A Rednecks Christmas

So that is this week's court report.

Sleepy Hollow Sentinel.

Court report. Dateline January 03

By-line by Harl Lead Bottom.

Since my court report last week I have been stopped on the street on numerous occasions and asked just what Cleatus had asked Santa for in his letter. I obtained a copy of it under the freedom of information act from the courthouse. Just to clear things up so people quit bothering me the following is the letter that Cleatus wrote to Santa.

Old man Harvey my editor wouldn't allow the pictures the letter had in it to be published. He deleted those pictures to protect the identities of the women that appear in the pictures. Old Harvey figured those pictures were not suitable for the younger ones to see. I protested because most everyone in town would know who those pictures of, just from the description in the letter and how those young ladies were always dressed. Heck the only time they changed into something decent was when they dressed for preacher Adam's Sunday hell and damnation spiels.

Anyways here's the letter.

Dear Santa

Before I forget I have to thank you for that fancy new fan-dangling camera you gave me last year. Heck I never even asked for something that shiny. It sure makes remembering things a lot easier though.

This year's list is a lot shorter than the others I have sent and some of the changes I made from other years is to include some new people I met over the year.

Please remember I don't need any more darn socks or woollen red longy-legged underwear. All I want is the articles on the following list. You will note I have included pictures of the gifts I want, just so there will not be any mistakes about what to give me.

1)My first wish is for a couple of nights like the one I had with Barbra-jean when Mary-Beth was away last year visiting her sister. You should remember Barbra-jean; she's the neighbour across the crick to the east of us. You will notice by what she is wearing, that the outfit she has is pretty worn. Could you send me some of those frilly teddies and g-strings in the pictures, so I can give them to her so she has something nice to wear when I get the chance to come and visit her?

2)Carla-Joe on the other side of town, was sure nice to me on my birthing day, and has continued being nice to me throughout the year. She has even introduced me to her friend Billy-Jean. Both of them sure know how to make a guy feel good, but as you can see by the picture of the two of them on this bed that the mattress at their place has holes. I included a picture of the mattress from the Sears catalogue. This is the one they want because it is a lot firmer than the old one they have. Also if you give them this I won't get scratched or poked by those springs anymore.

Hoping for a great Christmas,

P.S.

I hope I can count on you this year. The last few years have been a bit of a disappointment to me.

Cleatus.