Arms of Steel: The Lost Crusade

"Great speculation, and the last one you will ever make. With a touch of this gem, I will cast your spirit to Hell. Then I will be Sir Athelstane, and lead the other Oath-Bound Men into a trap. And then, I will keep the ring for myself, and the Knights Templar. Why give it to the Brahma-Rishi when I could enjoy the beautiful Princess of yours?" Sir Cadiér tapped the gem with his finger.

Nothing happened. Sir Cadiér tapped again. And again. He felt the shadow of Sir Athelstane's immense body fall over him, the Saxon's waist the same size as his arms, his eyes only reaching the underside of Sir Athelstane's pecs. The Norman's testicles withered into his body and his dick felt as if it was the size of a raisin. Sir Cadiér felt frail and small. He realized he had been tricked.

"The Princess had the palace smith make a false ring to decoy the traitor into stealing it and revealing his identity."

The Norman drew his sword, and his arms shook in desperation like a cornered rat. Sir Athelstane drew his with a far deeper slither sound, and with a flick of his wrist twirled the pointy-bearded Norman's sword from his hand and sent it flying pointfirst, where it buried into the wooden planks of the wall.

Sir Athelstane sheathed his sword. With a pantherlike lunge, he grasped both of Sir Caudiér's wrists, the Saxon's hands the size of the Templar's forearms. Sir Athelstane lifted him three feet above the ground, the Norman's legs kicking helplessly at the air below, held as helplessly as a mouse in the paws of a huge cat. With an effortless pull, Sir Athelstane ripped both of the Norman's arms from their sockets as if they had been turkey legs. Sir Caudiér's howl could be heard from one end of the city to the other. Sir Athelstane tossed both the twitching, red-blood covered arms aside. Sir Caudiér yielded to the pain and shut his eyes.

The great Saxon walked out from the pagoda and removed the true ring from his purse. The surrounding Oath-Bound Men gathered about him like a magnet.

"It will be dawn in a few moments. With the sun, we will fly out with the wings of Asia. Come, to the top of the palace! We will leap from the roof and fly for honor and to save the Princess!" The Oath-Bound raised their steel gauntleted fists up with a cheer.

"Bravo, lad! I couldn't have said it better myself." Teddy Roosevelt hammishly tried on his great yellow and black bee-cloak, with an operatic flourish.

There was a rustle of paper as the Oath-Bound Men and Sir Athelstane carried their modified, enormous, unwieldy kites to the top of the Maharaja's palace. The frosty white, craggy mountains rose to such heights they could see the clouds from the other side, covering thin greenish valleys.

"Sir, however are we to find the blasted floating sky city?" Sir Gavin the Hunchback asked.

"It's quite simple, Sir Gavin. Remember how the sky city seemed to come from nowhere on the east city wall and left us unprepared and defenseless? How is it possible to hide a city of that size, no matter how fast it can move? It was morning on that day, and they came in from the East."

"I do not follow you, my Liege." The hunchback said.

"Don't you see? That is how something as huge as the sky city comes and goes undetected: it follows a direct path from the sun and hides in it! So, by following the sun as it rises, it will take us directly to the sky city and the Princess Erzhad."

The hunchback's merry, handsome face grinned. "Truly, you are wise as well as strong, Sir Athelstane."

Sir Athelstane wondered about this. It seems the longer he spent in this body, the more its capacities passed to him. He had Sir Athelstane's skill with the sword (the Norman was helpless against him), though it did not register because of the danger. And now it seems, his great intelligence was also his. He wondered what the Princess Erzhad would think of her Sir Sigurd as a lover that was her mental equal!

"Let us hope that is enough. For Chivalry! For Glory! For the Princess!" He cried as he ran and leaped off the roof clutching the iron bar between his hands.

He felt a lurch in his body, as the wind rushed over the surface of the kite and buoyantly pushed it upward and aloft. Sir Athelstane gazed below at the deep canyons made by Bhopala's temples and watched as it all slipped before him, until the stone of the streets and the glow of torches became the dark frosty white fanglike surface of the mountains. With a grip on his bar, Sir Athelstane guided his kite to the gold sliver-glimmer that was the rising sun as true as an arrow.

He looked behind him. Teddy Roosevelt laughed, hooted and cheered, his giant grin never faded.

In time, the men could make out a dark shadow, a speck in the gold light. "It is the sky city! Light your fireworks!" Sir Athelstane shouted. He carefully brought a torch to either end of his kite. There was a loud pop, as a trail of sparkling, colored lights burst from each rocket, and the kite ascended, climbing yard by yard into the welkin until the enormous sky city lay before them with its spires, pagodas, and brass onion-domes. The firecracker-powered kites soared like a flock of giant birds between the canyons of its buildings.

There was a sickening sound like a smashing of wood and crushing of paper. Sir Athelstane turned and saw one of the kites had turned and collided against air as if it was a wall, only to dangle in flight, the men splayed and floated in mid-air, screaming for aid like a bug on a glass window.

Again and again, he saw another crackup and heard a scuttle and scratching sound like millions of insects. From the minarets and spires emerged giant tarantulas the size of horses. Sir Athelstane saw a thin, wispy, almost transparent strand before he too, crashed into air, his powerful limbs stuck like glue to thin strands, imprisoned in a spider's web. And worse, he could feel the web strands shake with the great weight of the giant spider above him. He could see the spider's hairy mandibles rub against each other; he could see its eight black eyes and the yellowish glow of the slave-stone between them. He could feel its spittle fall on his forehead.

Sir Athelstane tugged his arms against the web with all his strength, and with a strain and rise of his immense bicep that rose up like a mountain peak, with a loud plink he pulled his immense limb free. Grasping the torch he used to light the fireworks, he pressed it against the wire of the spider's web. It took to flames as if it had been covered with gasoline. Sir Athelstane grabbed one strong wire and use it to swing his immense body acrobatically with the dexterity of a great ape in a half-circle arc, his feet landing on the top of an obelisk forty feet in the air over the city.

He saw not one of the Oath-Bound Men's kites were still in the air. His plan had failed...and his men were to be food for the giant tarantulas. And it did not seem at all as if the Brahma-Rishi's bag of tricks was anywhere near exhausted. Worse, without the kites, there was no way of leaving the Sky City.

Sir Athelstane heard a familiar series of curses below him. It was Teddy Roosevelt, who, with limbs immobile in the sticky web, spat his defiance at his captor straight in the eyes. Sir Athelstane raised Witchslayer above his head, and leapt down, the blade's length slashed the wire below it as if it was cloth. With one arm, he wrenched Roosevelt free, and placed the big man's mighty body on one of his brawny wide, bowling ball sized shoulders as if the President weighed as little as a toddler. He took a snapped web strand and slid down to the sky city's streets. Teddy landed on his feet.

"Smashing, son! Simply grand! Why I haven't had this excellent of a time since I was shooting big game in Africa. What strength you have! Why, we could have used you when we were building the Panama Canal, that's for certain! You could haul a ship singlehanded!" Teddy Roosevelt raised his elephant gun, and fired a bullet that left a hole in between the eyes of the tarantula. It fell upside down on the ground, its eight hairy legs contracted and squeezed for several moments in the air. Teddy reloaded and removed a couple of shots from the bandoliers about his shoulders.

"I wish I shared your good humor, Teddy, but it seems the rescue attempt has failed. That villain has captured my men, we have no idea where the Princess is, and we have no way down."

"Nonsense, my boy! There's still the two of us. Where there's a will, there's a way. Though I would love to see that sweet young petticoat, Dame Von Eisenbach, again."

"And I my Princess Erzhad." At that, Sir Athelstane could feel his ring buzz and glow. In some indefinable way, he could feel the ring cry 'this way. This way. This way.'

"Come, Teddy – this way!" The blond hunk said, the ring on his finger moved almost by itself like a divining rod. The pair dashed through the sky city streets.

Their path was blocked by bald men with tattoos like those of Black Scorpions. "The Brahma-Rishi's Brahmin and Yogis! Quickly, Sir Teddy, the gems on their foreheads, they are slave-stones that keep them in thrall!"

Teddy Roosevelt and Sir Athelstane stood back pressed against back, the giant Sir Athelstane towering over him by two and a half feet, the pair looked like toy soldiers of two different scales. Sir Athelstane swung his sword Witchslayer, while Teddy's elephant gun roared with belly-busting shells. Sir Athelstane's giant blade whizzed as fast as a thin rapier, and acted as a shield of steel that blocked the black scorpion-tattoed men's daggers. Witchslayer was true to its name: the slightest scratch or prick from it on the skin of the magic-users, and they collapsed to the ground deathly pale and dead.

The two great warriors were ankle deep in blood and knee-deep in corpses as they ran up a series of stairs to a giant gold-gilded roofed pagoda. All the while Teddy Roosevelt laughed his battle laugh.

A gate wide enough to permit four elephants barred their path. Sir Athelstane sheathed Witchslayer and grasped the bars of the gate. The metal oozed between his fist like squeezing a lump of wet clay; his barrel-thick forearms exploded, and his biceps flexed with a tear across his fragile sleeves, and caused his mail to become thin and rings to snap like weak chains. Sir Athelstane grunted and hoisted the entire thirty-foot wide gate above his head like a cutter ant holds a leaf many times its size. The Saxon ripped the gate free and hurled it with a smash that crushed the front of a building to the side. He could feel the blood trickle to his now-stiff dick that stretched down his thigh, its head at his knees.

For once, Teddy Roosevelt was stunned into silence. He needed to be nudged in order to run in.

The Brahma-Rishi's baleful, satanic eyes greeted them, surrounded by jade statues of Eastern dragons. The Princess lay against a wall, chained with gold fetters. Propped up on the wall was an immense spear as thick as a column, three times the height of a tall man, its barbed point was covered with a substance that looked as if molten gold had been poured on its head and left to cool.

"Sir Athelstane!" The Princess cried.

"Good to see you in the flesh for the first time, Christian. I see you brought a great King from the Dreamtime to help you. But it will avail you naught. For I recovered from the Dreamtime the Zeus-Slayer Spear, which was used to stab Indra-Zeus when he rebelled against the gods of India. That gold you see on it is his blood. Now, at my command, the spear will tear through you with such force you would be destroyed as if by a nuclear blast, though I doubt you know what that is. The Mushroom Cloud would destroy this entire city, including your Princess Erzhad. I mean what I say when I want the ring. I believe in reincarnation, Sir Athelstane...do you?"

"Talk about walking softly and carry a big stick! He bluffs, Sir Athelstane. I say we charge him, the way my Rough Riders charged San Juan Hill!" Teddy Roosevelt said.

"No, he isn't. The Brahma-Rishi is powerful enough I doubt he needs to bluff. My Oath-Bound Knights are your prisoners. Fine, Brahma-Rishi, you win."

The princess rattled her chains. "Do not give it to him, Sir Athelstane! I would gladly die a million deaths than let him have it! I swear to you, Brahma-Rishi, if you harm my love, I will hunt you down through a thousand incarnations..."

Sir Athelstane removed the ring from his pocket. Sight unseen to the others, he held it to his wide back and bashed its diamond-head against one of the jade dragon statues until he had cracked a flaw in the glasslike gem. He extended his hand and gave the ring to the Brahma-Rishi, who snatched it up greedily.

"Soon, I will be invincible!" He donned the ring and tapped its gem. Light poured from its crack. A queer look entered the Brahma Rishi's eye and he began to laugh, tossing his head back, his eyes unaware of his surroundings, drool frothing at the side of his mouth.

"Great heavens! The ring's driven him mad!" Teddy cried.

The entire sky city spun like a top and Sir Athelstane and Teddy Roosevelt were flung against the wall with centrifugal force, the sheer iron mass of the Saxon's body such that the wall cracked and shattered, his body unmarked without a bruise. The Brahma-Rishi stood in the center and cackled unmoving as the center spoke of a wheel.

Teddy Roosevelt reached with all his strength at his gun, his body pressed against the speeding walls. He was beginning to black out. His fingers touched his gun, and it a moment it was in his hand again. With a shot from the hip, it struck the gem on the Brahma-Rishi's forehead and dislodged it. The motion of the city stopped, and Teddy and Sir Athelstane were tossed as if by an angry horse. Teddy reached and grabbed the stone, placing it to his own forehead.

"Teddy! Command the tarantulas to release the Oath-Bound Men."

"In a jiffy! You sure did hornswaggle that villain with that trick, Sir Athelstane." Teddy Roosevelt said.

"Aye. I thought to deliver this stroke in revenge, but instead I deliver it in mercy." The Saxon swung Witchslayer and lightly pricked the side of the wizard's face. It was enough to cause his eyes to roll back and his body to fall to the ground like a marionette whose strings had been cut.

Sir Athelstane dashed to the feet of the Princess Erzhad. He wrapped his powerful arms around her tightly. The Princess wriggled and squealed in his grip.

"Please, I can hardly breathe!" She cried.

"My Diana, I love you. I wish to take you back to Europe with me. As my wife." Sir Athelstane said, as he deeply kissed her, his huge strong tongue filled her mouth so completely that her gag reflex almost kicked in, the muscle wriggling inside, as if he was eating her. The Princess shuddered.

"I would like to see the world outside Rupalistan. Yes, yes I will! There's still the matter of the chains that only one pure of heart can break."

Sir Athelstane for a moment looked about for someone else, before grasping the gold metal. To his surprise the links severed and tore as easily as runny butter. The manacles on the Princess's wrists evaporated as if they had been but wisps of smoke.

The Princess Erzhad extended her arms and wrapped her arms about Sir Athelstane's huge shoulders. She kissed the Saxon's enormous biceps, leaving dark lipstick all over their enormous rounded surface.

They were interrupted by the deep laughter of Teddy Roosevelt. "Reuniting the lovers together, this is the best part of all. Smashing, I say. Simply smashing!"

"Teddy, without you today would be lost. Will you not join us for the victory party?" Sir Athelstane said.

"Of course, good sir! But afterward, I regret to say I must return to the Dreamtime. Incidentally, this gem here controls the motion of the city. I think I'll use it to take myself back to the...other world. One day I'll be free, but not today."

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

For those interested in a further account, it is believed that the Princess Erzhad returned with Sir Athelstane to Europe as his bride, where they built Castle Eichinger in modern Austria. The location gave the name to the family of von Eichinger, later shortened to Eichinger in the 19th Century. Supposedly immortal, one sensationalist account suggests Sir Athelstane died at the Viennese court in the mid-1400s, shortly after meeting a young Nostradamus. It was as if he passed just as the Middle Ages did. The broken ring, and the sword Witchslayer, were both possessions of the von Eichingers until the 1930s, when both were seized by the Nazis as "state property."

Though Witchslayer was eventually returned, the broken ring was not, and its current whereabouts are unknown.

This manuscript was discovered in the walls at Castle Eichinger in the late 1920s, during a renovation. I'd like to give a special thanks to the current Count Eichinger for allowing this translation/interpretation, as well as the personal assistance of Laura Eichinger in Vienna. It is not a perfect translation, and has a great deal of anachronism to be comprehensible and interesting to the modern reader.

As for the nation of Rupalistan, the "Land of Dragons" is only now entering the modern world after decades of isolation, its primary industry being ecotourism. The Royal Palace at Bhopala was wired for internet access in 2006. Six of the ten tallest unclimbed mountains in the world are in Rupalistan.