you, Neil." Connor stood up. "I respect you." he said, and picked up his jacket. "I'm going to be late." He walked out of the room.

Neil stared at the doorway a second longer, before picking up the half empty bowl of soup and eating it.

~~~~~~~~

Neil stood in a room with several other physical therapy patients. His therapist had advised him to try painting to get out his frustrations. Every day he was becoming more and more angry, at everybody and everything. Waking up was a chore for him, he didn't want to talk to his doctor, or his therapist, or even Connor most of the time.

But his therapist had been right, the class really helped him. The brush strokes he made were smooth, and helped him practice keeping control of his left hand, which was often shaky and unsure.

He was actually a decent painter, too. It calmed him down and honestly there really was no downside to it.

"Wow, that's really good, Neil." Connor said. Neil snapped out of his trance and realized the group had ended and most of them had left. Connor had found him and had watched him for awhile before interrupting.

"Oh, thanks." Neil mumbled. He finally looked at what he had painted and most of it was dark. A few specks of light filtered through the reds and the black of the painting. "It looks familiar." Neil mumbled.

"It's the car crash." Connor said.

"Huh?" Neil frowned, tilting his head to try and see what Connor was seeing.

"Look. That's the windshield." Connor pointed to a squarish shape of dark with several jagged pieces of white scattered in and around it."There was a lamp post here." Connor pointed to a tall piece of silver with a yellow white color on top of it. "The red around the edges must have been blood, this is all from your eyes." Connor said. "...And thats-"

"You." Neil said quietly, as if he now saw the picture he had been painting. A single point in all the dark reds and blacks. It was brighter than the glass of the broken windshield, and the light, the shine of the wheels, or the blood around his vision. It was a single piece of light that somehow felt like home.

"Me..." Connor agreed. Neil looked at Connor and then back at the painting.

Connor did feel like home.

~~~~~~~~

"Daaaamn." Connor smiled. "Look at you go!" He found Neil in the hospitals therapy gym. It was a medium sized room with various pieces of gym equipment in it. A few people speckled the room, but for the most part it was empty. Neil was completely shirtless and only had on a pair of shorts and some tennis shoes. He sat in the middle of the room, doing push ups. It had been over a month now since he was allowed out of bed, and right away he started trying to get used to using his left arm. When he wasn't working out, he was practicing his penmanship with his left hand, which was still kind of iffy.

"You got some moves, stud." Connor laughed.

"Thanks." Neil was panting lightly, he had counted off twenty push ups before he stopped and talked to Connor.

"Have you talked to Dr.Stein yet? To see if you can leave?" Connor asked. They had been talking about it for awhile now, and Neil thought he was ready to leave the safety of the hospital, and go outside again. The thought scared him, but he knew it was something he had to do. He still hadn't spoken with Dalton, or gone back to school at all. Connor had been his only visitor. Him, and his family of course.

"No, I haven't seen him today. I'll finish up here and then find him. Hey, do me a favor?" Neil asked, wiping the sweat off his forehead with a towel.

"Sure, what?" Connor asked.

"Lets see who can do more pushups." Neil smiled. Connor frowned.

"Neil, that's not going to go well. I don't want to hurt your feelings." Connor said.

"So you think you'll win?" Neil asked.

"Have you seen this body?" Connor pointed down at his own body, Neil rolled his eyes. "I-i-i- I work out." Conor began singing LMFAO's 'I'm sexy and I know it'

"Alright then, sexy. Lets see it." Neil said. Connor rolled his eyes.

"Remember that you asked for this." Connor said. Neil waved for him to continue. Connor dropped down onto the floor and began counting each pushup. Finally, he was forced to stop at forty five. His shirt was damp and he was panting softly.

"Your turn." He sat down and pointed at Neil to go. Neil shrugged and got down. Connor wasn't expecting much, honestly. But was getting worried when Neil hit 30 and wasn't even sweating yet. "Damn. How long were you here before I walked in?" Connor asked.

"When you walked in, I was at forty. Plus the twenty I did in front of you..." Neil smiled up at him, and Connor sighed. He was surprised when Neil made it to seventy and collapsed in a heap.

"Okay, you win." Connor laughed, still out of breath. Neil smiled and for the first time in a long time, Connor realized it was a real smile. Connor stood up and reached a hand out to help Neil up. Neil took his hand and pulled himself off the floor. "Come on, cripple." Connor laughed. Neil flipped him off with a smile and they wandered off to find Dr.Stein.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Three days later, Neil left the hospital. The first stop was his house to get his stuff and move it to Connors. Neil had a lot of money in a savings account for him, and Connor had gotten the job he wanted. So instead of moving into his families house, they had gotten an apartment for themselves. It was cheap, and kind of small, but it was only the two of them and that's all they needed.

"Neil, I don't mean to press, or bring up anything thats going to make you feel shitty...but..." Connor paused, as they were walking up the steps to Neils house. "What do you want to do from here? After we move in and what not." He asked.

"Like, for school?" Neil asked.

"Yeah." Connor nodded. The house was empty and they gathered up what little he had quickly and packed it into Connor's car.

"Well...I was actually thinking of going to art school...What do you think?" Neil asked.

"Well..."

"It's a stupid idea, never mind." Neil shook his head.

"It's not stupid. It's something you're good at and it makes you happy. So I'm all for it." Connor smiled.

"Really?" Neil asked, getting hopeful.

"Yeah. I think you could be the next Van Gogh!" Connor smiled.

"Van Gogh killed himself." Neil laughed.

"Oh shit...well then be the next Rembrandt."

"Uh..."

"Frida Khalo."

"A woman...and I'm pretty sure she also killed herself."

"What the fuck. What artist didn't kill themself?"

"I think Da vinci didn't off himself." Neil shrugged.

"Then be him. Now go up and pack your clothes. I'll grab some DvDs." Connor laughed. Neil smiled and jogged upstairs

Connor began rummaging through the DvDs, packing them into a box. Neil had said all the movies were his, his father didn't have time for movies. But Connor wanted to see what they were getting anyways. In the back of the cupboard under the T.V. he found an unmarked DVD in a plain case. He wrinkled his eyebrows and put the disc in the DvD player. He sat down and waited for it to start.