All Comments on 'Billie Jean'

is flawed in so many ways

is flawed in so many ways

I loved every minute of reading your story! Fools be the morons below myself! They can't enjoy a good story and just want to be critics! Keep up the good work!

You should be writing for a living. I can't make it clearer than that. Tons of ideas, but you're some kind of storyteller and that's a natural fact. I particularly love the way you tie in your former characters, even peripherally, to your current project. Ignore those naysayers you hear from; also note their comments tend to be rambling diatribes with only a passing acquaintance with English.

I am finding when I read your stories now that I wished they were longer. I concur with a previous comment.... you should be writing novels. I normally would not read these types of stories in novel format but if I saw your name I surely would do so. Well done again mate!

nice story. Hope you got the ok from Rehnquist for the Tyler and Marissa Collins part of the story. It worked out just fine.

but loving every minute for it. TK U MLJ LV NV

This story is easily exceptional great work.

I've read this story twice. It was good the first time and even better the second time. That is the highest compliment I could pay you.

Another night's sleep cut WAY short just so I could finish one of your stories. Oh well. ;)

SS06, Great job on this one. I'll just have to some how catch a nap tomorrow. You and I will have a great symbiotic relationship going here. You keep writing and I'll keep reading. lol. Thanks bud, I really enjoyed this one.

Fantastic story. You are a great author.

Work with your editor. You have one, right? Look at random capitalization of words that shouldn't be capitalized. They show up like an all caps word; disturbing. Again, look at making women speak like women, not jocks high on testosterone.

Your male is an egotistical, superficial jerk.

he thinks the Salvation Army has tanks and machine guns

without even talking to the wife.

This is totally stupid when he's in a bad situation and she need reassurance that he's with her.

This is artificial and inexcusable for the sake of making up stuff for the rest of the story. Poor outline.

Your male is an egotistical, superficial jerk.

Great work so keep them flowing and don't know what norcal is bitching about the male main didn't seem overly egotistical and was only bitchy to the people that wronged him or were treating him with disrespect.

Jealousy finds many faults

This was should have been rated as a five star all the way. You kept it going with changes and events. People who criticize your work could not write a story using crayons.

I've been reading stories here for quite some time. Yours is the first time I felt that the author could make it in the publishing world. You, obviously know you are good. No one reads twelve pages of literotica for the sheer joy of it--other than reading about your characters. Congratulations. If I had the choice of giving you 10 stars, I would.

Well written. Look forward to reading more from this author.

This work was a well constructed and well timed flow of information. Congratulations, you have produced a very enjoyable story beyond the sexual expectations a reader of matireal on this set expects to enjoy.

If maybe too neatly tied up, virtue and faith recognized and rewarded etc, well, the ending is earned and satisfying, and the road to it is well-paved with good intentions well carried out..

First off, you’re an excellent writer. I’m sure you’re aware of this fact, but it bears repeating to put my other comments in context.

I have read thousands of books, most hardcopy, but also hundreds on my two Kindles. I only mention this to convey that I’m a reader and love reading. Depending on my mood I’ll read all different types of literature.

Personally, I come to Literotica for one thing, to read erotic literature. Given the nature of the site it’s usually average, sometimes good and occasionally great erotic literature. I don’t mind reading, what might be length wise, the equivalent of a 100-200 page novel on this site, if the story is peppered along the way with enough erotic scenes to keep me enticed and/or if the story is building to a satisfying climax.

What I don’t like is a story that starts out with promising initial erotic trysts, leads me on through what I’ll admit was a well written tale, teasing me the whole way, and then ends with barely an erotic whimper.

That might be fine if I’m reading the “Non-Erotic” section of Literotica, but not for the section you posted under. Assuming it’s not a “Non-Erotic Loving Wives Section”, which I presume it’s not.

You wrote a great tale, no doubt. And I’m seriously impressed with your ability to weave the song title and lyrics into the story without making it the least bit cheesy or contrived. But from an erotic fiction standpoint, you failed. I stayed up late reading your story and at the end was left tired and completely sexually unsatisfied.

While the story line had limited opportunities for the requisite erotica given your protagonists faithful nature, you could have easily compensated for the 8 page drought by addnig a lengthy and detailed consummation of the love affair without negatively impacting the story line, and in the process rewarding the reader for their patience and willingness to wait for a thoroughly developed climactic sex scene.

If you’d posted this on a traditional literature website or under the “Non-Erotic” section of this site you’d have earned yourself 5 stars easy.

I thought DQS was finished, but recognized the style in the opening pages of Billy Jean. Great writing, great story, Is there still another name in Literotica that I should reference ?

A DQS reference and a Rhenquist reference in one page.

Nice showing of following others' work.

I thought the whole (hole?) thing was a little over the top. FUN!

You have a gift. I especially like how you plug in past characters from your previous stories like Sarah and Chris. Keep it up.

Loved everyone of your stories. This one most of all. Keep up the great work. It is appreciated.

you get a 5 - but the one problem i saw was the main character walked out and slept in his guest room just because his wife asked for some emotional help by saying he was not cheating. nothing was unreaonable about that - but if he had not done that you would not have a story. like your stuff. you read a lot of dickens.

Please never quit writing, you are the best!!

listen to david cook's version of billie jean - and you will see the cadence actually follows this damn story. the man is a master of story telling. wish i could hit 5 again!

but the truth is somewhere in the middle. TK U MLJ LV NV

For a great story it was one of the best. But for a erotica site, there was very little sex and even the sex that was there was described in so little detail in was inconsequential.

Agree with the preceeding comments. Though not an "erotic", tale, I had to keep reading even through dinner to see how it ended. Everyone got "their just desserts".

This is a great story. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it although I have to wonder how a Shelby 1000 would have gone...........maybe next story. Well worth 5 stars.

Well, once again, I have to say that I really enjoy your stories. I was also really pleased to see Alex come out well. I do wish MB's sister would have gotten hers in a big way.

I was enjoying your story from page 1 to the end. Many points are already discussed in various comments which I wouldn't want to duplicate, however it strikes me that our successful hero Alexander the Great is giving away his and his partner's firm for too small an amount of money. Having 14 mill EUR turnover already contracted from Paris, along with the bestseller author being worth other millions, the fair price for the entity should lie closer to 200 mill than merely 20 mill USD. Anyway, thanks a lot for your work, and making this available for free to read for us all.

Cliffa

I was reluctant to read this one... specifically because of the title. Sorry about that. This is one of the best. Great build-up to an even better ending.

Long. Some of it was okay... God knows prattling on about Mustangs is really fascinating (you should do it in every story). Loved where Blake put the French hotel owner in his place. Yes, it's sure lucky the Americans finally got into the war, albeit years later than everyone else did. Oh, and if you're going to write about advertising and you know nothing about it... do some research first.

It goes on and on. Why didn't he tell the thing about his brother way in the beginning with the similar sounding names and the purple eyes. And public officers don't charge and allege felonies on national TV

If it isn't apparent to everyone, That US notion of 'being spcial' is pretty much down the drain. Stop pretending you are so great and get down to reality without putting everyone else down, e.g. Europe.

Mustangs are lousy cars and so yesterday. Exceptionalism, my ass.

Why the fuck did you hook him up with a filthy whore as a Second Chance Woman? Helena outright admitted to sleeping with the asshole professor despite knowing that he was married. She herself might not have been married at the time, but breaking up marriages like that, destroying a good and decent woman on the excuses her husband made for himself is just plain slut-whoring. Her willingness to believe him when he tells her something doesn't make her less of a whore, and the truism about whores being untrustworthy for the rest of their lives holds true here.

This seems to be one of your older stories, and those I've read post-date don't seem to have the same failing, but please remember something like this next time you feel the need to give your Second Chance Woman a colorful past. If she has, at any point in her life, done the same damn thing the Cheating Whore Wife has done, SCW doesn't deserve to be SCW, no matter how hot she is or how big her titties are.

When I first found literotica, I found myself reading a lot of pure bullshit by gutless weak writers who are mostly male--until I came upon your page SS06; it was love at first read.... That day I stayed up all night to read every single story, I just kept falling head over heels in love with your stories & I'm proud to say it hasn't diminish sometime the love may become stale/routine but nonetheless it's still love. When I read Billie jean it was as if I was there, I found it to be funny, exciting at the same time very sad. It's sad because Mary Beth should've had a hell of a lot more trust & faith in Blake, sad because Marybeth was so vain that she turned her back on him due to bad publicity, Marybeth seemed selfish, self-centered, shallow & moronic. I don't think she cared about him having an affair & allegedly knocking up Billie jean, I think it was the bad publicity that it was causing HER, I think it's sad that that's all she put into consideration --publicity --not her marriage & standing by her man . After six years of marriage one would think that she wouldn't be so quick to convict , yet she did. She claims that she loves her husband but apparently she only loves him when he's not making her look bad or when the camera are on her.. Marybeth's sister terrie ain't nothing but a gutter slut who was filling her sisters head with pure bullshit, I think terrie was extremely envious of Marybeth because she had what she wanted which was Blake, money, cars, jewelry, ect... She wanted to be Marybeth--- but Marybeth was so stupid & so wrapped up in her own little imaginary A-list celebrity persona world that she failed to realize this, because why would a loving & caring sister boost your head up to fuck some nasty stripper dude---that bitch terry is a scandalous ass gutter slut. I like Helena , she sounds hot, I loved the end where she was going to have a little talk with Amanda ... That should've been Marybeth's response when Billie jean tried to ruin her husband. If some cum slut pops up out of nowhere claiming my husband was fucking her & had gotten her pregnant I would tell the bitch --and?! WTF do you want? We would've worked together to clear my husbands good name than I would've gave that slut an ass whupping she'd never forget.... I'd make the bitch wish she never crawled out from sewer ...... Trust , faith, love, compassion , loyalty was missing from Blake's & Marybeth's marriage. I thought it was funny as well as sad when Marybeth poped her ass over there at the fundraising at the end, this proves she didn't love or care about Blake it was all about getting her pictures taken. I've read this story at least 10-15 times & I still love it. I also LOVED the 12 pages (I like long stories) I do wish that you didn't drag it out, but it kept me on the edge of my seat anticipating what will happen next.

I have had two Mustangs and loved them both but, of course, they were not of the Boss Mustang variety. I loved you story, a little more sex would have been OK but it was good enough without it.

It was a nice story but definitely too long. He should not have been so kind to his ex wife because she did not believe in him and stand by his side when he needed her the most. That part was very wimpish. A good tale overall.

It's not a bad story, but it is much too long and a bit boring.

When I started reading this I couldn't help but think of DQS and Rehnquist. This is that well done! Then, the reference to Tyler Collins and Marisa were wonderfully reminiscent. The best writing I have seen from you. I did think the ending was a bit rushed - his relationship with his ex needed a bit more development - IMHO. Five stars all the way!

This is one of if not the best ever--I couldn't stop till I finished it--your work is the best on the site--

Thanks,

Sam

This author is fantastic As I former Shelby Cobra owner, I have to commend his choice in cars. This story mesmerized me to no end I found refuge to read all in one sitting like a drug that gave me bliss. This story was masterfully written. Thanks for the ride Stangstar06!

I don't know what it is about your stories but they always suck me in. Maybe the character development or something, but I can never NOT finish reading your work. Good job

ok story but nothing great

What makes your stories so good, is the fact they are long enough to take your mind for a length of time to escape the cares of the day, with just enough sex to keep them interesting. As far as all the folks on here that like to bitch about your stories, I think they need to get a life and quit bitching. These stories that you and a very few others write are written for entertainment, and if they don't like them, I'm sure if they looked they could find the crap they want to on this site. Keep up the good work!!!

Why does it have to end? This story just stole a good few hours of my day, and I don't regret it one bit.

Dude, you are no amateur. I would pay money for your books. Perfect beach reads in Mexico. This one was tame, so imagine how it would sell spiced up. I loved it!

! if you didnt like the story why did you finish it

2 If you are so damn good where are your stories

I dont always like everything a writer does, but i have the God given sense to keep my forking mouth shut cause I cannot do any better

have you ever been to Europe ???

so many stupid cliches, unbelievable

Which this stupid author has never visited. A stretch Renault? Wrong make pal, who claims to know so much about cars. I've spent a lot of time in France. Stretched Citroens, yes, plenty. But a stretched Renault? They may exist, but I've certainly never seen one.

One star for utter bullshit.

on socialists Urope

...now I realize that has been a mistake! Wonderfully written. You have a faszinating way of writing. That last evening in Paris had me stunned but the way you had it develope left me pleased as well as surprised.

Thank you for writing this one. 5*, of course, nothing different possible.

putting the socialists in their places.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5 stars, only because can't give 10.

how bout a sequel!!!!!!!!!

I was looking for a sex story to get me into the mode, when I came across your story. Read the first few paragraphs and that just got me hooked. Read to the end within an hour and half to realize my date had slept off....Lol.

Not pissed at you for that, the story was worth it 5 out of 5. To all of you complaining about details like Renault doesn't make Stretch cars or the writer's views on Europe ( I live in Europe by the way), I wouldn't want to be next to you all, when you all watch a James Bond film. You must criticize for weeks end, what a sorry bunch

Hey dumbass, this is FICTION, this is SS06,s own world where anything is possible. If he wants a stretch Renault limo then he has every right to have one.

I have never heard of the Shelby GT KR either but I am not putting the author down because of it I just figure it's either a very rare one or something he dreams about, no biggie but it does sound like a car I would love to drive.... LOL

BTW, I am not scared to sign my posts either unlike most people who have nothing good to say...

Myassisdragin

Grand

of the better tales. no hookers, no sluts accidently nuded, and no wimps.

and no ballot stuffing as rquist and ttt.

I enjoyed your use of Bill Maitland from one of the other authors I've enjoyed reading. The way you tied it all together was very entertaining. Thanks for a great read.

To those who are griping about a stretch Renault, you need to realize that car manufacturers don't make limos in house.They are taken to other companies to be made into limos,You can take what ever car you wish and have it remade into a limo.You are also missing his point that the man was trying to insult them by using a junk car pretending to impress them.

Loved the connections with DQS1's Maitland saga. Sorta like accretions to the Arthurian legend.

Why did he wait to tell his people about his brother?

Knowing that there was a brother out there, I'm sure the DNA folks would verify that his DNA was consistent with being the father's brother.

Depending on the timing it might have saved his marriage and his job, there would still be the story about his brother and Billie Jean.

I read all your stories, some make me laugh, some make me feel very introspective, however, all are pleasing. Thing is, you shouldn't generalise, about other nations, for instance, you have just condemned every female in Europe to a lifetime of hairy armpits and by implication legs and pubis too...all 155 million or so of them. Which patently isnt true, cos my friends are very familiar with a razor or dep creams.

Now, of course, it could be said that all the citizens of the USA are jingoistic redneck bloodthirsty morons. Now, I know that to be untrue, cos I have spend some months in the US. I wonder how much time you have spent in Europe?, since, if you come over, you will see your stereotype is unjust.....

Shame really, cos other than that its an intertaining tale.

If only Mary Beth trusted and loved him as much as she said she would have stood by him. I blame her sister(Trina) for most of it and at first I thought she had set him up but she set her sister up. How can a brother hate so much. At least Blake came out of everything OK except for his wife and part of his life. The lady P.I. (Sarah) was a true jem in the story she truly believed Blake and loved her husband like nothing else(Cris) A TRUE 5 STARS PLUS STORY I REALLY LIKED IT .

RON

This story was so thoroughly entertaining that I have no problem overlooking the minor flaws. Rated 5 stars.

Aside from the silly names (Carmen San Diego, seriously!?!) and the references to the annoying song it was titled after this was a fun story. Even the blatantly staged was some of the story had to be structured to work didn't take too much away from it.

So, it may not be the next Great American Novel but it was a lot of fun even still. And that makes it a guilty pleasure...

Karen, the reason he did not mention the brother sooner is 1) The State of Florida quite possibly messed the investigation up, or 2) It made the flow of the story much better, added to the plot etc.

Stang, a great story, no time lag that was just filler, it was interesting all the way. Entertaining and amusing, I found myself smiling often. It was already in Favorites.

The Shelby KR Super Snake Is a real car. I did a quick lookup on Google for it. The KR super Snake Goes all the way back to 1968.Look it up,there are some terrific photos of different ones.One heading is about one that is higher horse power then was the one in this story with 1000 Hp. which is higher than a Nascar race car .Just because you have not heard of one personally does not mean that they are only in Stangstar's mind.

As for when he tells everyone about his brother, if that was told right away then you would have a non story.

None of them have a Shelby GT1000, 1200 hp (on pump gas!)

And only $154,995 (USD)

Since SS06 heroes are always rich or end up that way, it makes me wonder why not?

Are they too scared of a powerful car?

About Europeans I mean. You obviously haven't got a clue mate.

Funny, that after reading 12 pages of your drivel, nothing much from the storyline stayed with me. Just your irritating, ignorant view of Europeans. Sure we saved 'em. But the cost they paid was so great that just your mentioning it here is profoundly insulting... HDK's rationalisation in his comment below has just made him look dumber.

i think you write some great stories and this is one of them. as to some of the comments that were wrtten people needto read their history. the europe that was is just that,was not is. if they are so great where was their power in ww2?they would rather give in to hitler than stand up to him. if they had stood up against him fewer european lives and no american lives would have been lost. so read your history or we will be doomed to repeat it again and again. that'sall.

Don't know how I missed this one. It was well written, very entertaining and exciting. I feel like I should look up more adjectives for excellent so I could adequately describe this story. I actually felt sorry for the cheating wife, how she was so easily led astray by the evil sister. But she did cheat and I hate cheaters. Thank you for this wonderful work.

Dna will IMMEDIATELY tell an expert that the child was his nephew. No 'inconclusive' result. The technician simply would look at the results and say, "Subject A is not the biological father of subject B, but shares a familial relationship, most likely an uncle or close relative.' Case closed.

Also, it's quite apparent that you have never been to Europe. Firstly, you tried, feebly at that, to say nice things about Paris. Of all the wonderful and beautiful cities in Europe that a person could visit, Paris is the worst shit hole a person could end up in. Paris is for American tourists, Europeans never go there, because it's fake and aimed at relieving tourists of their money.

One thing you mentioned that was interesting was the line about how insulting and offensive it was for the French to speak THEIR OWN LANGUAGE, IN THEIR OWN COUNTRY, simply because there were Americans present! And then you wonder why the world views Americans as arrogant? What gives them that impression, I wonder? Ever hear that old expression "When in Rome, do as the Romans do"? It doesn't just apply to Italy's capital. It means that when you visit a different country, you try to blend in, and adapt to their culture, instead of shouting out your belief that everything your country has ever done is bigger and better, and their country is unsophisticated and in need of your 'Benevolent protection'! Just because you believe something, doesn't make it true, (Ever hear of Copernicus? Guess what he discovered!) and being obnoxious about it does YOUR reputation, and that of your country a huge disservice. It's like the 2kids arguing on the playground about whose daddy can beat up the others, when all the grown ups just roll their eyes, and say 'They're kids, go figure'.

Before I get the usual 'Intellectual superstars' hurling childish abuse at me, remember, not all criticism is a personal attact! (Actually, I hope they do! I love a good laugh)

My comments are not 'America bashing'. They are an opinion that differs from yours! Get used to it, most people have differing opinions on EVERYTHING.

America has a lot to be proud of, and a lot going for it. I'm just trying to point out that, despite what a few may believe, it's not the centre of the solar system. Yes, you guys are proud of your nation, and rightly so, but you must realize that SO IS EVERYONE ELSE! All people have a sense of pride in where they come from, and just because it's different than what you are used to, doesn't mean that ALL other countries and ALL other cultures are without merit! EVERY nation and culture has SOMETHING praiseworthy in it. We should see those merits, instead of pointing out flaws. That old thing about catching flies with honey and and all that!

You don't have to agree with, or even like a custom or place, but that's not any excuse for bad manners, ESPECIALLY when visiting that place! How would you like a guest in your house saying that your home is shit and worthless? (I'm well and truly on my soapbox now, Nothing new in that)

Wow, talk about going off topic, and going on a rant! ( Feel free to point that out by the way)

All I really want to say is, please don't stereotype. Having a bad experience with someone from a particular place, on having a bad experience in a country doesn't mean that everyone from that place, or country is the same!

Did I mention anywhere that this was a good story, and I enjoyed it? Surely I did. I never get sidetracked or go off on a random tangent, do I? Good story

One of the best short stories I have ever read, thank you.

Seeing Tyler and Marissa in there was a treat. Did anybody catch who the 4th was?

Since I have read all of Daniel Q Steele's stories, that are available on Literotica, I found it interesting that you included some of his characters. I'm surprised that Maitland took your case. After all, he was more than willing to take his absolute whore of a wife back. I thought your use of phrases from Michael Jackson's song to be quite clever. Nothing is perfect, but, I thought this was one of your best. As for your demeaning of France and their treatment of American tourists, I guess the truth hurts.

It was fun seeing all the other personalities from other authors. You did a great job!!

Yep. The end was the best!!

LMAO!!!

I love the way this melds with your other stories. Great writing. The only thing I missed was to see Tina getting what she deserved in the end. Maybe making her an Internet star with the video of her blowing all the guys in the club. She was the biggest bitch in the entire story, but seemed to not even merit a final byline. If ever there was a Bitch to be Burned, she had to be the winner.

His marriage was doomed regardless of his brother. She didn't believe him trying that get out of jail card BS. He asked her to come to Florida but she didn't want to. She knew what her sister was like and you don't think that she would have wondered about them together? From the word go she failed to note his stance on the whole matter, and wouldn't she have known after all those years of marriage that he had a brother? No one in his family mentioned it to her even once in all the years? She forgot, just as he did so that wasn't his fault.worse than that after all the years together she didn't know her own husband and how her question would affect him? Granted he also went a little overboard with going to another room without confronting her about her lack of faith. Had he mentioned to her something about that then maybe just maybe she would have realized what his actions ment.

Either way nice piece of fiction, thanks again for the offering....

in the rich and the poor families TK U MLJ LV NV

excellent story

Ed Grocott

edgrocott@gmail.com

you had me there from beginning til end !

Not bad, not to sure what the whole lets slander the French was all about; though.

great connection of the WWWM(when we were married) series by DANIELQSTEELE1, perfect story to explain in depth a comment by louis.c.k "Divorce is a good thing, no good marriage ever ends in divorce!"

it may hurt like hell, but its always better to know than not know, and though blake had to wade through a shit storm, he actually made his life better, infact much better.

The biggest problem I have with the DNA test is that without the child they have nothing to compare,so as to decide parentage.That seems to have been overlooked in the story.The other things that people seem to take issue with like how long it is,if you want to see how long a story is just go to the bottom of the first page to see how many pages there are.If it has more than you can handle find another story,probably with another writer as SS06's stories are for the most part longer ones as he likes to develope his stories into more then a 2 page grab and run.Also if you don't like the Mustang you just as well go to another writer because they are going to play a large part of the story,so gripping and putting them down will change nothing.He has his own opinion about them and will continue to place them in his stories.These are his stories and a universe in his mind,there is very little real world about them,view them that way. Some one wrote about how Helen was a bad person because of the affair with her professor,bear in mind that she was young and with little experience with such things and found out for herself how wrong she was to get involved with him.At the time of the story she's done some growing up and made changes in her life and perspectives. Remember back to when you were that age (18,19)and how things could get out of hand very easily,doing things that latter in life you wouldn't do.

"Someone I love so mucH could not believe me".....fucking crazy statement...no wonder she did what she did. ???..asshole...

This writer doesn't know anything about human nature........I m sorry that I read this story....

The previous two anonymous comments were obviously by the same ignorant asshole who evidently has a hard on for this author and thinks his/her bullshit opinions are going to convince grown up adults that their own opinion of what they've just read might not be as valid as his/hers is. If there's a cynic in the house, it's ME and I read nearly nothing in this story that didn't pass muster as being realistic or very possible. (I particularly loved the way he told off the arrogant French businessman and basically told him to shove his ten million dollar contract up his ass.... and then bumped him four million as a penalty for his fucking attitude. ... which sounded good in the story but would never fly in real life.)

So sayeth me.

Gave it all 5 because it deserved 'em. Take THAT, ignorant anonymous asshole.

My yearly reading if this fun tale (somehow I keep hearing MJ singing in the background) and still enjoy every page.

It was 14 million EUROS, which today equals $15,846,598.77

An even better deal...lol

Love it! Also the super snake "BUT IT'S NOT CHRISSIE" May you drive carefully! Love you all! Bye. Greg. Oh 10 stars = 100 %. Bye.

Song is by Tammy wynette not Loretta Lynn.

This has got to be my favorite story right now on lit! I loved it and it made me chuckle more than once! Thanks so much!

I enjoyed this story immensely