Avril

"You've done what, Darling?" asked my best friend Avril in her very English accent.

"You heard me, I left Jacques," I replied.

"What on earth for?" was her next question.

"Because as I told you I have met someone else," I told her again.

Avril looked at me and asked, "Who is the lucky man, Darling?"

This was the difficult part. Avril was my best friend and a very English lady. We had known each other for close to 15 years, the last 10 years of which we have been close friends. She always called everyone "Darling" in that long drawn out way in her English voice. Sometimes she grated in the way she spoke and when she became passionate about something or she wanted to make her opinion known the Darling became even more drawn out. Despite many years in Canada, she had never lost her English accent although her English mannerisms had been diluted by her Canadian way of life. Avril was the kindest most generous woman anyone could wish to have as a friend and I consider myself very lucky to be her friend. Her sense of humour was very dry and very English, but also outrageous and she laughed hardest of all at herself and especially when her pompous bubble was burst. Both of us saw funny things differently, yet despite our differences we had become close friends. Avril is also one of the most determined people I have ever met. It is very seldom that she is thwarted in anything she wants to do. Despite this though she is not domineering and she is highly considerate of others. However she is always, as she puts it, so prim and proper despite her huge sense of humour. Hence why I was a bit reluctant in some ways to tell her I was gay even though I had every confidence in her.

To describe Avril, she is a couple of years younger than I am and is what her husband Henry describes as "an English rose". They have two of the nicest children you could wish to meet, although I am sure both of her sons have great mischief creating potential. They both inherited their mother's enormous sense of fun and enjoyment of life rather than their father's dour manner. Her complexion is pale and she has very red lips. Her eyes are a mixture of green and hazel flecks and her hair is closer to auburn than true ginger. She wears her hair down to her shoulders parted just to the left of centre. It always has such a glossy look to it and I imagine it is very soft to run your fingers through it. Although she does have some freckles like true redheads have, her skin is almost blemish free as long as she stays out of the sun. Avril loves to be outside but she always wears a hat to keep the sun off her face.

On the day in question we were sitting in her three season porch drinking tea and eating what she calls biscuits while I was telling her about my change in lifestyle. Avril loves her afternoon tea, while I like my tea in the morning. She leaned back in her chair in her casual elegant way looking totally relaxed but so alert. Her eyes pierced as they always did while she seemed to look into your very soul.

"Avril, this is very difficult. I never said the person I met is a man, " I said.

She took a sip of her tea and looked deeper into my eyes and said, "You mean you left your husband for a woman?"

I nodded instead of speaking to give my eyes a chance to escape her intense stare. When I kept my head still again I was subjected to one of her piercing looks while she remained silent.

"Is this what you truly want?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied.

She looked at me again and said, "Yes you are sure, aren't you." Then she smiled and her eyes lost their intensity before she continued, "Darling, why has it taken you so long to realise you are gay? I spotted that you might be many years ago not long after we first met."

I almost fell off my chair. How the hell had she seen what I myself didn't know back then?

"H-h-how did you k-know?" I stuttered.

She could see that she had surprised me and it always pleased Avril to get one over on anybody, her friends included. She was a very clever woman, not only in an academic way, but very skilled at dealing with people. Avril remained silent for a moment before she replied, "I just did Darling, I just did."

I sensed there was more to it than that while she paused for a moment and continued, "Dearest Barbara, I can see you were worried about telling me in case I didn't want to be your friend any more. Well don't worry, I really don't care who you sleep with Darling. You are still the same sweet friend I have had and always will have."

Avril seldom showed her emotions and remained aloof no matter what had happened, but this time she allowed me to see into her soul and I saw genuine concern and friendship for me.

"Darling, if there is anything I can do to help you, please please let me know and I will do it. Anything," she said in an impassioned way.

She moved her hand over to mine and squeezed it while she said this.

Breathing a huge sigh of relief, I said, "Thank you so much Avril, you really are the best and kindest friend I have. You already gave me what I hoped for, your approval for what I have done."

Avril smiled again and said, "Now tell me all about her, how did you meet? What is her name?"

I took another sip of my tea and set the cup down before telling her all about Denise, how we had met, how we had become friends and eventually lovers. I also told her about a lot of the things that had caused my marriage to fail, including my now former husband's acceptance of a promotion that required us to move when I didn't want to leave where we lived, how I had discovered he was having an affair, and how despite my telling myself we were still in love that we had drifted apart. Denise came as a breath of fresh air to me, and while I had dreamed about having a same sex affair for almost my entire adult life I had never actively looked for it. Denise turned my dream into reality, sometimes a dangerous thing. Well my now real dream did cost me my marriage. But with hindsight I think the marriage was dying anyway.

"You must introduce her to me Darling, I want to meet the woman who captured my friend's heart," she said.

"Yes, I would like her to meet you, but Avril she will only want to meet you, not Henry. She had a bad experience with a man once and she doesn't want anything to do with men in any way. If that is OK with you then yes, I will willingly introduce you, I know you will like her," I said.

"What sort of bad experience, Darling? What do you mean?" asked Avril.

"She was the victim of an attempted rape. Denise won't talk about it much and she told me in confidence, so please don't mention it when you meet her," I answered.

"Oh the poor darling, some men can be such beasts," said Avril. Now how would she know that? Avril had led a sheltered life.

I thanked her for the tea and for her friendship and left before her husband came home. Avril did something she seldom did, she hugged me and said in my ear as I left, "Remember, if I can do anything just let me know, Darling."

Later at home, I let Denise know that I had told my best friend I had turned gay and received a huge hug and then a kiss. I took that as a sign of approval and confidence because I had stopped hiding our relationship and was bringing her into my circle of friends as my partner.

A few days later I invited Avril to join Denise and me for lunch. As I had hoped the two talked together and were soon chatting like old friends. However I sensed something not quite right and the next time I visited Avril I found out I was right. Remember Avril is a very perceptive woman extremely skilled at reading people and understanding human relations.

"Darling," she started when we were sitting in her three season porch drinking tea and eating biscuits again. "I am so afraid for you, I think Denise is a lovely person but she has a certain hurtful and selfish streak in her. Please be so very careful, I don't want to see you get hurt."

"How did you see all that in such a short meeting with her and I haven't and I have known her for over two years and we live together?" I asked her.

"Do you know what I did before I came to Canada?" she asked.

"You know I don't, you have never told me," I said.

"Well you are right, I have never told you or anyone else for that matter. Except Henry of course, he knows I worked for the British government but not what I did. No I won't and can't tell you exactly what I did, but suffice to say I was very good at reading people and getting information out of them. The training I received also helped me to identify people who were potentially homosexual because they were security risks and they could be exploited. I became sickened at some of the things I did and I found a way out. Even Henry doesn't know this much and he never can."

Avril looked intently at me for a minute, the she moved closer to me and took my hands in hers. "Darling, you still don't understand. I had to agree never to tell anyone about what I did. You are the first person I have ever said anything to and I told you because I trust you and you are my best friend. I really can't say any more so please don't ask me. Promise?"

Again she looked into my eyes searchingly for a minute as if reading my thoughts then she relaxed and leaned forward to kiss my cheek, something she had never done before.

"Thank you Darling, I knew I could trust you," she said.

This time when I left, she hugged me tightly and held my hands briefly. Her skin was soft and warm and she left a feeling on my skin even when she took her hands away.

Avril was proved right a few months later when Denise looked so hungrily at my daughter walking naked down the hall. Denise did have a hurtful and selfish streak in her that I had not detected, but Avril had. Denise admitted she would have seduced my daughter despite our relationship, something I found very hurtful and deceitful. We went our separate ways shortly after that and I moved into an apartment on my own. Avril was the first friend to visit me.

"Darling, how are you? Is everything all right?" she asked as she burst through my door carrying an enormous bunch of flowers. She thrust them into my hands and then kissed my cheek.

I thanked her for my flowers and took them into the kitchen. Avril followed and we talked while I put the coffee pot on and arranged my flowers. When the coffee was ready, Avril carried the coffee through to my lounge while I brought my lovely flowers in. We sat down on my couch and we talked while we enjoyed our coffee.

"I am fine thank you," I said, "But I am still feeling very lonely. This is the first time I have been completely alone for almost 26 years. The freedom is wonderful, I can come and go when I wish but I miss having other people around me all the time."

"I know how you feel Darling. After I left my job in England and before I met Henry and came to Canada, I was very alone. None of my friends where I worked were allowed to fraternise with me. I had a sense I was being watched and I didn't want to involve any of my non work friends in such a sordid affair. I kept my own company for a few months and I too felt very lonely," Avril said.

This was new for Avril to open up like this and I expected her to clam up again, but she continued.

"What I am going to say must never leave this room. Do I have your word on that?" she asked very seriously.

"Yes, you know that I will do as you ask Avril," I replied.

She continued, "Do you remember I told you I was good at spotting gay or potentially gay people in my previous life when I worked for the British government? I did some things I can't talk about, but I will say something I did directly resulted in one person committing suicide. When that happened I decided I couldn't be responsible for someone else doing that so I planned how to get out of the government work in such a way that they left me alone."

Avril paused to drink some of her coffee before she restarted her narrative.

"I couldn't just resign because they would forever hound me which meant I had to find a way to resign or be forced to resign so they would let me go. One didn't just up and leave the kind of work I was doing. Someone did and he ended up in prison and he had a very unpleasant time. We were told that to discourage us from leaving which meant basically we worked until we retired or we were sacked. Being forced to resign was easy once I thought of how to do it."

Avril knew I was going to ask her how she did it. She paused again and finished her coffee before she continued, "I simply started visiting pubs in London and used my skills to find a homosexual woman. It only took me a couple of days to find a suitable girl, then I struck up a friendship with her and we started an affair. I knew I would be watched from time to time and sure enough one day the director called me into his office and told me they knew about my affair. He said I couldn't keep my job in the department because I was now officially labelled as a homosexual and therefore a security risk, so would I kindly sign this document. I didn't let him know this was exactly what I wanted so I signed the resignation letter he put in front of me. The department accepted my resignation and let me go with no repercussions because I had given them something to hold over my head. Henry has no idea I have the label homosexual hung over me and there is no way he will ever find out. Yes, it was a drastic thing to do but I just couldn't face being responsible for another person's death again."

Avril paused for a moment to dab away the tears that had formed in the corners of her eyes before she continued, "There Darling, now you know something about me, I see you are shocked at what I have told you."

Shocked! That was an understatement. Knowing her gentle nature, I could only imagine the pain she felt when she knew she was responsible for someone's death. Also much as I tried I could not envisage Avril making love with another woman. Again she must have read my mind.

"It is quite true Darling. The thing is at first I was only doing it as part of my scheme to escape from my job. I had never really looked inwards at myself and to my surprise, I realised I too had homosexual tendencies and I enjoyed what she and I did together very much. However I ended the affair when it had served its purpose. Henry and I met, we fell in love, came to Canada and the rest you know."

I sat there looking at her.

"Avril, I know you are telling the truth and what happened was awful for you. I too would hate to have someone's suicide on my conscience. You were brilliant to think of doing that to get away. I can't begin to imagine what you were doing that made you take such a drastic step and I will never ask you," I replied.

Then Avril said, "Darling, you still don't see it all. When you told me you are gay, how I hate that term for homosexuals, it ruins a very happy word, my sexual feelings for other women resurfaced and in particular for you. But while you were living with Denise I would never have acted on them because that would be wrong."

Avril stood up and I watched disbelievingly as she reached under her skirt and removed her panties. Then she gave them to me and said, "Darling, I have wanted so much to take my knickers down for you ever since you told me you are gay. Darling Barbara I want so much to make love with you, please."

I was confused as all hell. Avril was happily married. She and Henry had one of the best marriages I had ever seen and they were devoted to each other. What was she doing taking her underwear off in front of me and asking me to make love to her? For once I think Avril had read someone wrongly.

"Avril, you are the sweetest loveliest woman I know and if you were not married then I would love nothing more than to share my bed with you. You are the dearest friend I have and I just don't think it would be right. What would happen when we don't want to be lovers any more? Would our friendship also finish? Besides, Henry is also my friend and I would be betraying him if you and I made love. I love both of you dearly and I could never hurt either of you."

Avril looked at me then she sat down next to me and wrapped her arms round me. She kissed my cheek and said, "Barbara, you really are a true friend. I wish you weren't right but you are."

I gave her panties back to her and she stood up to put them back on but in doing so she did show me her bottom. Little did I know that was not the last of her desire to be sexually intimate with me. Avril was one of the most determined people I have ever known and she almost always did get her way.

She then changed the subject completely, another of her usual tactics when she wanted to hide her real intentions. "Darling, let's be decadent and go out for dinner this evening, just the two of us. You can have a couple of glasses of wine, I will drive and I won't drink. Do say yes!"

Smiling, I said. "Yes, I would love to do that. Thank you, you are a sweetie."

"Chop chop, get ready then Darling. I am starving," she said.

Quickly I changed. Avril as always was dressed impeccably. We left my apartment and got into her car. Typically she drove an up market car with leather seats and a very comfortable ride. We went to that dilapidated restaurant I knew and enjoyed a wonderful dinner together.

While we ate, I asked, "Avril, did you ever look for another woman again?"

"No Darling, of course I looked at other women and I have seen a few who might be potential lovers, but I have never looked for another woman because I never found one I felt I could trust. That is until I met you. Even then because we were friends and both married I didn't think you would be available. You see I know how loyal you are, I saw that in you too. When you did tell me you are homosexual, my heart soared but then you were happy with Denise and I wouldn't come between you. I am sorry if what I did earlier upset you but when I knew you were unattached I, well, that is to say, I, ummm, just wanted you so badly and I still do."

Avril was looking intently into my eyes as she said all this quietly so no one else could overhear.

I thought for a minute before I replied, "Avril, if you weren't so happily married then I would drop everything to make love with you. But as you say I am loyal and that loyalty includes respecting others and especially very close friends. I hope you understand."

"Yes Darling, I understand. It still doesn't stop me wanting you though."

I should have known it wouldn't stop there.

She insisted on paying, but conceded I would pay the next bill. Oh the scheming little vixen. She must already have made her plans.

When we got back to my apartment she came in again and we sat drinking coffee.

"Darling, now you are on your own, how will you meet other ladies with your tastes?" she asked.

I thought for a minute and debated asking Avril to help me identify women for me, but that was too close to pimping and besides I couldn't ask her to do that after what she had told me about how she escaped that government job she had, whatever it was.

Instead I simply said in answer to her question, "Well Avril, there is nowhere here, but there is a ladies only club about an hour's drive away. Denise and I went together a few times and I have a membership. I plan on going very soon actually."

Avril looked thoughtful for a moment before asking, "What sort of place is this? I do hope it is not a seedy dirty little place."

"Oh no, it is a very nice club. It has a good but not exceptional restaurant, a quiet room for conversations and a bar with a dance floor. Anyone could go and be at home there," I told her.

"Even me?" she asked innocently.

"Yes, even you," I replied before I could see the trap she had set for me.

"Good, in that case we will go together. You need some company when you go somewhere like that, someone to watch out for you and I am going to do that. No arguing, my mind is made up. We will go this coming Saturday!"