Confession

Emma had a long sip from her glass then took a deep breath, as if to choose her words, before saying in a slightly different voice, "My other adventures have been on a 'no names, no pack drill' basis to keep my identity secret and I intended it to be the same this time. Well first thing next morning there was a regional meeting prior to the main conference, so you can imagine my shock at finding myself sitting next to Jeff. It turned out that he's a new salesman at the Sheffield office, just twenty minutes down the M1 from here."

It did not take a genius to see the implications but before I could try to assess them my wife rushed on, "He is married too so that night we agreed to keep it as a holiday type affair and not make contact but first thing Monday morning I started getting Emails from him at my desk. He's desperate to see me again."

"What did you tell him?" I asked in a choked voice.

"I agreed. I want to see him as much as he wants to see me."

"When?"

"Tomorrow."

"Despite anything that I might say?"

"Love, I'm expecting you to tell me that our marriage is over so there is no reason not to see him," Emma said sadly.

"If you thought we would split up why make the last few days so wonderful?"

"Because I still love you so much. I deliberately tried to re-create some of our happiest moments for you to remember - and make memories for me as well."

"Why didn't you just see him without telling me?" I asked desperately wishing she had chosen that route.

"That is what I had planned. Tomorrow I was going to pretend to go shopping and meet up with Jeff for a couple of hours in the afternoon. For other times I thought Sylvia could give me an excuse to be away overnight by inviting me to stay with her occasionally."

"That would have worked," I told her. "I wouldn't have suspected a thing."

"That's exactly why I had to tell you," Emma said fiercely. "You're so loving and trusting that I decided that I couldn't deceive you like that. I know that I can't stop myself having sex with Jeff but at least I can do the honourable thing by letting you walk away, even though it will break my heart to lose you."

"He has that big an effect on you?" I asked incredulously.

"As a man it must be impossible for you to imagine. At times it's almost an out of body experience because the sensations he gives me are so intense I forget who I am. I'm out of my mind with pleasure. So my only options were either to tell you or wait until the next conference and I knew that I couldn't go a whole year without feeling like that again."

Emma stopped talking and looked at me expectantly. I was experiencing a turmoil of emotions and my mind was filled with a mass of conflicting thoughts. I don't know how long I must have sat there without speaking until she begged, "Please say something." There were tears in her eyes.

Taking a deep breath I began the hardest speech of my life. "I think I can understand but I don't know what to tell you. If I plead with you not to see Jeff again, I think your need will take you to him anyway and then what I've said will only make you feel even worse than I know you feel already. On the other hand, if I did persuade you to stay, it solves nothing because the basis of our marriage is already destroyed. In the future, any time you were a bit late or had to do overtime I would immediately suspect that you were really with a man and even if you managed to account for every second, I would still wonder if you and Jeff were managing to screw in a storeroom at work."

My wife slowly stood and, murmuring, 'I'm so sorry,' started to move towards the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" I said, suddenly taking charge.

"I thought I could start a bit of packing now and then get the rest together tomorrow."

"Not until you've listened to everything I've got to say," I told her firmly. "I can't imagine living without you but at the same time I don't want to be in a marriage where all trust is gone. As I see it there is only one answer and that is for us to keep living together but with you having the freedom to openly spend time alone with other men." I should stress that my words were not thought through but spoken in panic at the thought of losing her.

"Are you saying that you won't mind if I fuck around?"

"Of course I'll mind. I'm going to find it bloody hard but if you've got this need that I obviously can't fulfil then I'll manage somehow, if that's the only way I can hang on to our marriage. "

"How often?"

This was something I had not considered. "I don't know, I was thinking 'occasionally' -that's more than twice a year but a lot less than twice per week. You can start by meeting your lover tomorrow afternoon as you've arranged. I'll be waiting for you when you get home and then I might even take you out to dinner."

I had finished that sentence with a bit of a smile but Emma did not respond and nor did her face show the relief that I had expected. "It's not quite that straightforward "she said unhappily. "Jeff was going to take me to a cheap motel for a couple of hours but that changed. I was convinced that when you knew, you'd want me out of the house as soon as possible so, when I decided to confess, I rang and told him to book us into a decent hotel for the night instead. Are you saying I have your permission to spend the night with him?"

"NO," I almost shouted, but then in a quieter tone I explained, "That may be possible in the future when I'm more used to it but right now I don't think I could stand it. I know I wouldn't sleep a wink while you are away and the whole night would be a torment. It was bad enough when you were at the conference and I thought you were sleeping alone."

I could not bear the look of disappointment on my wife's face so I quickly qualified, "I'm not saying that you can't be with him tomorrow night, just that I would prefer you to be back before morning. How about 2 am?"

For the first time that evening Emma gave me one of her glorious smiles. "That's two whole hours longer than Cinderella got. You really are the kindest, most understanding, wonderful husband and woman could have."

I broke out another bottle of wine and we spent the rest of the evening chatting, I with my arm round her. I sought to clarify various details from her confession and she provided further explanation of what she got from other men. At one point I wondered what would have happened if Jeff had remained a stranger and asked if she could have gone a full year before cheating again. Emma gave the question some thought and then answered, "I can't honestly say but I do know he unsettled me badly. I think I'm a bit like someone who had successfully given up smoking, After a while they start having an odd cigarette in social situations, thinking they can handle it until suddenly the old craving is back as strong as ever."

In bed we lay and cuddled but nothing more. I think Emma expected sex but due to convoluted reasons in my head I did not want to. When we had made love on the Thursday night it was the last time of our old life and the time after Saturday would be within the new agreement. Sensibly or not, I felt that any sex then would be in a kind of limbo, neither one nor the other.

Next morning I completed my morning tasks with little mental turmoil and it was not until after lunch that I felt my tensions begin to grow. My instinct was not to let Emma out of my sight but I thought that to do so would induce the feelings of guilt that I hoped to avoid. As it was I kept my distance although I was aware that she spent an unusually long time bathing. I deliberately concentrated on other stuff so it really was without thought that I ran up the bedroom to retrieve something from another pocket. Throughout the marriage we have walked in on each other when in states of undress without inhibition but this time I desperately wish I had not.

My lovely wife was standing in front of the mirror in just her underwear and she looked a vision of delight. Gossamer thin panties, a brief red bra with matching suspender belt and her perfect stocking clad legs stretching down to incredibly high stiletto shoes. On the bed waiting was a little black dress and not one of those items had I ever seen before. Before I could stop myself I gasped, "Where the hell has all this come from?"

Emma turned and gave a hesitant smile, "I bought most of it to take down to London but I got the shoes while I was down there." It was a sudden insight in how she dressed for her other life and I think that knowledge helped me slightly. It also showed quite how much she had prepared in anticipation of her latest escapade.

I can't remember much of the limbo time between then and her departure but eventually the dread moment arrived for her to leave. Just before heading off to her lover Emma came up to deliver a fierce hug but only proffered her cheek for a kiss, then with a murmured 'Don't worry', she was gone. The time was 7.30 p.m.

We had not eaten so I passed the first hour alone consuming the meal that Emma had left prepared then washing and drying the pots. I couldn't face TV or even a book so I just went and sat in my chair with a drink to hand. My wife had said that they intended to start off at a restaurant and estimated that it would be after ten o'clock before they reached their room. Due to this knowledge I felt no immediate pressure.

With this leeway I decided to think the whole situation through calmly in the hope that this would 'get my mind right' ready for what lay ahead. Many different arguments passed through my mind but the thee most convincing were:-

1. If she had already fucked five different men since we met, what did another time matter, especially if it was with one of those who had already had her?

2. If I truly loved this woman could I really object to her experiencing a level of pleasure that I was unable to provide?

3. If I was the one who Emma truly loved and this thing with Jeff only sex then logically there was no reason for me to feel upset. In one way, having regular sex with another man was little different from her having a steady dance or badminton partner.

I finished the exercise feeling completely relaxed but barely twenty minutes later I was a wreck. The realisation that by now they were almost certainly engaged in sex, threw me into a state of total mental turmoil. I had an agonising cramp in my stomach, my heart was beating out of control and perversely, my throbbing penis was so stiff that it threatened to burst through the thin material of my trousers. The most identifiable emotion was one of heartache but the combination of bodily sensations was so extreme that at times I felt as if I was floating.

It was twenty past one, earlier than expected, when I heard a car draw up outside. I ran to the window but could only tell was that it was a large vehicle. I could see the bonnet and boot but the body of the car was frustratingly concealed by the rhododendron bush just inside the front wall of my garden. It was another agonising ten minutes before my heart leapt at the sight of Emma walking jauntily up the drive.

Once inside she came straight to me, this time giving me a proper kiss then, leaning back slightly to look anxiously up at my face asked, "Have you been alright?"

"No problem," I told her with a smile but it was a blatant lie.

We went straight to bed with little more said. I'm not sure if Emma would have agreed to sex but I didn't even try. I don't think I could face immediate comparison with the much larger cock that had been inside her less than an hour before. We lay in each others arms but while Emma dropped asleep straight away, I lay awake for a long time, greatly troubled by a painful erection that I didn't feel able to do anything about.

The next day we fell into the usual Sunday routine and very little reference was made to her 'night out'.

In bed that night we did make love and as always I began with a session of pussy worship. This time before beginning my oral ministrations, I took the opportunity to check for any damage but found very little. Her vulva lips appeared puffy and looked slightly sore but there was no sign of stretching. However; her vagina definitely looked used and that was significant because over the hundreds of times I must have licked after having intercourse the previous night, I always found it to be in pristine condition.

The next night, before I had chance to make a move, Emma rolled close, began teasingly fondling my cock and asked, "Is there anything you would like to know?" Then, when I did not answer immediately prompted, "Don't be afraid to ask questions darling, I promise I'll answer truthfully, no matter what it is."

Although myriad questions had been tormenting my brain during the forty-eight hours since her return, the only one that now jumped to mind was, "Tell me about his cock?"

I would rather not have seen the dreamy look on my wife's face as she said happily, "It's about nine inches. That makes it half as long again as yours and it's the same amount thicker. It also has a slight curve like a banana and that's probably what makes it extra special. I know that I feel so full and possessed when he puts it inside me."

The frankness of that answer rather dulled my curiosity but over the next fortnight I think I learned everything about her hours in the hotel bedroom. I must point out that those two weeks were a continuation of that honeymoon week following the conference. If anything it was better and that could be down to the new dimension but I do know that I was left sated for sex. The net realisation was that, if life was still so good when my wife had a lover on the side, what possible harm could her affair do to my marriage.

It was Tuesday night of the next week when Emma asked, "Can I see Jeff again sometime next week?"

"You can make that this week if you like," I told her.

Now that may seem like a strange offer to make but I had a hidden agenda. In all the graphic images which seemed to have taken up almost permanent occupation in my brain, I had a perfect picture of my gorgeous wife but the male participant remained an anonymous faceless android. In fact the only portion pf him that I could imagine with any detail was that amazing curved cock. Therefore I had decided that I needed to have sight of her lover and, having developed the desire, it soon became an obsession and I was eager for the opportunity to arrive as soon as possible.

Starting the ball rolling I asked her to describe Jeff. Emma was so pleased knowing she would be with Jeff far sooner than expected that she was more than happy to comply. "He's about your height and very good looking, with short fair hair. Jeff is a typical salesman and he dresses very well. Some people may find him too cocky but then he has got rather a lot to be cocky about. He's actually quite a decent guy, certainly not a thug like Baz"

"I want to see him," I said.

The happy look disappeared from my wife's face to be replaced by a combination of surprise and shock. "You mean you want to be introduced?"

I corrected her quickly. "No I only want to see him from a distance to get the picture in my mind. I was thinking that the next time you meet Jeff, I could be lurking somewhere in the hotel lobby and get a look at him from a distance without him knowing I was there."

Emma shook her head slowly saying, "I don't think that's a good idea at all."

I was prepared for this and quickly deployed my bait. "If you agree then I won't expect you home before the next morning."

Emma and I separated a distance from the hotel in case Jeff was waiting outside. I went in first and found a vantage point by a pillar which gave a good view of the whole lobby. My wife entered a couple of minutes later and seated herself in one of the easy chairs. I actually spotted Jeff before they noticed each other – that salesman persona was unmistakeable. Confident and extrovert, his stride, posture and apparel spoke of a man who was obsessed with image. At the same time I doubted if he ever had a meaningful thought in his life and I felt a flood of resentment that Emma could be attracted to a man so radically different from myself. But a moments contemplation made me admit that, if Jeff had possessed my merits in addition to his own then there would be far more danger of him stealing her away from me completely.

Emma moved to meet him and her arms went quite naturally up around his neck. They kissed, quite passionately for a public place, and that caused me a barb of pain. It's ironic that although I had more or less come to terms with him sticking his cock up her, I was still distressed by the sight of his tongue in her mouth. Nor did the look of unconcealed joy on her face help my peace of mind. With his arm possessively round her waist they moved towards the lifts and were gone.

I had gone to the hotel buoyed up by the excitement of having my curiosity satisfied but the journey home alone was a very different matter with my mood switching from near exhilaration to deep despondency. I had assumed that being able to put a face on the cuckoo in my nest would somehow make me feel better but that proved not to be the case. All the old emotions were back in full force but I gradually began to notice that although the general angst seemed to ebb and flow in intensity, my state of high arousal seemed constant. The breakthrough came when I admitted that although having an unfaithful wife undoubtedly caused pain, there was also a substantial element of sexual pleasure as well.

Emma arrived home just after 9.30 the next morning. She looked tired but very alive with sparkling eyes. I made a pot of tea and we sat down facing each other at the kitchen table. After a few desultory remarks my wife said, "I hope you don't mind but I told Jeff that you had a little spy on him."

I was not sure if I minded or not. "What did he say?"

"He wondered if you'd like to meet and be introduced properly. He says he's had social contact with husbands in the past when they knew he was screwing their wives - so it's no big deal, at least not to him."

I was caught without words for a moment and before I had chance to respond my wife added, "Jeff actually suggested that we might like to invite him here for an evening so that you and he can get to know each other in relaxed surroundings".

What do you think?" I asked.

Emma reached out her hand, laid it on top of mine and said softly, "It's entirely up to you my love."

Suddenly my heart was again pounding out of control.