As The Petals Fall

Chapter One:

January 18th, 1964

The sky over the hills held the color of amber rose as Vixen looked out the front window of her apartment. She placed a hand on her hip, leaning her side into the wall as she assessed the towering structures stretching up high across from her building. As her finger set on her lip, she traced around it, pondering the sullen thoughts inside her head. Colorado was always beautiful this time of year. With fall & winter there came a cool breeze that often lingered for the entire season. It constituted one of the few times she really appreciated living there. The reflection of the sunset made it seem even more magnanimous as it beamed off of the glass framed buildings, sending a shimmer of light throughout the darkening city.

A week ago, that same color, mixed with the seasonal chill in the brisk air would have brought a small smile to her lips. It would have served as a reminder that somewhere out there in that great big world; so highly visible from her seven story walk up. Someone yearned for her.

It may have even made her blush with the thought. "Gorgeous." She would have said softly.

But not today. Today, there was no joy, or smiling. None at all. No soft redness of crimson to lift her spirits as it radiated through her cheeks.

Vixen removed her hand from her lip, only to place it onto the curtains hanging neatly beside the glass. Deep in thought, she began to finger with the seams of the heavy fabric.

This was not right. She felt completely alone, and that was not a place she liked to visit too often. As the sun continued to set beyond the hustle & bustle of the city, it seemed to trap her tonight. She knew that no matter where she went, there was no place she could go where she could escape her own mind. Besides, running away from things was never her forte`.

Taking her hand from the curtain, Vixen turned from the window. "To Hell with it." she thought bitterly. "To Hell with him...To Hell with it all." Tying a silk headscarf to rest over top of her spirals, she drew nearer to the couch inside her small apartment, she couldn't help but to feel increasingly agitated as the realization came to mind that in her twenty-one years of life, she had only taken this kind of risk once before, and the fact that she had actually trusted she wouldn't get hurt this time, was what really egged her the most.

Angered by the thought, she began searching her sofa for the small paper box that meant easy comfort.

"C'mon, where are you ya damn thing." she grumbled at herself in frustration, her hands seemed to search more sporadically the more annoyed she got. A few stray curls escaped her bandanna, splaying over the roses that were artfully stitched into it's design. They came to rest beside her cheeks, irritating her more. Finally, she felt her anger bubble back down as her fingers traced over something small wedged in the crack. "Hah!" Picking one of the cigarettes' from her pack, she placed it to her lips and set it aflame. "Victory." she muttered sarcastically to herself, trying ever so hard to blur the hateful thoughts that just kept drawing to mind. She'd been through heart aches before, and not necessarily from men alone. She even came to expect it over the years. So much ,in fact, that she now felt immune. It was nothing new to her. So why was she so pissed at the fact that another one had fucked it all up?

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that this man wasn't just "another one" come and gone from her life. This man, was a friend, and a longtime one at that. Beginning a slow pace around her living room, she ranted on to herself as she puffed down nicotine. "How could he do that to me?! After knowing me this long; After all he's seen me go through...Hell, after all we've gone through together! How could somebody just say 'screw it' after all that, not only to a lover, but to someone they supposedly care for in general?" So many questions raced. To her, it just didn't add up. Sure, Vixen would agree that trying to turn an old friendship into a new romance wasn't an easy transition to make. She would also agree that dating a friend at all wasn't the smartest move in the world either, especially given the fact that this in particular friend wasn't even supposed to be associating with her to start with. Normally, that would be a huge No-No in her personal rule book.

It had been a while since the last time she'd felt crazy enough to jump on the stupid train, but with him, it was as if he blew a whistle only she could hear, calling her to catch the ride. Vixen couldn't help but to conceive the idea that she'd be more than willing to try, especially if he was the conductor.

It seemed she could never escape the rush of feelings that were brought on whenever he came around. Soon enough, she became addicted to it. As time passed, those undeniable feelings turned into an undeniable want, then slowly but surely, that undeniable want turned to an unquestionable need. No matter how hard she fought it internally, she only craved him more and more. She just couldn't help herself. And recently, it became clear that she was not alone in that.

Even at the beginning of the five years they had known each other, she couldn't help but feel her heart leap with excitement whenever Gregory Barrot's gaze turned upon her, or for that matter, escape the agonizing feeling of jealousy when it did not. Who was she kidding? By the end of year one, she was hooked. If not by the first day or two. As soon as he walked through her doorstep in all of his muscular, 'brown-haired blue-eyed' perfection asking to use a phone after a breakdown on the wrong side of town, it would be fair to say that she immediately felt there was some sort of a difference in him compared to other guys or even people in general that she had met in her time.

As much as she would try to convince herself otherwise, she just couldn't conquer the rush of lust and emotion that would hit her when they touched, even the slightest bit. The warm twinge that arose in her gut when his intense blue pools met her almond haze never ceased to send a shockwave down to the unmentionable places quivering inside her body. There was no hiding from herself the feeling that every time he'd reach for a hug goodbye, she'd secretly be hoping that hug would turn into a kiss. In a lot of ways, it felt a lot like what most people would call 'love'. Only thing was, she didn't believe in love. Or at least, love never believed in her. To Vixen, love was just a silly game people played that always ended up putting one or the other into tears, and after all she'd be through in life alone, that was something she definitely wanted no part in.

"No thank you. You can keep all that." She'd kid whenever a friend would tease her about the possibility of becoming serious with someone. Then, after getting in a quick laugh, she'd finish off with "Just leave the fun parts for me."; Following the line with a wink.

"You're hopeless Vix." They would jokingly retaliate. "We'll find out who has the last laugh about it. Just wait, one day, one day it'll happen. And when it does we'll be laughing our asses off with I-told-you-so's."

As it would turn out, the joke was on them.

Now that she had actually considered becoming an item with someone, she wasn't laughing at all, and neither was anybody else. In fact, she wished she'd never consider it at all, especially not with him.

Yet she just couldn't manage to get the stupid memories out of her head. She would rather die than admit it to anyone, but secretly, inside herself, she didn't want to. Instead, she didn't fail to keep tracing them over and over in her brain, hoping to somehow engrave them in, and at the same time, scratch them out of the cold stone on which they were written. She remembered the way it felt when he held her. Like it was their own little bubble where the outside world was banned from contact. There was one memory in particular she just couldn't shake, one of her favorites.

-The sun shone brightly through sheer white curtains as sunrise kissed the tangled parts of their skin, swirling them together like a mix of caramel and honey milk. It danced upon their hair, lighting up the room, along with any possible darkness that still lingered.

It was an absolutely picturesque scene. Everything was so beautiful, and her eyes weren't even open yet.

"How could a single moment have such a stupid lasting impact?" Vixen wondered while thinking of this.

She remembered the intense, tingly feeling that rose within her body as she felt the point of something touch her lower backside, and how it only grew hotter when she instinctively pressed back against it. Around her waist, a firm yet tender grip tightened, bringing her closer to an embodiment that felt to her more like a warm, strong wall rather than another human physique. It all felt so good. Her eyes fought to keep closed, to make the moment last a little longer, just a smidge more, and she would be contented.

Another rush of delicious warmth ran through the lower part of her body as she felt Greg's frame press close to hers once again, this time a bit more powerfully, hinting at desire inside the action. Leaning his head in a tad closer, he planted a kiss on her shoulder that set all her senses on high, sending a heat wave of arousing shivers rushing down her spine. It seemed to be bring out a sort of animistic quality in her femininity that she had never experienced before, not like this anyway.

Normally, she wouldn't have let herself get all wrapped up in one feeling for too long. That was dangerous. That's the thing that sucks about feelings that nobody tells you, but everybody knows. Feelings are just that, feelings. And they can always get hurt. She realized this.

But yet she found herself yearning to bathe in the luscious feeling of his manhood pressed against her. She wanted to wrap herself up in the ribbons of ecstasy he gave her, and stay there forever.

She turned herself over, looking to face him. The sun shot into her hazel gaze, momentarily blinding her before catching itself on her normally dark curls. As she moved, the rays brought to light a crisp auburn touch in the spiral strands that seemed to match the autumn scenery outside.

When her vision returned, she'd never be more glad for the sight that lay before her.

All muscle, all men, all hers...Or so she thought.

She shook her head as another pointless memento of their time together entered her thinking space...

"I'm sorry Vix. I really am. I just....I didn't mean for things to get this far. You know that as well as I do right?" Gregory's words, though meant innocently, came harsh to Vixen's ears. No, they hadn't meant for things to go this far, but they had. Now they had that nagging question to answer; what was to come next? What did she want anyway? It's not like they were 'destined' or something of that nature. In her mind, they were just two friends who happened to be attracted to one another...On a not-so-safe level. With times being the as hard as they were now, what was she even thinking? Women of color were already dealt with the short end of the stick in life, and being a woman of mixed race didn't make things any easier. As a matter of fact, it actually tended to make them worse, but here she was, willing to tip the scale even lower over this man, a white man.

She pondered that thought for a moment, silently wondering, for what seemed like the billionth time in her existence, what it was that made the whites so hateful towards them. What was it hid under their skin that was so exquisite they were under the impression it would melt away if they touched? Shrugging away the irrelevant questions, she tried to focus herself. In the reality she was living in, it was impossible.

That was her problem, never ceasing to go beyond boarders, believing there was a silver lining in every situation. It's how she got by in life. However, Vixen was also a realist, and the last time she believed in a true 'happily ever after' ending, she was eight.

They'd meet up behind closed doors....they'd meet up behind those doors a few times...And it just so happens that what took place behind those doors was deemed obscene by most in the outside world. So what? Vixen crossed her arms around her torso looking him up and down. She may not have had the most experience in dealing with relationships of this nature, but they had hooked up, more than once...More than twice, and regardless of whether it was intended to come this far or not, she had a feeling that that meant something.

"Look at Vix, I love ya, I really do...But what are we doin' right now? Can you really see it goin' any farther than this?" His hand gestured at the space between them, temporarily filling the gap; A grieving look permeating his demeanor.

Vixen tried in vain to not mirror the look back at him, but this was just way too much right now. What was she thinking, of course this moment was bound to occur. So it was high time to wake up from that all-to perfect dream and accept the cold reality that lay before her. Bringing her eyebrows to rest calmly above her almond shaped eyes, her face went hard, her normally stunning caramel-brown features tight with remorse. She even managed to raise one brow a bit higher than the other, giving off a signature look that was used, often on a daily basis, to get by in society.

Even as a child, it didn't take Vixen long to realize that public life wasn't particularly comfortable when she was hated by the majority of the population on contact. As she grew, she also realized that it might be wise to have a primary defense.

The book read, among other things, all strength and fierce independence. And she meant it.

She didn't need any of this. And come Hell or High water, she would let him know that. Where she came from, Vixen Virginia Wright did the heartbreaking, not him. He wanted to break it off (whatever 'it' was), fine, it was off. Hell, she'd even beat him to the punch. But she would be damn sure to let him in on her side of the story line as well.

"I don't know." She began. "I have no idea where any of this is going, or if it's even going anywhere at all for you. Maybe we should've never acknowledged whatever it is between us Greg. That's obviously what you wish." She paused, a bit of hurt welling her throat, causing her voice to waver the tiniest bit.

Pushing it back, she continued on. "But I'll tell you one thing, I, for one, have never been happier than when this whole thing started." Vixen couldn't believe the words had come from her own lips as Greg's face took on a different feature, a look of surprise. Deciding that maybe her heart was onto something for once, she elaborated.

"Gregory, Tell me something. Just one thing, then I'm through with all this... If you had the chance to go back, meeting me, our friendship, the affairs, does all of it over again...Would you?"

Greg looked at her with a conflicted expression, his saddened gaze communicating all that his mouth couldn't find the words to say.

Tears brimmed the exit areas of Vixen's eyes.

Even if he said yes to a certain situation over another, if the question had been asked to her, she wouldn't have had to pause that long. With her voice on the edge of tittering again, she parted her lips to speak. Only, he spoke first.

"None of it." With Greg's gaze locked firmly on the ground, his facial expression held an array of emotions, but not one that implicated a lie.

Vixen felt her heart stop as it was ripped from her torso. Until now she found it difficult to believe that she could grow any colder when it came to men. She was mistaken. She had no words to say to this. In truth, after an answer like that, there was nothing to be said. So with the small amount of pride that she still possessed within herself, she nodded her head slightly before turning from him. She would not allow herself one measly ounce of pity from him, and if he caught sight of the small amount of water faintly accumulating within her dark eyes, she knew it would come automatically.

As she started towards the sidewalk, she felt a grip lock onto her wrist, stopping her short.

"Vixen, please, understand. I only say that because I know it would've been better for both of us if it had never started. I really am sorry." Gregory watched her now, awaiting a response. His face gave off a look of distant perplexity, almost as if he were second guessing his own words.

"If I could change the way the world works, I'd do it faster than anyone could see. Believe me."

He was standing in front of her now, bringing her hands to rest on his. They were nearly as close as they'd been in the privacy of the small room they occupied in the beginning of their meetings.

God...How many blissful hours were spent in that cabin; hiding from the world as they endlessly exploring each other's boundaries? They were countless by now...

Vixen shut her eyes for a moment before grudgingly reopening them, immediately bringing her gaze to rest on the grass beneath their feet. A sharp breeze blew overhead in the night sky, adding a subtle chill to the air. In the past, Sunset Park had normally been a place she liked to come to forget things. Even it's name meant renewal, but where would she go now that there was a memory so bitterly formed in her safe haven that she didn't even want to think about coming back?

Just as she was about to bring her sight back to him, something caught her foot.

Naturally startled, she jolted before swiftly turning her attention back to the ground, intent on discovering the cause of her miniature heart attack.

Reaching down, she retrieved a tattered page from the local times. Within it was a photograph of three well dressed white men who appeared to be walking out of a courthouse, accompanied at the rear by a small, stout man wearing a pair of thick-rimmed glasses. Vixen could only assume he was their lawyer.

As she glanced over the top line, a knot caught in her throat.

'No Justice For Local Mob Lynching:

Suspects Walk Free After Negro Boy Is Hung From Tree In His Own Yard'

Composing herself, she fought to push all the former images away. She was living in the present, and that was where her head needed to be right now.

Focusing her attention back to Gregory, Vixen met his heart-wrenching gaze with one of her own.

It was evident that he showed remorse, but it was also clear that there was no budging his decision. With that in mind, she knew there was nothing more to discuss after they parted ways here. So she might as well get what needed to be said out in the open before that woeful moment came.

"You may be content to live your life according to 'how the world works', but you and I live on two separate sides of the fence Gregory.

You say that you would change the world, change the way it all goes for us? Well for me, that change has already happened. It's here, regardless if others wanna see it or not. You, me, even as standing here right now, we're fighting it; changing things."

Vixen's eyes held a pained expression as they briefly traveled back to the news clipping; still gripped tightly in hand."Change is inevitable." Her expression grew slightly bitter as she mentioned this adolescent memory. "You told me that."

"You used to say that it could either go one of two ways, remember? The right direction, or the wrong direction."

She bit her lips together in an attempt to hide the emotions that ran through her. This whole situation was just plain insanity. It was hard to accept this type of conversation was even taking place between them.

Shrugging it off with a gentle shake of her head, she pressed on.

"And sooner or later, it's only a matter of time before the rest of them realize that this..." Holding up the article, a reluctant tear trickled down her heart-shaped cheek before landing itself on her coat as she finished. "...This is not right."