A Strange Arrangement Ch. 08

"I didn't say I wasn't getting out of my clothes."

"You said..."

"I said I'm not taking them off. If you can convince me to let you take them off, then..."

He smiled in comprehension. "Well in that case, I should tell you that I'd love to extend that leg rub up to your hips and beautiful butt, if only I could get to them."

Oooh, that was smart. I sighed and faked boredom. "Well, I suppose you can go ahead and take my boxers off, if you really want to."

He slid his hands up inside the boxers and onto my cheeks. Rubbing my hips and upper thighs, he soon grabbed the waistband, hands still inside my boxers, and pulled them down. I lifted my legs out and let him continue rubbing. I rolled over onto my front and rested my head in my arms so he could rub my butt and legs. He pushed hard and worked my muscles loose.

After a few minutes, he said, "You know, I could also give you a shoulder rub, if only I could get to your shoulders."

I sat up and said in a fake, disaffected voice, "Proceed."

He leaned in an kissed me softly. As he slowly pulled his mouth away, I leaned forward, trying to keep the contact. I exhaled slowly and looked up at his eyes. While we kissed, he had reached down to the bottom of my sweatshirt and lifted it up over my head. I shook my hair as he tossed the sweatshirt over onto the recliner.

He put his hands on my arms to direct me how to turn, then started rubbing my shoulders. I hung my head and closed my eyes, hands still in my lap as I sat cross-legged on the bed. It felt heavenly.

After a few more minutes, Andrew said, "You know, if I could get to your back, I..."

Reaching my hand to the back of his head, I pulled him into a kiss and breathed out, "Just take me, now."

Andrew guided me onto my back and kissed me with a vengeance. He put his hand under my shirt and rubbed my stomach and side. He kept creeping close to my breasts but never quite got to them, teasing me, I think. I rubbed my legs together, craving friction there, too.

His hand worked down to my ass and when one of his hands was able to spread out and cover most of my curves there, I felt small- small and...safe. Here was this larger, stronger person that merged his body with mine, enjoying my body, pleasuring it and finding pleasure in it. In that moment, I felt like his.

I had to get closer. I had to feel him on me. I reached down to the bottom of my tank top and started pulling it over my head. Andrew broke our kiss to say, "I thought you weren't going to..."

"Shut up," I breathed out at him. He grabbed my hands and helped me take off my shirt. Andrew had been laying to my side, leaning over top of me as we kissed. Now he moved in between my legs, which I gladly spread for him. Shifting his hips a few times until his cock got nestled at my entrance, he asked, "Are you ready?"

"Yes! Yes, I'm fucking ready! Just...aaaAGH!"

I didn't get to finish my sentence because he pushed a few inches in. Andrew closed his eyes and shuddered at the sensation. I put my hands on his chest and gasped. We both needed this- him to remember, me to forget; him to feel, me to stop feeling. I realized that we weren't just using one another for physical pleasure, we were using each other to seek wholeness. I didn't know why Andrew thought he could find that with me, but as long as it felt like this...

His thrusts were slow and strong and deep. My back arched and my breasts pushed against him. He reached his mouth down to kiss my neck and breasts. I put a hand on the back of his head to encourage that. My other hand explored his back, enjoying the smoothness of it. I felt the tensing and relaxing of his muscles as he pushed into me and pulled out. Over and over, hypnotically. He wasn't thrusting to seek release, it was too slow for that. He was thrusting to feel again and again the pleasure of entering and being joined with another person, with me.

He stopped abruptly and wrapped one arm all the way around my back. Moving his knees into a kneel, he said, "Hang on to me." I tightened my grip on his back just as he pushed us up off the bed with his free arm. He pushed and balanced himself until he was kneeling, with me still connected to him, my legs extending behind him. He readjusted his legs until they were crossed beneath me, making a nice seat for me to rest in. I bent my knees and put my feet on the bed, allowing me to sink lower onto Andrew's lap.

In that seated position, we were face to face, arms around the other to keep us from falling back. We didn't even need to thrust for a while- just being on his lap and letting my weight provide pressure at the point of our union felt nice. Every once in a while, one of us would wiggle just a bit. We kissed slowly, languidly, tenderly. We explored ears, chins, necks with our lips. Andrew pulled back and looked at me.

"Gina, you are beautiful. You are so, so beautiful. I am...it is such a privilege to be with you." It was the sex talking, I knew. Hormones racing, mood out of control. Hell, my vagina was clamped onto his penis and was making gentle squeezes. Of course he thought I was beautiful, I was fucking him.

The problem was, his weren't the only hormones racing at the moment. I opened my eyes and looked into his. We held still and stared deeply at each other for a few seconds and Andrew lifted his hand to caress my cheek. In an unchecked moment, I said, "Andrew? Andrew, I..."

I'm afraid to think how I might have finished that sentence. But I didn't. Instead, I leaned forward, putting my head on his shoulder and started grinding down one to him. I had been getting close. His voice had broken into my building tension and had actually driven me further and faster towards release. I put a hand down between us and split my fingers around the spot of our joining.

I rubbed down and up, spreading my fingers to go around the base of his cock and closing them as I pulled up to rub my clit. Only half a minute of that focused attention and I was whimpering for release. So close...so...close. It wasn't just any body making me feel this way. It was Andrew's body. Andrew, who had tasted the same darkness that I lived in, who knew what it meant to hurt. Andrew, who was trying to feel alive in the midst of overwhelming death. Andrew, who thought I was beautiful and special. I clenched my eyes shut and used both arms to grip him tight as I found my release.

I called out his name in the midst of mindless ecstasy. I pushed down into his lap as he pushed up into me. Strong arms holding me safe, not letting me fall. My mouth at his shoulder saying over and over, "Andrew...oh!...OH!...oh, Andrew." I felt control slipping away from me. In a wash of feelings I felt like it was inevitable that we should be together, that we had been drawn together. I felt like I should be his and he should be mine. I shuddered and closed my eyes, not wanting it to end. Part of my brain was warning me that as soon as I came down from this peak, I would get scared and run, I would push him away.

I felt Andrew readjusting his legs so that they were straight, then he leaned back onto the bed, pulling me down on top of him. Still flushed and breathing heavy, I could only push and swivel my hips a little. But that didn't matter. Andrew's hand covered my ass and pushed me down in time with his upward thrusts. His other arm held me tight against his chest, and his breathing by my ear was fast and loud. He had been waiting for me to cum, denying himself for my sake. Finding pleasure in my pleasure.

I nibbled his earlobe, just to see what would happen. His hand moved down my back and onto my hips, pulling me hard against him. With a few small growls and heavy grunts, he started cumming. Wordless groans of happy agony as he squeezed me tight. The aftershocks of my own orgasm could still be felt at our joining, tightly pressing my walls together, enhancing his pleasure.

As he started descending back to normal, he relaxed his grip on me and just wrapped me up in his arms. Pulling a blanket over us, he tried kissing me again, but I made a move to roll off of him.

"No, wait. Please. I...I like the feeling of your weight on top of me. You feel so warm and...present."

But I didn't want to be present anymore. Just like I had known I would, I started to feel an instinct of self-preservation, a desire to patch up the defenses that had broken down during those intimate moments. I gave him a minute of recovery time, then rolled off of him and onto my bed. I waddled to the bathroom to clean up.

The sappy, weaker side of me that felt helpless hoped that he would still be in my bed and that I could cuddle against him tonight, hand on his chest, one leg draped over his. But the reasonable side wanted him out of my bed and back in his room. Sex had failed me tonight- Andrew had won. I hadn't forgotten my emotions, I had replaced them, rechanneled them. I didn't really...care...for Andrew. But my heart was wounded and reaching out and he was nearby.

My endorphins had been pumping, creating rapturous sensations, and my heart saw him there and associated Andrew with that happiness. Our bodies trick us. You take a date to a scary movie so she will grab your arm when she jumps, thus associating you with security. You take a girl to a beautiful scenic overlook so she will associate those serene and wondrous feelings with the person next to her. Sex had fooled me, but only for a minute.

All this went through my mind while I washed up and headed back to the room. I wished I had brought a robe. Andrew was still in my bed, under the covers, looking so...inviting. Stop it, hormones! You've had your moment, now go back into the box and stop telling me what to do! They never really listened.

"Andrew, please leave."

He looked at me, his smile melting away a little. He opened his mouth to protest, then thought better of it. Swiveling his feet off the edge of the bed, he glanced around to find his towel, picked it up, and walked down the hall. I closed the door behind him.

*******

Crying, I pulled my blanket over to the recliner. Putting the sweatshirt and boxers back on, I curled up on the chair and looked at the stars one more time. I needed to stop thinking about Andrew now. I leaned back on the chair and remembered Ian's room. It wasn't large, but all he had in it was a bed, dresser, and this recliner, which he had saved up for a year to buy. What 14 year-old saves up for a recliner?

When I was little, I would come in his room on clear nights and crawl into his lap. Ian was 8 years older than me, so when he was in high school, I was just seven or eight. He loved the stars and would tell me their names. Names from another world, names I didn't remember. He would show me the shapes they made. Together we would find new shapes and name new "consterlations," as I called them. "The Strawberry," "The Goofy Giraffe," "The Starfish."

Even when I was 12, I would still sit on his lap. Ian was a grown-up then, but he never talked down to me. I would sit on his lap, feel one strong arm around me, and I would endlessly follow where the other hand was pointing. Sometimes I would fall asleep and find myself in Ian's bed- he would be lightly snoring on the recliner, keeping a tender vigil over me. I loved the nights when we would fall asleep together on the recliner. Ian would lean it back so we could see better, and I would cozy up into his chest.

I once asked him why he liked the stars so much, and he said they were beautiful, like his little sister. He was teasing me, but I loved to hear it. So I would ask him week after week and get the same answer. One time, he was more pensive. I asked the same question, but Ian didn't smile or answer at first. Then he said softly, not really to me, "The stars are always there. No matter how dark it gets, the stars are always there. They don't let the darkness win."

I hated cloudy nights.

*******

I forgot to set my alarm, but I woke up just early enough to get showered and dressed for my interview. Hope's Advocate was a...a mix of things. My guess (which later proved correct) was that it was started and run by some people who just wanted to help women, and they didn't set many limits on how they went about that. They were a battered women's shelter, a homeless shelter, a food pantry, a G.E.D. training center, a crisis pregnancy center, a free clinic- they did a little of everything, right in the middle of the city. Most people there were volunteers, but two nurses and the manager were full-time. I wasn't sure where the money came from, probably donations.

My interview was with the manager, who was also the founder. Her name was Dottie, and I liked her. She was no-nonsense, practical, and efficient, but she loved those women with a passion. She was older-middle aged, maybe in her 50's, but she was spry and I had trouble keeping up with her. After walking me through the facility- a converted church building- she sat me down in her office, which was a mess. She said, "I'll get right to the point. I'm looking for an assistant- someone to follow me around and help keep this place running. Your job would be to do whatever I need you to do, and over time we'd see where your giftings are. The pay isn't great, but it's a livable wage. I'd want you full-time, but your hours might vary. Basic benefits are included, we'd start with a three month contract, then evaluate every six months after that. What do you think?"

"I think you should probably ask me some questions...or something?"

"Nonsense. Your application told me what I needed to know, and I checked everything out. You finished college, so I know you can learn. You've been living on your own for a while, so I know you're not helpless. You didn't list any family or hometown friends as references, so there's a story there. That's good- all these women come in with a story, usually a bad one, and they don't need Little Miss Pampered Princess prancing around the place. You've asked good questions since we got here, so you can think. And you've been barely scraping by at your current job, so you won't be picky about pay. Did I miss anything?"

"Don't you want me to...like...believe in your cause, or something?"

She softened a bit and smiled at me, "Oh, honey, I'm not worried about that. Love comes after the commitment. You stick around here a while and you'll believe it with all your heart, more than any noble do-gooder who comes knocking on my door planning to save the world with me. You can start next Monday, if you can get me the papers I need this week."

I liked her.

"OK. I'm in."

*******

I had a job! I had a job! I had a full-time, for real, grown-up, pay the bills job!

I floated back to the car. I texted Andrew. I got a job! A few minutes later, he texted back, Are you moving out, then?

I froze. WHY had that not occurred to me sooner? I sat in the parking lot thinking. I drove back to the house, thinking. I fixed lunch, thinking. I texted Andrew: Call me when you get a chance.

The phone range ten minutes later.

"Congratulations! You'll have to tell me all about it at dinner." Cheery, but not totally sincere.

"Thanks, yeah- I'll see you for a few minutes, but I have an evening shift. I should finish out my week at the restaurant, at least."

"So...what are your plans?"

I had mapped out my answer. "It's going to take some time to get back on my feet. I mean, I'm not in debt anymore, but this isn't a high-paying job, and an apartment will be tough to find. Plus, I'm starting with a three month contract. If it doesn't work out at that point, I'd be in bad shape again. So...I was thinking that, if you were OK with it, I'd probably stick around until the future is a little more certain."

Silence. "I...I would be fine with that, obviously. I...That's great Gina, good planning." A voice in my head accused me- liar!

*******

The rest of Monday morning went smoothly. I got paperwork together for Dottie- tax forms and background checks, basically. I showed up at the shelter shortly after lunch and she was impressed to see me back so soon. She smiled and said, "You could probably start later this week, if you want." I explained wanting to finish my week at the restaurant, which she understood. I left her office feeling confident, even a little hopeful.

I got home in time to prepare a small dinner, then I got dressed for work. Andrew and I crossed paths in the kitchen for less than a minute. He asked some questions about my new job, which I answered in a hurry. I didn't see him again until the next day- on our respective dates.

*******

Tristan and I were both on duty through the afternoon. Our restaurant had a sweet deal on appetizers from 2-4, so we were busy during that time. I intentionally planned our date after a shift so that I wouldn't need to get all dressed up and worry about preparing. Instead, we just met outside after we clocked out. Tristan asked, "so, where to?"

I had thought he might have a plan. Oh, well. I suggested the gourmet burger place that Steve had taken me to on our date the week before. As we walked up to the entrance, I saw Andrew and Angelica just sitting down inside. Shit. I guess I had really talked this place up last week.

"You know, now that I think of it, I'm really not in a burger mood," I said. I grabbed his hand and pulled him across the street. "Let's try this place!" It was a noodle place- better than a hole in the wall, but not anywhere close to fancy. Tristan led us to a booth by the window. As we were handed menus, I realized I could look across the street and see Andrew and Angelica. Weird. Fortunately, Tristan had a face that was very, very easy to look at.

He was a boring date. Let's talk about when Tristan played soccer at the state championships in high school (high school? Really?). Let's talk about Tristan's trip to Sweden last year. Let's talk about Tristan's day at work. I guess it was just as well. I didn't listen much, but I did stare. He had these eyes that...simmered. It's like the whole time he was talking, I could tell he was thinking about me naked. I tried to stay tuned-in enough to give appropriate comments. Oh, wow. Really? That's crazy! Sounds fun...

And let's be honest, I couldn't avoid looking out the window now and then. I didn't realize I was being obvious about it, though, until Tristan teased, "So, it looks like you really wanted burgers after all."

"Huh? Oh. No. I was just...looking at someone I know."

"Who, them?" he asked, indicating Andrew and Angelica.

"Yeah..."

"Ex-boyfriend?" he needled.

I straightened up and looked at him, "No, no, no, no. I...she's a friend of mine. She works at a coffee shop near my place. I'll have to remember to ask her how the date went."

"Oh man, that reminds me of this time when I was at a coffee shop..." And so on. I looked at his hair, his squared jaw, his perfect smile. I wondered how it would feel to rub that broad chest while he was on top of me. I rubbed my thighs together under the table, squirming. What would those lips do to my nipples? That tight ass that fit so nice into his work pants- I had followed that around the room more than once. Would it fill my hands when I pulled him to me?

I was getting caught up in my imagination and barely noticed that he had asked a question. Rather than bother answering something I hadn't heard, I changed the topic. "I'm sorry, I'm a bit distracted. I had an interview yesterday and got a new job. I'll be leaving the restaurant after this week."

"Wow, cool! You know, I'm not planning to stay long at the restaurant either. My friend's dad has this company," blah, blah, blah.