All about Life and Passion Ch. 02

Chapter II - Sweet Agony.

What is life without honor and values? – Just simply existence in a beast's leather. Values - the only and true difference between humans and other creatures. However, sometimes the meaning of human existence can only be given when the animal wakes up within him, the beast that is fighting for the humanity.

While the half of the world was sleeping with the sweetest dreams, someone with a mad face and teary eyes was fighting to his nightmarish reality. It was obvious that this fight was just a fun game to him but all that was reminding him something that was a reason why anger accompanied with tears in his eyes. Dark night was witness to how the green fields of Plorentalis got stained with blood. Someone was fighting with such enthusiasm as if it was the only reason why he existed: all alone against twelve rivals, bare handed ripping their insides off, with his fists grinding their bones like Christmas tree toys. This simultaneously fantastic and frightening scene was unseen by the eyes of the people. Even his opponents did not look like humans: their elongated, gray color fur-coated faces and almond-shaped blackish eyes located perpendicularly on both sides of black, flat and nasty nose were making them look scary but one rival made them all die with their own sharp claws into their own throats.

"Well done, son! What would we do if not you sent from the skies?!" Nathan approached to Dr. Darius who was wet through dark yellow blood.

"I guess you would have to find another mad man thirsty for revenge and justice." Dr. Darius smiled and took off the shirt to clean his face. Nathan, one of the oldest employees of NASA, was not surprised with Darius's modest humor as he was the first person knowing Darius on the planet Earth.

"Nathan, listen, I guess I'm finished here. I have to leave soon. Can you clean up the mess without me?"

"Sure I can, son. Is everything alright?" Nathan brushed his beard with his fingers as he thought something should have been wrong with Darius as he didn't want to finish his favorite business himself.

"I'm good. I just have a very important meeting..."

"Is it because of a woman?" Nathan guessed as he knew nothing else could be so significant to Darius.

"No, definitely no, it's because of THE woman!" He answered and left the battlefield with a smiley face.

"Wait a min..." He started but realizing Darius wouldn't listen, Nathan shook his head and pulled out a container of gas from a truck bed. He was quite an old man but after Darius' strange behavior his face crinkled even more. He would never imagine Darius would fall for any woman. Sometimes he was even thinking that Darius could do anything but loving just one woman and that's why he was not God's creature.

While Nathan was burning the scene of fight into ashes Darius rushed back to home with the speed of about two hundred miles per second. That was faster than the speed of light and this time he felt like flying back to joyful life.

After coming back to home and hot shower he was ready for his favorite patient, sitting in his armchair, tasting his favorite whiskey and listening to Frank Sinatra. Back in his town it was still late evening and as usual he used to enjoy the feeling of revenge in such moments, but now he had totally different worries and suddenly he was not confident anymore: "Why is she late? Maybe she is not going to come back? Maybe it was too early to move on and use her body for quieting my wild desires? Maybe I was too selfish? She may be more confused and lost now and never come back... What will I do in that case? Find her and bother her like a teenage guy begging for survival?!" She could even hate him now, fully inspired with distrust. And he again felt the frozen nooses of loneliness, frowned his eyebrows and emptied the glass in a gulp. He didn't even think about the fact that she was late for couple of minutes.

"Damn!" Darius spoke through clenched teeth but knock at the door brought him back to life.

The last fear ended when he opened the door and saw her standing there like an angel of freedom, releasing him from anguish of doubts. Green school skirt, white shirt and purple velvet high heels were making her naked legs so cute that her beautiful face and eyes were shining the temperature of passion... In general he was smiling while meeting his patient for the second time but now all he remembered was that he was not ready for this meeting at all:

"Come in..." He said rolling his gaze over her body like a hungry predator.

She was not expecting such simple words from him and that expression but condolence was helping her too keep calm as she was feeling the same way. She came back to find out what was happening in this room, who he really was, and find answers but she was confused and worried just like him.

"Thank you..." She said, trying to enter the room with self-confident steps but after feeling weakness in her knees she sat down into his armchair and asked him for water.

She didn't even notice how fast he was standing in front of him with a glass of hot water in his hand but emotional waves coming from him were blurring her mind even more. He wasn't a giant but in front of his well build body and serious facial expression she was feeling as a prey in a beast's refuge.

"Do you feel any better?" He asked correcting her hair on her forehead with his fingers and looking down into her eyes.

"I don't know. I don't know what's happening to me... It shouldn't be this way..." Delilah complained to Darius and bowed her head.

"I guess, I know but let me help you first." He lifted her with his arms like a first loved bride and took her to his bedroom. "What a bastard!" She thought, because he didn't even ask her if she wanted to be there, but she really liked how confident he was and that sweet smell of his skin was somehow calming her down... It was even giving her a taste of his desire and temptation always helps to overcome fears and worries; especially now, when his bedroom environment was so tranquil, intimate, and so separated from the rest of the world. His king size bed was so soft and comfortable that even lifeless would rise up for spending a night there.

She didn't know what to expect there but he wasn't hurrying up.

Darius sat down on the red sofa standing in a corner of the room with maroon walls and when she was ready he started touching her feelings gently with his words:

"Seems like, you are too strained. Because of the past life experiences you face the problem of assimilation to blustery feelings. Your own feelings will burn you out if you don't speak it out...

So, what's your story, Delilah?"

"Depends... Which one do you mean?!" She asked and smiled softly.

"Those you always remember and come in your mind first..." Darius' voice sounded even deeper and serious while replying and she understood he wasn't playing. She took a deep breath, gathered all strength for openheartedness and started:

"It's complicated... It's too long story to go through..." She sighed, not being sure where to start.

"It always is, Delilah. You don't make life conflicted, no matter which way you follow - it always offers crossroads you have to deal with. And no human has been perfect enough to make right choices every time. Besides, sometimes standing on a crossroad doesn't mean that we have a choice at all. Thus, stop blaming yourself first and just let me feel the pulse of your life... Otherwise, I can't take you by the hand to guide."

After thinking awhile she continued: "You're correct, doctor. Everyone faces own nightmares but we both are acknowledged to the truth: for some people life is a mother, for some it's stepmother. I think that's what life is to me – stepmother; especially since it has taken my mom away. After her death the only hope and the light at the end of the tunnel was a guy I entrusted my love." Noticing a tear on her eye, Darius again decided to forget about psychologist's routine and use his sense of humor to discharge the tension.

"And... and you found out that the light at the end of the tunnel was a train? Did you get hit by one?" Her mouth ready to speak up stayed open after such an inappropriate joke, but soon she started giggling. Darius smiled and added: "Having an ability to feel the sense of humor even in hardest times means the hope to survive is not lost yet. I'm sorry. Keep telling."

"Actually, yes, it was a train to carry my hopes and joy away. He was a childhood friend I fell in love with and don't know even what exactly happened but as people don't change I had to let him go..."

"No, Delilah, people change... No one has seen a baby thirsty for blood; no one has seen a baby willing to start another world war, no one has seen a baby traitor – people grow up and they change daily according to environment, beliefs, weaknesses or strength and values they set up for themselves."

"Do you want to say all is my fault and I should feel guilty?"

"No, on the contrary, you feel guilty because you couldn't change him and thus couldn't get the relationship under control. Blaming themselves is the first reason why people can't get over previous relationships. All I'm trying to tell you is that if you have done everything to grow the relationship stronger and it anyways collapsed, you should let it go as you can never build a castle with chasing sand dusts. Relationship should be built on strong basis and if one of the couples changes radically the second one fails for sure. That's why the strongest relationships are built by adult people mostly, or by those who realize well what they really desire in life and stay firm for their goals. So far, right now, don't even think about blaming yourself! Now, keep going..."

"Maybe, but how much is enough... Maybe I've not done all he needed to..." She paused and after thinking awhile groaned: "Even if I've done everything and led myself to destruction and to many pains because of him, how can I ever give orders to my heart?!"

"If you had been his friend, his lover, if you didn't let him down, you showed him your love and adherence, after breaking up you gave him time to think over but he happened to be a wrong person anyways, then you should be sure you've done enough. People very often talk about unreciprocated love while love can't be unreciprocated. Unilateral feeling is just an illusion while love is totally different phenomenon in nature."

Delilah was listening carefully but here she jumped into his speech:

"You wanna tell me you know what love is?! As far as I know no-one has ever answered on that question..."

Darius felt a trap in her question, smiled, gazed her into eyes and replied:

"Maybe yes, maybe not... All I can is just to tell you the truth and share my outlook, make you sure that controlling your heart after particular practicing is possible – then you decide what to believe and how to behave."

"That's what your style is? – helping your patients with grandma talks?" With this joke she expressed faithlessness to him and he didn't like it but kept calm and talking.

"Grandma... What's wrong with grandma? – Wasn't she sweet?! Has she ever betrayed, lied to you? Has she ever advised you anything hurting you?" After Darius' words she slowed down giggling realizing she sounded stupid. "Besides, dear Delilah, if your grandma was energetic and sexy like me, had similar wide experience in relationships, I should say I'm her biggest admirer. Call me old school guy if you want but there are two things that I adore and can never be hidden: the universe and the truth." And now he giggled, but confused Delilah couldn't make up her mind what to answer and just tried to avoid the responsibility: "Whatever!"

He was especially displeased with her last comment because if she wasn't eager to learn she would never succeed. She had to believe in him. Thus he stopped talking and gave her time to think over his words.

After clumsy silence and realizing he wasn't going to start the conversation again, she couldn't keep from asking:

"What is love?"

"It's like the cancer... It's like HIV..." And he again smiled.

"I'm serious..."

"I'm serious too, but that's not what you think it is. It's just too much complex, so impossibly complex that there is no way to explore and see it just from one side. It is the strongest mixture of all the feelings that make our existence possible. Love can be discussed according to different dimensions such are: art, religion, science, psychology..."

"Do you want to prove that love is real?"

"People wouldn't discuss it over centuries without evidence... They wouldn't question it without feeling it..."

"Then why is it that more love you give away more people you lose?" She sounded as a little, excited, girl willing to hear more from her love guru.

"Because love consists of ingredients people are allergic to. Go ahead, dare to tell the truth to the world, either you will turn into a victim of inquisition or sentenced to life imprisonment. In most cases people can't get used to the truth, openheartedness, loyalty, while love is meant to keep those values up. People are so small within their shells that their weakness annihilates them. If there is no openheartedness and loyalty there is no love. No love – no trust, and without trust it never lasts..." He lit the cigar and inhaled the smoke with such pathos that even coal-fired train would envy.

"And how do you think, Dr. Darius, thus which dimension tells the truth about the love?"

"All of them and none of them."

"I'm not kidding." She answered, nailing her gaze into the ceiling.

"Neither do I. There are many things about which all of them lie but the pure sooth is just in whatever they all agree together. Painting a colossal map of discussions over love and overlooking real life experiences draws a huge line between love and craziness, even while their signs look similar and several medical researches proved likeness between a brain-damaged person and one in love. That is one more reason why people are afraid of love in most cases, they are scared of not controlling themselves anymore, do things they wouldn't do in normal relationships. It's pretty clear that love is not an independent, single feeling. It is a bouquet of all the feelings extremely concentrated and addressed to one goal. This goal is to make life better, easier and more loyal, make people stronger - give them the goal and stimulus for prolonging the life-line of mankind. He who created the world created it with a great arithmetical regulations and he knew people would need this motivation for survival. That's why one multiplied to one is still one. Person finishes growing up and turns into consummate creature only after he or she finds the second half needed to finish the process of completion. Biological energy, soul, or call it whatever you want, plays a huge role in connecting people. And this energy is the key to true relationship, not all the energies can host each other. After combining energies, some of them keep getting stronger – some of them not. But when you get used to hosted energy and then you lose the person, you starve for the part of his energy, emotional waves given from it. The biggest generator of this energy is your heart, so everything connected to the energy exchange is connected to your heart. Recent medical researches prove that a heart is the second brain with cells capable to memorize certain information.

I hope, now you understand the reason why it feels so bad to lose someone. Yet, this feeling is meant for good things in life, to help people get together, but if it starts hurting, if it gives you signals that you don't need the particular person in life - trust it, because otherwise more you straggle more you lose. And finally you will anyways have to believe that whatever you feel is not love anymore - it's just disappointment you have to overcome. Love is meant to be given to each other not to take it away; love is meant to make you stronger and happier, not backwards... Never mess up demons with angels.

Every time people tell me they are unhappy because of unreciprocated love, I explain that it's not what love is and realizing this basic root soon they start building a new, better and smoother relationship."

"So, what's the solution?" She returned the answer just like she didn't even understand even a word from his guidance. "Do you mean that if the nature won't send us the correct person we should stay alone forever?! At one look I have everything to enjoy life: money, father who supports, friends but I still feel exhausted, unhappy."

First, he wanted to reply her provocation but then he just got up, left the room and brought her purse, opened it, took out a hundred dollar bill and started burning it in front of her. She was looking at him thinking how impudent he was but at some level she liked his spontaneity.

"What do you feel now?" He asked smiling.

"I feel like you're wasting the money..."

"That's the point." He again changed his deep voice timbre and started gazing her with persuasive, serious, face. "You feel neither pain nor happiness. Money and things in life matter for people only when they don't own them. People are strange creatures, when I ask what has killed the most people in the history of mankind, many answer that it is a nuclear weapon, some answer the reason is religious wars, and most of them name the money as the reason of global disasters. None of them ever answers that these people kill the most people, even one World War has taken more people lives away than any nature disasters and meanwhile, many nature disasters are caused by people too. Not weapons kill people, not alcohol, tobacco or drugs, people kill people and encourage the death to become earlier guest. Thus, my dear, the things you need are the ones we need even when we have it but still miss it, things that may last till the end of our days and give us the joy even in total poverty."

He was talking gazing at her glamour legs freely relaxing on a soft king-size bed... His eyes started running over her body and breast, that was hardly hold by shirt laces and puffed soft lips rouged in pink.

Of course she couldn't miss his looks warming her up.

"What are you doing?" She asked and beautiful white smile cleaved the lips of her mouth. She was totally enjoying her manly attention that was ostensibly out of topic but deeply welcomed by her.

"What I'm doing?" He whispered, slid his hands into pockets and rested his shoulder against the door frame. "What I'm doing... I guess people call it Adopyosis."

"And what that should mean?"

"If we believe to the dictionary it should mean the act of mentally undressing someone."

She giggled: "Now, everything is clear! "

"What is clear?"

"What I've been doing from the very first minute I entered your apartment." She kept laughing softly.

"Well, I would prefer to call it cave."

"Should that mean I'm all alone with the beast ready to eat me?" All that conversation was just funny foreplay that was bringing even more sexual tension between the couple easily falling for each other, at least filling up with the wildest desires to experience more and feel more of each other.

"Yes, beauty, you have guessed that exactly as it is! "

He stepped towards her, gazing into her eyes penetrating the most savage cavities of her soul. She was feeling the temperature rise as closer he was getting and so warm that she wanted to spread her legs to cool herself down but his hand was already on her femur sliding up and carrying the edge of the dress. Now she was sure it was starting again and she wouldn't escape his cave without giving him all he wanted... She wanted to say something but his lips and tongue numbed her mouth with pleasure. She put her arms around his neck but she couldn't move because his heavy hand was already on her stomach chaining her to bed. Suddenly his hot breathe muttered "I want you more than anything else," his lips touching to the lobe of her ear. She sensed her body was starting trembling; desires were taking over every single inch of her sufferance. His hot breathe, caressing, and gravity of emotions were leaving her helpless against the blasted passion. She didn't intend to sound dirty but she knew she wouldn't hold it under the control anymore: "Do it already!" She sighed smiling.