An Editorial On A D/s RelationshipbyWolfwind©
An Editorial On A D/s Relationship:
What makes a Good Dominant/Master
(In the editorial I will say Dominant/Him and sub/she as that is what pertains to me, but I believe it is true for A/all)
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What should a Good Dominant be? The question can only be answered individually, by both the submissive and the Dominant alike. The Dominant should be in control of Himself first and foremost. He is confident, caring, and understanding. He does not allow His Ego to get in the way of His learning, both about Himself and His submissive. He knows how to love and cherish the Gift she has given to Him.
When the Dominant meets a new submissive, He is kind and guiding, without demanding any ritual from her. He does not Demand her respect, He Earns it. He explores her Mind first! Learning her strengths and weaknesses. He does not seek to Seduce her, but gets to know her as a person First, building a Relationship, and Slowly discovering if there is to be one.
If He is a good Dominant He does not do this to gain a submissive, but because He is able to Befriend someone, without any trappings of Sexuality. He is not a Predator, but instead is a Teacher, ready and willing to pass on His Knowledge, with little or no expectations of a Reward. but instead, for the pleasure and pride of knowing He Can, and for the satisfaction of helping someone define her Own path.
If the time comes, when she Offers herself to His service, the Dominant is the First to question her decision. He is the First to ask her to look inside herself and discover if He is what she really wants and/or needs. He is the First to mention Safety, to volunteer His References, and to tell her to seek More. He insists on Safe calls and Public meetings First. And her safety is Foremost in His mind at this special place in the Beginning of T/their relationship.
If He decides to take her as His submissive, and takes her into His service, He is the First to mention Negotiation, and first to offer His own personal information, before Asking for hers. He fully realizes the Extreme Danger she could be putting herself in, if her Gift was given into the wrong hands. And He seeks to Guide her in protecting herself.
He does not dismiss her Worries or Fears, for He Knows her Risks are All Too Real. He knows His safety also depends on Honesty, on Communication, and on Love. He is at First only as protective of Himself as He Needs to be, being Open and Honest about His Life, Tastes, Feelings, and Exactly what He Expects. He knows that she will be taking a Leap of Faith, by giving her Gift to Him, and is Supportive of her.
To truly Possess her, He knows He must First earn her Respect. To do this, He must Prove He is who and what He says He is, that He Loves and Cares for her. That He would only push her limits to Build her Strengths. That He is ready and willing to Spend the Time to learn her as a person First, only then as a submissive.
He knows how Wonderful the Gift is that she Offers, and is ready and willing to live up to her Trust in Him. To this end, He talks with her, Learning her Secret Needs and Desires, and in turn expressing His Own, always ready to affirm her Worth to Him, and to herself. Increasing her confidence in herself, and in the Gift she gives. Gently pushing her limits, to show her that she can be More than she feels she is. That she can go Farther than she ever thought possible.
He will slowly open the Flower of her submission, coaxing her Passion for Him into Full Bloom. If she lacks self-esteem He Tells and Shows her He Respects her, and finds her Worthy of His time. He shows her she has Beauty in His eyes, thus she is Beautiful. When He focuses on her Weaknesses, it is to show her her own Strength. When He focuses on her Strengths, it is to show her her own Worth. He will Softly explain that the Gift she gives is the Most Wonderful Gift of All, herself.
He takes the Time to learn her Soul, before thinking of learning her Body. As the Dominant learns His new submissive, a Connection takes place allowing Him to sense her Desires, her Needs, her Passions. With this new Knowledge, the Dominant is able to take His submissive to new heights of pleasure. And is able to guide her and walk With her as T/together T/they seek new levels of Love and Fulfillment.
In taking a submissive into His Service the Dominant takes on many Responsibilities. He pledges to help Guide her on her path, not only in the Bedroom, but also in Life. He pledges to be there for her, when she Needs Him. He pledges to Care for her, to ease her Pain, when she is Depressed, to Comfort her when she is Ill. He pledges to assist her in overcoming her Fears and Worries, and to Hold and Love her when she Needs affection. He does this because He can, for this is His Gift to her. As her Gift was given Willingly, so His is returned with Joy.
He seeks to Understand her Mind. To be able to gaze into her Soul. Because only then can the T/two become More than each could Ever be as individuals. Always she is His most Precious Possession. And He strives to prove His love, Much the way she will, Every Day.
The Dominant does not seek to Change His submissive into what He Wants, but instead, revels in the chance to Show her what she can become. He enjoys Showing her those Strengths she already possesses, and Guides her only, helping her to Grow into the person she wants to be. He coaxes her into finding her Own path, but Never states outright what that Path should be. Once found, He will keep her to her task, Gently pushing her to become the Woman He Knows she can be.
Is there a Profile of the perfect Dominant? i think not... Perfection is something W/we A/all strive to obtain, but is Forever out of reach. It is the Struggle to find perfection that is the mark of a Good Dominant. There is not One description of a Good Dominant; Just as Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder, so too is no viewpoint ever Wrong, merely Different.
All that can be said i Believe, is that a Good Dominant should have Good Qualities, which include Strength, Ability, Confidence, Control, the Ability to learn, and the presence of Mind to know that He can Always learn more. He should be Loving, Encouraging, Honorable and Chivalrous. He should Respect and Cherish His submissive, and Show that Respect to Others. He should show others the Respect that He Himself wishes to be shown. The Dominant should be Sure of Himself, and in that Confidence not think that to build Himself, He has to look Down at Others.
He should be Sure of His ideals, but not So Sure, that He thinks His Way is the Only Way. He can allow others to follow their Own paths, no matter how Different, without Ridicule. If He witnesses a Wrong He seeks to Right it, but Without pressing the View that His Way is the Only One, but only to express the Danger of another's action or Offering His Assistance to Help Guide them out of Danger.
He knows the Difference between Punishment and Play, between Pain and Sensation. He never exerts His power in Anger, He never brings Hostility into T/their lives. He does not use this Gift to vent His Anger, but Leaves Outside concerns outside. He knows that to Control Others He must First Master Himself.
He can exercise His Art, to Help His submissive become the Woman she has always been, Deep within her Spirit. He takes her Gift of submission Seriously, knowing that it is not given Blindly or Lightly. He always remembers how Precious her Gift is, and how Rare it is, how Beautiful it is. For she has given Him something that cannot be Taken, but must be Given, the gift of herself, her Soul. And the Dominant should cherish that Gift as the Rare Jewel it is.
The submissive should be Firm in her Femininity. And she must Offer herself to the Dominant Freely, of her Own Choosing. When she gives the Gift of her submission it is in Exchange for His Love, Care, Knowledge and Protection. When she Obeys it is because she Chooses to, not because she is Forced to.
The submissive comes to Him a girl, unsure of her Role in Life, seeking His Guidance. And Quickly learns what is expected of her. With this Learning, and as He opens more of Himself to her, she Continues giving more of herself, of her Soul, her Secrets, until all the T/two can Share is already learned. Building T/their Relationship, sharing T/their Secrets and T/their Souls, so T/they may walk this path T/together.
There is no power Lost, no control Wrested from her, she gives it Willingly, the Dominant giving of Himself until, an immense measure of Trust is built between T/them. The submissive Must trust her Dominant Completely in order to give Him so much of herself, and the Dominant Must Trust the submissive, in order for Him to Accept her and her Gift. "Training" (which Should be just another word for Teaching) is only the Process of learning what the Dominant Desires. The submissive must Learn When to kneel, How to Sit to please her Dominant, How to Address her Dominant, and so on.
When she does Learn these things, it is because she Wishes to, her only wish is to Please her Dominant in All Ways Possible. Even as the Dominant comes to know, just what her Limits are. It is said that the Dominant holds all of the Control, and in some ways He Does. But in this type of relationship, it is Very Important that it be a Consensual relationship. The Dominant holds Control, but only as far as the Submissive is Willing to go. He May push her limits, for the Pleasure of T/them Both. However, the submissive can Walk Away at Any Time, hard as that may Be, if the Dominant loses sight of her Needs.
It is Said that the submissive has No Responsibilities, but a Deeper observation shows otherwise. It has been said by Many, that the Dominant holds All the Responsibilities. However, many of her responsibilities are So Subtle as to be Overlooked, she must Please her Dominant, she must Act, as He would wish, as her Every Action reflects on her Dominant. At All Times she must uphold His Honor, as He must uphold hers, and Protect her. The submissive must have Faith and Trust in her Dominant, Just as He must Prove her Trust well founded.
The submissive needs to Know when her Dominant is acting in her Best Interests, and be Willing, to do as He Asks her within her limits. Because that is what her Dominant Wants and what she wishes is to Please Him. And she would even do what Seems Difficult and even Embarrassing at the time. Never should she follow Blindly, but she must see that what her Dominant Asks of her is for the pleasure of T/them Both.
At times the Dominant, may Know, that the submissive really Can go farther than she thought. And with the use of Safewords, He is able to take her there. In the beginning of all relationships, it is most important to abide by the Discussed and the Perceived limits, and it must be taken Slowly. If a Safeword is used and the Dominant does not Heed her perceived limit, then an Important Trust is Broken. The use of Safewords should be Stressed in Any new relationship so that the Trust and Understanding are able to grow.
With time and understanding, however, the T/two Can reach a point where the Dominant knows how far the submissive can go Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually. And the submissive can come to Trust her Dominant's decisions. Even then a Safeword is still an Important safety tool. It can be dropped in Session, but a Worthy Dominant still holds the value of using Safewords in New and Uncharted territory. Even in a long-standing and Trusting relationship. The caring Dominant knows He Cannot Read Minds, even if He knows His submissive Extremely well.
The submissive has a Wonderful role to live with the Right Dominant. With Him, she will grow Emotionally and Spiritually into what she wishes to become, Learning to love Freely and Unconditionally and find the true power deep within her. The Dominant also becomes the Man He feels within His soul, Proud to be able to walk the Honorable path of Teacher, Poet, Warrior, and Protector. Proud of His charge and the Pleasure T/they bring E/each O/other. T/together the T/two will embark on a Journey that will take T/them out of the realms and limits of Society and into the timeless dimensions of the Universe.