A Tale of Two Cousins

When I pushed forward, he squealed, "Oh god yes!"

Our bodies seemed to synch perfectly and soon we had a rhythm working that I am sure I could never achieve with a woman. It was an exciting, passion filled moment that brought crystal clarity to my young mind. As I used my hips to move my cock in and out of his ass, I knew for certain why dating and sex had never seemed what it was made out to be. I had always been focused on the wrong gender for me. At some point his rectal walls began to feel as if they were massaging my cock. Soon after that my cock erupted sending a torrent of cum into his bowels. I remained inside him, holding hold tightly with my balls pressed against his flesh, savoring my first ass fuck. By the time I pulled away, my cock had deflated and I was filled with intense happiness.

I pulled Roger to his feet and pressed my lips to his as he turned around. I didn't feel any anxiety or hesitation as our tongues began to dance. I was certain that he was as happy as I was with the discovery we had just shared. After several minutes of sloppy, joyous kissing, I pushed him down on the bed. As he sat there with a surprised look, I dropped to my knees between his legs. I quickly engulfed his semi-erect cock and began to give the most enthusiastic blow job I had ever given him. His cock quickly became fully erect. Had I not been so lost in the pleasure of sucking his cock, I would have been concerned that his parents or sister might hear his excited moaning. But my being was so deeply consumed with the joy of sucking his cock that rational thought was almost impossible. It wasn't until his cock gave up the treat I desired that my focus returned to normal. After that we crawled in bed, cuddled up and kissed for a bit before drifting off to sleep face to face in each other's arms.

The next day, it was obvious that Roger was conflicted over what we had done and I suppose how it made him feel. As much as I wanted to support him, I was certain that I should leave the subject alone. I decided that if he wanted to talk he would bring up the topic. As it turned out the next three days and nights were oddly normal. Everything was the same except that there was no sexual contact between us. We worked together, joked and horsed around as usual during the say. We went to bed naked together as we had almost every night since I came to his house. What we didn't do is touch each other's dicks, kiss or even cuddle up in bed. It was almost exactly like my first days on the farm, before we gave into our desires. Only at that point there was a history that we were ignoring. I wondered if fucking him was the last hurrah for our sexual relationship. Things changed as we lay in bed on the fourth night.

"Billy, didn't you like fucking me?" He asked as we lay with our backs to each other.

He had spoken so softly I was sure if I was imagining him speaking or he had really finally broached the subject. I turned my head in his direction and saw that he was lying facing me, staring at my back. He had a strange look in his eyes. I wasn't sure what the meaning of the look was, but it seemed sad to me. As I turned over to face him, I inadvertently pulled the sheet most of the way off his body. He was fully erect and the placement of his hand made it obvious that he had been fondling himself.

"I loved it, Rog, it was the best thing ever," I answered truthfully. "I thought maybe you were upset over it or something though."

"Why would I be upset? It was my idea and I told you how good it felt that night."

"Fuck I don't know, Roger. You seemed a little strange since then and well you haven't really acted like you wanted to mess around or anything."

"Wow, I thought you were feeling weird, like maybe you were mad at me because you're queer and I'm not."

I wanted to jump on top of him and punch him until he admitted his real feelings.

"Don't call me queer or fag or any other name again! It makes it sound like I am weird and I don't feel weird. The other night showed me for sure what I am. If you want to insist that this is just some playtime that means nothing fine. But if you want to insist that you aren't homosexual than don't use words like that!" I demanded.

"Damn, I'm sorry, Billy. I didn't mean anything by it. What should I call what you are?"

"I don't know. I just know that hearing you say I am queer hurts. What was it those guys we saw protesting on the news called themselves?"

"You mean gay? Geez Billy that makes it sound like you're some sissy and you ain't a sissy."

"Of course I'm not and those guys at that protest sure as shit aren't sissy either. Fuck they must be brave as shit to walk done the street proclaiming they suck cocks."

"Yeah, I guess so. Maybe we shouldn't call it anything. We can just go back to it being us having some fun. It will be harvest time soon and then a few months after that you will gone. You can go be gay or whatever you want then. After that I will find me a girl and get hitched."

"Shit, Roger are you saying that you want to have a queer relationship with me for another half a year and then just pick out some girl and get married? What the fuck is that gonna feel like? How can you imagine you will be happy?"

"Please Billy, I can't be gay. But I want to keep doing whatever as long as you're here. God all I thought about the last three days was how good it felt to have your cock inside me and what it would be like to fuck you. I know you think that makes me a queer, but it don't have to be that way. I can't go to college and be city boy. Even if my parents could afford it, I just ain't the book learning kind. All I got is the farm and dad would never let me stay if I was queer. Even if he did, folks around here would never go for a pair guys running the farm. It has to be a married couple and kids and apple and all that shit to work here."

I felt sick for him. He had all but admitted he had the same feelings I had and I guess had accepted that he was gay. But he couldn't let himself be gay. It was a very different world in those days. Though I was certain he would never be really happy with the path he was going to take, I decided there was no way to change his mind. It seemed all I could do was give him a half year of what I hoped to have for a lifetime. We became lovers and remained so for the rest of my time on the farm. After he sucked me to an incredible erection I fucked him again that night. It was tenderer and less awkward than our first time. It also ignited a passion within us that carried us through to the end of the affair.

A few nights later, I gave him my anal virginity. Though I have been somewhat versatile all my life, I learned that first time that I prefer to give than receive. I enjoyed it but was never sure what was more exciting, being fucked or knowing I was making him feel so good by letting him fuck me. After the second time he fucked me, he confided that he preferred it when I was fucking him. We had almost nightly sex and I fucked him about twice a week for the rest of my time on the farm. He fucked me only sporadically.

Over the course of those months, Mary and I were alone many times. She never made any move to have sex with me. I guess I had been her wild oats and she was ready to settle down with Steve. The summer after I returned to school I came back to the farm for a week to attend her wedding. I have to admit I felt a small pang of loss as I watched her drive off with Steve. It still seems odd to me that the only girl I ever made love to was my cousin. But fucking her was not what was on my mind that week.

I had not had sex since leaving the farm. Finding like minded guys to date or just fuck tuned out to be more difficult than I had imagined. I had no idea how to figure out if a guy was gay and I was too scared to risk exposure anyway. So that first semester back at school I had to make due with masturbating when my roommate was out. On my way to the farm all I could think of was reignited what Roger and I had for a few days. My heart sank the minute Uncle Jim escorted me into the farm house. Roger was sitting on the sofa with his arm around pretty girl who looked to be about our age.

It turned out that he had taken very little time to make good on his plan to find a wife; o r at least a fiancée anyway. They had gotten engaged the day before I arrived. About a week after I left he ran into Sharon who had been a classmate of his. When she told him about her high school boyfriend dumping her for a girl he met at college, Roger asked her out. They had been a couple ever since. Since I was again sharing his bed, we had a chance to talk later than night.

As we lay in bed together naked, he told me all about their relationship. They hadn't had intercourse because she wanted to stay a virgin until she was married. She did not however, object to oral sex. Though he admitted she didn't suck cock as well as I did, when I pressed, he said it was good with her. He would not really say how he felt about eating her pussy. But he didn't seem very enthusiastic. I considered trying to talk some sense into him for maybe a second. But knew there was no good to come from rehashing that subject. Instead I simply moved my hand to his crotch and began to gently fondle his balls. He didn't object nor did he make any move to reciprocate as I brought his cock to full erection. I didn't really care about the reciprocation. I would have happily stroked him or sucked him to orgasm and then jerked off for my own relief. His seeming indifference troubled me and made me wonder if he would prefer I left him alone.

"Roger is this ok?" I asked when his docile silence continued past five minutes.

"Oh god yes, I've missed your touch so much Billy," He sighed.

I took his admission of missing my touch as a sign he wanted what I wanted. I rolled on top of him and touched my lips to his. He slipped his tongue out and tentatively tasted my lips. I opened my mouth and invited his tongue to seek out my tongue. Suddenly, the months we had been parted vanished. Has our tongues jousted, our naked bodies writhed together. I felt my cock growing against his warm flesh. His already rock hard organ pressed into my thigh.

"Oh god, Billy," He moaned when our mouths separated.

He nudged me and I quickly took the hint. I let him guide me onto my back. He began to kiss and lick my chest, paying special attention to my tiny hard nipples. His hand moved to my cock as his lips began a slow journey down my torso. My body was no fire. I had been so long deprived of intimate human touch that I felt as if I might reach climax at any moment. Somehow I held off as he explored my abdomen with his lips and tongue. He smeared my flowing precum around my cockhead as his fingers teased my shaft.

"Oh fuck, roger, suck me now, please," I practically begged.

Almost instantly his lips were sliding up and down my cock. He had not forgotten anything he had learned about blowing me. His lips and tongue joined forces with his fingers to send me into orbit. As he sucked the length of me with his tongue pressed to the underside of my throbbing shaft, his fingers deftly tickled my nuts. It was not long before my cock was pumping a huge load of cum down his throat. He greedily held my dick in his mouth until it was fully flaccid and every drop of cum was in his belly.

"Mmmmmmmm, still tastes sweet, Billy. I am glad I had another chance to play with you before I got married," He said.

I just pushed him on his back and punched on him. I repeated what he had done to me. Only in his case it took a little longer to reach orgasm. We interspersed talking and sex until nearly dawn that night. Fortunately, chores were suspended due to the wedding arrangements so we got to sleep a couple of hours. The next night we repeated the scene but ended much earlier. Then came the wedding day. That night he fucked me. It is likely the best I ever felt bottoming. Sadly it was the last time Roger ever fucked a guy. I was there two more nights. Both of those nights he went out with Sharon and when we went to bed he regaled me with the details of there backseat sexual exploits. Due to cumming in her mouth he wasn't able to get fully erect with me. That didn't stop him from having powerful orgasms when I fucked him.

Leaving was hard, but ultimately resulted in much happier days for me. That summer I was living in an apartment near school so I could use the summer session to catch up on missed time at school. In one of those classes I met a guy who became my first non-relative male lover. Fortunately, he wasn't shy and figured out I was gay. I wasn't even sure the first time he asked me out that it was date. If we hadn't ended up on my sofa making out after the movie, I might never have known. We had three more dates that week before he spent the night in my bed. The sex was great and we were best friends. The relationship might still be going if not for his career taking him to a distant city three years later.

It was on a stopover coming back from a visit with him that I was next at the farm. I didn't get to share Roger's bed on that visit since his wife had that spot. I finally slept in that alcove. The house was a mess that year because Uncle Jim and Roger were building an addition. Roger's second baby was in the over and his first was over a year old and needing a room of his own. To my surprise, Roger asked me to go fishing with him and did not invite his father. I was happy for the chance to talk to Roger alone, but felt odd leaving Uncle Jim behind. We had barely gotten to the fishing spot when I learned why Roger didn't ask his father to join us.

"Bill, I am so hungry for your cock, I am about to crawl outta my skin," He said and pulled me into an embrace.

Had I not just formally broken up with my boyfriend, I am sure I would have resisted Roger's advance. But I was feeling really low after confirming the inevitable on my trip. I had a great time rolling around naked in the grass with him that day. We sucked each other and to my surprise he had even brought along some Vaseline so I could fuck him. Before we got dressed he told me that he loved Sharon and the sex was ok, but it had never been like it was between us. Oddly, I don't think he felt a bit of guilt about cheating on his wife. However, I had enough guilt for both of us. I resolved never to fuck another married man again that day. It is a resolution that I am proud to say I have kept for thirty years except for a case where a woman asked me to fuck her husband while she watched during a wild period in my life.

The next day I visited Mary and told her that I was gay. She admitted that it didn't surprise her and told me that she hoped I was happy. She added that she was very happy and would always be grateful for the gift I gave her. It was her belief that she could have never been faithful to Steve if she had never had sex with another guy. She had chosen me because I was safe. She knew that I would never tell anyone and there was no fear of my falling in love with her. I left the next morning. Though Roger asked me to visit many times during the next few years, a period I call the wild years, I always found an excuse not to go. I was pretty sure that he would want to go fishing again and wasn't so sure I could resist.

Throughout the wild years I went from lover to lover. I discovered gay bars and lost all my inhibitions about propositioning men. It was the early seventies and promiscuity was part of the battle cry of liberation. I was more open about my sexuality than the average gay man and fortunately lived in an accepting community. The women that brought me home to screw her husband had no trouble recognizing that I was gay. I really enjoyed my three visits to their bedroom. I even liked when she sucked his cock while I rode his ass on my last visit. I am still not sure where that relationship might have gone had I not decided that the scene was getting weird even for me. I had no interest at all in her, but I had almost no inhibitions at the time.

It was about a week after my last visit when I met the man that would change my life. I continued my promiscuous ways as I developed a deep friendship with Mike. He and I were purely platonic in the beginning. Mike was the polar opposite of me when it came to promiscuity. He was the poster boy for one man guys. Interesting he was in what I thought of as a semi-monogamous relationship when we met. Sexually he was totally monogamous while his boyfriend strayed occasionally. Even though Mike and I weren't having sex, we were definitely dating. At that time I told myself we were just buddies, but our relationship was atypical of guys who were just friends. Basically, I was dating him and fucking random men for sexual relief. I would have happily fucked him also, but that wouldn't have fit his rules.

About six months after we met his boyfriend who had claimed not to want a happily ever after committed relationship, dumped him to begin a monogamous live-in relationship with another man. Though Mike knew that the relationship was not going to last long term and they were far from soul mates, he was somewhat devastated. I am sure had circumstances been different he and I might have fallen into a similar sexual relationship as the one he had with Tom. That didn't happen, mostly due to me taking a live-in lover about the same time. Greg and I were perfectly in sync sexually. Neither of us sought or expected exclusivity nor were we hung up on having an emotional attachment. More often that not sex was a three or four-way with some guy or guys one or both of us dragged home.

I wasn't having sex much outside the relationship except for an occasional bathroom blowjob. Though we never really discussed it, I think that Greg was doing other guys outside of our bed either. We had plenty of sex and variety in that bedroom. But had there been an emotional commitment between us, I would definitely have been cheating on Greg, because Mike and I were spending a lot of quality time together. During the time I was with Greg, Mike went through a few boy friends. It was pretty much always the same story, sex was ok but there was no emotional connection and the guys were all playing the field. Mike was ready for a life commitment. Complicating the issue was the fact that we were falling in love in with each other.

Greg was constantly trying to get me to being my cute friend Mike into our bedroom. Even had I not known Mike had no interest in that scene, I would not have wanted to share Mike that way. After about nine months I had had enough of Greg and frequent group sex. He moved out and interestingly we became better friends and have remained close ever since. After Greg I tried a monogamous sexual relationship with a nice man about ten years older than me. He was a sexy bottom who could suck the chrome off a Cadillac's bumper. However, by that time I was in love with Mike and poor James only had my body not my heart. I ended that relationship the day after Mike and I slept together for the first time.

I doubt that would have happened if not for the amount of alcohol and pot we consumed that evening. Even though it had been a long time coming and there was no question of our feelings for each other, it took being totally fucked-up to get us over the last hurdle. About a month later Mike and I moved in together and we have been together now for thirty years. In all those years I have never strayed or even seriously wanted another man. Mike is everything to me and the only one I need or want.

Mike and I visit the farm fairly often. Roger and Mary's children and grand children love their uncles Billy and Mike. I still see the sadness and loss in Roger's eyes occasionally when he looks at Mike and me. In private he has told me he still has sexual desires toward men. He even admitted that he thought he might be gay when we were alone a few years ago. But he chose the life he thought would make him happy. I think he is happy, in a way he might not have been had he embraced his true sexuality. He has the farm and the big family he wanted. He clearly loves his wife, children and grandchildren. Even though he was in most every sense my first real lover, I see him as a brother now.