Antarctica

I knew that she was telling the truth and that made me realise that things were not as straightforward as I had thought. Confusion overwhelmed me. "I can't talk about this now, it needs a great deal of thought and my mind isn't working at all at the moment," I told her, "I'll give you a decision in a day or two but I've absolutely no idea what it will be." With that I got up and left the room.

That night I slept in the spare room. The next day we were civil but I found it unbearable to be in the house faced with my wife's hopeful glances, so I went out and wandered round for most of the day. Late December is not a good time to spend a lot of hours out of doors, even though I was somewhat inured to the cold. The next day I went to the university to the place where I worked. My boss immediately urged me to go home again. He said, "You're not expected back until the middle of February, so why don't you take your wife on holiday somewhere warm, I'm sure you can afford it."

I said that I preferred to work and didn't need any pay but he replied that my temporary replacement was on a year's contract and probably wouldn't like me interfering. I bargained to go in for a few days, to chat to the new chap and learn anything I needed to know before I returned officially. He agreed and I went in on each of the next three days. At home Shelley prepared me some very nice meals but we walked round each other and seldom spoke. During that time, as I contemplated the issue, my mind continually swung first one way and then the other. The only constant was that I still loved my wife.

Many different arguments flooded my mind, some in favour of letting the affair continue and some against. One thing that I had to admit is that if Shelley was going to be unfaithful anyway, I did prefer that it had been with Jeff rather than some other sleazy bastard such as Jack Mann. Her going with Jeff was even better that her being fucked by a load of different men, cheered on by Sylvia.

A powerful argument against letting the affair continue was the question, what man in his right mind would agree to share his wife with a man that she admitted to preferring in bed. Against that he and I had shared women before, (never in a threesome for some reason), but they were not females that we had any real feelings for. But then I always knew that Jeff outgunned me in the sex department and that fact had never bothered me. I knew that I had my own merits which he lacked.

Knowing that Rob had trodden this path before me, I reasoned that his experience might be invaluable in helping me reach a decision. He had said that both of his wife's known infidelities had hurt him but in some ways the one south of the equator was the worst. Back in Derby the affair had been managed discreetly but in the close confines of our quarters everybody had known what was going on and he had found that extremely humiliating. However, on the other hand, during her UK affair he had seldom had any feelings of arousal from it but when he knew that his wife was with her southern hemisphere lover, he had very powerful and not unpleasant erections. His last words to me had been that he was now able to live with it on the basis that her behaviour was due to a flaw Sue's character and not his own shortcomings.

In a comparative analysis, I had one big advantage over Rob in that I had a large measure of control over whether or not Shelley continued to be unfaithful to me where he was totally of the mercy of the whims of his wife.

There was one big question that I could not answer. If Shelley never had sex with anyone other than me again, could I enjoy a truly contented life if I knew she was living with an unsatisfied craving? From another angle, could I ever be certain that they were not continuing to meet and if not wouldn't I be forced to live a life of suspicion? At the end of my mental marathon, these two arguments were the ones left uppermost in my mind.

On the third night when I got home, Shelley announced tearfully, "Jeff wants to talk to you; he'd like you to go round to his place after you've eaten."

"Has he been here?"

"No, he rang me on my mobile."

"Why didn't the sod come here, he knows where I am?"

"He's feeling rotten about what's happened and I think he would rather face you on his own territory."

"I'll bet," I said but no other words were spoken before I found myself knocking on the door to his flat. Hearing the words 'Come in' I pushed open the door and entered. It led straight into the living room and Jeff was standing facing me, about ten feet away. By accident or design he was wearing just a shirt and jogging bottoms with bare feet, that last fact making us more nearly the same size.

"Come and take a poke at me," he invited. "I won't try to duck or retaliate, so make it a good one because I deserve it."

"You are an unmitigated bastard, a total shit," I told him. Jeff cringed under the verbal lashing but didn't respond. "I'm not going to dirty my hands by hitting you, I just want to know why," I said calmly. "I thought of you as a brother."

"Brothers are even more notorious for this kind of betrayal than best friends are."

"So you admit it was a betrayal?"

"Undoubtedly but that wasn't my intention at the start. I honestly thought I was looking after your best interests."

"You thought you were acting in my best interests by fucking my wife," I repeated incredulously. "Pray do explain."

"It's rather a long story so can I get you a drink, beer or whiskey?"

"I think I'm going to need something but you better make that a beer, I am driving," I said, walking forward to sit uninvited in the armchair.

When we both had bottles in our hands Jeff began, "At the start I was being the dutiful friend doing all that you asked and spending a lot of hours with Shelley talking about everything under the sun. The only topic that was never mentioned was sex and how much she was missing you in that way. Even so, after a few months, I could recognise the build up of sexual hunger. It's in the eyes; both you and I know the signs. Even more worrying was the way she kept glancing at my groin. So I asked how she was doing without you in her bed.

Jeff paused to light a cigarette. "She said she was missing it even more than she expected. At first her sex toys helped but then something happened to her favourite dildo and it stopped working. She thought she'd probably been using it too much. Well I offered to see if I could repair it and if not I would try to get her a replacement. The fault was electrical and I was lost with that so I treated her to an expensive all singing all dancing version at the sex shop. That seemed to do the trick because the next few times that I called she seemed far more composed."

My one time friend became noticeably uncomfortable at this point and I guessed it was getting near to the sexual activity. "Then on one visit on a Saturday afternoon, Shelley was very excited as she told me that she was going clubbing that evening with Sylvia. Well that Sylvia is a right little tart and I knew that she would like nothing better than lead your wife astray. That set alarm bells ringing so I found out the name of the club they were going to and that night I went to the same place and hovered in the background to keep an eye on things. They were late arriving and at first I worried they had gone somewhere else but when they did turn up I could hardly recognise your wife. "

Thus far I had remained silent but now I had to ask what was different about her. "For a start she was dolled up very revealing clothes of a kind I have never seen her wear before, I suspect they were borrowed from Sylvia and on top of that it was pretty obvious that she had already had quite a lot to drink. When they got on the floor, every male in the place could immediately tell she was up for it. Within seconds they were round her like flies and Jack Mann was leading the pack. With almost all of those glorious legs on show, who could blame them? You remember Jack Mann? He used to call himself 'The man' and with some justification because the bastard was a pussy magnet. The trouble is that the guy is a real sleaze ball and every one of his conquests ended up feeling used when he dropped her. You would think that kind of reputation would soon get around but it didn't seem to lessen the flow of silly females eager to fall into his clutches."

At this point Jeff needed another drink but this time he skipped beer and tipped a generous splash of whiskey into a glass. He held the bottle up to me but I declined. Continuing, Jeff said, "Soon Jack had cut out all the other contenders and he and Shelley were dirty dancing, he was groping her at every opportunity and she wasn't making the slightest objection. It was only going to end up one way and I couldn't bear the thought of Jack's filthy hands all over her so I intervened, grabbed Shelley's arm and told her that I was getting out of there. Jack wasn't at all pleased but he knew who I was and he backed off. I got her into a taxi and took her home."

"Then what happened," I asked. I hadn't intended to speak but the words seemed to come out of their own volition.

"I got her onto the settee and then went to make two coffees but by the time I got back with the mugs she was either asleep or passed out. I put the mugs on the floor and placed my hand on her thigh just above the knee hoping to rouse her but her legs sprang wide open as if on a spring exposing her panties in the process. They were wet through and even from that position I could feel the warmth radiating from her cunt. It was the first time I fully realised what the expression 'a female in heat' really means. Just at that moment, Shelley's eyes came open; she held out her arms and said 'Please'. Alan I'm only human. It was very obvious that she was going to get fucked by someone before you got home, so I convinced myself it was better me than Jack Mann or any of the other lecherous bastards out there. I knew it wouldn't be a one off because she would need 'topping up' again before Xmas, I thought it might happen up to half a dozen times at most but that isn't the way it turned out and I'm sorry."

"You are a fucking self centred swine; just the sight of you offends me," I told him angrily, "Just saying 'sorry' isn't enough. I can't understand how I could have thought you were a pretty decent guy for so long."

"I've no defence," he said, "I don't blame myself for the first time because I would have needed to be an iron man to resist and I could even excuse doing it a handful of times but the way I carried on was totally wrong. What makes it worse was that I started enjoying the wrongness, fucking your wife almost every night and actually taking pleasure in the fact that you were stuck on the opposite side of the world and didn't have a clue."

"If you were aware it was so wrong then why didn't you stop? I'm sure you used to have better instincts at one time."

"It's only since you got home that I've fully realised, I hadn't tried putting myself in your shoes before and now I'm utterly disgusted with myself. It's less than three weeks since we stopped and I'm already going out of my mind so I'll never know how you managed for so many months without going crazy."

I could see how it all happened very easily. However I could not think of anything to say because my mind was too full of images to formulate words. After must have been several minutes of silence, Jeff said, "The irony is that but for a quirk of fate our positions might have been reversed, I could be sitting where you are and you could be over here."

"How the fuck do you make that out?" I asked sharply, feeling a renewed surge of anger.

"Remember when we picked up Shelley and Claire that first night, Shelley was the one I fancied, mainly because of those legs and when the four of us were loosely dancing together, she and I seemed to click. I thought the pairings had been decided but when I got back from the bar with the drinks, you were sitting with Shelley. If you had gone for the drinks we would have finished up the other way round. At the time I thought it would be a one night thing, a couple of weeks at the most, so I decided to let you end up with the chick for a change. If I had even dreamed how things would pan out I would have given you competition from the start."

He smiled sadly. "Just imagine, if I had been the one to win Shelley then I would be the one who bought a house and you would have made do in rented accommodation. It would have been me with the mortgage problems, me who had to live for a year at the bottom of the world and it would have been me sitting where you are right now, deciding whether or not to kill me." He paused and then said, "You're the one the one that Shelley loves. Despite what I have just said, I never had any intention of trying to take her away from you and I still don't. You've got to believe that."

This was the natural lead in to discussing Shelley's statement that she wanted to carry on seeing Jeff but I just couldn't do it. Standing I said, "I'm not sure if I ever want to see you again but in tribute to our past friendship I will shake your hand." Jeff leapt forward to take advantage of that small generosity and I then left without another word being spoken.

When I got home Shelley looked anxiously up at me. "What happened?"

"We didn't fight it that's what you mean. He got me a drink and we talked."

"What about?"

"We talked about you and what happened while I was away."

"What was said exactly?"

I knew that she was desperate to know if her desire for continued contact had been mentioned. "I told him that I never wanted to ever see him again, if that answers your question," I said.

"But."

"I know what you want and I'm still considering it," I told her, "But one thing is certain, if I do agree to you continuing to see him, it will be a matter of you going to his place because I definitely don't ever want him in this house again. You should expect my answer to be No, at the moment I think you're lucky that I'm not talking about divorce."

With an effort Shelley suppressed her disappointment and asked, "Then what did you talk about?"

"I told him that he was an unscrupulous bastard."

"He wasn't the only one to blame, I think I was possibly worse that he was."

"He told me that he actually revelled in the fact that you were cheating with him behind my back, did you feel the same way?"

"No I certainly didn't, I was always ashamed at what I was doing and kept trying to stop but every time I got to the point of telling him he must leave, I always put it off until the next day. By the end I had even stopped trying."

"I believe you," I said, "The trouble is that I believe him as well."

Shelley allowed my remark to hang in the air for a moment and then asked, "Was anything else said?"

"Jeff claimed that had we paired off differently that very first night, then he would have been the one you married and our positions would now be reversed."

"He's mistaken," my wife stated categorically. "Whatever had happened I would never have married him. I'll admit that first night I would have been happy to pair with him and was a bit disappointed when it didn't turn out that way but I was very soon glad that it did. For a start, as you now know, his character isn't a patch on yours. I can fully understand why he can't seem to hang on to a girl for longer that a couple of years. I've always been fond of Jeff and this past year hasn't changed that either way but I could never love him the way that I love you. He just isn't as lovable as you but perhaps that's why he is better in bed."

Her closing remark failed to make me feel any better, so I went up to my solitary bed. The next day I found it difficult to stay in the house faced with Shelley's hopeful looks so I took to spending some hours in the pub. It was plain from her tormented face that she was torn between loving me and wanting him and I knew that I might very easily capitulate just to bring a smile back to her lovely face. The last night I spotted Jeff drinking at the bar but I deliberately avoided him and took my drink to a table. Less than a minute later he sat down opposite me and it was obvious that he had been imbibing for a while.

"I can't see why you won't agree to me sleeping with Shelley occasionally," he blurted out the moment he was seated. "After all the sex she and I have had this year what difference will a few more times make? I love her as well you know. I don't want to take her away from you but I do need to touch her sometimes."

"When I was in the Antarctic I was unaware of what was happening and when I got home it was in the past but can you imagine how I would feel watching her set off, knowing that she was going to spend the night in bed in bed with you?"

"It doesn't have to be all night."

"Makes no difference it's the knowing that matters."

Jeff suddenly seemed almost sober as he said quietly, "I can actually imagine very easily how you will feel because it is exactly how I've felt whenever I've been together with the pair of you, ever since you got married and even before. I was always tormented by the knowledge that she would end the evening lying naked beside you and not me and it didn't make a blind bit of difference whether I had a girl of my own at the time or not. I've spent years looking for a Shelley of my own, why do you think I can never spend more than two years with any woman?"

I stood up and told him, "Come round to the house at eight o'clock tomorrow evening, I think I've decided."

Jeff rang the bell and entered without speaking when I opened the door. I took him into the living room and sat him in one of the armchairs, then after handing out pre-prepared drinks I deliberately seated myself by Shelley's side on the settee facing him. Before I had chance to speak Jeff said, "Please can I say this first, if you decide that you can't allow me to keep seeing your wife occasionally then I'll leave the area and go to live in some distant part of the country or even abroad. Otherwise, I know I will try to keep seeing Shelley behind your back and I think she could find that hard to resist. The only honourable thing to do will be to remove myself from temptation completely."

"I don't think I can let you do that," I said, "You're whole life is here, family, job, friends, in fact everything you know. It's too much of a sacrifice."

"Then what do you suggest?"

"I could be tempted to agree to what you both seem to want but there's one big issue stopping me." I paused to observe his face before saying, "Just before we got into financial trouble, Shelley and I were talking about starting a family. That is what I want to do now because I think that a baby will give stability and something else to focus on but her coming off the pill isn't an option if you are having sex with her as well as me."

With a more hopeful look on his face, Jeff offered, "I can promise to always wear a condom."

I shook my head. "That's not good enough. I have to consider heat of the moment and accidents."

"Then I'll have a vasectomy."

"If only for our past friendship, I can't allow you to do that either because you could easily bitterly regret having taken such drastic action in the years to come."

My ex friends shoulders slumped. "Then I don't know the answer," he said helplessly.

"I've been giving a lot of thought to this, in fact I've though of nothing else for the past few days, "I said. "This is what I've decided. You and my wife can continue to have sex together but with rather harsh conditions. I think it likely to take up to six months for Shelley to fall pregnant and you and she can't be together during that time. In fact I intend to double the length of your exclusion because I've just suffered a year of hell and I don't see why you shouldn't do the same. I want both of you to promise that that you won't meet or contact each other during that time but if you succeed in getting through the year then you can start spending the night together every other Friday."