tagHumor & SatireAnd The Winner Is...

And The Winner Is...

byrpsuch©

Mr. Stephen King
Rural Road 1
New Hampshire, USA

Dear Mr. King,

My friend Becky said she knew you and I entered this story contest but I didn't win anything so I thought I would send you my story. They didn't even give me any feed back. Could you please criticize it for me? By the way, I learned in my writing class that you should always edit a story before sending it out so I used my spell checker.


The Love of Her Life



Mary had never met anyone like John. He was the love of her life. They were so close he would start her sentences. They were so close that he would sneeze and she would say, "God bless you." They were inseparable like they were stuck together with crazy glue. It was like she was a Pez and he was the dispenser.

She would never forget the day they met. It was at a party at her friend Becky's. Mary was just kind of standing around when she saw this guy just kind of standing around. That was John. They shared a look and then they both wandered over to get a bottle of beer.

There was Stoli, gin, tonic, rum, coke, White Zinfandel, Southern Comfort and Jack Daniels but we both got a beer. He smiled. She smiled. They kind of stood around for a while. Then they started to speak.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," she said.

"I'm John." He held out his hand.

"I'm Mary." She shook his hand.

"How are you?"

"I'm good. How about you?"

"I'm good too." They laughed nervously.

"It's nice in here. It's been really hot out."

"Yeah. Humid too."

"So who do you know? How did you get here? I mean who invited you?"

"Oh, I'm friends with Becky Thatcher," she said enthusiastically. "How about you?"

"Oh, my cousin Jim Jones was dating Becky's cousin's roommate Annie Williams."

"Wow, what an amazing coincidence," she said excitedly.

"Yeah, wow," he gushed.

"What do you do," she asked?

"I'm a baggage checker at the airport," he reported.

"That must be exciting," she enthused.

"What about you," he queried.

"I stock produce at the ACME," she responded.

"Wow. You must have to know a lot to do that kind of stuff, vegetables and all," he said admiringly.

"Yeah, I had to learn a lot of stuff," she confirmed.

"You want to go somewhere and do something," he invited?

I was so excited that my heart leapt into my mouth. I swallowed hard. "That's a great offer. I except kind sir," she agreed.

And so it went. It was a match made in heaven.

They had so much to talk about. And the sex was great. Especially when he would go out drinking with his friends and stop by her place at around 2:30 in the morning stinking drunk. He was so considerate he would always make sure to barf before he got there. And he lasted so much longer when he was drunk.

They loved to watch movies together. They would get together at her place and watch movies. They watched Revenge of The Nerds together a lot because it was there movie on the couch and she would rest her head on his shoulder with his arm around her. They were the perfect couple. Finally, John asked Mary to marry him.

"Mary, would you marry me," he asked.

"Oh, yes," she squealed passionately in the affirmative.

She had so much planning to do because she had always felt that the perfect wedding would have the perfect impact on a marriage and that a bad wedding would have the opposite affect. She was the kind of person that believed in that stuff. She would of been very distraught had she thought it would not be perfect. But she didn't think about it because she was busy thinking about how she would do everything right. She wanted to get her mother Sally involved because she knew her mother would know how to do everything right. And they did do everything right.

The wedding was scheduled for June 9. All the relatives would be attending from both sides. They bought beautiful bouquets of flowers for the tables. They had red roses, white roses, blue and white chrysanthemums, orange lilies, white lilies, purple lilies, red tulips and white tulips. They also had purple forget-me-knots and some orange orchids and white orchids.

The table clothes were white linen. So were the napkins. Each place setting had three silver forks for salad, dinner and dessert. They had water glasses and wine glasses and champagne glasses and a plate of chocolates for the table.

The guests had a choice of chicken or salmon for the entry. Most of them picked the chicken but some chose the salmon. The wedding cake was 3 layer but only the top level was chocolate cake. The bride and groom looked so cute on top of the cake.

Mary loved John so badly she could puke. This was the wedding she had been dreaming about since she was a kid. They got great gifts although they did get four water pitchers and she was going to have to return some of them to get something else she needed. She would have to go to a lot of stores to return all of them. But it was a great wedding anyway.

But all fairy tales have to come to an end and this one was no different. Mary and John got up and said goodbye to all the guests before they left. They said goodbye to their parents and their cousins and their friends and to all the people they didn't know because somebody else had invited them for some reason or other.

This was the best Mary had ever felt in her life. She felt like she could of flown straight to the moon. She felt like her life would be perfect forever.

But as they were walking out of the building to get in their limousine a thunderstorm started to pour and Mary got all wet. Her hair got wet to and it was all messed up and drooping down. Her perfect wedding had turned into a disaster.

Her wedding was ruined but at least she still had John, the love of her life, her sole mate. That is until six months later when she found the son-of-a-bitch screwing his secretary and she shot the rotten bastard.

Yours very sincerely,
Mary Brown
Inmate 39645
Muncie Women's Prison
Muncie, PA

P.S. The girls all said my story is great! They don't understand how I could loose the contest!

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