Consequences - Jackie

I decided to take the Jag and drive down to Joe's office. I was going to go up there and demand to see him. He would have to talk to me then. I wasn't going to let this go. Something was wrong and I was going to find out what it was. Damned if some little tart of a secretary was going to stop me! She had better stay out of my way!

Forty five minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot of Adiadas Electronics, got out of my car and walked straight into the lobby. I walked up to the receptionist and demanded to talk to Joe Powers. She looked at me like I was something unpleasant and spoke into her mouthpiece. She listened, nodded to herself and asked me politely to wait. Someone would be down very soon. I didn't like it, but I had no choice: there was no way into the building except through locked doors or a swipe card. I had no card.

Good to her word, a man came out of one of the doors, looked around and spotted me standing there, my arms crossed and my foot tapping. He walked over to me, stuck out a hand and introduced himself as Steve Wade. I ignored his hand and immediately asked him where Joe was.

"I'm his wife and I demand to know where he is and why I can't talk to him. He always calls me at four and before he goes to bed. He didn't call yesterday at all and he didn't call today. I know something's wrong and I want answers!"

"I'm sorry Mrs. Powers. Mr. Powers is in his office but he instructed me to tell you he has no desire to talk to you or to see you. I'm Security so I'm asking you to leave right away. Otherwise, I'll have to call the police. Please don't make me do that."

I was stunned! He wouldn't see me or talk to me! I was to leave right away! What the hell was going on? Why wouldn't he at least talk to me? What was happening? I wasn't even aware when the man turned me toward the door and with a small push to my back, made me leave the lobby. When I finally realized where I was, I was standing outside the door, which was now locked.

I must have sat in the parking lot for an hour or more, just tying to make sense of what had happened. I had little choice but to think that Joe had found out about Walt somehow. If that was the case, I had to talk to him, make him listen to me. Walt was a mistake; he was no one! Joe was always gone and I missed him like crazy. I loved him and I needed him and he had to forgive me! He had to see that! He had to! I decided to pull out of the lot but not go far. I would wait until I saw him leave the lot and then I would follow him. I could find out where he was staying and make him talk to me.

It was after seven when I saw his car. I started my own and waited until he pulled out into traffic and then I followed. I stayed back, watching his car as it wended its way through the traffic heading for I-459, the beltway. I had no idea where he was going so I kept him in sight. He finally exited onto I-65 heading south. I followed him to another exit and then to a single lane road. He finally pulled off and into the parking lot of what seemed to be a rather nice apartment building. He got out of his car, walked into the lobby, allowing me time to get out and run up to the window of the lobby. I watched as he opened a mailbox and then walked to the elevator. I waited until the elevator doors closed than went in and looked at the box. It was for apartment 3B.

I considered what to do next then decided to go up now. What did I have to lose? I walked up the three flights and entered the hallway of the third floor. I went over to 3B and stood there, frightened now that I was actually there. I swallowed my fear, knocked on the door and stood there, my chin up and my courage failing me. I waited.

It was almost two minutes, the longest minutes of my life, before he opened the door. I knew that he knew it was me and he kept me waiting but I wasn't going to leave. He would have to force me out of the building. He just looked at me, then stepped aside, letting me enter. I walked past him into the room, looking around with some interest. This was where he chose to be, rather than come home to me.

"Well Jackie, what is it that you want from me? It would seem you have all you want now. A house, a car, all the clothes and shoes you could ever wear, the pool, the Jacuzzi and now, a lover. What more could you possibly ask for?"

There was a coldness in his voice I had never heard. Was it too late? How much did he know? If he just knew about the one time, I had a chance. At least I hoped so. I had to try.

"I don't have a lover. I want you, not anyone else. I love you Joe; you must know that. I love you but sometimes I get so lonely for you. I don't know what you think, but I made a mistake. Just the one time. I'm sorry and it'll never happen again. You have to know that. You have to forgive me Joe! You have to!"

Now I broke down and cried. I had been holding onto it for what seemed like days but was only a few hours. I cried because for the first time I felt the possibility of my world crashing down around me: not the things I was surrounded with but that I could lose the only man I had ever loved. The way Joe looked at me and spoke to me was enough to break my heart.

"I stood there in the kitchen of my home last night and watched you Jackie. I watched the two of you, naked in the pool. I watched him pull you out of the pool. I watched you mount him and ride him with your face contorted in lust and your body moving in a frenzy. I've never seen you like that. You've never been like that with me. What you gave him is what most men want from their wives. It's what I would have loved from you. But you gave it to him!"

"That wasn't love! That was sex! And if that's what you want, I'll give it to you. But what I love about you is that you make love to me Joe. He didn't make love. He just fucked me! No love, no affection, nothing but lust. Is that all you want from me? I'll give you lust, but I'll always want the love.

"I made a mistake Joe. A terrible mistake and I regret it with all my heart. I knew better but I missed you so and I was so lonely. When Evelyn talked me into going to the bar with her, I knew better. That's where I met him. He came last night with Evelyn. I had no idea they were coming over but when they did show up, you had just called to tell me you were going to be gone again and I just wanted to not be alone. What I did was a mistake. It just happened and I'm so sorry."

"No, what happened is that you betrayed me with someone else. You gave yourself to another man and did things with him you never did with me. What I saw on your face that night was something I've never made you feel. You never screamed like that for me so there was something he gave you that I never did. I can't compete with that. When I saw how you were with him, I can't forgive that."

He stood up, reached down to pull me to my feet and led me to the door. He said nothing more and I had nothing to say. I was stunned at the way he felt. It was so final, so definite. I needed time to think. I let him lead me to the door and when he opened it and urged me to go, I did.

"I'm so sorry Joe. I wish you'd come home and try to let me make it up to you. I know you love me and I love you. I'll never stop loving you. Please Joe. Give me a second chance. Please. You'll never be sorry."

"Goodnight Jackie." With that he shut the door.

I drove home, spent several hours thinking of things I could do and things I could say when he came home. I knew he would finally come home to me. He loved me, I was positive of that. And I loved him. I would be positive and patient. He would be back! He would! I had to believe.

I spoke to Evelyn, told her what happened and that I would rather she not come over any more. She cried, she yelled, but she finally agreed to leave me alone for the time being. I cleaned the house, I cleaned the pool, I did everything I could think to do to make our home shine for him when he finally forgave me and came home. I called every day at four, just like we always did. I called just before I closed my eyes at night, just like always. I did everything just as I always had but it was different now: Joe didn't answer.

Five days after he left me, the doorbell rang. Joe! My heart started to pound and my pulse leapt. He was home! I opened it, expecting to find Joe standing there with a smile and forgiveness in his eyes. What I got was a man dressed in a cheap suit, holding an envelope. He asked me my name and when I told him, he handed me the envelope. I barely heard him as he spoke.

"Mrs. Powers, you are hereby served." With that he walked away, leaving me standing there. I looked at the envelope, opened the flap and pulled out the sheaf of papers inside. I read the first line.

'This is a notice of intent to terminate the marriage of . . . . .' My knees buckled and I fell to the floor, the envelope slipping from my hands. The tears came again, this time unchecked with the loss of hope. I bowed my head and let them flow. I had it all but it wasn't enough for me and now I'm paying the price for my selfishness.

Consequences are a bitch!