Big Feeling

'Michael…there you are…Louis and I were wondering where you had gone.'

With that I turned around and was confronted with a vision of pure joy.

She was quite simply one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. Tall and slim with lustrous dark hair that cascaded well past her shoulders she stood hands on hips with a scowl on her face and a pout on her full lips. Her blue eyes blazed out through the black kohl applied sparingly underneath them. I just stood there for about twenty seconds drinking in her beauty and my stare was only broken when I heard a screech of mock contrition to my left and saw that Michael had dropped to his knees and was begging her forgiveness in such a comical fashion that I couldn't help but laugh. As if using my reaction as a cue Michael reached out and clasped her knees and began to sob and bawl at how sorry he was. By now most of the patrons in the venue were staring at us in confusion obviously wondering what the hell was going on.

Obviously embarrassed the girl hissed;

'Michael…stop it….look what you have done!'

This drew fresh cries from Michael and another stifled laugh from me which wasn't appreciated by the girl who glowered;

'Why do you encourage him?'

By now Michael had returned to his feet;

'But he doesn't need to encourage me Eva…..your reaction is all the encouragement I need Ma Cherie.'

The fact that these words were spoken in quite possibly the worst French accent ever heard was enough for all three of us to descend into laughter. When we had recovered our senses Michael put his arm around the girls shoulder and kissed her cheek.

'Forgive me?'

She looked at him and gave him a little push:

'Do I have a choice?'

Shit. Were they were together? I was astonished to feel the hackles in my throat when I saw them together. At that moment I remembered a line I'd read in The Godfather several years ago. Michael Corleone had been exiled to Sicily and had happened upon a local Sicilian peasant girl. When he'd seen her he had had this overwhelming sensation of desire; that he must possess her. As it was described he had been 'hit by the thunderbolt'. That is what it felt like when I first saw her.

With that she turned to me and my heart skipped a beat as she smiled at me. Such a wonderful warm smile that a flush of warmth surged through my body.

'Eva this is Alan…Alan this is Eva. Eva is one of my co-stars in the movie I was telling you about.'

'It's nice to meet you Alan.'

We kissed each others cheeks and as we did my heart did another leap.

They invited me back to their table where I was introduced to the third member of their group, Louis who was also an actor and another star of the film that Eva and Michael were in. He was a pleasant enough man who had a shock of black hair and like Eva spoke English perfectly. Like Eva he had spent time in England where he'd studied acting although not in the same place as her. As we talked I learned more about the movie they were working on. It was called 'The Dreamers' and they were almost finished it. The Italian director whom Michael had mentioned was none other than Bernardo Bertolucci.

'Bernardo Bertolucci? Stealing Beauty and The Last Emperor? That Bernardo Bertolucci?'

They were amused at my astonishment.

As the evening wore on I found I couldn't keep my eyes from Eva's face and this was even when the other two were talking at me. A couple of times she caught me looking and smiled back lowering her eyes a little. It also became obvious that there was nothing romantic going on between Eva and Michael, which Louis confirmed me when I'd 'innocently' enquired. As the next act took to the stage, a two piece combo called Bluesy Train, Michael and Louis went to the bar to get some more drinks. Eva turned to me;

'So Alan…where are you staying in Paris?'

I moved over to the seat beside her.

'I'm living in a rented place just off Pigalle. Les Quartieres Blanc…or something like that. The record label are paying for it so…..so although it's small and can get quite noisy at night I really shouldn't complain.'

She shook her head and laughed a little;

'In Pigalle? But you must never get to sleep at night...'

I smirked;

'I know….the neighbours can be….well very animated at night. But at least I can play my guitar late and no-one complains. Besides I'm a night time person so it really doesn't bother me. It's only for a few weeks anyway and the area isn't nearly as bad as I'd been led to believe. It is not as bad as Gare du Nord anyway. So what about you Eva? Do you live in Paris or are you just here for the film?'

'I live in a little apartment with my sister close to the Latin Quarter. It is a small place that my parents bought years ago.'

'The Latin Quarter? Very nice.'

'It is nice….but there are too many tourists around there for my liking. But for my sister it is great. She is five minutes away from her University.'

'Oh...what is she studying?'

'Business and Finance. She wants to make a lot of money very quickly.'

Taking a sip from my beer I asked;

'She's not interested in acting?'

Eva let out a merry little laugh;

'Oh no….Joy is far too practical for that. She is like my father. She wants to have order and security in her life. She sees acting as far too insecure a profession'

She went silent for a few seconds staring at the stage as Bluesy Train kicked into their opening song. She turned to me then;

'I am more like my mother. More of a free spirit. She was an actress too so I suppose that is where I get my addiction to perform. She always tried to discourage me telling me that it was not for me, that it was too difficult a thing to become involved in. But I was drawn to it. It was where I felt most comfortable. And as a little girl, of course, to get dressed up in different outfits…well that was a joy!'

I grinned and took another sip of my beer. Eva clapped her hands together;

'But what about you, Alan? Tell me more about yourself. How long have you been playing music?'

'Full time? I suppose it must be two years now. I started playing much more seriously when I'd finished studying music in college but that was in between working as a substitute music teacher….'

Lighting up another cigarette I continued;

'And then I decided to give up teaching and concentrate solely on music. I left the band I was in at the time and started playing solo gigs. It was easier to get them in smaller venues, particularly without a drummer. So here I am two years later...'

'What did your parents think?'

'Oh…my mother hated it…absolutely. She'd be like you described your father: very practical and worried about my future security. When she heard I was leaving teaching she hit the roof….My father…well he was the one who gave me my first guitar when I was seven…so he never questioned it at all. He never wanted me to do anything that I hated like he'd had to. And so that is the, very, potted story of how I got into the crazy career that I am currently in.'

She nodded and placed a cigarette between her lips. Before she could reach for her lighter I had mine in my hands. As I flicked it she placed her cool, smooth hands over mine and guided it to the tip of the cigarette. She let her hands linger on mine for a few seconds as we both stared at each other. A feeling of great joy and warmth engulfed me at her touch and the urge to kiss her was overpowering. I almost certainly would have had Michael and Louis not returned at that very moment. From the look on her face I chance she might have let me. As they approached the table she excused herself and went off in the direction of the Ladies room.

Michael placed the drinks down and addressed me in a very bizarre Southern American accent.

'Did you miss me honey?'

He looked at me and gesticulating wildly snorted;

'Look at this Louis. I go away for five minutes and look! This…This…bum musician has stolen my seat! Sir, you offend me! I demand satisfaction!'

Louis handed me a beer and sat down across from me;

'I think Eva would prefer him to sit there. After all he seems to know how to act like an adult. Unlike some people not a million miles away.'

As he said this, he winked at me; a wink which I interpreted as saying that he could see how enraptured I was with Eva. At least I hope that was what it was!

It was becoming more obvious that Michael was starting to feel the ill effects of the bourbon he had consumed. He let out a hoarse cry which caused many seated around us to hush him;

'Et tu Louis? You would stab me in the back. Apost on thee! When I have smote this ignoble bard….I shall then smite thee.'

We both managed to quieten him down somewhat and by the time Eva had returned he was more docile. As she sat down, smoothing out her skirt, she shot me a little smile.

The next few hours were a blur. We talked and laughed as if we were old friends and not just people whom had met only a few hours previously. As the night progressed Michael became more and more inebriated, and when it reached the point where he could no longer hold his head up under his own strength, Louis decided that he needed to be brought home. So with great difficulty we hoisted him out of his seat and with his arms draped around our shoulders we dragged him out of the club. Eva went out in front of us and hailed down a cab. As the air hit Michael he became more agitated and cursed myself and Louis.

'I can fuckin' walk man…I'm not a fuckin' retard! Let go of me you fuckers!'

I looked at Louis who raised his eyes to heaven and shook his head. We attempted to move forward a few more steps and at this Michael managed to break his bonds screeching with indignity;

'I SAID LET GO OF ME YOU BASTARDS!'

There was nothing myself or Louis could do but let him go. This led to the inevitable. As he lurched forward to the open door of the cab he tripped over his own legs and collapsed with a horrifying thud onto the pavement. The three of us lurched forward calling out for him, asking him was he ok. The relief when he answered in the affirmative was palpable. It took the three of us to bundle him into the cab. Louis sat in the back with him. Eva closed the door and turned to me, an apologetic expression on her face;

'Alan…I am very sorry about this'

Putting my hands on her shoulders:

'Don't worry about it….a bit of excitement on a night out is always good.'

She laughed a little at this and ran a hand through her hair. We stood looking at each other for a minute and as I was just about to lean in and kiss her the sound of someone vomiting interrupted followed by Louis' disgusted cries;

'Michael…for fucks sake…..Eva come on we have to get him home….'

With that I felt, just for a couple of brief seconds, Eva's lips on mine. It was no more than a brush of lips but it was something I will never forget. Before I could say a word she had turned and without looking back she had jumped into the cab.

As I watched it disappear into the night feeling elated at what had just happened a bolt of horror shot through me and my legs felt weak. So weak in fact that I had to sit down on the curb. I clasped my head in my hands as I realised that I had never even asked her for her telephone number. Hell I didn't even know her surname.

All I could think at that moment was:

Fuck.

IV

The next week saw me descend into a gloom so dark that I was barely able to record anything worthwhile. Every night I'd return to the Bottleneck club hoping beyond hope that I would happen upon her but I never did. I trawled the length and breadth of Paris trying to find out where 'The Dreamers' was being filmed but to no avail. Putting it plainly, I gave up all hope of ever seeing her again.

Then one day two weeks later, quite by chance, we found each other again.

It was a glorious afternoon towards the end of May when I took my guitar and wandered up to Montmartre. I'd put the finishing touches on the album and was now just waiting it to be mixed. I'd just returned to Paris from a brief trip to Sheffield to get my car and some personal stuff because I had been booked to play a tour around France with a couple of other acts. We were due to go on the road for most of June and even part of July. After that a tour of England…and well you get the picture. I found a spot where I could play and soak up the sun at the same time. Setting up I began to play while all around me tourists basked in the warm Spring sunshine.

I didn't even notice that she was standing in front of me because I had my eyes closed and was totally immersed in singing. It was only when I'd finished the song and looked up that I saw her. My heart leapt as I recognised her immediately even though she was wearing sunglasses. She cocked her head slightly and smiled;

'So here you are…is this your new job now?'

'Yeah…what do you think?'

'I think that it looks really uncomfortable? How do you sit there?'

'With great discomfort...believe me.'

She took off her glasses and stepped forward;

'Well if it so uncomfortable maybe you'd like to find somewhere else to sit and maybe have a drink?'

'Are you asking me out?'

With a mock frown on her face she placed her hands on her hips;

'It is just for a cup of coffee….don't get the idea that I want to marry you.'

Grinning, like an idiot, I'm sure, I picked myself off the pavement and went over to her. We kissed each others cheeks and having packed away my gear we headed off to a little café nearby.

It was rustic in appearance with tables outside that were somewhat shaded from the blaze of the sun. Having ordered coffee Eva and myself spent the next three hours locked in conversation. I managed to find out her surname, Green. Not very French but her father was Swedish so…

She had finished filming 'The Dreamers' and was now getting ready to shoot another film, a French one this time, called 'Arsene Lupin'. When I enquired about Michael she told me that he'd returned to the States a couple of days after the incident at Bottleneck, his scenes having been finished. I was disappointed as, apart from when he was drunk, he'd seemed like a good bloke. Louis had returned home for a few weeks and would be making another film soon. She didn't know what it was. Lighting a cigarette she leant forward a little on the table:

'What have you been doing Alan? How is the album?'

Sparking up myself I brushed the hair out of my eyes, I needed a haircut badly, and sighed;

'Well the album is done and should be mixed in a week. Then I have a tour of France and Belgium starting in June. Back to England for a while touring and after that…..well I don't know. It's still up in the air. It's the life of a lonesome hobo....'

Putting on my best, or should that be worst, Bob Dylan impression I started to croak out 'I am a Lonesome Hobo'

She giggled a little at this and slapped my arm;

'Stop it! You are as bad as Michael!'

Leaning forward I asked;

'I'm so sorry…can you ever forgive me?'

'Why should I?'

'Because if you do.….I'll buy you dinner.'

She looked at me for a couple of seconds then leant forward, and much to my surprise, kissed me softly on the lips. It couldn't have lasted longer than ten seconds but it seemed to happen in slow motion. I must have had a very strange look on my face because she started to giggle. Eventually I managed to say something;

'I guess that means I'm forgiven.'

She brushed the hair out of my eyes and grinned;

'You are very quick.'

*******************

The next few days were a blur to me. We saw each other almost every day and became close. We had so much in common, film, music, literature that we always had something to talk about. As we got to know each other better and the more comfortable I became with the relationship I opened up more, telling her about my father's death and my strained relationship with my older brother Dan. As I explained to Eva one day when we were walking along the River Seine;

'Dan just feels that I should work, what he would call, a steady practical job. I guess he resents that I've gotten the chance to do something that I really love to do whereas he's stuck in a factory. Things have gotten progressively worse since my Father died. Dan thinks that I should move back to Sheffield and help look after Mum….even though she'd never hear of it…she knows what music means to me…I mean I did offer to head back home and teach music but she….'

I sighed and lit a cigarette. Eva put her hand on my shoulder;

'It is ok. You will make things up with your brother. He may be angry now but that will change. Give it time.'

'I hope you're right because I do love him..'

She grazed my cheek with the back of her hand;

'It will be ok.'

We hugged each other swaying in the warm Parisian sunshine. I think it was then that I knew I really did love her.

So as I said things were going incredibly well. The only cloud on the horizon was the impending tour I was booked on. It would mean that seeing Eva would become more and more difficult, something that didn't fill me with joy. To see the least. I tired to bury this thought and enjoy the time I had with Eva. I could tell that she was doing the same.

The night before I headed out on the tour we went to dinner and afterwards to a café for a drink. Up to that point we had both tried to avoid bringing up the issue trying to keep up the, admittedly, forced gaiety between us. The mood became even more sombre as we walked back, hand in hand, to her apartment in the Latin Quarter. There was silence between us. I was feeling miserable and could tell Eva felt the same. Putting an arm around her shoulder I drew her closer to me. She slipped an arm around me and placed her head on my shoulder. When we reached the doorstep of her apartment she slipped her hands around my waist and drew herself in closer to my body, her head resting on my shoulder. The feeling of her warmth so close to me was enough to coax my penis out of its flaccid state, much to my embarrassment. It didn't seem to bother Eva though and she drew herself even closer to me. I placed my fingers underneath her chin and kissed her, our lips locked together for what seemed like an eternity. As out tongues swirled in unison, dancing around each other I gently caressed her cheek with the tips of my fingers. I felt her hand slip inside my jacket and stroke my midriff through my jumper. When we broke off the kiss we held each other, enjoying the warmth of the still Paris night and the warmth of each other. It was Eva who broke the silence;

'Do you want to come inside?'

I looked at her;

'Are you sure? What about Joy?'

'Joy has gone away with some friends to Nice. So we will be alone.'

With that I planted a kiss on her lips.

'Are you sure you want to?'

She answered this question by kissing me.

*************************

The apartment was a medium sized one situated on the fourth floor of the complex. When we entered I saw it possessed a kitchen cum sitting-room and two bed-rooms. The Parisian equivalent of a student flat. But much cleaner then any Student flat I had been in. It had a good view of the Latin Quarter and while Eva went to the bathroom I took off my jacket and peered out the window for several minutes watching the anonymous people below saunter through the streets. I hadn't noticed that Eva had returned and my gaze was drawn away from the window only when I felt her hand on my shoulder. She wrapped her arms gently around my neck and we kissed passionately. My hands gripped her waist and drew her closer to me, my penis once again springing to life at the feel of her shapely form pressed so firmly against me. I slipped one hand onto her ass and stroked it. We stayed like this for several minutes until Eva broke off the kiss and taking hold of my hand and led me towards what I presumed was her bedroom.