Circles

"Wait... you're saying I'm teaching myself to do this from the future... after I taught myself to do it?"

“Uh-huh. That's the way it usually works. You just now introduced yourself to you, didn't you? Or aren't you just about to? It's so confusing to talk about, it's much easier to do. But yes, most of us teach ourselves that way. I'm really a kind of an exception, since you brought me in. Will bring me in. See, the words just get all confused.”

"Us? There are others?"

"Plenty of them. Women, men, going everywhen in all kinds of ways. You don't have to do it with sex. Some people do it with nostalgia. Some can dream the future. We'll meet them. But us loving each other is our favorite and best way. Or it will be, for you. For us."

"That's nice. I'm.. I'm so glad about us. You don't know how badly..."

"Yes I do," she interrupts. "I've been watching, remember? I know you re thinking about me in there. You've told me everything. We're very close. But you still have to do it You have to go get me. Don't worry You will."

"Oh..." There’s so much to ask, so much to learn, but I don't know what to say. I'm caught up in the way she's looking at me... I don't know where we are... I was going... in there... I finally think of a question.

"How are we here? There's no way I'm still in, uh, orgasm-land?”

"Oh. I'm holding you up. You would have gone in there by now. Your first trip would be complete. I guess that's a good thing, because one of the hardest things to do is this- just hang out in the between-time. It's not too hard to go through, but once you've been here, really been here, like we are now- not that 'now' means much here. You can comeback whenever you want. Maybe this is how you're so good at it… Yeah. You'd do that to yourself. And I’d do it to you, too. You want to be here? You really want to be here?"

"Yes, of course.”

"Then be here with me. Be here with me for a while before you go in there. Back into this lovely come of yours.” She moves into me. J don't know how this works-she's kissing me. We’re just together, like two flames joining to burn brighter, she's... she's making love to me. God, I don't know how. I'm loosing it, I don't know where I end and she begins... I don't think I do end at all... Ahhh... Oh I don't know what's going on. I don't know and I don't care! Oh, this is everything! I'm everything, every moment of time, my whole being is spread out across the landscape like... a thin coat of sweat This is so complete, I could spend my life like this. I do spend my life like this, I can see that now. This is as much a part of me as I ever was, and I can be this way again if I every choose to stop. But I don't. I am this, with her, and time is a liquid stretchy thing that wraps around me like a blanket.

There's enough of me to remain distinct. I don't know how, but I remember myself. I remember my desire, and I remember that there's still so much to do. I peel free from the everywhen where Tonya left me and I see myself below me, and I see Tonya and me talking and making love in the middle of that orgasm, so I go into the end of it where I- that first me- am drifting into sleep with that wristwatch on.

Stupid thing will have to come off. How am I ever going to be a time traveler if I'm concerned with what time it is? I go in. It's time to teach myself a lesson. And then it'll be Tonya's turn. I can hardly wait.

But then again, I don't really have to wait, do I? I can go anywhen I want!