Battle-Hardened, War Weary Ch. 08A

"Why are you so good to me?"

Kali paused in her process. She glanced at his handsome face. "Why am I so good to you?" she stated as her right eyebrow lifted.

"Yeah," he stated before licking his bottom lip. Then he bit into his right thumbnail before he briefly glanced at the bathwater. "I mean..." He glanced at her. "How can you manage to forgive me after all of the shit that I've put you through? I mean, most people would've told me to 'fuck off' and would've tried to press charges against me—

"I did try to press charges against you," she blurted out her confession. Once she realized what she did, her purple eyes grew big, a gasp escaped from her mouth and her mouth dropped open. The master bathroom was crammed with uncomfortable silence. Her skin buzzed as she grew intimidated. She didn't want to see his reaction so she stared down at the water.

"Baby, you have nothing to be ashamed of," he reminded her, a few minutes later. His voice was soft and didn't contain any malice. "You did the right thing."

Her eyes focused on his face. She saw that he was serious. There was another case of silence that infiltrated the atmosphere. She occupied herself by cleaning Ryan's other limbs. She felt his gaze on her during the entire act.

"What happened?" he asked, after several minutes had floated on by.

She looked at his eyes. "What happened?"

"Yeah, what happened when you had gone to the police to report what happened to you?"

Kali sighed before she spoke. "I had gone down to a police station that was nearby my house. The desk sergeant told me that ever since the crime had taken place in the Long Island that I needed to file my complaint in Long Island, so I did. Well, I tried to file a complaint. The desk sergeant there told me that I needed to contact a lawyer and discussed my case with the person. He explained to me about the statute of limitations for the crime. He told that the statute of limitations for rape was five years. I didn't believe him. I thought that he was in cahoots with your family, ever since your grandfather is rich and can buy anybody off, if he wanted to."

"Trust me when I say this: my grandfather wouldn't have done shit for me," explained Ryan. "My grandfather would've used this moment to disown me and make sure that I was sent up the river." Ryan realized that he interrupted his fiancée. "I'm sorry, baby."

Kali gave her boyfriend a smile before she continued. "So, I followed the cop's advice and I did consult with a lawyer. I told her everything and she even..." Kali paused to take a deep breath. "I even allowed her watch the footage. Afterwards, she consulted with her partner. Then I was told the same thing about the statute. But, her partner did suggest that I could try to file charges against you just so I could file a civil suit against you and against Carlo. I declined to do it."

"Why not?" he asked.

"At the time, I hated you so much that I didn't want anything from you." She chuckled as she stared at her belly before she returned to the task of staring at him. "And this was after I discovered that I was pregnant." She sighed and then she stared at her stomach. "In other words, I decided to take the 'high road." She resumed in her efforts to clean his body. "And to answer your first question, Ryan: I am forgiving you because of our daughter and for some other reasons."

"What are the other reasons?" She glanced at him. "If you don't mind answering the quest—

"It's all right," she informed him. She shifted in the bathtub. She sat on her ass and folded her legs. Once she was settled, she looked at him. "One of the reasons is: I knew that you were just a product of your environment. You grew up in a house where your grandfather abused you on a regular basis. In most cases of child abuse, the victim is most likely going to end up victimizing someone else. Hurt people hurt people." She placed her right hand on his left knee. She was quiet for a moment before she spoke again. "I find myself wondering about that. I wonder why I couldn't tell that you were being beaten by your grandfather. All of the signs were there: the way that you were afraid when it was time to go home, the way that you always covered your arms and legs. I think that I should've known—

"My grandfather was smart when it came to that shit." The statement was spoken with a deep, baritone. His natural tone of voice. "My grandfather is a megalomaniac and believes that his wealth makes him invincible, but the man isn't stupid. He knew that if news had gotten out that he was beating my ass, then his reputation was going to be ruin. When he wanted to punish me, he was calculating and clever. He would dole out punishments that he knew would cause me pain, but they wouldn't leave bruises and scars. He would do things like force me to kneel on broomsticks and mop handles for hours. But when he was angry at me, his calculating and methodical sense would go out of the window. It was during those times when he would beat me to the point where there were marks on my body. He would just..." He grunted. He glanced away and stared at the door. The fingers on his right hand played with his bottom lip.

Kali felt an array of emotions at the moment. She felt sad and pity for Ryan. She also felt helpless for him. She wanted to hold him in her arms while she rubbed his pain and hurt away, like the way her grandmother used to do with her when she was a child. But she knew that this was the kind of pain that doesn't disappear as if it was a kiss on a skinned-up kneecap. This was where her sense of helplessness came in. She drew her body closer to her boyfriend. She placed her hands on his chest. She continued to gaze at him. She wanted draw some of the resolution that she felt and give it to her man. She thought that he really needed it.

"You know, the days that I spent with your grandparents, your cousins and with you were the only times that I've felt like I was a part of an actual family." Ryan turned his attention back to her. "I felt..." He sighed. She noticed the brow ridge on his face crinkle. His green eyes were glazed and cloudy. She assumed that he was thinking of something. "I don't know how to describe it. I felt...calm. Yeah..." The brow ridge straightened out while his lips grinned. His eyes were vibrant and alert. He nodded his head. "I felt calm. I didn't feel like I needed to brace myself for someone's outburst. In my house, my grandfather always shouted at everyone. So did my mother, but it was mostly to my dad. I didn't have to tense up because I was expecting for my grandfather to hit me. I didn't have to go to bed at night and wonder if I was going to be force out of bed, so I could be punished. When I was living with you, Mama and Pop-Pop, I felt calm." He stared at her with a pair of bright green eyes and a dazzling smile on his face. "I wasn't tense. Plus, it felt great being around you guys. I've never been in a place where the people was happy and loving towards each other."

The bathroom was filled with silence. With the conversation about his grandfather, Kali began to wonder about the day that he was taken from her home. She wanted to know what happened afterward.

"Ryan, I always wanted to know this," she said to him in a soft voice. She had fallen silent. Kali was apprehensive about asking him this certain inquiry. She didn't want to upset him.

"Go ahead baby," he informed her.

"It's about that day," she informed him.

"Mmm-hmm," he grunted.

"What happened to you afterwards? I mean, after your grandfather and your mother came to get you?"

"Mmm," he grunted before his eyes glared at her stomach. He sighed and then stared at her face. "After my grandfather and my mother snatched me out of your home, we had gone back to the mansion that is out in Long Island. He dragged me from the car and into the cellar and he forced me to take off my shirt and kneel on a broomstick. He had taken off his belt and he whipped me..."

Kali noticed how Ryan's voice lost the emotion and life. She stared at his face, in particular, his eyes. She saw that his eyes became lifeless and dull. He sounded very clinical and as if he was talking about someone else. His behavior reminded her of Jack and her uncles, when they spoke about certain closed cases that they were a part of.

"... He ordered me to remain kneeling on the broomstick while he whipped me. He told me that if I fell off, he was going to shove that stick up my ass and treat me like 'the faggot that I am'. He whipped me until I couldn't feel my back anymore. I thought that I had peed on myself again during that time because my jeans were so wet. Turns out, it was the blood that was pouring from the wounds on my back..."

In her mind's eye, she imagined the image of a little boy that was bloodied and battered. He was kneeling on a broomstick and was sobbing. Her chest felt pressure while her spirit was dampened with despair. "Oh my God," she murmured, a few seconds before a sob escaped her mouth. She felt his arms wrap around her waist, a second later. He pulled her upper body closer to him. She unfolded her legs and turned her body, so her left side leaned up against him. Ryan rested his chin on the top of her head. His grip tightened. She softly wept.

"... After he beaten me with his belt, he wrapped it around my neck. He..." He sighed and then let out a few coughs. "He said that 'if I wanted to live with niggers and be a nigger' then he was going to treat me like one. He dragged me on the floor, over to the center of the basement while he still had the belt around my neck. He was going to kill me. I knew that I was about to die."

"What happened?" she said with a trembling voice.

"His friend, Mister Hanley, had shown up and inadvertently saved my life. He stood at the top step of the basement's staircase and called out for my grandfather. Turns out, a big client that belonged to my grandfather's company wanted to complete a business transaction at that moment and he refused to take 'no' for an answer. Hanley had shown up to the cellar to fetch my grandfather. Once my grandfather heard his name called, he stopped pulling on the rope and I fell to the ground..."

In Ryan's head, he was reliving the moments. He was thinking of the point when his body was suspended in the air. He was kept mid-air due to a rope that was wrapped around his neck. Subconsciously, he remembered how hard and roughly-textured that thick rope felt against his neck. In reality, his throat was tightening. Ryan's left hand reached up to his neck and his fingers massaged the skin.

"...He stepped over my body, on his way over to the staircase. I remember listening to that old fuck speak to his friend. He spoke to him as if nothing had gone on. He had spoken to his lawyer, as if he was downstairs in the basement doing some spring cleaning and not trying to murder his grandson..." He removed his chin from off of her head. "It was at that point that I knew that he was a crazy and sadistic fuck and that I didn't deserved any of that shit."

"I'm so sorry, baby" she whispered. She felt his lips plant a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Thank you," he whispered. There was a three-minute moment of silence before he spoke again. "You didn't tell me about your other reasons."

"Mmm, what?" she moaned as she rested her head on his chest.

"You didn't tell me your other reasons why you decided to forgive me," he explained.

"Oh," she whimpered.

She was aware that he changed the subject so he could try to forget that day. She rubbed his shoulder and then gave him a kiss on his right pectoral muscle.

"The second reason why I decided to forgive you is because I know that it is impossible for me to hate you and love Athena, at the same time. I'm sure that there are people who believe that it is possible. But for me, I cannot do it. If it was possible, then I would end up just like my mother—

"You won't ever turn out like that bitch," growled Ryan. The tone of his voice caused Kali to stare up at his face. His voice held a lot of hostility. He didn't speak about his grandfather with that much dislike. He bowed his head a little. "I'm sorry," he muttered into her curly hair. There was a brief time of silence between the two of them before he spoke again. "What did your mother do to you?"

She placed the washcloth into the water. She stared at the hills of foam that floated on top of the water. She sighed and let out "Mmm" before she spoke. "She had beaten me mostly. Most of the scars that I have on me comes from her. She did these things to me when she was under one of her spells—

"Her spells, what was wrong with her?"

"My mom suffers from schizophrenia. She was diagnosed when she was a child. Jack told me once that she was placed in a mental institution after I was rescued from her and from her boyfriend. He also told me that he has been making visits up at the hospital. That bit of news had surprised me. I didn't think Jack would have it in him to visit my mother and to do it for over the past twenty-two years." Kali sighed. "He said that she is a better person. He said that she is on a medicine regimen that is working for her. He told me that she remembers the events that occurred on that day, but she doesn't like to talk about it. He also said that she doesn't like to talk about me either."

"Fuck her," Ryan muttered. There was more silence between the two of them.

"I," she sighed. "I can't forget about her, Ryan. I know that I should say 'fuck her' and move on with my life. But, I can't do it. I still remember that she did act like a mom for me, when she was healthy. I remember how awesome and interesting she was, when she was on her meds. I still love her and I'm pretty sure that I always will."

"How can you still love her after all of the shit that she had done to you?" he asked.

"It's simple: my mother is schizophrenic. From what I read about schizophrenia, a person suffers from hallucinations and those thoughts can cause them to hurt someone else or themselves. Whenever my mother didn't have her medication, slowly but surely, she would exhibit those habits."

"What were her habits?"

"Her habits were the times when she would talk to herself. She was short-tempered and prone to lash out at people. She would do some things that were harmful to me and to herself. I know that all of the injuries that I have on my body happened, when she was off her meds and she was in the midst of a hallucination. I also know that she held some resentment towards my dad, so that just added more fuel to the fire."

Ryan gave her right temple a kiss. "Why did she held resentment for your father?"

Kali glanced at Ryan. She gave his jaw a smooch. She rested her head on his shoulder. "I think it is because she believed that my dad had abandoned her. Around the time my dad died, they were squatters that were living in an abandoned building. One day, he told her that he was going out to make some cash and he never returned. I don't even think she knows that he was killed."

"Your parents were two homeless people? Why in the hell would they want to bring a child into that environment?" he asked.

"Both of my parents were teenagers, when I was conceived. My mom was fourteen years old and my dad was only seventeen. My mom had no choice but to live on the streets because she was a runaway. But my father, on the other hand, didn't need to hang out on the streets. He came from a loving family. My grandparents were law-abiding citizens. From what Mama had told me, my dad was thrown out of the house by Pop-Pop. My dad was interested in being a gangster and my grandfather didn't like it. My grandfather wanted my dad to go to school and eventually go to college. My dad, on the other hand, hung out with losers and their mindset rubbed off on him. They argued all the time and eventually my grandfather gave him an ultimatum: follow his rules or get out of his home. My father packed up a few of his things and then left the house. Seven months later, he was killed."

"How was your dad killed, if you don't mind me asking?"

Kali sighed. She pulled the wash rag from out of the water and squeezed out the excess water. She proceeded to clean his left thigh again. As she washed his leg, she resumed talking. "My daddy was murdered due to a gambling debt. One night, he won a game. He wanted his money and his opponent didn't want to give it up. The guy ended up stiffing my father. My dad caught up with the guy later on that night at another card party. They argued and they ended up fighting. My dad must've whipped his ass because the guy retaliated, a day later. He brought a couple of his friends as well. My dad was beaten to death." She dipped the washcloth into the water again. "It was in the papers." She scoffed in disgust. "That's one thing that we have in common."

"I'm sorry baby," she heard him say.

She smiled. "Thank you," she murmured. There was a moment between them that provided both lovers with tranquility. "To paraphrase, I forgave you because I don't want to lash out against Athena because of the fact that I harbored ill feelings towards you. I also forgave you, Ryan, because I remember how you were when you were a child. I know that you're capable of being a good person again."

"Thank you," he said to her softly.

"You're welcome baby," she murmured with a smile.

"I love you," he declared.

"I love you too." She watched a large smile grow on his face. Kali felt the positive energy radiate off of him and it caused her to feel giddy. Her skin also felt buzzed.

She watched his hand cup the curve of her protruding stomach. Shortly, there was a strong fluttering inside of her stomach, which was a sign of Athena's movement. 'There she goes,' she thought. 'She is not even here and she is already a daddy's girl!' She rolled her eyes in mock annoyance.

"Like clockwork," she said softly. "Why is it that you can lay your hand down on my belly and she starts moving around?" she asked him.

Ryan laughed. "It's simple: Athena loves her daddy..." He continued to gaze at her stomach. "Athena," he addressed her belly. "Don't you love your daddy?" A second later, a small bit of skin on Kali's stomach rose and then there was a ripple that drifted across her belly. Both of the soon-to-be parents laughed. "That's my girl," he cheered. The unborn girl-child continued to kick and nudge.

"Oh goodness, she is going to be such a daddy's girl!" Kali declared. "I feel bad for her future boyfriends."

"Ugh..." Ryan groaned while he grimaced. "Thank God, I will be dead by the time she is allowed to date boys."

The notion of Ryan dying unexpectedly and at a young age flashed in her mind. A sense of dread filled her soul. 'What does he mean by that?' She glanced at him.

"By the time Athena reaches eighty-six years old and she goes..."

A sense of relief filled her core, when she realized that she was joking. She grinned and let out a low-volume, giggle.

"... On her first date, I will be dead and pushing up daisies!"

Kali shook her head and then laughed. "You might be still alive by the time she reaches eighty-six you know. I just finished reading about a woman who lives in Harlem and she just turned one-hundred and eight years old, so it is possible that you might be still alive," she pointed out to him.

"Well, if I live to be that old, then I will instruct my nurse to smother me with a pillow while I sleep! Or poison my bowl of Tapioca pudding with arsenic!"

She cackled. Her laughter bounced off of the walls. She lifted her head off of his chest and then she turned her body to face him. She kissed his lips. Ryan returned her act of affection with vigor. His hands reached down to her breasts and cupped them. She felt his hands massage her breasts in a seductive manner. Her arousal soared.