At Long Last: Gwen Ch. 05

"OK, fire away," was my response.

"Number One: Why do all you academic people always defend the rights of women, gays, lesbians, and blacks?"

"OK, Pops, I'll answer that if you'll tell me why you want to deny those people their rights under the Constitution."

"What?"

I repeated my answer.

We heard no more from Pops until we reached home and Pops asked where Barb was. Gwen explained that Barb was working and he would see her this evening.

Pops then asked if we still had all our cats and Gwen said we did and she told him the cats were eager to see him. That cheered the old guy considerably.

That evening we sent Pops out with Barb and Derek to find Pops a suit that could be altered by Friday.

They returned rather quickly and Barb repeated that Belks had come through nicely and someone could pick up Pops new suit on Thursday.

The rest of the week when Gwen or I had to visit campus we'd take Gwen's Dad with us and turn him loose. He found the football stadium and the basketball arena and he thought the Student Union was the "neatest thing" he'd ever seen. We always let him loose with twenty dollars so he could buy a meal and go bowling and we learned that some of the undergraduates had adopted him at the bowling alley. He had the time of his life and even bought a sweatshirt and cap with the University's logs on them.

He loved the cats and they returned his affection in droves by sitting with him and sleeping with him.

Amazingly, he never insulted a soul or at least we heard no complaints about him.

The longer the week went on, the less cantankerous he became and Gwen and I talked about the advisability of moving him to an apartment near us because he was a different person once he got away from the seemingly poisoned atmosphere of his home and haunts.

He did fuss at Gwen and me about Barb keeping company with Derek. Derek was someone beyond Pops' range of experience. He found Derek quiet to a fault and he could not comprehend someone who could not discuss football or basketball or baseball with him. He also expressed considerable alarm over the fact that Derek might be parking his pickle in Barb. Gwen and I never even responded to his concerns about Barb and Derek's pickle.

Pops looked really great in his new suit, shirt and tie and he was a perfect gentleman at the Chapel at what Harry called a wedding rehearsal and I called a 'walk through' on Friday night.

By Thursday night Gwen asked her dad if he had considered moving to live near us. Pops said he had, but the whole atmosphere was too 'academic' for him and he indicated that he was more comfortable back home among his many friends. We didn't push it, but we told him that if he ever wanted to discuss re-locating with us, we were happy to discuss it with him.

On Thursday night we went to bed and Gwen was amazing. She told me it was her next to last night as a wanton woman and she was going to enjoy it. Boy did she ever. We screwed in so many positions I decided that she had been reading the Kama Sutra. We were unable to pull off the doggy style however. Gwen bent over the bed and presented me her tush, but I couldn't, with my knees, get low enough to enter her. Undaunted, we lay on our sides and I entered her from behind. I think she had three orgasms and slept the sleep of the dead that night.

Walt arrived on Friday and Gwen and I both enjoyed his company immensely and he and I managed to get in nine holes of golf. Walt could still putt like a professional.

We had a motel room for Walt and he departed for it after the rehearsal and a meal with Barb, Derek, Pops, Gwen and me.

I awoke the morning of the wedding and made some coffee and returned to bed where Gwen was still sleeping. After a few minutes Gwen stirred and said, "I smell coffee. Some Old Man must be in my bed."

I said, "Not just any old man, an old man who is going to get married today."

Gwen smiled and said, "Oh, that's right. That is today. I had forgotten."

"Of course you had," I responded.

"That coffee smells good, Old Man. Please make me a cup."

I got up and made Gwen a cup of coffee and brought it to her and she sipped and said, "Do you want to know the schedule for the day?"

"Schedule? What kind of schedule? We get in the car at 12:10 p.m. and drive to campus and park and go get married."

"That is not the schedule, Old Man."

"OK. Well, what is the schedule today?"

"You and Walt have to be out of here by 11:00 a.m. so I can get dressed and you can't see me at the church until I process down the aisle with my Dad."

"What kind of nonsense is this?" I asked.

"Tradition, Old Man. The groom never sees his bride in her wedding dress until the ceremony."

"That's silly. I've seen you get dressed for months. Half the time, I'm the one zipping your dress."

"Not today, Old Man. Tradition must be served."

"What is it Walt and I do between 11:00 a.m. and 12:30 p.m.?"

"You don't get dirt on yourselves. You don't get grease on yourselves. You don't spill coffee on yourselves. You don't go to the golf course. And, Walt has you tucked away in the little room beside the alter by 12:15 p.m. so that you can't see me and Barb and my Dad arrive. And, each of you make sure your fly is zipped."

"This is silly," I said.

"I know," Gwen said, "but I want you to be surprised when you see me."

I looked very quizzically at the Princess and she smiled and said, "Wait until 12:30 p.m."

I smiled and shrugged and said, "Whatever makes you happy."

We were interrupted by a pounding on our bedroom door and heard Gwen's dad yelling, "Are you two parking the pickle in there?"

I just shook my head and Gwen said, "Go in the kitchen, Dad, and I'll be right out and make you some breakfast."

"OK!" Gwen's dad yelled, "but no pickle parking."

"You know," I said, "I'd like to pickle him."

Gwen shot me an amused look and said, "You should have been raised by him. I was eight years old before I ever heard him say a word that wasn't a shout."

Gwen got up and threw on some clothes and cooked some breakfast for all of us. Barb and I joined Gwen and her Dad and it was apparent that Gwen's Dad was really keyed up for his big role today. Barb did a good job of keeping him from jumping out of his own skin.

Then Walt and Derek showed up and Gwen's dad explained his role in the proceedings to them. They never batted an eye and told Pops that, yes, they'd seen him at the rehearsal last evening. Pops' response was, "Oh, were you there?" They assured him that they were.

Gwen explained the schedule for the morning one more time for everyone. We all had another cup of coffee and Walt and Derek departed to get ready.

Barb was a little nervous as the morning wore, but Gwen was relaxed and cheerful.

Walt appeared a few minutes before 11:00 a.m. and I gave him Gwen's wedding ring and he pocketed it. I gave Gwen a big hug and kiss and Walt and I headed for Starbucks and an hour of conversation. We left Starbucks around Noon and headed for the chapel and were safely ensconced in the little room to the right of the chapel.

Harry showed up, bedecked in his clerical robes, and he looked very ministerial and he ran through his checklist of items with us and, convinced that we were ready, he departed to check on Gwen and Barb.

At 12:30 p.m. Harry stuck his head in the door to our room and told us to come into the chapel and take our place. I led and Walt followed and we positioned ourselves precisely as we had practiced the night before.

The recorded music began playing and Barb walked down the aisle dressed in Gwen's yellow dress and she looked simply spectacular. The folks in the pews expressed their pleasure with how Barb looked and with her poise with a number of smiles and I heard a few comments about how nice she looked. She took her position opposite us.

Then everything just went to hell. And, there is no denying the truth that I precipitated the whole thing.

The music for Gwen's entrance began to play just as Walt asked me a question. I turned to answer him and before I could answer him I heard a chorus of "Ooohhhhhhhhhhhhhs" and "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhs" and even some applause. I turned to see what could have caused the reaction among the folks in the pews and it was Gwen.

She had started down the aisle with her arm hooked around her dad's arm and she was wearing the purple dress she had worn to the dinner at the national conference.

I have no idea what seized me, but I took one look at her and I was simply propelled down the center aisle towards her. Gwen was initially startled and she then broke into a huge grin and disengaged herself from her dad's arm and she came running to me and I heard her, above the commotion, say "UP!"

I certainly picked her up and she said, "I love you" and gave me a kiss that nearly melted the pane glass windows. The place simply erupted into laughter and applause.

She broke the kiss and laughingly said, "Go back and stand by Walt. I have to finish walking to you."

I nodded and deposited her gently on the floor and the laughter was deafening. Over the laughter, I heard, "Way to go, Will!" and "Youda man!" and I don't know how many other phrases.

As I turned, one sound stood out above all the pandemonium and that was Tariq Maloof laughing. He was laughing uncontrollably and when a six foot, seven inch, three hundred and fifty pound man laughs, the ground trembles.

I can't explain why I walked down the aisle, and Tariq can't explain why he found my behavior so funny, but he was doubled over laughing uncontrollably until he realized he couldn't catch his breath. He stood up with his eyes bulging while gesticulating wildly and next to him was five foot seven inch Doug Gottlieb pounding Tariq on the back trying to get him to breathe.

I looked to Gwen expecting to find her in tears, but she was laughing along with everyone else. In fact, I looked around the chapel and the only three people not out of control were Derek, Gwen's dad, and Harry who looked like the wrath of God.

When I looked back at Maloof, he had just achieved a modicum of composure and was catching his breath while Doug was still frantically beating on Tariq's back.

Maloof took a great gulp of air and bellowed at Doug, "Desist you illegitimate son of a fig merchant!"

That was nearly the end of the ceremony right there as the place erupted into laughter. People were alternately bent over laughing, some were seated, some were barely standing some were weaving around barely able to stand and it was just pandemonium.

I turned to Gwen to try to apologize and Gwen was laughing harder than anyone. When she had calmed herself sufficiently she said, "Oh, Old Man, this is just perfect. I knew, somehow, you'd mess it up and I was prepared for it. But, the way you messed it up by striding down the aisle to me thrilled me beyond words and it will be remembered and passed along for generations to come from the people here."

By the time Gwen had spoken to me, no one was standing. Exhausted, everyone had seated themselves with an occasional bark of laughter.

At this point a really angry Harry asserted himself. He began by saying "That's enough. I want quiet and I want to inform you that this not how a wedding ceremony is conducted. Now, this wedding is cancelled unless we have some decorum."

Everyone became serious and when it became absolutely silent, Harry said, "Everyone return to your starting place and we'll begin the wedding ceremony again and we'll do it right."

Everyone dutifully obeyed Harry and the ceremony went just as rehearsed and Gwen's dad delivered his line clearly without shouting. I even said, "I do" on cue and Walt produced the ring on cue and we concluded the ceremony with the newlywed kiss. Of course I picked up Gwen and carried her out of the Chapel and into the bright sunlight outside before putting her down on her own feet.

Once on her feet, Gwen beckoned to the photographer and asked if he had captured the shots she specified and he said, "Yes, the second time. The first time I was laughing so hard I couldn't keep the camera steady. Gwen was satisfied and said, "Join us at the house."

The reception was amazing. Everyone from the department came and everyone was at ease. I was pleased to see almost no alcohol consumed despite the fact that the caterer had provided a bar.

The first major highlight of the reception consisted of Harry's arrival. He got out of his car, walked into the back yard and confronted and me and said, "Professor, I want you to know that Gwen is correct. You are an idiot."

This elicited gales of laughter from everyone and an apology from me.

The second highlight consisted of my being asked to explain my behavior and I indicated that I really couldn't, but I suspected it had something to do with the dress Gwen had worn and the symbolic significance of it.

That prompted requests to tell the story of the dress and Gwen nodded 'OK' and asked me to tell the story. I declined saying I'd done more than enough that day, but Gwen could tell it if she wished.

Gwen told the real story starting at 11:00 a.m. on a Sunday at the national conference. She omitted the bedroom details, of course, but she did emphasize that we knew that we were destined for each other no later than twenty-four hours after we laid eyes on each other and she told how I'd spent a small fortune on her simply so we could attend the dinner together.

Dear old Madeline spoke up and asked, "Have you been apart since the national convention?"

Gwen answered Madeline's question and made Madeline feel very good by telling Madeline what she had said after the dinner at the national convention.

Barb interrupted and asked if she could say something and Gwen nodded her approval. Barb told of the many times she had worn her Mom's clothes and she recalled the time she had asked Gwen if she could wear the purple dress. Gwen's response, according to Barb, was, "You may not even touch that dress. That is the single most significant garment of my life."

Barb said, "I'm so happy to know now why you said that, Mom."

I swear; there wasn't a dry eye on the property after Barb related her story.

Someone asked if we would take a honeymoon trip and Gwen laughed and said, "Every day is a honeymoon around here, but yes we're going to Maui for a week next month."

The party went on until 6:00 p.m. when everyone left and we told Derek and Walt to be at the house by 7:30 a.m. the next morning for breakfast.

After we went into the house Gwen's Dad tearfully told Gwen that he was so honored to be invited to the wedding and to have the opportunity to interact with all the 'academic people.' He said, "I can't talk to them people, but I sure could listen to them and they are the nicest people I've ever met."

Gwen hugged her dad fiercely and he shed a tear or two and then said, "I'm going to tell my friends at home that they are all full of shit. I seen black people working. I met nice Jewish people and I even met 'Islams' and enjoyed them. My friends back home don't know nothing."

Gwen smiled and nodded and Barb said, "You tell 'em Grandpa."

So, we were married, and the next few weeks were a blur leading up the Hawaii trip. The Texas chemical company demanded that I sign a non-disclosure document saying I would be forever silent about their new fertilizer and I would not sign it and the company threatened me with all kinds of potential action and I simply said, "I'll see you in court as an expert witness for the plaintiff when you get sued for ruining an NFL or MLB stadium." They paid me off and fired me.

The other two consulting trips went well and I got both firms to express interest in interviewing Doug Gottlieb as my replacement.

The Dubai effort was difficult because it was a long distance affair, but we got the project done and the Sheik paid well and even threw in a bonus as a way of thanking me for helping him identify a couple of trouble makers in his Ministry.

Our honeymoon to Maui was simply spectacular and we did it up right. There is one story about the Maui trip I have to tell simply because it demonstrates Gwen's resourcefulness and pluck.

One afternoon we were at our hotel's pool simply lounging and reading and Gwen asked me to go back to the room for something she had forgotten. I departed and was gone only a few minutes and, upon my return, I could see, from the lobby, that Gwen was on her lounge chair and she was flanked by two muscle bound body builders and another one was standing in front of her.

What I did not know was that these three were troublemakers and were known to all the hotel employees in the hotels along Kaanapali Beach. I later learned that as I was seeing the three body builders for the first time, the hotel concierge was dialing the police to have the three thrown off the property.

As I crossed the pool area to Gwen, the body builder standing in front of Gwen lowered his swim trunks and was waving his cock around and asking Gwen if she's like some of what he was offering.

Gwen's response to him was, "It's too small to be a penis. What in the world is that?"

The guy was simply speechless until I tapped him on the shoulder from behind. He whirled and snarled, "What do you want, Grandpa?"

I threw just one hard jab, with my knuckles leading, into his Adam's apple. The guy made the most fascinating sound that I cannot duplicate. I can only say it resembled something like, "Ghhhaawww." He grabbed his throat and staggered around and eventually fell over.

The fellow to Gwen's right and to my left yelled, "HEY!" and stood up and started for me and I jabbed him in both eyes with my index and middles fingers respectively. The sound he made I can duplicate. It was, "Owwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Temporarily blinded, he staggered around and toppled, screaming, into the pool.

The third body builder, to Gwen's left and my right, shot out of the lounge chair in which he'd been seated and he started to charge me. I had lost all the advantage of surprise by now and I knew I was in trouble. What I had not counted on, however, was Gwen sticking out her leg and tripping the guy as he charged me. He tripped and plunged headfirst into the concrete. If you've ever heard the sound made when a watermelon splits open you have an idea of what his forehead sounded like when it met the concrete.

All three were down and I looked to Gwen who was rubbing her leg where she had tripped the guy, but she was grinning at me and saying, "This is fun. Do you come here often, Sailor?"

Two policemen appeared at this point and marveled at the carnage. They did, however, call for ambulances. The funniest line of the day had to be the policeman's who asked, "What in hell is that guy who is turning blue doing with his dick hanging out?"

The wonderful week in Hawaii did end, of course, and Will and Gwen did return to the reality of their lives, but the honeymoon for the old bachelor and his princess never really did end.

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Please accept my thanks for the wonderful feedback and comments you readers provided as I wrote the story of Will and Gwen.