Battle of the Banns

Or me. It'll teach one of us.

"Val," I whine. "I don't really think –"

"I know, baby," she interrupts me. "But I love you anyway."

"I love you, too," Kendra says.

Hell, I might as well strip for her. It's not like she's going to remember it tomorrow.

Keeping the three together on the way to Dave and Kendra's apartment is a little like herding chickens. But finally we make it there, and I get a chance to talk to Val in the living room.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Kendra told me she thought you were cute."

"How'd that come up?"

"When I told her that you and I are going to be sharing an apartment this fall." Val grabs my ears and yanks me down for a long, wet kiss. By the time we're done, I realize that that is what she was talking about when she asked if I meant it. I find myself filled with joy, not only that I apparently had the courage to ask her, but also that she had apparently accepted.

"All right!" I shout. "Let's get this show on the road!"

"Woo-hoo!" Kendra shouts back from the bedroom.

Val quickly digs through the CD collection and finds something that she thinks we can strip to. When the music starts, we leap into the bedroom, and find Dave and Kendra sitting on the bed as far apart as they can from each other. Dave is dressed in his boxers, Kendra in a T-shirt and pink panties. The dance gets underway.

About three minutes in, as I give in to Kendra's entreaties and pull my shirt over my head, I can't believe I'm doing this. Next to me, Val already has her shirt off, and is teasing poor Dave by unsnapping and re-snapping her jeans. I try to focus on Kendra instead, and she makes it easier by pulling her T-shirt up and lightly playing her fingers over the crotch of her panties. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Dave rubbing the front of his shorts.

At that point it almost turns into competitive stripping. Both Val and I appear to be determined to get our two best friends to actually masturbate while they're watching us. Val is already out of her bra, shaking her boobs at Dave, so I quickly lower my jeans and kick them aside, letting Kendra see the erection in my briefs.

"Woo-hoo!" she cries again. "Yeah, Mattie."

I reach down for my briefs, but Val suddenly steps in front of me, her back turned to the bed.

"What are you doing?" I hiss at her.

By now she's down to her panties as well.

"Trust me, baby." She smiles at me, and puts her hands on my chest.

"Down in front!" Kendra yells.

Val winks, and slowly starts sinking to her knees. Once there, she reaches up for my briefs and tugs them over my hips.

"Down in front!" Kendra yells again.

"What's that, sweetie?" Val asks over her shoulder. "You want me to go down on him in front of you?"

Oh, God. It has been over a week we made love, and the feather-light touch of those lips on my cock is almost enough to make me explode right then. But that would end the show much too soon.

"Oh, my Gawd," Kendra says. "Are they really doing it? Dave, is she really sucking him?"

Dave doesn't care. He has pulled his cock out and his slowly stroking it. Kendra looks over and, not to be outdone, pulls aside her panties and begins touching herself. None of us are going to last much longer.

I pull Val to her feet, and turn her around in front of me, pushing her forward so that her hands rest on the bed. Now it's my turn to pull her panties off, and apply my tongue to her sex. I can just imagine the faces that she's giving Dave and Kendra.

"Now, Matt," I hear her say. "Fuck me."

I stand and step up behind her. I slide in easily.

"Oh, God, this feels so good, you guys," Val says.

"I can't believe this." Kendra laughs, a low, throaty laugh of a type I wouldn't have thought her capable of producing. I'm fucking my girlfriend, and thinking about how sexy I find her best friend. I am in so much trouble, at least until I notice Val's head turned toward Dave, her eyes apparently locked onto the rigid cock he strokes in his hand.

"I'm gonna cum!" he moans.

"That's right," Val says softly. "Come for momma."

She crawls forward, pulling herself off me, and takes Dave in her mouth.

"You, too, Mattie."

I snap my head over to look at Kendra, who is crooking a finger at me, a big smile on her face. What the hell. I step around the bed, and she grabs for me, taking me inside her mouth all the way down. With a groan, I explode inside her. Kendra groans as well, evidently having brought herself to the same point. From the other side of the bed, I hear twin groans from Dave and Val.

We collapse on the bed together, and when I wake in the morning, I find Kendra's arm around my waist, her breasts pressed against my back. I am staring into Val's eyes, dancing eyes that tell me that she loves me even before she whispers it.

"I love him, too," Kendra murmurs. "Now go back to sleep, bitch."

The rest of that day – the day before the wedding – is a blur. There are tuxes to pick up, wedding and reception planners to obsess with, and finally the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. It is ten o'clock that evening before Dave and I check into our room at the hotel.

"So, um, about last night . . ." he says hesitantly before we're about to turn in.

"The party?" I grin at him. "Did you like it?"

He gives a small sigh of relief.

"Yeah, man," he says. "Good party."

The next time we see the girls, I am, to be honest, stunned. Apparently Kendra has had a change of heart, because the first bridesmaid to come down the aisle – Janie, on the arm of a very smug looking Brian – is dressed not as a plum but in a gorgeous, elegant, dark blue gown. Each bridesmaid looks more just that more beautiful than the last, until finally, at exactly 6:15 p.m., Val begins her procession up the aisle of the church. She actually takes my breath away. And yet as beautiful as she is, it is clearly Kendra who commands all the attention as her father escorts her up the aisle. Beside me I hear Dave's gasp. He really is a very lucky man.

The wedding goes just as it was rehearsed. The only surprise is the look on the minister's face when, after he solemnly intones, "If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace," the groom, the bride, and the maid of honor all turn to look at me. Kendra and Dave are both eager to learn if they've passed; Val's eyes are once again telling me that she loves me.

"No, I'm cool," I tell the minister with a nod.

"Um, good," he says, and continues with the rest of the service. I wink at Val. She winks at me.

The reception is where the problem happens. But then, the reception planner wasn't anywhere near as good anyway. We have eaten dinner, and the band is getting ready to start. But first we have to cut the cake, and have the wedding toast. I'm standing near the cake, a microphone on the table behind me, looking over the speech I prepared several weeks ago.

Lucy approaches, looking quite lovely in a strapless pale blue dress.

"Nervous?" she asks.

"A little. Plus now that I've met Kendra, and seen her and Dave together, it just seems a little, I don't know, generic."

I had noticed the little kids running around – Kendra's cousins for the most part – but had paid them little attention. They'd been very well-behaved for the most part. But they have apparently gotten a little bored, and two of them have started to chase each other around. And when the first one trips, and falls against the table holding the cake, it's almost like I can see the whole thing happening in slow motion. I try to step in front of Lucy, and by some miracle I manage to grab hold of the top two tiers of the cake, saving them from the fate that befalls the rest of it, which is to end up partly on the floor and partly on me.

The entire room freezes, and I have more than enough time to look around, taking mental snapshots: Dave with a stunned look on his face; Lucy with a dab of frosting on her chest, just above the dress; the boys' mother, wondering how to protect her boys from what must surely follow; the reception planner, looking almost as horrified.

And Kendra, who strides up to us, her mouth twitching, her eyes flicking back and forth from me to the table to the boys. She reaches behind for the mike on the table and flicks it on.

"Clean up on aisle four."

The crowd exhales and then bursts into sustained laughter. Kendra reaches across me and with a long, exquisitely manicured finger, wipes the frosting off Lucy's breast and pops it in her mouth.

"Sorry," she says with a smile. "Bride always gets the first taste. Now let's take you off and get you cleaned up, Mattie."

She summons the simpering reception planner and hands her the cake that I've saved, and starts dragging me to the ladies' room. Val joins us there at the door.

"Where are you going?"

"To clean up the best man," Kendra says.

"He's my best man, bitch." Val is laughing too now. "I think I need to supervise this cleaning."

They plonk me down on the couch and, with paper towels, fingers, and even a few tongues, get me ready to rejoin the reception. When we emerge from the ladies' room, the guests break into applause, clearly as happy as we all are that Kendra hasn't let this ruin her day.

They cut what remains of the cake, and pour the champagne.

I push my speech back into my pocket and decide to improvise.

"When I first saw Dave and Kendra together, a little over three weeks ago, I said to myself, here's a very attractive woman, and a very good-looking man. I'll give them six months together, a year at the outside."

That produces some good-natured booing and surprised looks from the bride and groom.

"But having watched them over the past three weeks, I can now see what I couldn't before. These two are perfectly suited to each other, and I have no doubt that whatever life throws at them, from cake to kids, they will be able to handle it with the love and warmth that they will always share. Ladies and gentleman, the bride and groom."

Kendra is throwing her arms around my neck as Dave is shaking my hand, and Val joins us for a group hug. The floor gets cleaned up, too, and a wonderful evening of dancing begins. I dance with Val, with Mrs. Whiting, with Mrs. Anderson, and of course with Kendra. Her eyes twinkling almost as much as Val's do, she thanks me for all I've done for her and Dave the past three weeks. I wonder how much she really knows about the banns. But I'm not going to ask.

At most of the weddings I've been to, the picture of the bride and groom leaving the reception shows a radiant couple eagerly anticipating not just their honeymoon but the whole rest of their lives. Dave and Kendra's will have that, but there will also be a sort of hungry look that will mystify everyone other than the four of us.

Twenty minutes later, Val and I are sitting at an empty table, drinking the last of the champagne, and planning the rest of our own lives together. Lucy walks up to us, her fiancée in tow. Apparently they had an afternoon game, and he arrived just after the toast. Lucy told her parents a few minutes ago – I could hear the shrieks from across the room. Now she pulls out a chair next to me and sticks out her humongous engagement ring for Val and I to admire.

"Very nice," I say.

"It's beautiful," Val agrees. "So has anyone told you about the marriage banns yet?"

My thanks to Hermit, for his excellent editorial assistance.

Please drop me a line and let me know what you thought of the story. Thanks, Marsh.