Best Friends

I was flabbergasted and my mind was running at a hundred miles per second trying to come up with something to say. I knew I had to look like a complete pervert. Luckily Renee had mercy and said, "Some hot looking girl who was standing over there."

Lizzy turned to see where Renee was indicating and Renee elbowed me in the ribs. "Talk to her," she silently mouthed.

"I must have missed her," said Lizzy with a strange look.

"Yeah I think she ducked out of the gate or something," said Renee as she elbowed me in the ribs again.

"Yeah, well I need to get going dear. I have to be up early in the A M. I'll see you on Wednesday night though for your party," Lizzy said to Renee. They both moved toward the gate with Renee throwing me looks whenever Lizzy seemed to be looking the other way.

My next goal was to slip out of the party before anyone could invite me to this other party, which I was sure, was to be held at a bar. I managed to avoid Renee the rest of the evening by moving from group to group. Finally I bade Terry and his wife Linda farewell and went home.

I figured after all of the beers I would sleep right away. One part of me was pissed that I had avoided getting invited to the party and a second shot at Lizzy. The other part was relieved I wouldn't have to either come up with some lame excuse not to go. In the end I rubbed one out while picturing Lizzy and Renee doing body shots.

On Monday evening I went to the grocery store after work. I am always on the lookout for girls I might have spurned during my wild days. As I was moving about the aisles perusing the wares, I saw Lizzy pass the other end of the aisle I was on. I figured if I saw her close enough I would say hi, but remembering the impending party, I wasn't going out of my way to run into her.

I was browsing the frozen pizzas trying to see where I would get the most for my dollar, when I saw her again. She was looking at the frozen entrees. I moved down the aisle towards her as I looked over the frozen pizza choices.

I glanced over to see some slob in a dirty white wife beater leering at her from behind. She didn't seem to be paying any mind to him. I watched for a moment as he pretended to be looking at the diet frozen entrees in the case next to the case she was looking in. I say he was pretending, because his cart had several containers of bacon, a few bags of potato chips and a case each of soda and beer.

"Hey, you might want to be careful hun or you'll melt everything in the freezer," he said to her.

"Did he just actually fucking say that?" I thought as I tried to stifle my laughter.

Without missing a beat, she walked over to me and asked, "Don't you hate it when people leave the shit they don't want in the wrong section of the store?"

I wasn't absolutely sure what she was getting at but I played along, "Yeah. Some folk are just too damned lazy."

"Yes they are honey. Remind me to tell the next clerk we see that there is a misplaced item in the freezer section that definitely belongs on the fat slob aisle."

I lost it and started laughing as hard as I had in a long time. The guy in the wife beater turned a unique shade of red and high tailed it out of the freezer aisle. Lizzy and I stood there laughing together for a few more minutes. One guy quickly grabbed a TV dinner and split as if he'd catch something from the two of us.

"I'm in the mood for Chinese," she said. I glanced at her basket and saw no Asian staples.

So like a dummy I blurt out, "I think the Asian food is on aisle 8."

The sound of laughter once again filled the frozen food aisle. This time Lizzy was the only one in on the joke. She looked at me and stopped. "Oh, you were serious?"

I suddenly came to grasp with the situation. "OH...Well I actually didn't think a young hotty would ask an old fart like me to dinner. I do know a place nearby if you're game."

"Old fart? You're not even forty yet, let alone an old fart."

I blushed at her compliment and offer her my arm. We left our baskets in the middle of the aisle and left the store. We went to a little place near my house. I had them deliver all the time so I knew the food was good. We chatted as we ate, and I kept imagining sweet and sour sauce dripping off of her perky nipples.

Watching Lizzy Spears eat was a sensual experience, even if only one of us was in on the game. As we were waiting for the check, my mind was already deciding which images I was going to play in my mind as I slapped little Carey around later on. I was brought out of my pre-masturbatory wool gathering by a simple question.

"So, is your place near here?"

"Yeah," I answered thinking she was making conversation. "I live just across the park, about three blocks away."

"Well your place is definitely closer than mine so let's go."

Several sweaty hours later she lay panting beside me. "Do you know how long I have dreamed of that Carey?"

"Dreamed of sex? Well I imagine you started dr.."

She silenced me with an elbow to the ribs. "You jack ass. I meant how long I have dreamed about fucking you. I'll tell you how long. Do you remember the night you and Terry camped out in that old camper?"

"Yeah. I remember we camped out in that camper many times. I'm sure you and Renee did as well."

"Yeah we did, but we never had guests."

My mind went back instantly to the one night Terry and I had the Froder twins in the camper after his folks had gone to bed. Lizzy saw the recognition dawn on my face. "Yeah. THAT night."

I tried in vain to remember exactly what I had done, but the image was fuzzy. I did remember that Jessica and Melissa Froder were identical twins. I know Terry and I had swapped them a few times that night. I may have even gone around the world with Jess.

"When you made Jessica scream like a banshee I didn't know what it meant, but it has been in my memory since then and I have wanted it ever since I understood. And Carey, you were definitely worth the wait."

She rose from the bed and began dressing. "You don't have to leave," I told her. "Hell, I'll even sleep in the wet spot."

"I do have to leave. I have to be up early and it's a long drive to my apartment."

"How long of a drive can it be?"

"My apartment's in Galveston. So it is a pretty good drive."

"If you live in Galveston why do you do your grocery shopping in Pasadena? Seriously, who drives 30 miles for groceries? Don't the stores in Galveston sell frozen food?"

She let out a sigh. "Carey, you are a gorgeous man and an incredible fuck, but you just aren't too swift on the uptake."

I lay there stupefied as she finished dressing. She walked over and kissed me deeply. "I'll see you Wednesday."

"Sure," I said not full realizing what I had just agreed to. As the door closed it struck me that she had stalked me. I suddenly felt dumb. "See you Wednesday," I said into the darkness. "Fuck! Wednesday! Renee's birthday! Son of a bitch!" I had been snookered.

I was fucked up all day long over the whole birthday party thing. My buddy Cliff asked me why I was in la la land all damn day. I told him that I had been invited to an event I didn't care to go to.

"Ah, it might interfere with getting some pussy huh?"

"Yeah, something like that," I said.

"Just dodge the phone call bro. It's that simple. When the event is over you say you forgot and your phone was fucked up."

"Bingo!" Lizzy didn't have my phone number. I didn't have a land line and my cell was not listed in the phone book. I supposed if she wanted to get in touch with me, she'd have to drive all the way from Galveston again.

I was feeling pretty good as I drove home. On one hand I might not get another chance with Lizzy. But on the other, I wouldn't have to face a bar crowd. I stopped at the grocery store again, since I didn't get any groceries the day before. I got home and turned on my cell to find I had 3 messages. I also had three text messages and a voice mail from a number I didn't know.

The first text was an address in downtown Houston. The next one was a time, 8:00 to be precise. The third text simply said "Thank you for last night." "How the fuck did she get my number?" I asked the empty room. I suddenly knew who the number belonged to.

I dialed my voice mail box and was treated to Lizzy's sweet drawl. "Hey handsome. I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of calling my cell from yours while you were in the bathroom last night. I texted you the address and time of Renee's party; so I will see you there. Oh and Carey, I can't wait to see you. I'll be wearing something sexy just for you." She made a kissing sound just before she hung up.

Fucking Cliff and his advice. Cliff had obviously never run up against a go getter like Lizzy. I spent a sleepless night trying to think of a way to avoid the party and failed. I actually called off of work that day for the first time since I had been there.

I finally fell asleep but was awakened around ten by Quiet Riot's "Cum on Feel the Noize." I was about to curse the bastard playing music while I was trying to fuck Catherine Zeta Jones when I realized it was my cell phone's ring tone I was hearing.

I hit the answer button and tried to say something intelligible, but only managed to mumble something that sounded like English.

"Carey? You sound like you just woke up."

"Not yet. In a while."

"Do you want me to call you back later?"

I finally realized I wasn't dreaming and I was talking to Lizzy.

"No babe. I just had a rough night and finally fell asleep a bit ago."

"You called me babe. Now I'm all twitter pated. You're not sick are you? I would hate for you to miss the party tonight. I am so looking forward to seeing you."

I almost played the card she'd dealt me and said I was too sick to go, but I heard the profound disappointment in her voice and told her that I'd be there. She let out a joyful squeal and a kissing sound and hung up the phone.

I fell right back to sleep and dreamt of an endless string of maniacs pulling guns while I danced with Catherine Zeta Jones. I finally woke up around 1:30 and watched some TV. "Jerry Springer" had cheating stripper spouses. After a few hours of mind numbing daytime television I showered and got dressed for the party.

"Are you pussy whipped? You go without for a few years and then you go all stupid for the first chick you boink?" I have no idea why, but my internal monologues always sound like a boastful high schooler.

Maybe I was pussy whipped. For the first time in my life the girl had come after me. I had chased after and participated in too many unfulfilling relationships to count. During my time away from the bars I never thought of one of the women I had bedded over the years. Not even the one who almost got me killed.

So here was Lizzy; 29 years old, smart, fun and attractive as hell, she wanted me, she chased me, and she had occupied most of my waking thoughts. Was I in love? Not yet but it wouldn't take too much. I was also convinced that the feeling was mutual, even though I was pushing the big four oh, and had gotten a bit soft around the middle.

I got to the club just before eight. I could hear the thumping bass from the sound system as I got out of my truck. I looked around and couldn't see Lizzy's Miata anywhere.

I walked to the front door where a greasy haired guy in a cheap suit requested my ID. He gave it the once over and nodded his head toward the door and told me to enjoy myself. As soon as I walked in the door I was assaulted by smoke, pulsing lights, and loud crappy music.

I normally have classic or southern rock playing in my truck or at home so I am not familiar with the loud pounding crap with its electronic screeching and space sounds. The place was jam packed with all flavors of assholes. I would have expected a crowd like this on a Friday or Saturday night; it made me wonder if any of these people had jobs.

I spotted Renee across the floor and started wading through the sea of tattooed guys and scantily clad little girls. Once again I was reminded that my youth is ancient history. Almost every motherfucker in the place had more metal sticking out of their bodies than was in my truck.

I do feel somewhat comforted by the fact that I never frequented bars like this and was not likely to run into any ghosts from my past. I made it through the writhing masses and laser lights to find a surprised Renee. She said something, but from three feet away I couldn't hear her over the "BOOM BOOM BOOM" thrumming that seemed to permeate the air.

"I didn't expect to see you here," she yelled into my ear.

"I didn't expect to be here either," I yelled in hers.

"How did you even find out. . ." then a surprised look came over her face. "Lizzy told you, which means she. . ." The look on my face must have confirmed what she thought.

I couldn't read the look on her face, but she paused as she was about to say something. I noticed her attention was drawn behind me so I turned to see what had caught her eye. I was rendered speechless.

I saw Lizzy walking through a parted crowd. It seemed that every swinging dick in the place was trying to talk to her or staring at her backside as she passed. A couple of the guys who approached her were rewarded with nothing more than a dirty look. I can't blame them for swarming her; she was definitely a vision of beauty.

She wore a red dress that almost looked as if it had been painted on. It hugged every curve of her fabulous body. The skirt stopped just shy of mid-thigh and was slit almost to her waist on both sides. Her hair and make-up made her appear nearer to the writhing horde's age than her own thirty years.

She walked directly to me and kissed me fully and deeply. Any dreams the other males in the place had died on that kiss. You could almost hear the air being let out of their egos.

"I am so glad you made it baby," she yelled into my ear. "I have been looking forward to this all day long." She kissed me again and turned to greet Renee. Then she and Renee huddled in conversation. I couldn't tell anything from their facial expressions and of course I couldn't hear a damned word.

After their conversation, everyone in the group moved to an area away from the dance floor. The bar was less crowded back there and you could actually talk; you still had to yell, but you didn't have to invade anyone's personal space.

Everyone was drinking and having a good time. After a few beers and a shot of Jack Daniel's I thought I was able to handle the dance floor. I really didn't know how to dance like everyone was, but it didn't seem to matter. Lizzy kept her body in tight to me and I just moved with the "booms" like I saw everyone else doing.

As we were doing what passed for dancing, I saw a guy approaching rapidly out of the corner of my eye. He walked up and tapped Lizzy on the shoulder and the world went into slow motion for me. I saw, or thought I saw him reach toward his back pocket area. I know a lot of guys keep guns stashed in the small of their back so when the voice in my head yelled "RUN YOU TWITTERPATED TWIT!" I obeyed.

Before I even realized that I had reacted I was out the side door and in my truck. I was breaking traffic laws right and left getting out of the area. I kept hearing a strange sound. It was a quick buzz followed by a zing. I mentally counted the number of times I heard it. Eight times! The guy must have had a semi auto to send eight bullets my way.

I got several blocks away and then got onto the freeway. I was flying on the freeway when the sounds started again. "Fuck! He's chasing me!" I didn't know what kind of guy had the balls to be shooting at me on a semi busy freeway, but I knew that there wouldn't be much I could do to stop him. Then as abruptly as the shooting had started it stopped. By my count I had sixteen holes in my truck.

"Call the fucking pigs you dildo!"

Yes! The police would stop him. I reached for my cell and was about to dial 911 when I noticed that I had two missed calls. I'd have to see about them later since getting this fool to stop trying to kill me was a priority over buying some Amway or donating to the policeman's fund, although a cop on the line begging for money would be better than no cop at all.

I was about to push the nine button when my phone buzzed. It was an incoming call from a number I didn't recognize. I hit talk and yelled "I'll call you back. I have to get the police to stop this asshole that's shooting at me!"

I disconnected the call and a sudden thought hit me like a punch from George Foreman. I guided my truck across two lanes and off onto the feeder. I stopped at a fast food restraint and got out of the truck. I could find no holes. I got back in and sat there shaking.

The buzzing of my phone shook me back to reality. I answered to hear a distraught Lizzy.

"Renee said you were being shot at? What the fuck babe? Are you OK? Where are you?"

"Yeah, it's all OK. It was just a false alarm. I'm going home. I'll talk to you later."

I rung off and started the truck. I must have sat there for too long with it running because an employee from the restaurant came out to see if I needed any help. I assured him that I was fine and drove back to the feeder and then onto the freeway toward home.

I got home half an hour later. I slipped out of my clothes and into a pair of comfortable shorts. I grabbed my bottle of Jack and sat on the couch. I'd turned the TV on for noise. I wasn't watching it I just wanted to not feel completely alone as I drank myself into oblivion.

I felt stupid and humiliated. How could I have mistaken the buzzing of my cell phone for bullet strikes? How could I ever look Lizzy in the eye again? I then wondered if I should go out and get another bottle of Jack. I weighed the options and decided I had enough Jack, mainly because all of the liquor stores were closed already.

I was drunk, but nowhere near passing out when someone began banging on my door. My first fear was that someone had called the cops because I had acted like such a freak. I went to the door ready to make up any excuse the police might buy. I opened the door to find not Johnny Law, but Lizzy still looking spec-fucking-tacular in that red dress.

I opened my mouth to apologize when she jumped into my arms and held me tightly. I couldn't get a word in edgewise as she apologized over and over. I told her she had nothing to be sorry about.

She felt bad for pushing me to go to a bar after I'd had a traumatic experience. She told me that Renee had told her about what had happened to me, and that the group gathered at Renee's party all agreed that I had PTSD.

"Renee's boyfriend is a therapist," she said. "He deals with a lot of the guys coming back from Iraq and helps them get through their PTSD. He's agreed to talk to you some evening when you have some free time. Here's his card."

She handed me a business card, but I was too bleary eyed to read it. "I wish I would have known about this before," Lizzy continued. "I could have maybe been a lot more attentive and helped you avoid the panic attack."

She stepped in tighter and kissed me. "I guess this part of the evening just comes sooner than I had planned," she said pushing the shoulders of her dress down to reveal her braless tits. A very short time later the dress was on the floor. It was joined shortly by my shirt, then my shorts. Her thong and my boxers fell almost simultaneously on my bedroom floor. I was happy that I hadn't had too much booze.

We both called off work the next day. When she left the next evening after dinner, we agreed to meet on Saturday. Soon we were meeting every Saturday. In three weeks' time, we were spending Friday night through Monday morning with each other.