Ask Me Again In Twenty Years

She just cried harder. I grabbed a jacket. I had to leave. I walked out the door hearing her cry out for me, begging me to stay.

My parents lived in another town. With no one else to turn to, I ended up at Sarahs' door. She took one look and new.

"Damn. She told you. Come here, honey."

She wrapped her arms around me and I cried like a baby. When I calmed down, I had questions I hoped she had answers to.

"Why would she do this to us? If she wanted out, why didn't she tell me."

"I can't tell you that, honey. From what she told me, I don't think she does either. Since it's out in the open, I guess it doesn't matter if I tell you this. She still sees him. Not for sex, right now, of course, but she does."

"I guess stress drove her to tell me. I was furious, I want you to know. I've never had a good man, and here she has the best man I've ever met, and she dumps all over him. She would have never told you, but she's afraid the baby will be black, and you'd find out anyway. Any thoughts on what you want to do?"

"So he's black? I knew it had to be something like that. Short term, I have no idea. I guess it depends on the baby. If it's mine, I'll try to work it out. If it's black, we're done."

I was devastated. It was completely unexpected. If the signs were there, I was too dense to see them. During several heated exchanges over the next month I ended every argument by asking her why. Where was I lacking? Was a better lover? All the things betrayed men ask, including the big one.

"Do you love him?"

She never really answered my questions, but she assured me she had cut off all contact with him.

She went into a screaming fit when I told her how it was going to be.

"If the baby isn't mine, we're over. If it is mine, we still may be over. I've been thinking about it. You don't have a girls' night out, you only travel maybe one day every couple of months, and you're pretty much here when you're supposed to be. That leads me to believe that it's a workplace romance. IF we stay together, you're never going back there. This is not up for debate. And I get the first inkling you're seeing him somehow, the marriage is over, that second."

..................................................

It was a tense three weeks. Her doctor was so worried he hospitalized her the week before her due date.

She kept trying to tell me about it, but I shut her down every time.

"All I need to know is that the baby is mine, and that he's history. I've talked to my bosses, I still owe them two years. They've agreed to let me transfer. I'll lose a little money, but it'll be all right. And El, if you decide not to go, understand the baby is going with me. Think about it. One more thing, I can't guarantee even then that we'll stay together."

After that discussion she went into the hospital. Six days later I got the call at work. I always had the illusion that babies always came in the middle of the night, usually in the middle of a blizzard or tornado. But no, it was a sunny Thursday in May, at one in the afternoon.

I had planned on being in the birthing room, but just couldn't make myself do it. Sarah stood in.

She came out once, saying she was begging me to see her. I refused. I'm sure the doctors and nurses thought I was the biggest asshole in the world, but I didn't care.

Sarah came out again at six, looking worn out. She hugged me, crying.

"You have a son, eight pounds even. I think he'll have red hair."

I lost it, crying.

We went down to the nursery. I was looking at him, wanting to get in to hold my son, when I saw him.

Tall, slender, good looking I guess. He was scanning the bassinets, looking intently at the black children. I knew instantly who he was. Son of a bitch, she had to have called him.

Sarah saw the look in my eyes, and tried to hold me. He must have recognized me and saw the murder in my eyes, because he instantly turned and ran. I lost him in the lobby because a security guard tried to get in the way. I ran right over him, but by the time I got to the parking lot he was getting in his car. A new Camaro, red with black stripes. I'd remember that.

It took a little explaining and an apology to the security guard, but they let me back in. El cried when she was told I had requested a paternity test. It was just a formality, the baby looked a lot like my sister when she was a baby.

By now everyone involved knew the whole sordid story, and things were tense in her room.

She had been nursing, and when he was done, she asked if I wanted to hold my son.

"Yes I do. Sarah, would you get him for me?" No way I was getting close enough to touch her. She started crying again.

He's yours honey. Why can't you forgive me?"

By then I had him in my arms. I walked him around, looking at the ultimate miracle of life, our brief attempt at immortality, calming down before I answered.

"You didn't know that until you saw him, though, did you? You must have covered your bets, how did you get word to him? Text, call? Did you let someone else know so they could tell him?"

I went to her purse, getting her phone. She begged me to leave it alone.

I found the text, showed it to Sarah and my mom.

I had his number now. He recognized the number and answered immediately. I had it on speaker.

"Hey babe. Saw the kid. We dodged a bullet there, huh? Has he calmed down yet? I'd hate to kick his ass."

"Hey babe. If you were so interested in kicking my ass why didn't you stop running? I got your number now, asshole, and I know what you drive. I'll find you soon, I know where you work. Wonder what management would think about your little romance? Better grow eyes in the back of your head. I'm coming for you."

He hung up.

I took my son[I hoped]and walked out before anyone could stop me. Sarah caught me at the elevator. Mom was right behind her.

"You can't just walk out with the baby, son. They'll be released tomorrow, you can take him then. Can I please hold my grandchild?"

I gave him to mom, during all the drama she never got to hold him.

The next day we went home. After a lot of promises, and a lot of tears, we decided to stay together. El quit her job after she came off maternity leave, and stayed home for six months before going back to work, across town from her old job. It took another two months before we made love. It was pretty pitiful. We both acted like we were trying to fuck a porcupine. But it got better.

We saw a counselor. I went three times before we both saw she was the one who needed it, so she went twice a week, with a joint session every two weeks.

I hadn't quite got the trust back, but I was working on it. One day I decided to surprise her at work. Things had been really good lately, her mood had improved, and I was in the neighborhood, working with the developer who had sold me my condo. We had it up for sale before all this happened, and had mad an offer on a three bedroom house with a nice lot out in suburbia.

I parked in the visitor spaces, and I was walking towards the door, when I saw it. A red Camaro with black stripes. I had never found out his name, she begged me for the sake of our son to drop my search.

"You don't want to see your son grow up while you're behind bars."

I walked over, surprised to find it unlocked. I pulled the registration out of the dash, and read it as I walked in.

They didn't know me, and when I asked for Edward Spenser, they thought I was his appointment and sent me right in.

I walked in just in time to see he and El break from a kiss.

She looked at me and fainted. He tried to run around me, but rage gave me speed, and I grabbed him, trying to drive his head through a window. I tried three times, glass is pretty stout on upper floors, before I gave up.

His phone was on his desk, and I scrolled through it until I found "home". I left a message, then found "wifey". How cute.

She didn't think it was cute when I told her how I happened to have his phone, or the fact that it had been going on for over a year.

"I'd let you talk to him, but he's asleep. Ask him how he got the knots on his head when he gets home."

El had woken up and crawled into the corner away from me.

I looked at her.

"I'll pick up Robbie from daycare, give you a little time. Pack up, find somewhere to stay until I calm down. And get ready. You've got a shit storm coming. Everybody, including your company, is gonna know."

I picked up Robbie, and showed up on her doorstep. Sarah took one look at me and sadness overcame her.

"Again?" was all she said.

I nodded, walked in. I passed out on her couch from nervous exhaustion. She took Robbie to bed with her.

I called in the next day, as did Sarah. We went over to find El had indeed left. Sarah looked at the empty closet, dresser, and bathroom cabinets.

"She's left, Barry. This is way too much for a few days."

I was gladdened and incredibly sad equally.

..................................................

Mrs. Spenser called me the next day. He had taken off, leaving her with three children. They had quit their jobs and just disappeared. She was destroyed, wondering how she'd support them.

I still had his registration, reached out through a past client, and found them two days later three states away. I gave her the information, right down to the hotel and room number. The next day she knocked and he answered the door. She had a local deputy and process server. He found himself with a set of divorce papers and a court order for temporary child support until the hearing. El hid in the bathroom.

My lawyer advised me to sue for divorce citing abandonment, and hope she wasn't smart enough to figure it out until it was too late.

I had taken two weeks vacation,trying to figure out how to survive as a single dad with a child less than a year old, when the doorbell rang.

Sarah was standing there with two large suitcases.

I had bought the three bedroom. She sailed by me.

"Take those to my bedroom for me, please. Now where is my grandchild? Have you fed him yet?"

I tried to object but she laughed.

"Seriously? Get a grip, do what's best for your son. This will save me money, besides, I've already given up my apartment."

Just like that it was settled. She got Robbie into the company daycare, dropping him off and picking him up because I worked longer hours.

She would usually have dinner started before I got home. We'd eat, feed Robbie, and play with him until bedtime, watch a little television, and go to bed, just like a real family except we slept apart.

I asked her once why she didn't date, and she said she had enough in her life right now. She asked me the same question, and I said pretty much the same. Mom and Sarah bonded tighter over Robbie. She was very careful not to bring up El.

Months had gone by. I asked Sarah if El ever contacted her, and she said she hadn't. Mom and Dad were up for a visit. They had happy news. After five years, Jack had called. He had straightened up, got his life on track. He was in the Coast Guard, engaged, and wanting to mend fences. We decided to include him in our family vacation.

Robbie had his first birthday party. He was excited, fascinated by the candles. He stuck his finger out, burning it slightly. I was on my way to him when he cried "Momma" and held his hands out to Sarah. She was embarrassed, but not enough to not take him in her arms and sooth him. We talked about it later.

"Are you mad?"

"Why would I be mad? As far as he knows, you are his mother. If the time comes, we'll tell him the truth."

"Good, and thank you. He picked it up at daycare, watching the other moms pick up his friends. Most of the workers there think I really am his mother."

We were sitting on the couch, resting after cleaning the house. Kids can be one of the most destructive things in nature. I took her hand.

"I know I don't tell you enough, but thank you. We both know I could have never survived without you. Our lives are better with you in it. I love you, Sarah."

She surprised me by crying into my chest, snuggling.

"Thank you, Barry, you're a good man. One that didn't deserve what happened to him."

We sat there like that until she surprised me by going to sleep. I hadn't held someone in my arms with love for almost a year, and it felt so good I just held on. She woke me at one.

"Barry, wake up. We dozed off. We need to get in bed."

So I got up, and we went into our bedrooms. I rolled around on my bed, wishing it wasn't so empty.

We were a little awkward in the morning, but soon got over it and went back to our normal routine.

...............................................

We rented a big house on the beach for family vacation. My sister came, with her husband and three kids. My brother Jack showed up with a lovely little Asian woman joined at his hip.

We hadn't counted on Jack when we rented the house. It was four bedroom, one for my folks, one for my sister and her husband, one for Sarah, and one for me. There was a large sleeping porch with foldout beds for the larger kids, a big adventure for them.

Sarah solved it, claiming the bedroom with twins beds for us and Robbie. No one seemed surprised.

Jack came up to us as we were straightening the room. He apologized to both of us, shook our hands, and thanked me for knocking him on his ass, and paying for his rehab.

Then he grinned that cheeky grin I remembered so well.

"I'm sorry for what happened between you and Elsa. But it looks like you traded up."

I surprised him by grinning back, giving Sarah a hug.

"You got that right. Why settle for a copy when the original is so much nicer."

The look on their faces sent me over the edge, and soon they were all laughing. Something went over her face when I said it. I saw it, but chose not to comment.

We hit the beach the next day. I was helping Robbie with his first sandcastle when I heard a whistle. Sarah had come out with the sexiest one piece I had ever seen, cut high on her hips, low on her bust, back almost to the top of her ass. I couldn't do anything but stare.

"Stop it, Barry. You've seen me in a swimsuit before. You're making me nervous."

She was making me hard. I had to jump in the water, thankful it was a little cool that early in the morning. She gave me a knowing little smile when I came out. Soon she and the kids were laughing like crazy while they buried me in the sand.

We played, grilled hot dogs for lunch, lazed the day away. It was perfect.

That night she came out in a robe.

"I've gotten a little burned. Will you put some lotion on my back? She slid the robe down almost to her nipples. I got a look at a lot of cleavage while I lotioned her back. Sarah was a lot better endowed than Elsa. Thirty six c, I learned later.

She was smiling that little smile when I told her I needed a shower.

"I thought you just took a shower?"

"I need to cool off," I told her honestly, as I went back into the bathroom. I swear I thought I heard her laugh when I closed the door.

The next day was a repeat of the first, except she wore a bikini that showed off those magnificent mammary glands to perfection. I spent a lot of time in the water. I got the feeling everyone was watching me, waiting for something.

I was getting paranoid.

That evening we had hired a babysitter. There was a little club just down the beach, and it was time for the parents to have a little fun.

We walked, laughing, teasing Jack he would be the designated walker, since he didn't drink anymore.

We ate at the seafood restaurant beside the club, then left early to make sure we'd be able to get a table big enough to fit us all. We started with a few pitchers of beer, and proceeded to margaritas. I watched Jack pretty close, but he and his girl seemed happy with Virgin Marys. They were the best dancers of the group. He told me they took regular lessons, even entered competitions. I remembered my grandfather and his advice, and determined to take lessons when I got home. I hoped I could talk Sarah into going with me.

Sarah looked hot in her yellow sundress, the top few buttons undone, giving a hint of cleavage. When guys started asking her to dance I starting frowning. She noticed, smiled, and glued herself to my side. One woman asked me to dance, but one look at Sarah and she walked off.

A slow tune started playing and she dragged me out onto the floor. We were floating around slowly. I was enjoying the feel of her soft body, thinking about nothing but how great she felt, when my parents drifted by.

Thirty eight years, and the passion was still there. I stiffened and she noticed. When she leaned back with a question I cut my eyes over to my parents.

"We deserved that kind of happiness, didn't we?"

She snuggled closer, whispering in my ear.

"Of course we do. It's not too late, honey."

She kissed my ear as I jumped in surprise.

"What do you mean?"

She stopped dancing, right in the middle of the floor.

"You really are you clueless, aren't you? I've been in love with you for a long time, honey. I've done everything but knock you to the floor and mount you. Waiting for something special to come along?"

Her eyes looked hopeful and anxious. I gave her the biggest smile in my life.

"As a matter of fact I am. And it just got here."

I pulled her to me, and we kissed. The slow song stopped, a fast one started, and we stood rooted to the spot. Our family finally had to pull us apart and back to the table. I looked around into the smiling faces of my family.

"I always thought he was sharp. Mom said you were, usually. It's only on the important things that he's slow."

Jack's voice was booming, while the rest of the family broke up. I grabbed her hand.

"I'm not going to sit here and be made fun of by my family. I've got better things to do. Come on, babe."

I pulled her out of the club to cheers and laughter. It took us forever to get back to the house, we had to check behind every dune on the way. When we finally got there, we found the twin beds had been pushed together, and Robbie would be spending the night with his grandparents.

We started slow. I undid the buttons one by one, stopping to caress and kiss once in a while. By the time she was naked she was shaking. It took my breath to see how beautiful she was. I didn't get to admire the view long, she was tugging at my belt. I shed my clothes as quickly as I could.

She stroked my cheek. "Be careful honey. It's been a very long time."

We started out slow, but need and lust soon took over, and soon we were slamming together violently, crying out our need for each other.

We knew the others could hear us, but we were beyond caring.

We went at it all night, until exhaustion finally stopped us. I woke up to her hands stroking my face, tears streaming down her face. I was instantly awake, scared she had changed her mind.

I took a hand and kissed it.

"What's wrong, honey?"

I think that set her off harder.

"Please don't change your mind. please don't."

"Too late for that. I've already changed my mind. Instead of pretending to be Robbie's Mom, I'm making it official. I can get the divorce in five weeks, so plan on being married in seven. I'd like to come back here for the service, if that's all right with you."

She sat straight up and screamed, then collapsed. I think everybody in the house was pounding on the door, wanting to know if we were all right.

"We're fine. Sarah saw a mouse. Give us a minute."

I got a cool cloth from our bathroom and gently sponged her face. Her eyes fluttered open, then went wide. She jumped up.

"I have to tell your mother!"

"We'll tell her together. Think we should put some clothes on first?"

She looked down, giggled, dragged me into the shower. No playing, she had things to accomplish.