tagHumor & SatireBig Bang Theory - Comic-Con

Big Bang Theory - Comic-Con

byCounterCulture1©

Resistance is Futile

"Welcome my friends to the holy land." Howard said as they entered the convention hall.

"I must confess it is one of the few things that do stir an emotion. It must be my human half trying to assert itself." Sheldon replied dressed as Spock.

"Four days of science fiction, fantasy and comic bliss." Leonard said who was dressed in the bright red outfit of the Flash.

"Mmmm hmmm," nodded Rajesh Koothrappali dressed as a Norse God.

"Oh, honey. Maybe you should have had a Grasshopper at the bar so you could talk. You knew I was coming." Penny replied.

Leonard got a big grin on his face. "I don't think there are enough grasshoppers in the world that would have helped this time." Leonard said as he looked at Penny's outfit.

"I was meaning to talk to you about that. Why did I dress like a space hooker?" Penny asked as she tugged at her metal bikini.

"While your outfit does leave little to the imagination, you are in fact dressed in a perfect replica of the Princess Leia Slave outfit. Beyond that incestuous kiss with her brother in episode five. Princess Leia is considered by most accounts to be a wholesome individual, as well as an excellent warrior and leader." Sheldon stated as he went off into one of his rants.

Howard made a bow in his Court Jester costume. "Your Highness. I am here to serve at your pleasure, or more correctly for your pleasure. You have but to command me."

"Ok, go away. That would give me pleasure." Penny said with a warning face.

"Howard, quit acting like a fool." Leonard interjected.

"But that is what he is dressed as." Sheldon commented. "I think Howard is playing the part very well, made even more believable by the fact that he does not even have a PHD."

"The court jester, or fool if you will, was popular in European courts from the thirteenth to seventeenth centuries. They had what many today would consider the most free speech. In fact, they could often say things and not get in trouble for it, even in the presence of royalty. The best example of this is in 1340, when the French fleet was destroyed at the Battle of Sluys by the English. Phillippe VI's jester told him the English sailors: "Don't even have the guts to jump into the water like our brave French." Sheldon continued.

"That's really interesting Sheldon." Penny replied sarcastically.

"You think so?" Sheldon asked.

"No, not really," said penny shaking her head.

"I swear I will get the hang of this sarcasm one day." Sheldon said.

"Leonard, can we go to the bar first. I am a little self-conscious about my outfit. I could use a drink or five." Penny said to Leonard as she fidgeted in her costume.

Rajesh, still unable to speak just nodded his head emphatically.

Leonard agreed and the five of them headed off to the bar. Once at the bar Penny and Leonard ordered a Tequila Sunrise. Rajesh ordered a Grasshopper. Howard ordered a Slippery Nipple and Sheldon ordered a virgin diet Cuba Libra.

"Leonard, I'm still anxious." Penny said as she finished off her second drink.

"Howard once again to the rescue," said Howard as he pulled out a small bottle of pills and handed them to Penny.

"What is this?" Penny asked.

"Valium, it's my mother's. I keep some on me incase someone here gets to obnoxious." Howard said looking at Sheldon.

Penny opened the bottle and took two. She handed it back to Howard.

"You took two?" Howard asked.

"Yes, I'm really uncomfortable. Why?" Asked Penny

"Oh nothing, just with the alcohol...I'm sure you'll be fine." Howard commented.

*****

The five of them started off together in the convention hall. After a couple of hours they split off, no longer able to take Sheldon's interesting facts. Rajesh ended up following an Orion Slave girl. Howard was off chasing Wonder Woman. Then after a while Penny and Leonard split off from each other.

Howard ran into Sheldon in front of a comic book stand. He could hear Sheldon arguing with the vendor over who would take the place of Batman if he were to die. An argument Sheldon had had before with many others.

"Go away you nutcase." Said the comic book vendor as Howard approached.

"I swear, for someone who deals in comic books, he has very little knowledge about the subject matter." Sheldon said to Howard.

"Have you seen any of the others?" Howard asked.

"I saw Koothrappali with an Orion salve girl. At least I think it might have been a girl." Sheldon responded.

"Ah, history repeats itself." Howard commented as he remembered the last time Rajesh met an Orion Slave Girl at Comic-Con.

"I also saw Penny doing a very provocative dance for someone dressed up as Darth Vader." Sheldon continued.

"What? Where?" Howard asked with a noticeably increased sense of interest.

"Right behind you," said Sheldon, pointing behind Howard.

Howard turned around and saw Penny doing the sexiest dance he had ever seen. Darth Vader was sitting on a chair in front of a booth and Penny was straddling him with her back to him. She was grinding her ass on his lap with her arms in the air.

"Sheldon, did you try and stop her?" Howard asked.

"Of course I did." Sheldon replied with a slight bit of indignation.

"You did?" Howard asked with clear surprise.

"Yes, I tried to tell her if she was going to dance, she needed to find someone dressed as Jabba the Hutt. Boba Fett would even do in a pinch, but that would not have been a completely accurate representation."

"Come on." Howard said as he pulled Sheldon towards Penny.

Howard grabbed Penny by the arm and lifted her off Darth Vader.

"Hey! Do you mind?" Darth Vader said annoyed at the interruption.

"Sorry Darth, this slave girl belongs to someone else." Replied Howard as he pulled Penny off to the side by Sheldon.

"You're so cute." Penny said as she flicked the small bell at the end of Howard's Jester hat.

"This is worse than I thought." Howard said surprised at Penny's comment. "We have to get her back to the hotel. Where is Leonard?"

"I haven't seen him and given the size of this place, it's entirely possible we won't see him for quite a while. Why don't you take her to the hotel?" Sheldon replied trying to brush Penny's hand away as she started to play with his pointed Vulcan ear.

"Normally I would volunteer in a second, but this is Comic-Con. You should take her. She likes you more." Howard said.

"She doesn't like me more. She just dislikes me less. Besides, I didn't drive." Sheldon retorted.

"Awww...I like you both." Penny said as she swayed from side to side.

"Nobody drove. We took a taxi." Howard replied with exasperation.

"Then might I suggest, this is the perfect time for rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock." Said Sheldon holding up his right hand,

"I saw you and Koothrappali playing, but I don't remember how it goes." Howard responded.

"Ok. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock and like always, rock crushes scissors." Sheldon said with out taking a breath.

"Ok. I got it."

"Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock." "Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock."

"Yes! Paper disproves Spock. I win." Howard said with his hand flat in the air.

"I have been losing this more often then odds should allow." Said the Vulcan dressed Sheldon as he looked at his hand in the Vulcan symbol of greeting.

"Yep, it's a mystery." Howard quipped.

*****

Sheldon helped Penny into the room she was sharing with Leonard. She walked into the small living room and fell backwards into the sofa. Running her hands up and down her legs and inner thighs, she looked up at Sheldon.

"Don't you want to stay and take care of me?" Penny asked in a provocative voice.

"No. I want to get back to Comic-Con." Sheldon replied oblivious to the insinuation.

"I want you to stay with me. I took care of you when you were sick and needed me. Now it's your turn. It's what friends do."

"Are you sure you're not making that up." Sheldon replied dubiously.

Penny got off the sofa and walked up to Sheldon. She grabbed one of his arms and began to run her hand up and down the front of his Star Trek Uniform t-shirt. "Stay with me."

"Penny, are you hitting on me?" Sheldon asked. "While I have not had any experience with this, I have observed it with others."

"Hit, spank, what ever turns you and those pointy ears of yours' on." Penny said with a smile.

"I don't think Leonard would appreciate it if I engaged in coitus with you. I have been given to understanding that this is socially unacceptable." Sheldon replied.

"Leonard won't mind. In fact it will make him happy." Penny said.

"How exactly would I engaging in sexual relations with his girlfriend make him happy?" Sheldon asked disbelieving.

"Well...It makes Leonard happy to see me happy. I will be happy when you have sex with me. Therefore, by having sex with me, you will make Leonard happy." Penny said as she pushed Sheldon back onto the sofa.

Penny kneeled on the floor between Sheldon's legs. She then started to rub his cock through the material of his pants.

"While you do have some logic, I am still not sure we should do this." Sheldon said as his body responded to the scantily clad Penny rubbing his cock.

"It looks like little Spock thinks differently." Penny said with a smile.

"Well, little Spock doesn't think for big Spock."

"Big Spock is just along for the ride. It's little Spock I want to get to know better."

Penny took off Sheldon's shoes. She then unbuttoned his pants, pulling them down and then off. She smiled when she saw the Star Trek boxers he was wearing. Placing her hand over the thin material of his boxers, she gripped his hard cock. "Have you ever had sex Sheldon?" Penny asked.

"Not with a second party." Sheldon replied.

"Then you've never had sex before." Penny said.

Penny took Sheldon's cock out from his boxers and rubbed his cock on her face. The smooth silky feel of the skin on her cheek felt wonderful. She gripped his balls with her left hand and began to message them. She then licked the entire length of the shaft, starting at the bottom and working her way up to the head. As Penny got to the head she could already see the slight glisten as precum began to form at the tip. She took his cock into her warm, wet mouth. Penny took it in until she could feel it at the back of her throat. Loving the feel of the smooth skin as it ran across the top of her tongue. She sucked hard on his cock while she messaged his balls at the same time. As she looked up she could see Sheldon's head tilted back, small moans of pleasure escaping his lips. She smiled knowing he would not last long.

His cock slid in and out of her mouth. Every three or four strokes she would push it down her throat a little further. She had lost her gag reflex years ago and was able to get little Spock all the way down. As she took his cock out of her mouth for a moment, a long string of saliva still connected his cock to her lips. She pumped his cock with her fist. Her hand sliding easily up and down his shaft as her own saliva made an excellent lubricant. She played with the tip of his cock with her tongue. Penny would roll her tongue around the head and then ever so gently place the head between her teeth.

"Fascinating," said Sheldon when he opened his eyes and watched what Penny was doing.

"If you think that is fascinating, wait till you see what's next." Penny got up and grabbed Sheldon's hand. She then led him to the bed, "time to do some exploring spaceman."

"Given the number of men I have seen going to and from your apartment, I would hardly say I am going where no man has gone before." Sheldon replied. "In fact, from the data at hand, you could argue that I am going where many men have gone before. Thus this is not really exploring so much as revisiting." Penny pushed Sheldon onto the bed on his back. She took off the bottom piece of her slave girl outfit and metal bra. Tossing them on the floor, she eyed Sheldon as he tried to scoot back on his elbows.

"Penny, I am really having difficulty seeing how this is going to make Leonard happy." Sheldon said clearly uncomfortable.

Penny stood up on the bed. She walked over to Sheldon and put her foot on his chest. When Sheldon stopped trying to scoot back she kneeled down and straddled him. "Resistance is Futile. Now quit squirming."

"Penny, I know you're new to the world of science fiction but if you're going to be using them as sexual metaphors, you really should get them right. Princess Leia would never say that. What you said is a quote from Star Trek, whereas your costume was from the world of Star Wars." Sheldon said.

"Just shut up and stay still while I ride that geeky cock of yours." Penny said as she was overcome with sexual desire.

*****

Rajesh Koothrappali led the Orion Slave Girl into his hotel room. As soon as the door closed, he and the Orion girl began to kiss. His hands went to her ass and began to squeeze. When Rajesh's hand began to work their way around the Orion slave girl stopped them and took a step back.

The green painted Orion slave girl then went down to her knees and undid Rajesh's pants. She then pulled out his hardened member and began to stroke it. She looked up at Rajesh and smiled. Placing the cock in her mouth, she began to suck it.

"That's it you little green sucking machine. Take this Norse God into your mouth." Rajesh said.

Rajesh enjoyed the feeling of the wet lips and warm breath on his cock. He watched as she would take in a couple of inches of cock into her mouth and then stroke the shaft. He reveled in hearing the sucking slurping sound as she got considerable suction on his steeled member. Looking down, he saw the Orion Slave Girl put her hands in her pants. To his shock, The Orion Slave Girl pulled out a seven inch penis.

"You're not an Orion Slave Girl. You're an Orion Slave Boy." Koothrappali said shocked at the discovery.

"You want me to stop?" The guy asked in a more masculine voice.

Rajesh thought for a second and shrugged his shoulders. "What the hell." He grabbed the Orion Slave Boy's head and pulled it back to his cock.

*****

Howard Wolowitz led Wonder Woman into his hotel room.

"You are in for a treat my sexy little heroine." Howard said with horny enthusiasm.

Wonder Woman grabbed Howard by the shirt and pushed him backwards onto the sofa. Placing her knee-high red boot on his chest, she began to make a noose with her lasso. When she was finished she placed it around his neck and tightened it.

"Are you going to make me tell you the truth?" Howard asked. "Because the truth is I want your un-koshered body in a way you can't write about in comic books, or TV or most movies for that matter."

"Oh my little fool. By the time I'm done with you, you will tell me anything I want you to, truth or not." Replied Wonder Woman.

She forced Howard to get up by pulling on the lasso. Then she yanked it towards the ground and forced him to his hands and knees. Sitting on the sofa she spread her legs apart. Between her legs there were three small buttons holding the one piece leotard together. Grabbing the top part of the material she pulled until the three buttons unsnapped. Wonder Woman exposed her shaved pussy to Howard.

"I don't remember the Wonder Woman on TV having this on her outfit." Howard said as he stared at the beautifully shaved mound.

Wonder Woman pulled the lasso and forced Howard's face into her pussy. "Shut up and eat fool. I will tell you when you can speak, if I choose to let you at all."

Howard pulled back a little and decided he would start with his hand. With his right thumb he began to rub her lips, working his way to her clitoris and rubbing it in circles.

"Oh yes, right there." Wonder Woman exclaimed as she grinded her pelvis into the fool's hand.

Howard then slid one finger into her. He pushed his finger back and forth, easily penetrating her wet pussy. While he finger fucked a superhero, Howard placed his mouth on her clit and began sucking.

Wonder Woman arched her back violently. "Oh GOD YES!!! Eat my pussy fool. I want to cum in your mouth."

Howard licked, sucked, and fingered with more enthusiasm than he ever could imagine. The answer to all his childhood dreams came true. Here he was, Howard Wolowitz with Wonder Woman's legs spread in front of him and his face buried in her wet mound.

*****

Penny rode Sheldon's cock hard. She alternated between rocking back and forth and bouncing up and down. Her breast bounced in unison with her motion. She leaned her head back as she enjoyed the feeling of the cock slide deep inside her. She placed one hand on Sheldon's stomach and used her other hand to message her clit.

Sheldon shook Penny's arm. "Penny." He shook it again. "Penny." He shook it a third time. "Penny."

"What is it Sheldon." Penny said in an exasperated voice at being interrupted.

"I am about to ejaculate." Sheldon said.

"What?" Penny asked only half listening.

"Ejaculate. To eject or discharge abruptly, especially to discharge (semen) in orgasm."

"Go ahead." Penny said.

"Interesting, this is the first time you ever understood my definition. I guess we have finally found a subject in which you excel at." Sheldon replied.

"That's interesting honey. Now be quiet." Penny said as she returned her focus to what she was doing.

"One more question. I was curious about birth control." Sheldon said unsure if she had understood his point.

"I'm on the pill. I probably won't get pregnant, but if I do our babies will be smart and beautiful." Penny said teasingly.

Sheldon's eyes grew a little larger. "And invisible?"

"What?" Penny asked.

"Nothing, prepare to receive my sperm." Sheldon said mechanically.

Penny felt a hot explosion deep inside her. She then felt several more blast of lessening intensity follow. She moaned with pleasure as she felt the cock dance around her wet pussy. The feeling of Sheldon's cock pulsating deep inside her was a pleasure she had not thought possible.

Penny could feel the pressure building up inside to a point she could no longer hold. Grabbing Sheldon's shirt she forced herself down hard onto his cock. She squeezed Sheldon's waist between her legs as the intense feeling overcame her. Penny arched her back as wave after wave ran through her. Her pussy contracting around Sheldon's deflating cock.

Penny relaxed and smiled. "Thank you for taking care of me Sheldon. Live long and prosper." She said and held up her hand in the Vulcan sign.

*****

Rajesh stood behind the Orion Slave Boy and pressed his cock at the entrance. Pushing a little harder each time until the head went in, slowly working his way deep into the green painted form before him.

The Orion Slave Boy dropped his head. "Oh, that feels so good. So nice and fat. Fuck me you Norse God."

Rajesh now had the length of his shaft inside. The Orion Slave Boy's ass taking it, as it had so many before. Enjoying the feel of how tight it was. Reaching underneath the Orion Slave Boy, Rajesh grabbed the erect penis and began to jerk him off while he fucked him from behind. Between the Orion Slave Boy's blowjob and his tight ass, Rajesh did not last long. He started pumping the green ass harder, releasing his grasp of his cock so he could place both hands on his waist. Rajesh pulled the Orion Slave Boy towards him so he could get in as far as possible. Rajesh's body trembled as he released his sperm deep inside another man. "Take my load you green bottomed beauty." His cum mixing with the lubricant made his dick slide in and out easier. The build up and release as he ejected another load.

"You are indeed a god." Said the Orion Slave Boy as he grabbed the Anal Eaze and coated his cock.

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