A Phoenix Story: Living The Hand You're Dealt

While kissing him on the cheek as he headed out the door, Paula consoled, "Don't fret too much. These things have a way of working out."

No sooner had the car left the driveway, than Paula was on her laptop opening her email account. She giggled to herself,'Yea and they have a better chance of working out when moms get involved.'

It didn't take long to open up the email containing Darren's letter, re-address it and send it on its way. She hoped Becca's mom still used the email account Becca had given Paula after Becca had closed her's. Neither of them had used the account for the last two or three months but it was the only way she had to get in touch with her.

Paula had somehow managed to misplace both the number to Gwen's apartment and Becca's parent's house. She shook her head,'Leave it to a pack rat like me to loose something like that at a time like this.'

***********

Sitting in the restaurant sipping his coffee, Darren waited for his mom to join him for lunch. She would be dying to know how his third interview had went with Gamble and Larson, an international technology wholesaler.

He felt good about his chances of landing the job. The Vice President of Operations told Darren, if hired, the company would allow him flex time in order for him to continue his physical therapy sessions.

Since Maureen's 'lesson in life lecture' in March, Darren had become diligent about his therapy. Especially since his own 'chicken shit' attitude had kept him from progressing as he should.

At the beginning of May, since he was still in heavy therapy and wasn't able to travel yet, he missed seeing Becca graduate. That had really bummed him out.

He was kind of expecting her to visit after graduation, but that hadn't happened either. It appeared to be over, but his heart refused to believe that possibility, he loved her too much to accept defeat.

Here it was the first week of June, almost ten months since he last saw Becca, but he still hadn't heard anything from her since about February. That was mostly his fault too.

If he could land this job he might be able to find his lady and talk to her. At least he would have the funds to get to her.

"Earth to Darren, earth to Darren," Paula said as she bent down and kissed her son's cheek before sliding into the seat across from him. "Hi Sweetie! Well, how did it go today?"

He could hear the anxiousness in her voice; she was as nervous and excited about this job opportunity as he was. It hadn't been possible for her to hide her concern and anxiety since his brutal beating.

No one had been able to tell her for sure what the future held for her son. Just as any caring mother, she had spent many restless nights worrying about his future.

"Pretty good I think. They keep talking about a management position at one of the local offices until I get out of therapy. I'm all for it if they actually make me an offer." He was bouncing in the seat when he added, "And mom, thanks for being concerned and asking."

Paula watched him as her own excitement built. She ordered a diet drink and a chef's salad from the waitress who appeared with a coffee refill for Darren.

After ordering a Ruben sandwich for lunch, he looked at his mom. "Okay what is it? You're way to 'manic' for the job to be the only thing on your mind." He asked off-handedly.

She shrugged her shoulders and smiled; reaching into her purse she withdrew a folded sheet of paper and handed it to him.

Darren looked at his mom, raising an eyebrow of confusion. After taking it out of her hand and opening it, he recognized it as a print out of an e-mail.

It read:

'Paula,

Mom just gave me the letter you forwarded from Darren. Please give him my new e-mail address and phone number. I can't wait to talk to him.

Love you all,

Becca'

Darren sat as he re-read the letter a dozen times before he licked his suddenly parched dry lips. "You got this today?"

Paula shook her head, "Yes, but she sent it yesterday. I checked the account on a whim before I came over to meet you. Now you have a valid e-mail address and a phone number. It's down to just the two of you now. I have done all I can. I'll be right back I have to go the restroom."

Paula got up and Darren looked out the window, his brow wrinkled reflecting his obvious inner turmoil. Over the last few months he had returned to the habit of talking out loud to himself as he worked through his emotions.

"Good Lord what do I say first. Well after 'I'm sorry,' I want to tell her how much I really love her, how much I want to be with her. But... my stupidity... can she put it behind her and give us another chance?" Darren said to himself as he waited for his mother to return.

Buried in deep thought as he continued staring out the window, he barely noticed as she slid into her seat. It slowly registered when she reached out and squeezed his hand.

He was too embarrassed to look at her as he confessed, "Mom I'm scared.... I truly love her, but after all this time how do I explain everything to her with out sounding like a total idiot?

"I want this woman mom, more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. She stood by me during the hardest time of my life, hell she would have sacrificed everything to stay with me if I had only let her... or hadn't driven her away.

"How do I show her that I've changed? That I am committed to keeping my other half, that over indulged moron filled with self-pity out of my life for good?"

Darren stopped for a minute waiting for some words of wisdom or something, anything. She put her hand on his arm squeezing him in a reassuring gesture, as he continued, "Mom I'm looking for help here."

"Then I suggest you just turn and say it to her face and see what she has to say," came a soft reply.

Darren was momentarily confused, when he turned and locked eyes with a set of ice blues..."Becca," he whispered, just before shouting, "BECCA!"

His unexpected outburst caused the young blond who was now sitting across from him to jump and screech in a loud voice. "Damn it Darren, you scared me to death."

When Becca yelled back, Darren jerked, smacking the knee of his good leg into the table top. He moaned, "Damnnnn that hurt."

Both of them looked at each other, tears welling in their eyes. Time stood still as they watched a multitude of emotions flicker across each other's face.

Slowly they realized the whole restaurant was extremely quiet. Turning their heads to glance around, they discovered everyone was staring at them.

A blushing Becca spoke out in an embarrassed but vibrant voice, "Sorry, I just surprised him, its okay; really," she squeezed his hand and arm a little tighter. She had been holding them all along and adamantly refused to let go, even as people turned back around to eat and talk.

Catching his gaze, she finally spoke with a seriousness in her voice, "Darren did you mean that?"

"Yes, I really slammed my knee into the..."

Becca cut him off with a giggle before he could finish, "No Darren, I know you hurt your knee, sorry about scaring you. I'm asking you if you meant everything you said when you were talking to yourself. I want to know if you meant everything you wrote me in the e-mail and everything you just said."

Darren didn't bat an eye but replied, "Becca, in answer to your questions, 'yes' to both. What I said in the letter and what you just heard me say, I meant every word."

She looked at Darren as if evaluating him, long seconds passed as he began to feel very uncomfortable. "Becca...."

Suddenly holding up her hand, Becca began speaking, "After listening to you carry on when I first sat down, then talking to you just now, I knew that my Darren is back." The first tears rolled down her pretty cheeks, as she continued, "That guy at the hospital never talked out loud to himself, but my Darren did.

"I'm so sorry for the way I acted towards you before the attack. I've been able to see how selfish and self centered I was when I kept pushing you to give me more time.

"Then by hiding from you for those two months prior to all of Hayden's games, I left us both open to his attacks. I never in my wildest dreams thought he was capable of those kinds of things.

"I wish I could fix it all but I can't. But you need to know how sorry I am for all the things I did and didn't do."

As her face streaked with tears and her emotions threatened to overflow, she almost whispered, "Can you promise me that the guy in the hospital is gone? I don't think I can take his actions or his attitude ever again. He hurt me deeply."

Darren thought for a second and replied, "I want to tell you so bad that he is gone forever. But he will always be with me. I can tell you that I have daily made consistent progress in dealing with and controlling him."

With a little mischief gleaming in his eyes, Darren softly said, "I do believe that two are stronger than one. If I had you at my side, I bet we could keep him bottled up forever."

Continuing in a more serious tone, "Besides the problems I put you through before and after my attack, I need to tell you how sorry I am for not providing the comfort and love you needed from me after I knew about the rape. I'll never forgive myself for that, Becca.

"I love you with all my heart and am willing to beg, crawl, or grovel to get a second chance. I believe it would be a travesty if we don't end up loving, caring, and providing, for each other. Sharing our lives, having our future kids, taking long walks, dining, dancing, laying in bed talking and making love all night, in other words, just living with and for each other. I want to grow as old as possible together.

"The biggest travesty of all would be missing out on all the happiness those things would bring if we were together. That is how I truly feel, I have no other or better way of expressing my feelings for you."

Becca was crying steadily but managed to reply in a tear choked voice, "If you can forgive me for ever asking us to be apart and all the selfish things I did while we were together. I would cherish the chance to spend the rest of my life with you."

Darren's voice was thick with emotion as he croaked out, "The easiest thing in the world is to forgive you... because I love you."

Becca moved out of her seat and slid in next to him. Wrapping her arms under his and around his waist she was holding him tightly. "I forgive you my love, for everything. I want us to be together Darren; I've wanted it since the first day I realized I loved you. I won't let you go this time."

Pulling his head down towards her, Becca kissed him with small, gentle kisses, salty from their tears. The kisses increased with fervor as they gave way to the passion that built rapidly between them.

As if reading each other's minds, they seemed to realize at the same time, where they were and people were still watching. Breaking from their kiss, Becca stated, "You said in your letter, 'in life we have to play the cards we are dealt.' Well lover, there are many different ways to play a hand of cards.

"We've been playing conservatively way to long, it's time we put our chips into play. We are getting married as soon as we can... agreed?"

Looking at her face all aglow, Darren knew they were finally on the same page. With an amused smile, he said, "Agreed." His smile made her feel comfortable and secure.

Darren was holding Becca tight as his mom and dad came over to the table and sat down across from them. He asked his parents in a perturbed but pleased voice, "Did you set this up?"

Both of them shook their heads. Becca sat up and replied, "Nope, this was my doing. I've been at home since late May.

"Mom had a surgical procedure just after my graduation and needed me home to help around the house for a few weeks. While I was there she had been trying to get me to talk about why I have been so down, just moping around. Five days ago I sat down and explained to her what had happened between us over the last few months.

"She looked me in the eyes and simply said, 'Becca Anderton, I've had enough of this. I can take care of myself well enough now that you need to get your little fanny in gear and go see him. Either bring him back or get on with your life.'

"I headed out two mornings later. The first night when I stopped to sleep I got the email your mom sent my mom. I answered you as soon as I got on line. I've read and re-read your email probably a hundred times since then.

"Checking the original email, I noticed you had sent it to my old account that I thought was closed. Was I ever surprised to discover it was still active and all those emails you sent were just piled up there. If I'd known it was still open I would have answered as soon as I got the first one.

"It took two more days of driving to get here. This morning when I arrived I tried to call your mom at home but missed her.

"Thank goodness I have all the important numbers. I called your dad at work. Luckily he knew where the two of you were.

"We came in just as your mom was coming out of the restroom. She sent me over to the table and the rest is history."

Becca's smile was infectious as the four of them talked and laughed.

********

As RJ finished, she looked over at Millie, whose eyes were wet from crying, but it was RJ who was emotionally spent. Telling their story always took a lot out of her.

"So you see Millie, no one is without faults or issues to overcome. But now almost twelve years later, we are still madly in lust and inlove with each other.

"We have two very wonderful and, like everyone else's, bratty children. We're still playing the cards that life dealt us, sometimes we win, sometimes we lose, but we are always with each other. Like the Phoenix Bird of lore, we have risen from the ashes of our own mistakes."

"Of course, RJ, the R stands for Rebecca, I should have known." Millie took a few seconds to think over the emotional rollercoaster of events that had occurred since she left work the day before. "Do you think Scott and I will be ok?"

RJ laughed, "Well girl that is up to the two of you. I think things will be fine, but as I found out and Darren summed up best, 'No more putting it off. The two of you need to start talking now, and never stop, long as you are talking everything is usually ok. By the way, you are correct, R.J. stands for Rebecca Jeanette.'"

Winking at Millie, RJ sat and enjoyed the sunshine and watched the boats on the river.

Some time later Darren held his wife as they walked to his car. Stopping to open the door for her, she couldn't help but look up at her husband. "You know," she said. "It's funny, when I was telling Millie our story I kept thinking of Daddy. I miss him so much at times."

"I know Becca, but life isn't perfect. Even though he's been gone for three years, I still remember his little drunken slip at the rehearsal dinner, when I was telling our mothers about how Hayden was finally arrested."

Becca, eyes wide with understanding, said, "Yeah, you told my mom that one of the guys, Les Raffaten, came down with a bad case of nerves, called the police, and confessed. He even told the police where the bag of clothes was buried that the three of them had worn that night. That was the evidence that the police really needed."

Darren continued, "Yep, then later on I was telling her about Les trying to recant his confession by claiming some big dude had forced it out of him. Tried to convince the police that some guy was hiding in the back seat of his car and stuck a gun to his head after he got in, made him call the police, and confess.

That's when your dad shocked us all. He had just a tad too much to drink and spontaneously interrupted me mid sentence with that statement, 'There weren't even any bullets in the damn thing.'"

"Your mom almost fainted," Becca said, then continued, "Your dad asked, 'What did you say Phil?' Daddy, as always, right to the point, just continued on, 'I was tired of the bullshit, it was time for justice. The assholes, especially that Hayden creep, had got away with too much and for way too long. The son-of-a-bitch is lucky I didn't hunt him down and shoot him myself... hurt my baby, will you?'"

Becca said, "I remember saying, 'But Dad the police said Les told them the guy in the car was huge,' just before daddy chuckled out loud.

"He replied, 'Amazing how big a man can look when viewed through the open ended barrel of a '45' stuck between your eyes. Now we all know how the justice system works, so all of us need to keep our mouths shut, wouldn't want to give the assholes a reason for a mistrial or an appeal. If ever asked again, I have no fucking idea what you're talking about, enough said.'

"You know Darren I don't think I was ever prouder of him than I was at that moment."

Darren replied, "Me too baby," as he hugged his wife.

He let go of Becca and she nodded across the parking lot at Scott and Millie as they walked to their car. "You think they will make it, lover?"

Before Darren could reply, Millie melted into Scott's arms as he swept her into a fiery embrace. Darren smiled, "Sometimes it just takes people getting involved to help the Phoenix start the rebirth. Yeah, I have a feeling they'll be fine. Come on now, lets get home and you can personally thank me for your tips."

Her eyes narrowed as a sensuous smile crossed her face, "Hmmm, will you let me dress in leather and do kinky things to you?"

"Only if I can... aw, what the hell, I do love it when you get all kinky."

"Let's go home Darren, I need some of that special love and comfort only you can provide. Surely you need some of the same from me, if not, you will before the night's over." Becca giggled as Darren snuggled her tightly against him.

****************

Words to the song "You Left Just When I Needed You Most" byRandy VanWarmer

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