Bottles

I knew it was a long shot. I knew I didn't really have much to offer. I had a boring job, a boring life. I worked, I read, I watched TV, I slept. Once a week I pretended to fish. I was about as appealing to women as my baitless hook was to the fish under the pier. But bait or no bait, I decided to at least cast my line...just this once.

*******

The next Saturday, I got there extra early, just to make sure I was the first one there. I brought a small folding table and put a simple white tablecloth over it, setting up two folding chairs beside it. I set out some dinnerware and had a nice meal for two kept warm in a bag next to me. It was corny, I knew, but that was my style. If she didn't like that...well, I just hoped I wouldn't scare her. I had put a nice sweater over my usual outfit- not wanting to overdress, since she wouldn't be expecting this anyway. The flowery centerpiece kept getting blown over by the sea breeze, so I put it back in my bag.

She showed up a little earlier than usual, making me glad I had come all the earlier. I was sitting at the table, one leg crossed over the other, looking out at the waves. I was so lost in thought that I didn't hear her walking up, and I was startled when she said, "What, no candles?"

I hopped up from my seat and turned to face her, explaining, "I didn't think the wind would cooperate." She nodded her head in understanding. "Aannnd...I wondered if candles might be a bit to much."

She laughed softly, still looking around at the set up. "So...are you expecting someone?"

That wasn't exactly the response I was hoping for, but I managed a friendly smile and said, "Just you."

That earned me a giddy smile as she answered, "I was hoping that, but...I didn't want to presume..."

As she was saying that, I pulled her chair out so she could sit down. I saw her put the bottle on the ground next to her chair. I fetched a blanket, which wasn't even necessary at that point. The weather was mild, for which I was thankful. I pulled out the food and served us both. Macy had a big, undecipherable smile the whole time. She watched my hands as they served the food and poured some wine.

We had two weeks worth of chit-chat to catch up on. We shared stories from work, stories about her kids, we talked about the food and dishes we liked. It didn't feel like a date...it felt more like what I imagined dinner between a comfortable married couple would be like.

When Macy had finished her second helpings and as I was sopping up tomato sauce with a piece of bread, she cleared her throat and said, "Ernie, can I ask...why? Why...this?"

"Would saying 'Why not?' get me out of really answering?"

"She gave me a pretend angry look and said firmly, "No."

"Well then, I guess...I wanted to. I wanted to have dinner with you, and I hoped you would indulge me. Maybe surprising you was a little cowardly, since it spared me from having to ask you earlier...but, well...there it is. I wanted to. I wanted to have a few special moments with you."

I think I held my breath while I waited to see how she would respond. She cleared her throat again and shifted in her seat, looking to the side. Finally, she spoke, in a voice that betrayed a strong emotion. "Ern, that's...that's so good to hear." With that, she looked at me, and her eyes seemed at once sad and happy. "So good. It...it's been a long time since I felt wanted."

I spoke softly, unsure how to not ruin the moment. "I find that...hard to believe."

She smiled and nodded, gazing out at the waves. She wiped her eyes with a napkin, which she then clutched in her hand. "No, Ernie...I'm serious. To feel like you're not just another face in the crowd or just another...body to look at...to feel like someone wants to spend time with you. That's...everyone needs that. I need that."

She stood up from the table. Out of habit, I stood, too. She walked to the rail and asked me to join her. "Bring my bottle, please." Once I was standing next to her, she took the bottle from my hand and pulled the cork out. Emptying the paper into my hand, she asked me to read it.

Trembling, I unfolded the little slip and read:

Whether in the same room or across the world, you want to be with me. Even a crowd feels lonely to you without me. How is it that two empty cups can fill each other full? And yet I show up feeling empty and you say I make you full. That's how I know what we have is right.

I looked up at Macy, who was crying, looking at the last purple hints of the where the sun had set. "Macy...?"

"I don't know..." she whispered, shaking her head and answering a question no one had asked.

I didn't want to be taking advantage of her. It seemed like dinner on Saturday, when she was obviously more vulnerable, might have been a bad idea. "Macy, I'm worried you..."

She turned abruptly when I began speaking, then moved in to kiss me. After a few second she pulled away and asked, "can you worry later...after we kiss?"

I shook my head eagerly, "Yeah...Yeah, sure."

*******

I took the bottle home at Macy's request. She didn't realize it would be joining so many others. I almost started popping corks that night, feeling like I had permission to read. But I restrained.

The next two weekends, Randy and Emily joined us on the pier, playing games and being as lively as kids can be. Denise (Macy's friend whom I had met earlier) was there, too, smiling from a distance and calling the kids away at sunset so that Macy and I could have a few moments together. Once Denise and the kids were out of sight, Macy and I would kiss and embrace. I would lean back against the rail and she would lean against me, letting me feel her whole body, all her warm softness, pressing against me. She could no doubt feel the effect she had on me, and a small grind of her hips against me seemed to communicate that she was on the same page.

Just before she left one evening, I leaned back to get a look at the beautiful woman in my arms and said, "Next Saturday is Valentine's Day, you know."

"I know," she smiled.

"Do you want to meet somewhere else? Can I take you out?"

She got a playful smile and said, "No. Just come here at the usual time. I'll take care of it."

"Oh really? Do I need to dress up?"

She thought for a minute, then said, "Not super dressy. But...look nice, OK?"

"I'll try," I laughed and gave her a kiss. She groaned as she pushed away, pulling me by the hand back down the pier. There had been no bottle since our dinner a few weeks earlier, so I had no reason to linger.

*******

I showed up about an hour before sunset- maybe a little earlier than usual, but I was eager to see Macy. I knew it was time we started seeing each other more often than one evening a week. Hopefully much more often. I still felt surprised that she was interested in me, and I worried that my heart was moving faster down the path than hers. If I even half-suspected she was willing, I would have asked her to marry me that night.

I didn't see it until I was halfway down the pier- the sun just above the horizon was in my eyes. There was a single bottle on the railing at the end. How it stayed up against the wind, I had no idea. Once I got there, I saw a red ribbon around the neck with the name "Ernst" written on it. I tried to grab the bottle and was surprised to find it stuck to the railing. Apparently a healthy does of super glue was the answer to the mystery of how the bottle stayed on the rail. Eventually, it came off, bringing some shards of wood with it.

I pulled out the cork and retrieved the slip of paper from inside. It was an address.

*******

I had walked to the pier, so I had to walk back to my house to get the car. I knew the street, or at least the neighborhood- it was a few miles away. I drove there, arriving just as the sun was dipping below the horizon. I barely got off a knock on the door before it swung open. A beaming Macy welcomed me. She wore a purple and black dress and had her hair up- the first time I had seen her that way. The pale skin on her graceful neck looked...kissable.

Dinner was on the table (with candlelight, I was amused to note) and a fire was crackling in the living room. Macy directed me to my seat, then served us dinner. It was as good as any meal we could have eaten out that night. Our conversation was light and happy and playful. It was strange to think that this was the first time we had even seen each other indoors, or anywhere other than the pier, for that matter. Dressed as she was, Macy looked older, more mature than I knew her to be. But laughing and moving around lightly as she was, she looked much younger than I had ever seen.

After she stopped laughing at a particularly good story she had shared, I asked, "Are you always like this when you get an evening away from the kids?"

"Like what?"

"Like this...carefree, playful."

"No...it's not the kids. It's...it's you, Ernst. Being with you is making me happy. Don't you see that?"

"Maybe it's just a bit much to take in."

"Well, get used to it, buster."

We even had dessert, which Macy suggested we eat on the couch by the fire. She let down her hair as she swayed into the room and onto the couch. With my arm around Macy sitting next to me, my stomach comfortably full, and the sound of the warm fire serenading us, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes for a minute. It was, I thought, a perfect moment.

"Sleepy?" she asked. I opened my eyes.

"Nooo. I work night shifts. This is like afternoon to me. I'm just taking in the moment."

"It's nice, isn't it."

"Best Valentine's Day ever."

"I think so, too," she said, snuggling in close and putting a hand on my chest.

"Where are Randy and Emily?" I asked, wondering how much longer we had to enjoy the evening together.

"They're at Denise's place, which they love because there is plenty of junk food and no bedtimes."

I laughed at the thought. "But then you have the fun job of getting them to sleep after they get home."

"Not tonight," she said, fiddling with a button on my shirt.

"Hmm?"

"They're gone all night...until noon tomorrow."

"Oh? Well that's a nice break for you," I said naively, not picking up on her implications. Realizing that, she made her meaning clear.

"You can spend the night, Ern...if you want."

"The night?" I pulled back in surprise, trying to get a look at her face.

She rushed out a response, mistaking my confusion for disinterest. "You don't have to...I mean, I want you to, but...if you think...I know I'm not...I'm sorry, it's just that it's Valentine's Day, and I wanted it to be special and I know that you don't know me that well yet, but I had hoped that..."

Kissing her was the only way I could think of to tell her what I thought of her excuses. When we stopped to catch our breath, Macy was crying. I wasn't used to this. Hannah had never been emotional around me- I sometimes had wondered if she even had feelings at all. So when Macy started crying, I said, "I'm...sorry?"

"No...it's...it's not you. I'm just scared. Scared by how much I want you right now, and scared that you'll be disappointed or that you don't feel the same way."

"Why do you think I'll be disappointed?"

"I know I'm not, like, some sexy young thing. I mean, come on, I've got two kids, I'm getting older, I'm not in shape...I've been just trying to hold my life together for a few years now. And at first I thought I would get my act together and get skinny and fashionable and meet some guys and forget about...about him. But it was so hard to just make ends meet and be a half-decent mom and...and I don't want to say I just gave up, but...taking care of myself wasn't a priority..."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. But she wasn't done and I just ran my fingers through her soft hair as she went on.

"I think I always thought that some day I'd get back out there...on my own terms...but then it started to seem more and more like just a fantasy. And then I wasn't expecting to meet you and you kind of snuck in there before I could go back and give you a better impression. And then you made dinner and we kissed and my kids like you and I just wished I could be better for you and..."

"Whoa, girl...I think you're going to hyperventilate or something. That...that's a lot of sentences."

She put her head down on my chest and sighed. "Do you think I'm crazy?"

I laughed, making her head bounce on my chest. "No...not crazy. I just think we're quite a pair. Here I am thinking you're so beautiful and kind and strong and that you've got to be way out of my league. Because I'm just a boring guy who can't even fish for a hobby. And you've been going around thinking I'm not impressed enough?"

"Are you just trying to be nice?" she said, her voice sad.

"Apparently that's something I'm good at, for better or worse. But no, I'm not just saying that. I...well, I guess I should say that I love you...if that's not going to freak you out."

She stiffened in my arms. "Do you mean that?"

"Yeah, Macy, I do. But that's really hard for me to say, because last time I felt this away about someone, she pushed me away and belittled my feelings. Instead of finding someone else, I stayed with her and just learned how to bottle that feeling up. It..." I sighed, finding it somehow hard to talk about. "It's been a long time since I felt like someone would want to be loved by me."

She chuckled and said, "Well we really are quite a pair, then. We're both bottling everything up, only I'm doing it with actual bottles!" I hadn't intended that comparison, but I realized how appropriate it was, and we enjoyed a refreshing, cathartic laugh together. Once that died down, we were quiet for a minute, looking at the fire together.

Then in a soft voice, Macy said, "I love you, too, you know." My heart swelled at that simple phrase. It had been such a long time since someone had said that to me. I squeezed her close and buried my face in her auburn mane.

"Will you stay?" she asked. Knowing her history, it was hard not to hear all the insecurity and hope that could fit into those few words.

"For as long as you'll let me," I promised.

We were quiet for a few more minutes, then Macy said, "I meant for the night."

"That too," I said, rubbing slowly up her arm. Macy twisted around until she was on top of me. We kissed gently, lightly, nervously. A kiss that, for the first time, was a prelude to more.

"Sooo..." she said. "Do you want to go to the bedroom?"

Feeling as awkward as if it was my first time, I said, "The bedroom's fine with me."

"Because we could stay out here if you think that would be better." She was looking at me with such expectation, such...fragility...like she wanted everything to be just how I wanted it. Like she was afraid even now that I would reject her. I knew Hannah had really messed with my head, but I was seeing now that mine wasn't the only heart that needed to be reprogrammed.

"Macy...I just want to be with you. It doesn't matter to me...what the details are. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be very, very happy." That seemed to be the right thing to say. She smiled and said, "Let's go to bed."

*******

When we got to her room we had several false starts. Kiss first, or undress? Lie down on the bed, sit on the bed, or stand? It was a bumbling, slightly awkward, beautiful time. I helped her get her arms out of her dress, but she hesitated to take it the rest of the way off. She looked at me, looked at the bed, then looked at the light switch, holding her dress to her body. I stepped forward and kissed her again. As we kissed, I took her hands and pulled them out, letting the dress fall. Pulling her close to me, I rubbed my hands up and down her naked sides, enjoying the softness of her skin.

Once we were both down to only our underwear, we sat on the bed and continued kissing. Our hands roamed through new and exciting territory on each other's bodies. She paused for a moment and said, "I'd really rather turn the light off."

"Will you let me watch you walk to the switch?"

She swatted my shoulder as she got up. "No. Close your eyes."

She trotted over to the light switch, and I watched every bounce of her beautiful body. There was a nightlight in the room, just bright enough that I could still see her when she climbed back on the bed. She chided me, "You weren't supposed to watch."

"I regret nothing," I teased.

"Ugh...I'm just...I wish I was a lot thinner."

"I don't know what you're talking about. You have a very healthy, beautiful, touchable, lovable body." As I said that, she was reaching behind herself to unclasp her bra. Tossing it to the floor, she took my hand and put it on her breast. We both gasped at the contact. Hannah had been very thin and had small breasts. She was beautiful in her own way- lithe and leggy and confident. It had been a long time since I had felt breasts that were full and heavy, breasts that I couldn't contain in one hand. I leaned in and kissed the crevice between them, moving my kissed around towards her aureole.

Macy's breathing was heavy. She gently pulled my head back and asked, "Do you want me to...use my mouth?"

"Only if that's what you really want to do right now," I panted, not sure I wanted to delay the moment when I was inside her.

"Really? You're sure?" she asked, skeptically.

"Another time, love. I want your lips on mine right now."

She gave me a kiss, then backed away, casting her eyes down. "This is all just really different, you know. This...isn't what I'm used to."

"Just do what you want, do what feels good."

"That's what I'm not used to."

I pulled back and tried to get a look at her face. Another conversation for another time, I decided. I tried not to be angry and the man in her past who had failed to let sex be an expression of love. "Do you want me to use my mouth?" I asked, guessing that she hadn't experienced that before.

"Oh...Oh God...that's...that would be new. Yes? But not now? Can I get a rain check?"

"Absolutely," I said, guiding us onto our sides. I slipped my hands under her panties, taking a hold of her round cheeks. Continuing to push down, I helped her get her panties off. Feeling my excitement become urgent, I pulled down my own underwear, then put my hand on her mound. With one finger, I slipped between her folds. She was wet, and as I touched her entrance, she gasped in my ear.

"I'm ready...I've been ready," she whispered. With that, she rolled onto her back and spread her legs. "Go ahead." I eagerly got between her legs and used my hand to get my tip nestled into her folds. Finding her entrance, I ran my hand up her body, along her breasts and to her face. "Ready?"

Macy winced and nodded. I slowly pushed into her. She was tight but wet, and it only took a few gentle pushes to get us fully joined. Macy was still wincing, but once I sighed and wrapped my arms around her, she opened one eye and looked at me. I kissed her gently, and she softened a bit. I began moving slowly in and out, not wanting to break contact with her full, warm lips. Our tongues touched briefly once, then again. After a few minutes of that gentle rocking, after those first exploratory thrusts, she put her lips by my ear and said, "You can go ahead, I'm ready."

Not really catching her meaning, I asked, "Go ahead and what?"

Her chest arched up with each slow thrust and as I waited for her answer, I took a nipple in my mouth, teasing it to stiffness. Macy took a few deep breaths and said, "Ready to...you know...start. To do your thing."

I propped myself up over her to get a look at her face. I was really confused. "You know I'm inside you, right?" I flexed my penis a few times for emphasis.

"Well, yeah. That's kind of hard to miss," she said with a smile, squeezing me back a few times.