Ashley's Deal

Rose looked at her. "All right. Go on."

"What do you want to know? He's twenty years older than me and a senior partner at my firm. And it's a very good firm."

Rose looked at her, thinking.

"What do you want to know?" Ashley said.

"You're much younger."

"And that doesn't matter. Not to me."

Rose nodded. "He doesn't mind you being here?"

"Not at all."

"Phone him. Tell him we just gave each other head."

Ashley reached down onto the floor, and got her bag. She got out her phone, and looked at the time. "It's late. He'll be asleep. But next time I will, if you want."

"Next time?"

Ashley grinned. "It isn't a problem. I really will. Just not at two in the morning."

"Why doesn't he care?"

"He trusts me."

Rose smiled a strange smile.

"What?" Ashley said.

"You say trust, but you're here."

"You don't believe he knows?"

Rose shrugged.

"I'll tell him anything he wants to know tomorrow," Ashley said. "And because of that he knows I'll never lie to him."

Rose was still looking doubtful, like she thought Ashley was lying. Ashley was a lawyer. She was used to people looking at her like that.

"Keep looking like that and I'll get up and walk out," she said.

"Yeah," Rose said. "Sorry."

"Just don't, okay? I'm telling you the truth and it would be nice if you believed me."

"Yeah. I guess it's a cop thing. People lie to me all the time."

"I'm a lawyer."

"So..."

"The same people lie to me too."

Rose grinned.

"He's much older than me," Ashley said, "He really, truly loves me and I truly love him. We got together too soon. For me. So we do this."

"He isn't jealous?"

"He really isn't. Not of women."

"I don't get it."

"I don't either," Ashley said. "I really fucking don't."

"I'd be jealous," Rose said.

"I would too."

Rose looked at her. "You don't let him do this too?"

"Fuck no. But he says he doesn't want to."

Rose was thinking.

"It works for us," Ashley said.

"I suppose that's what matters."

"So now you know too," Ashley said. "I told you right at the start. So you can't ever be upset by whatever happens from here. Not about that."

"Yeah," Rose said. "Fair enough."

"I want to again," Ashley said. "This. With you. If that makes any difference to anything."

"Tonight?"

"Tonight and another night. Many other nights."

Rose nodded slowly. "Me too."

Ashley leaned over kissed her, and Rose kissed back with a cold sour mouth from the beer.

*

After a while Rose went outside for another cigarette. Ashley put her dress on, and went with her, and stroked Rose's arms while Rose smoked.

"Want to show me the house?" Ashley said, when they went back inside.

"If you like."

They walked around, kissing their way through the rooms. The house was small and simply laid out. Two bedrooms on one side, the lounge and kitchen on the other, a bathroom down the back.

"Did you do all the painting and shit," Ashley said into Rose's mouth.

"Nah. Bought it like this."

"Nice bed," Ashley said. "Looks comfortable."

Rose grinned. "It is."

Ashley pulled her onto the bed, and started kissing her. Started touching her all over and being astonished again by how hard and toned her body was. Ashley liked that. She touched her own upper arm, and then Rose's. She pushed on her own tummy, then poked Rose.

"Hey," Rose said. "Stop it."

Ashley kissed her instead. Kissing turned into sex.

Ashley decided that apparently she liked sex with women. Or perhaps just with Rose. It didn't seem to start and stop as clearly, so sometimes she wasn't quite sure when they were actually having sex, or when they were only hugging. It wasn't just hump, pee, and sleep. They drifted into it, so stroking became fucking, then drifted back out and talked for a while, then started again. Ashley liked it this way. She really liked lying in a tangle of sweaty limbs, all folded together, liked the constant kissing, and the new tastes and smells. Rose's hair was softer, and her skin was smoother, and it was slower and more complete sex, less focused on thrusting and sucking, and more on gently being there, pressing together. Like a sensual hug that kept going for an hour.

She loved David. She utterly, completely loved David. But she was glad she'd done this too. She was glad this was possible.

The thing Rose had done with her leg in the pool worked in bed too. Ashley lay here and blinked and couldn't believe how good it was. After a while she understood why. It was most of the bits that got rubbed during sex with a man, being rubbed by Rose, just without anything inside her.

"Fuck," she said. "It's sex without all the drama about is it in yet."

"Yeah," Rose said, "No shit," and kissed her ear.

A little later Ashley realized Rose had her eyes closed, and was breathing hard, and that it wasn't Rose's leg on Ashley any more, it was her pussy, somehow.

Rose was fucking her, was moving so they were both getting close. Rose seemed to be trying to make them come together, so Ashley concentrated, tried too.

It almost worked, but not quite. Rose came, and sighed all the air out her lungs and stopped moving, so her arms and tummy were suddenly all soft against Ashley, and Ashley took over, and tried to press up against her, and finish.

"Sorry," Rose said, and put her hand down between them.

"No," Ashley gasped. "Like before."

Rose moved, and pressed on her, and Ashley got there, finally, and hugged Rose and almost wanted to sob.

*

Hours later, very late, Ashley was still kissing Rose, kissing slow and tender and with the very beginnings of a crush.

"I really like you," Ashley said. "I want to see you again. But maybe I should go. It's getting late. I should let you sleep."

"You can stay if you want."

"I can't tonight. I have a thing at home tomorrow. Can I ask a dumb question."

"Of course."

"Is this just tonight, or what? I was kind of hinting before and you never told me."

Rose looked at her.

"I want to," Ashley said. "I really fucking do. But no pressure."

Rose nodded.

That still wasn't an answer, Ashley thought, so she assumed no. She was a little sad, slightly hurt, but she didn't really mind. She understood why she might not be the best long-term prospect for Rose. She slid off the bed and started getting dressed. It took her a moment to remember her underwear out in her bag.

Rose got dressed too, and followed her, and seemed to be thinking. Ashley had a feeling this wasn't ending well, that Rose didn't want to see her again.

Ashley phoned a taxi, then stood in the hall and waited. Rose put her arms around Ashley, so Ashley kissed Rose, and Rose kissed her back, which made Ashley hopeful.

"You still have my card?" Ashley said.

"I think so."

Ashley looked in her bag, and gave Rose another.

"Yeah," Rose said. "By I think so, I mean its in the drawer under the phone in the kitchen. So I don't lose it."

Ashley started to smile. "Oh."

"But you really must want to make sure I can get hold of you if I want."

Ashley shrugged.

"I'll find you," Rose said. "Even if I do lose the card. Because I'm, you know, a cop."

Ashley nodded. "In that case, it's on you. Phone me. If you want a next time."

"I will."

"You will ring?" Ashley said, then wished she hadn't. It was a bit needy.

Rose nodded, though.

Ashley grinned, pleased. "This isn't too weird for you?" she said. "Partners who know and everything? I'm not too weird for you?"

"It's not too weird. And it's just sex, at the moment. And you're fun and cool and you saved me back at the pool. Nothing weird at all."

"So phone me."

"Yeah, I will."

"You'd fucking better, because I really like you."

The taxi beeped outside, and Rose didn't answer. Ashley kissed her and said bye and went home.

She had a crush. She had a really bad crush, and Rose was exactly not who she'd have ever thought it would be on. Her life was good. Her life was perfect. She had a crush on a girl, and it was because of David and his deals.

*

David was asleep when Ashley came in. She was quiet, took off her shoes at the door, undressed in the lounge, showered and brushed her teeth in the guest bathroom. She'd have showered after a party anyway, so she didn't wake up smelling of beer and smoke, but she was really going to when she'd just come home from sex with someone else. It seemed awful not to.

She lay in bed wondering if what she was doing was really okay, or just something unspeakably selfish that she'd bullied David into accepting, years ago.

There was a part of her that had to make people around her to do what she wanted. She didn't like it, but it with the job, with being a good lawyer in a tough firm. Everyone around her was like that, so she was too. David usually said he loved it about her, even after a fight. That he loved it, and thought it was why he was still interested in her after all this time. Because she demanded what she wanted, and was uncompromising.

She still wasn't sure it made it okay. Not about this.

She wanted Rose. She was attracted to Rose. She wanted Rose again. That was a complication she hadn't thought of when the deal started. She'd expected it to be just fucking, making do with the body parts she could get. Or not even fucking. Just flirting, to make herself feel good.

This was a lot more.

She wondered if this was something that had always been inside herself and she'd just never realized. She thought about other friends, other women she'd been around, and what she might have missed about her feelings for them.

She had a crush on Rose, and she was pretty sure she never had on anyone else before, so maybe it wasn't her. Maybe Rose was just special.

Eventually she went to sleep, still thinking.

David woke her in the morning by stroking her hip, and kissing her neck. She was confused for a moment. There was sun on her. It was late.

"Hey old man," she said, and rolled over.

He kept stroking her. "How did it go?" he said.

"I love you," she said. "I really fucking love you. You're the best man ever."

He seemed surprised, and kissed her for a while.

"You didn't answer," he said.

"I know."

He thought about that. "Is that good or bad?"

"Thank you," Ashley said. "For letting me. Are you okay?"

He nodded.

She lay there and looked at him. She thought he was all right, but wanted to be sure. This wasn't exactly a normal situation, and she didn't know exactly what to expect.

"I love you," she said. "Not her."

"I know."

"I just want to be sure you realize."

"Ash, I really don't mind."

"And you're not jealous?"

"Only of the time you were gone."

"Not of what I did?"

He shook his head.

"Do you want to know what I did?"

He sat there for a while. "You can tell me another time."

"Okay." She kissed him again, still a little worried. "Thank you," she said. "For being you."

It was Sunday, so neither of them were working early. She rolled over and went down on him. Wanting to let him know she was still horny for him, still wanted him, and that he wouldn't lose anything if she slept with other people.

She sucked until he came in her mouth, then slid up and kissed him and said, "Are we really okay?"

"Of course." He stroked her face. Stroked her hair too, like Rose had. "You look happy."

"I'm grateful. That my life is what it is."

"Yeah," he said. "Me too."

"Are you really okay?"

"I am."

"You don't mind?"

"Not with her, no."

Ashley nodded. She lay on him for a while, thinking. "Can I see her again? If she wants to?"

"I assumed you would."

"I wasn't sure."

After a while they got up and read newspapers. They did most Sundays, read quietly, pushing things over each thought the other might like. It meant something. Certainty and trust, Ashley thought. It especially meant something this morning.

"I love you," Ashley said, without looking up.

"I you," he said, also without looking. After a while, "What's she like?"

"Yeah, you know. Kind of cool. Interesting. Turns out she's a cop."

"A cop?"

"Yeah. But we jumped over a fence to have a swim, so I don't know."

David grinned. He was probably thinking that was typical. The older lawyers all seemed to catch cynicism about the police.

"What?" Ashley said anyway.

"You. You're you and that's wonderful."

She kept looking at him.

"You're corrupting the police," he said.

"I know."

She kept looking, thinking. "You really don't mind?" she said.

"It's better than not knowing who you're with."

"But you don't mind?"

He shook his head, then leaned over and kissed her and said he loved her again. They didn't talk much more after that. Ashley wasn't sure if didn't care, or if he was hiding something. And if he was hiding something, whether he was upset, or a little jealous, or just thought it was rude to ask for details. It could be any of those, or he might just not care. She hoped it was that he didn't care, but she wasn't sure.

She wondered if she should stop, should tell Rose she couldn't see her again, but she didn't want to yet. Not until she knew where this might go. She was being a little selfish, but she wasn't really, since everyone knew and they all said they didn't mind.

It was selfish only in that she wasn't choosing to stop herself, before anyone had asked her to.

There was a new part of herself she was only just finding out about, too. She wanted to use that as an excuse, that she'd only just realized it was there, and she needed to explore it. It wasn't that, though. It wasn't that, and it wasn't fair to David to pretend it was. It was the dark, horrible part of her again. The part Mary had warned her about. She still wanted to be with someone new. She wanted the thrill of starting with someone new, and that was what Rose was.

She'd been in love exactly once in her life, with David, and she was selfish enough to think that wasn't enough. To think she deserved more.

David valued certainty, and knowing she was his forever, and he wanted that more than he cared about little pangs of jealousy over Rose. That was his problem, like wanting to fall for people was hers, and it seems good that their problems fit. That they actually had a way to live together that didn't cause too much hurt.

They were still together. They were an impossible couple, and had no right to be as stable as they were, but they stayed together, and a lot of it was because of this deal.

If that was worth it to David, it should be worth it to Ashley too.

She would see Rose again.

*

Deciding to see Rose and actually seeing her were two different things. Rose was the one who would decide what happened next, and Ashley worried Rose might not ring. That she might only have said she would to get Ashley to leave without a fuss.

Ashley was relieved, four days later, when she did.

"It's good to hear from you," Ashley said. She was in a hallway near her office at work, coming back from a meeting. It sounded like Rose was in a locker room. There were metal bangs and voices in the background.

"I just wondered if you were free?" Rose said. "If you wanted to do something."

"Now?" Ashley said, and then looked at a clock. It was five. Normal people with normal lives, she supposed. "Can you give me a couple of hours?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Your place?"

"Okay."

"Tell me the address again."

Rose did.

"I'll see you by seven."

*

Rose met Ashley at the door, and kissed her tasting of beer and smoke and herself. Like the first time, they ended up half-naked and grinding against each other in the hallway behind the door.

"I can't believe what you do to me," Ashley whispered.

"I know."

"Your just..."

"I know." Rose kissed her. "Shut up."

They stumbled to the bedroom and Ashley spent half an hour slowly licking Rose out. Because she hadn't had as much practice, and because she was selfish and demanding, and because she didn't want Rose feeling she'd missed out.

Then Rose did her, and everything seemed to be okay.

Ashley lay on the bed afterwards. Rose went and got her cigarettes and an ashtray and a bottle of water. She held out the water to Ashley.

"You're the only person I know who still smokes," Ashley said.

"Do you mind?"

"It's your house."

Rose looked at her for a moment, then went and pulled a window open. A big sliding sash, with a wooden frame and sill. She sat on the sill, not bothering to get dressed, and blew smoke out the window.

"I didn't mean that."

"It's okay."

"Come back to bed."

Rose looked at her.

"To your own fucking bed. I didn't mean anything. I was just saying."

Rose lay down where she'd been. "I tried to stop a few times," she said. "Then got sick of all the fuss of having to. I don't that much. I don't normally at work unless someone else is. It's probably more around you than any other time."

"Oh."

Rose grinned. "You know, cause of after sex."

"Sorry."

Rose shrugged.

"Is it hard? The stopping?"

"Yep. But shut up."

They lay there a while. Ashley stroked Rose's arm, watched the muscle in her other arm move as she smoked. "It's really fucking hot how strong you are."

Rose looked at her.

"It is," Ashley said.

Rose grinned. "No-one's ever said that before. I think a lot of people don't like it."

"I like it."

"Good."

"Is it a police thing? Staying fit and everything?"

"Kind of."

"You could beat me in a fight," Ashley said.

"Probably."

"No, you could. You're strong, and you must know what you're doing."

Rose shrugged.

"I've never been in a fight. So you could beat me. That's kind of hot too."

Rose looked at her.

"Want to hold me down?" Ashley said. "Be all rough and fighty?"

"Not now."

"Another time?"

"Not really."

Ashley wasn't sure what to make of that, so she went quiet. Rose sipped water, and Ashley lay and watched her.

"Tell me about you," Ashley said.

"Why?"

"I want to know you a bit. And I talked about me last time."

"You can talk about you again, I don't mind."

Ashley lay there for a while. "I'm a lawyer, right? I know how to question people too. Turn shit around so suddenly we're not talking about me any more."

Rose grinned. "Sorry."

"I'm just saying. You're not tricking me. But what do you want to know this time?"

Rose was thinking. "Your boyfriend must have been useful for your career."

"Yeah. Of course. But no more than if I had the right parents."

"Creepy example."

Ashley looked at Rose. That was a little mean, but Ashley decided not to say anything.

"Its just some doors opened," Ashley said. "But that's all. Once I had a chance I still had to do what I did on my own."

"Is that really true, or just what you tell yourself?"

That one was really mean. Ashley was used to hearing things like this, which was why she didn't talk about her life to many people. Only people she could walk away from if it got too nasty, and she didn't want Rose to be one of those.

Ashley really liked Rose, really wanted to see more of her, but she wasn't going to take shit from her, or anyone else. She just wasn't.

One chance, she thought, and then she'd go. And never come back.

"That's fucking rude," Ashley said.

Rose seemed to have realized already. She looked a bit ashamed. "Yeah," she said. "Sorry. It sounded worse than I meant it."

"You don't approve?"

"Not for me to approve or disapprove."

So maybe she did understand.

"I want to see you again," Ashley said. "And I kind of want to be your friend. So don't make it too hard for me to do that."

"Yeah, sorry."

They lay there for a while.

"I should go," Ashley said.

"Because of what I said?"

"No," Ashley said. "Because I should go."

Rose watched her dress, and kissed her for a while at the door, and said, "Come back, okay?"

"It's on you," Ashley said. "You've got my card. So call me."