tagNovels and NovellasConfessions of a Rust Belt Swinger 03

Confessions of a Rust Belt Swinger 03

byQuazarMachismo©

NOTE: This is a stand-alone story but one of our continuing swinger adventures. I hope you find it enjoyable. Thanks

Chapter 3: The Knight's Inn Experience. Are You Experienced?

So, we survived our first adventure in the world of swinging!

WOOOOO!!!!

Well, it certainly was an experience.

But there wasn't much swinging.

I don't even think that Anne and I had sex when we got home that night. Instead, we were too grossed out by the whole experience. We probably spent a little time in the shower. Like for, I don't know, maybe four hours or so. Scrubbing vigorously. How long does it take to get the creepy feeling of a one legged porn woman off of your body

But we didn't give up! We had a desire to enter the world of swinging and by golly we were gonna make it there!

I guess memories do cloud over time, because after a while, we thought about trying to get together with Kevin and Misty again. I know, I know, you're thinking, "But what about the whole puking thing?" Well, I gotta tell ya, being horny makes you forget. Or maybe makes you stupid. Or both. Whatever the reason, we were willing to put that behind us and move forward. Try to get together again and see if something could happen with them.

This time, we decided to meet them at a restaurant to catch a bite for dinner and see where it went from there. I looked, but unfortunately there were no alcohol free restaurants that were nearby that weren't of the fast food variety. So we ended up meeting them at an Applebee's. The neutral ground of swinger-dom. Yes, I know that the food sucks (Sorry Applebee's but it's true! Oh, it's true!) but it is a great place to meet up with another couple. That way, if things just aren't clicking between you and them, you can easily make your escape between the waitress bringing you the giant overpriced light beer and her serving the bland yet heat of the sun temperature chicken fajitas. Wooo! Hot and tasteless!!! Yummy!

I guess that brings us to the first rule of swinging.

The First Rule of Swinging. Never, ever, ever agree to meet someone in your home.

Never. Ever. I mean, who knows what kind of whack jobs the other people turn out to be? And you want them in your home? You need to really, really, really know the other people before inviting them to your house. And even then it's probably not a good idea.

So, we met at neutral ground. Applebee's. I had a lite beer.

And fajitas. Chicken.

We got there before Kevin and Misty did. A good thing, as it didn't give Misty time to get all liquored up. Anne was still nervous. Hell, I was nervous. Even though we'd spent an evening with them already, it still wasn't an easy thing to meet up with them and talk about fucking. I mean, we barely knew them. And we were gonna get down to business on how this wild sex session was gonna go down over some jalapeno poppers. Well, and maybe chat about other stuff. But we all know that fucking is really the thing on everyone's mind.

So, they showed up. I think Kevin had a lite beer.

And we had a fantastic conversation with them.

Ha!

Just kidding.

It was painful as usual. Filled with a lot of awkward, pregnant pauses. We just had nothing in common with them. They had nothing in common with us. We talked. They, uh, didn't.

Wait. We both breathed oxygen! Great! Some common ground! Not a lot of conversation based on the whole oxygen thing though. "So, um Kevin. . .Uh, how 'bout that oxygen? Some good stuff huh? Keeping those cells working and all. Good stuff."

After some small talk about the weather and local sports teams, the conversation simply collapsed all together. At least for a while.

"So, um, what are you thinking about order for dinner?"

"The fajitas."

"Hey, us too!"

[. . .]

*crickets chirping*

Wow.

Not.Gonna.Happen.

Anne was giving me one of her looks. One of her patented stare downs. You know that look. Like the one that Abbot used to give to Costello.

"What kinda nonsense have you gotten us into now you moron?!?"

That's what her look said to me.

I sank a bit lower down behind my frosty mug and tried to plot my strategy. I just didn't want to give up. As bad as things looked, we were still holding on. Well, I was holding on. It was still possible to call this mission a success. To declare victory. I just wanted to see Misty naked. Just a little bit of female flesh. Just gimme one naked boob! Is that too much to ask for? A goddamned bare breast? One freakin' titty?

I think not!

But it was gonna be tough. I turned to Kevin and Misty to say something.

Strike that.

I looked back over at Anne. She was lacing up her running shoes.

Ready to bolt.

Ohhhhh boy.

It was now or never. Time to make my move. Stand up and take charge!

"So, uh, what does everyone feel like doing?"

Way to be strong there moron! Decisive! Kevin and Misty said nothing. No big shock there. Anne gave me a horrified look like an alien was about to burst through my chest. I started to sweat. This was not the fantastic swinging evening that I had imagined taking place. Instead, I felt like it was a scene out of a horror movie.

Just as the creepy music was about to start and the crazed psycho-killer would start plunging a sharp knife into my chest repeatedly, it happened.

"We could go get a hotel room."

Wait a minute. Who said that? Kevin? My god! Kevin! He talked? He talked!!! Holy shit he knows how to talk! Hallelujah and praise the Lord he knows how to talk! He's been healed!! Tears welled up in my eyes. Thank you Kevin! I looked at Misty. Tiny sweet little Misty. Although her head was almost completely hidden behind her large beer mug, she nodded vigorously in approval. God I loved that tiny little alcoholic woman!

[Mental note. No more beers for the itty-bitty blond in the corner.]

That's two. They're in! They want action! They want to get a hotel room! They wanna get nasty! Mmmmm, nasty!

Now, the tough one. I was almost afraid to look. What if she says no? What if she says nothing? What if she's caught the no talk disease from Kevin and Misty? What if she turns out to be the psycho-killer and starts plunging a knife into my chest??? I shut my eyes. Slowly turned my head. Keeping one eye shut tightly, I sloooowly open the other one and looked at Anne. I was a squinty, horny one-eyed staring doofus, looking at my wife.

Quite the swinging stud I must say.

She was looking at me. With her patented "What the fuck are you doing?" look.

She has a lot of different looks. Or at least I think she does. I gave her my, "So whaddya think about Kevin's idea to go get a hotel room" look. Trust me, it's not an easy one to pull off. You eyebrows have to literally be going in different directions. I almost sprained my forehead.

Anne stared back. Kinda blankly.

Obviously she didn't understand my look.

Ok. Switch to Plan B.

"Um, you wanna?" Brilliant!

"Sure."

Sure? Sure? Really? She said sure? Check! Waiter, check please!!! What the hell does a guy gotta do to get a check for a few watery beers and some crappy fajitas????? Holy shit, who the fuck do I have to blow to get the goddamn check!!!!

She said sure! She said sure!!!!

I was like a kid with a new puppy on Christmas!

Ok. Be cool. Don't blow it. Relax.

Breathe.

Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!

HOLY SHIT!

I was still mumbling that to myself as we left the restaurant.

Ok, wait. We agreed on going to a hotel, but where? Which one? Which way? Oh no, is the plan gonna go down in flames because of the utter lack of a plan?

"So, um, any idea what hotel you guys wanna go to?" I asked. I was NOT gonna let this opportunity slip by.

"Well, there's a Knight's Inn around the corner," answered Kevin.

When the fuck did Kevin become such a chatty Cathy? Could somebody tell that guy to just shut up?

Just kidding. I loved that guy! He was talking! He was planning! He was acting almost normal!

"Uh, ok." I was trying to be suave. Be cool. We got in our respective cars to drive around the corner.

"You ok?" asked Anne. Well, so much for being cool and suave. She always saw right through me. Damn that cute perceptive woman!

"Who me? I'm fine why?"

"You just seem a little nervous."

"A bit." I paused. "You?"

"Well, we don't have to do anything with them."

Don't have to do anything???? What are you insane woman? I've been trying to set this up for months! I've chatted online with these people for hours at a time. I've watched her puke up several frozen marguaritas! I've hung out with the creepy one-legged porn lady! Don't have to do anything??? What are you fucking crazy???

Of course, that was all on the inside.

"Um. No, I guess not."

"We'll just see how it goes."

Ok, so we still have a chance! Wooooo Hoooo!!!! Good enough for me!

We soon pulled into the hotel parking lot. After all, it was literally down the street from the Applebee's. Being a Knight's Inn, it was kinda creepy. (Sorry Knight's Inn, but it's true! Oh, it's true!)

Kevin and I both got out of our cars and headed over to the office. Now, this was weird. I mean, here I was, walking into a hotel with another guy to get a room. Together. And we weren't going to be staying the night. How do we do this? Do we pay cash? Credit card? Two credit cards? Does he use a credit card and I pay him some cash? Do I even have any cash? Do I know anyone here? Why's the front desk clerk looking at me? Is everybody looking at me? Is it hot in here? I can't breathe and I'm sweating! Crap, I have stinky fajita breath!! Fuck!!!!

Oh my god! I'm having a fucking panic attack in this crappy hotel lobby!

Kinda sad, isn't it?

Pull it together Eric! Goddamn it, you are so close to the whole swapping experience. You are not gonna blow it here. You got me? So shape the fuck up and get in there and get yourself a hotel room key! Do you hear me??? Good.

"Why don't we split it," said Kevin, pulling out a credit card. Good old Kevin! He's the man! He's a thinker! Maybe I misjudged the lad. Perhaps you simply needed to peel back a few layers. Expose the true nature, the real brilliance of his character?

Nah.

After paying and getting the key, it was silence again. We went back out to the cars and the ladies. Room 74. Awesome room 74. The room that will go down in infamy. The room where it all started. The room where I became a swinger! A swapper! Wooooooo, all hail room 74.

"Where are we going?"

"Um, room 74, I think."

"O.k." said Anne. She was like the queen of cool. She was like Iceman from Top Gun. I was more like Cougar, the dude who fucking freaked out at the beginning of the movie. I was fucking cougar!

You know, someday I'd like to fuck a cougar. . .

But sadly, this moment wasn't exactly about the good kind. Of cougar. Instead, I was the sweaty, nervous mess kind.

"Have a mint," said Iceman. She had my back. She was my wingman! She knew my breath smelled like shit!

"Right," I answered, popping an altoid into my mouth. Curiously strong my ass! That little fucking mint wilted when the pressure was on. So I popped about twenty-five more and we were on our way.

To room seventy . . . , um. What was it again? FUCK!! FUCK!! FUCK!!

This was so not going well.

Fortunately, I remembered what Kevin's car looked like. It was a truck! A big honkin' white truck! I saw the truck! Excellent. Get to the truck!

"There it is. Room 74." I wanted to kiss Iceman! However, with my mouth full of mints that were now burning a hole in my tongue, I figured that it was not the best thing to do. So I said, 'right.' Except it came out as,

"rfghrgtbrl"

Stupid mints.

Anne gave me a puzzled look as we got out of our car and headed to the hotel room. Kevin and Misty were already in there. He obviously wasn't having the complete mental breakdown that I was. I knocked softly and he soon opened the door. We went in. . .to room filled with hot naked women!

No, actually it was a room with a stained carpet, bedspreads that smelled funny, and Misty.

Misty didn't smell funny. Well, at least I didn't think so. Me? I smelled like a bottle of scope mouthwash. My breath was so minty fucking fresh that I thought I was gonna hurl. Maybe Misty would like that. . .

I had picked up a bottle of cheap wine before we met them at the Applebee's, so I cracked that open and poured some into two glasses. Kevin and Misty were drinking something as well. I have no idea what it was, but I worried about whether Misty was gonna puke on the hotel room floor. Sadly, that may have been an improvement. I wasn't sure I wanted to even get naked in the room. It kind of creeped me out. I kept imagining things were crawling on the walls. Well, maybe I wasn't imagining.

Forget the wine. I should have brought some raid. Eeww.

Of course, I didn't say anything to Anne about the crawling walls. She woulda been out of there so fast she would have left a vapor trail across the cheap carpeting. So we sat on the hard little double beds and drank.

And looked at each other.

What happened to outgoing Kevin? Decisive Kevin? Kevin that said something?

Anything?

Nothing.

Now what? We were sooooo close. Yet so far.

"I've got a deck of cards." I looked over at my wife. My beautiful wonderful wife! Good old Anne! Always coming through in the clutch!

"We could play some strip poker."

Who was this woman? I did not know this woman! She was on fire! She was amazing! The three of us kind of nodded dumbly. Ok. We can play cards. We can play poker.

Wait a minute? Did she say poker? I love poker! I'm awesome at poker! I'm a guy! Poker is like, in my genes or something! This is fantastic! A few hands and we'll have naked women sitting next to us! Then they'll have to, you know, do stuff! (mmmmmmm, stuff!) I was excited! I was confident!

I was in my underwear.

What the fuck? How the hell did this happen?

Bad cards. I knew exactly how it happened. Bad fucking cards. Fucking, fuck, fuck, poker! I looked around. Kevin was almost fully dressed. Misty was in her bra and jeans. Anne was still wearing most of her clothes as well.

Great. Just great.

Because I lost again.

"Well," I said, "I guess I'll be naked first."

And suddenly I was.

And you know what? It was cold in the room.

It's shrinkage! I swear its shrinkage!

My little man was not happy with me. This was not the way it was supposed to go. We were supposed to see a breast! Some boobies! Maybe even a little muff! The whole package. Instead, he and I were out there for the whole world to see!

Here I am! Except he was kind of hiding. Because it was cold and he was pissed off.

I don't even think that Misty really looked.

Nuts.

Well, not really. Kind of the problem, I guess.

Anyway, I sat there, naked, as we continued to play. Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long until both Anne and Misty were naked.

Naked.

NAKED!!

Another woman was naked in front of me! And I wasn't slipping singles into her thong! This was great! This was incredible! This was-

Kind of ho hum.

The fact was, Anne was much better looking than Misty. No offense to her, but she just wasn't really my type. I mean, she was a fine looking person. I guess.

How's that for a compliment?

But she just wasn't doing it for me. I mean, there they were. Two breasts.

On a woman.

That wasn't my wife.

And she just didn't get my juices flowing. My engine revving.

Nothing.

Fortunately, Anne saved the day again. She pulled these kooky little dice out of her purse. They were sex dice that told the roller to do something, like 'lick the nipple of your partner.' Or 'lick down lower.' Yes they were goofy. Did they keep things going though?

Hell yes they did!

We only played around with our partners though. Which, I have to admit, was fine with me. So I was kissing and licking Anne and Kevin was, well, I don't know what Kevin was doing, because my face was buried in Anne's ginormous boobs. After a while we forgot about the dice and were each on a bed. Anne and I fooled around a bit, but soon were watching tiny little Misty bouncing up and down on Kevin's cock.

And screaming and screeching loudly. I thought he was hurting her.

I tried. I really tried. I was licking and sucking and moving and grooving, but it sounded like Kevin was killing a cat next to us. Honest to God. I've heard lots of women in the throes of ecstasy over the years, and none, NONE have made the sounds that Misty was making that night.

It just wasn't all that sexy. I didn't shoot a huge wad across the room from my massive love weapon. Actually, it wasn't all that massive that night. I felt bad.

I think Anne had an ok time. A great time? No. A good time? Maybe.

But we had a true swinging experience.

All that work.

Whew.

It was exhausting. We dressed. We smiled.

Talk? What are you, kidding?

We mumbled our goodbyes and headed out the door.

And then I remembered that I still had to return the room key.

Fuck.

Do I have any more mints?

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