Aftermath

It was Sunday and Marcus' birthday. He woke up and found the bed next to him empty, a quick glance at the clock told him it was just past nine o'clock. Suddenly the door burst open and Dawn walked in, she was wearing her nightie and carrying a tray, she said, "Oops, I didn't think I kicked the door that hard. Happy birthday. Treat number one, breakfast in bed."

He smiled as he sat up and Dawn placed the tray on his lap. He looked at the full English breakfast, two slices of toast cut in half in a rack, a cup of tea and a small envelope propped up against the small glass of orange juice and said, "This looks nice. Thank you."

He accepted a kiss on the cheek and then opened the envelope. Inside was a card, it had a racing car on the front and a badge that said 'I am 4 today'. He raised an eyebrow at Dawn who giggled and said, "Sorry, but it was the only card I could find, the others were too soppy."

Marcus nodded, grinning. He opened the card and read the message inside. It said, 'Happy Birthday Darling. I hope you enjoy your present. All my love, Dawn.'

"What present?"

"It's a surprise. You can have it after your breakfast."

Dawn perched on the side of the bed and watched Marcus as he ate. She reached across and took a slice of toast to nibble. She gazed at him. Inside she was nervous, she hoped her nerve would hold. It had to. A steely resolve filled her. She would make her nerve hold.

Once his meal was finished, Dawn took the tray and placed it on the floor.

Marcus had a boyish grin as he asked, "Right then. Where's my present?"

Dawn took a deep breath and answered, "Here."

With that, she quickly pulled her nightgown off over her head, and stood before her husband, totally naked. Marcus' eyes bulged, he had not been expecting this. Eventually he managed to croak, "Are you sure?"

Dawn was shivering and she couldn't quite keep the quaver from her voice as she replied, "No, so you better do something quick before I chicken out."

Tentatively, he reached out to take her hand, it felt cold and slightly clammy to his touch. He drew her closer so that she had to kneel with one leg on the bed. With his other hand, he pulled her face closer to his and placed a delicate kiss on her lips.

Dawn climbed onto the bed properly without breaking the kiss and lay next to him, her on top of the duvet, him underneath. The kiss increased in fervour and their arms entwined the other. And the kiss deepened. Gently he inserted his tongue into her mouth, her lips twitched as she felt the intrusion, but made no move to stop it happening. In fact, her own tongue reached out to touch his as it invaded her mouth. Like two snakes they wrestled together sensuously.

A firm, masculine hand began a lazy journey from a soft round hip, up a shivering side, over a heaving ribcage and found what it was looking for: a warm, soft mound of breast flesh. Squeezing the flesh firmly yet gently, a finger brushed against an increasingly hard nipple. A moan, a sigh and forgotten feelings and desires began to wake.

But with the welcome desires came something else... Fear. Dawn could feel the fight or flight reflex kicking in. In turmoil she battled, desperate that no hint, no clue would escape to alert Marcus to her difficulty. She concentrated. She directed her will against her own instincts, "This is my husband's hand. I want it there. I want it to touch me. This is Marcus. My husband, my lover. I want him."

She strengthened her resolve. She knew that she must. And she brought her will to bear on the next stage.

Her hand grabbed the top edge of the duvet and she wrestled it down Marcus body, allowing more of his naked flesh to touch hers, until it had been pushed as far down as she could reach with breaking both the kiss and the embrace. She was desperate to keep that contact, desperate to keep their loving lips and questing tongues together. And desperate to keep his hand on her breast. She could feel him lightly pinching her nipple and carefully rolling it between finger and thumb, just the way she liked. With only a slight hesitation, she rested her hand back on his shoulder before letting it slide down his chest, his broad chest, over his stomach and down...

Marcus was in the throes of passion and delight. He had Dawn in his arms and he was loving her like he had been wanting to all these past months. But he was also very careful, he knew that she was frightened and nervous. Even as she tried to hide it, he could feel every hesitation, he felt the slight stiffening of her torso when he first laid hands on her beautiful, soft breast. He fought against the burning need to just throw her down and conquer her. He had to. He had to let her make every move, had to let her battle her demons in her own time. The touch of her delicate fingers wending their slow way down his body towards his manhood was exquisite torture. He couldn't wait for her hand to grasp him there and send lustful messages of desire through his system.

Her hand reached his tight briefs and she touched him intimately. Marcus couldn't help but groan into Dawns mouth. And still they kissed. He took a chance, it was time. She was touching him, he wanted to do the same for her. His hand slipped from Dawns, now flushed breast and started a journey of it's own. Back down over her rib cage, her flat tummy. He felt rapid spasms under her skin so he stopped for a moment, his finger just touching her belly button. Her own hand moved a slid under the waistband of his underpants and with a surprising suddenness took a grip of him. He had to fight for breath momentarily, regain some control. He slowly released her from the increasingly passionate kiss and let his lips plant butterfly kisses along her jaw line to the side of her neck. His tongue traced a line up to her ear lobe and he took it between his teeth and gently nibbled on it.

"Aaah," she whispered, "that feels so good."

She was right. It did feel good. No, it felt better than good. It felt wonderful. This was how it was supposed to be. Gentle, loving, sweet. Not cruel, not brutal, not terrifying. And it was. Her breathing was starting to increase in rapidity and the warmth, the almost forgotten warmth of tender lovemaking was returning to her. Her nipples were achingly hard, and she was excited. Not yet ready to accept Marcus into her, but it was building up. She could feel his hand on her tummy, waiting, biding its time for the right moment to move down toward her sex.

A spasm, she felt his hand was moving again, slowly, slowly down. Her thighs parted slightly as her body readied itself for the gentle intrusion she knew was coming. And once more, her emotions did battle. Conflict swept through her as she forced her thighs to remain apart. She wanted him there, she wanted him to touch and stroke her. But her subconscious was telling her otherwise, and as before she began her steady inward mantra, "This is my husband's hand. I want it there. I want it to touch me. This is Marcus. My husband, my lover. I want him."

His hand reached her centre. In a moment, one fantastic, golden moment, rational thought left her as a dart of electricity shot from her womb, straight into her brain, frying nerve endings and senses as it went.

She stiffened, but no fight or flight response this time. No, this was joy! And there was more to come.

"Oh God... Oh God... Keep doing that... I love it..."

A flash of lightning! And another! And another! Dawn thought she would be overwhelmed by the sensations that were flooding her belly. The heat, the need... The desire.

But this wasn't enough. She sat up and looked into his eyes. She could see concern.

He began to speak, "Are you oka-"

She placed a finger on his lips and said, "Shh."

Dawn reached down, grasped the sides of his pants and slid them down his legs and off. She looked at his nakedness and said, "I want this. I want this inside me."

She threw her leg over him and herself. Dawn felt him twitch. A movement and he was inside her. She held still for a moment, head thrown back and eyes closed.

Marcus was battling his animal instincts, he so wanted to thrust straight into her, but could not, would not. He would do nothing to spoil this moment. This was all about Dawn, not him.

Dawn was fighting another battle in her treacherous mind. She knew it was Marcus beneath her. She knew it was him inside her, but still she had to battle. In her mind she could see it was someone else. Someone hateful and hating. But she couldn't stop now. She was going to banish the demons.

Before any further doubts could overtake her. Dawn sank firmly down on her haunches and they were joined. The sensation sent the air from her lungs in an explosive exhalation. She lost control of some of her other functions. She slumped forward and her head hung down. Her mouth started to water almost convulsively and a small droplet of dribble ran from her lips, down her chin and dripped into Marcus' chest, but he didn't care. He watched as his wife sat astride him, her face twisted as she wrestled with her violent emotions. The spit that fell from her mouth. The reddening of that expanse of skin between her collar bones and her perfect breasts.

She never looked more beautiful than she did right now.

Dawn felt his hands take a grip of her thighs. Another assault on her already overloaded nerves. And she started to move up and down. Her eyes opened and she looked down at Marcus' face as she moved. And saw him!

In her mind she began to scream again, not in lust, not in fear, but in righteous fury!

"No! It's not you! You are not here! You stay away. I'm not frightened of you any more! It is Marc inside me, not you. It's my husband. You are not here, you are not wanted here. FUCK OFF!"

She looked again. It was Marcus. It was her Marcus loving her. And she moved up and down, faster, faster. She wanted him. She needed him to explode inside her.

Marcus wallowed in the silken grip she had on him. He was near to release, he could feel it building... until he exploded. The pure joyous sensation made him dizzy.

Dawn groaned as well as she felt him fill her so deliciously. She stopped moving and fell forward to cover his face with kisses. Until she finally got a grip of her emotions and rested, breathless on top of him, her cheek next to his and him still firmly embedded inside her. She wanted him to stay there for now. Dawn whispered, "I love you so very much."

Marcus couldn't speak, all he could do was let his arms wrap her in a tight embrace and hold her.

Dawn shivered. But not with fear.

[click]

"Maria Brown counsellor. Time, 10:00. Date 2 April. Final session. Mrs Dawn MacKenzie."

[Fast forward]

"You look happy today. Wh-"

[Fast forward]

"Really. How was it?"

[Giggle]

"Bit nosy aren't you?"

"I'm pleased to see you can laugh about it, Dawn."

"I'm sorry. No, it was good."

"Were you scared?"

"Well, a bit at first... Actually I was more angry than anything."

"Why?"

"Well, erm, you see..."

"Take your time."

"I was making love with Marcus, but I kept seeing him. And it was frightening, but... I don't know, it just stopped being scary. And I lost it."

"What do you mean?"

"If I told you, you'd probably have me locked up."

"Will you tell me?"

"We-e-ell..."

"I can see you are a bit embarrassed. Shall I tell what I think?"

"Okay then. If you want."

"I think you saw him while you were with Marcus and at first it scared you-"

"I already told you that!"

"Please, let me finish."

"Sorry, go ahead."

"Anyway, you were with Marcus, and you finally realised that you were the victim."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you realised that what happened wasn't your fault. He tried to take something from you. At first you thought he had, that perhaps you had let him."

[Silence]

"Go on."

"But he didn't, did he? You only thought he had. You found it again. You and Marcus had it all the time. And then you got angry. I bet you told him to piss off or something."

"I told him to fuck off."

"Quite. But the important thing is, you told him. And he did fuck off, didn't he?"

"Yes."

"A major victory Dawn, I think you should be suitably proud of yourself... and of Marcus."

"Oh I am, believe me."

"Anyway. The sex itself. How was it for you? Was it satisfying?"

"Erm... Actually no. It wasn't, not really."

"So... You didn't climax."

"No."

"How do you feel about that?"

"Christ! Is that your favourite question?"

"It's certainly one of my most effective... And you still haven't answered it."

[Laughter]

"You are persistent, I'll give you that... Okay, I don't know how I feel. Truth to tell, I don't know if I wanted one. The sex was... something I needed to do. Don't get me wrong, I mean, I enjoyed it... But not how you might think. It was just... just... I don't know how to put this without sounding foolish."

"Do your best."

"When Marcus... When he was... well, you know... inside me. It was like it wasn't him at first and I don't know how I feel about that, before you ask. All I could see was him even though I knew it really Marcus. And then I got mad, and it was Marcus. I could see Marcus. And at that point I was so happy I didn't care if I climaxed or not. I was with Marcus."

"I see. You know, you have taken a big step here. Like I told you, if you remember a few sessions ago. I said it would be a series of steps, of victories. This was a big one. You will reclaim a satisfying sex life, if you can get this far, you can go the distance."

"You know what?"

"What?"

"I can't wait."

[click]

Dawn unpacked the suitcase and placed her knickers and bikini in the top drawer of the small chest of drawers. Marcus pulled back the sliding door that separated the room from the balcony and said, "You should see the view."

She giggled, "I have to unpack first. I always unpack first thing, you know that."

He came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled against her neck. He murmured, "Every holiday, the same thing. Well this time, I've got a better idea."

"Hmm. What?"

"Unpack second thing instead."

"So what's first thing then?"

His hand moved up her torso and cupped her breasts.

"This."

"Mmmmmm. Good idea."

They made love.

Eventually, Dawn was able to get her breath and slowly started the downward journey from ecstasy to normality. Once there, she opened her eyes to gaze at Marcus where he still crouched between her spread thighs.

He grinned, "Now you can unpack."

She gave him a filthy smile and replied, "No. I think I'll unpack later. I have a better idea."

She held out her arms and welcomed Marcus into a warm, passionate and above all, loving embrace.