Counseling Ch. 02

They dated for nearly three years after "Upside" ended, traveling back and forth between England and the United States. Their couplings remained passionate as Evan matured and her mind expanded further with her continuing sexual research. Evan loved Jamie, her friends from "Upside", and many other people. In 2006, Evan got bored with Jamie, finding him no longer interesting. He was also quite possessive of Evan even though they had enjoyed many threesomes with Erika and other girls. This upset Evan and she finally left him. After the split, Evan looked hard for a different person she could love as much.

Memories of the older man she found came into her thoughts and her self-stroking increased in fervor. Evan squeezed her breasts hard and pushed the stake deep into her pussy, imagining it was Marilyn Manson's dick. The stake was much wider and longer than that organ, but it was still a good image. Evan breathed heavy as a tide of lust swelled under her skin.

Evan met the Gothic rock star Marilyn Manson at a Los Angeles nightspot named "Tech Noir" as she looked for a new mate. He was friendly towards her and disproved many of her preconceived notions about him. Evan had enjoyed Manson's music in the past, yet the public image of the man himself bothered her a bit.

"I am the Anti-Christ Superstar!" Manson told the world. "Be like me! Bow down to me! Fuck me!" He put out similar themes in his music and other work. Teenagers and college students cheered at Manson's homilies and entered the Goth culture to their parents' dismay. The press regularly swamped Manson with rumors about kinky sex, drugs and other indignities, increasing his infamy as the rock star refused to deny anything. He also appeared to ignore the scandals' other effects on his life.

"I've been engaged twice and married once," Manson told Evan when she asked after he bought her a drink at Tech Noir. "Both my wives were very kinky and in love with me. They couldn't take my lifestyle and reputation, though. Rose found her desires going in other directions. I was too much for her and being with me was hurting her career. I let her go before we even got married and now she's with some famous director in Texas. I'm told he has the same sexual preferences I do but he's not watched by the press as much. I've also heard gossip about a mansion in Malibu where Rose hangs out with other women. I don't know how true that is. I've never been invited to the place, nor do I know any man who has."

"What about your second wife?" Evan asked, enthralled.

"Dita and I are still married," Manson admitted. Then he held up two fingers an inch apart. "It's this close to breaking up, though. I try to keep things open but she only wants me for herself. I don't want that. She also wishes I would give up this whole persona." He indicated his leather pants and jacket and his long black hair and white-painted skin. "Dita forgot this is what made her fall in love with me in the first place. I don't get her anymore. Divorce will happen as soon as one of us finds someone new."

Evan went home with Manson that very night and his marriage ended a few weeks afterwards. Manson was very interested in Evan as a sexual partner and a person. She liked how he lived as himself without shame. From Manson Evan learned more kinks than she had ever known existed. Manson also aided her career growth by casting her in his music videos. All throughout, he stood by her side and listened to her dreams. Evan was shocked when Manson told her he was more in love with her than he had been with his wives. It didn't matter that she was half his age and they lived different lifestyles.

"You are my twin," Manson said. "You inspire me and make me long to fornicate with you. I want you in my life forever."

For a time, Evan also wanted that. Then she observed that all her friends were distancing themselves from her. None of them was interested in getting to know Manson, reviled by his infamy and the image he exuded. They accused Evan of turning into the same type of person. Evan disbelieved at first.

"Come on!" she tried to tell her friends. "I'm just in love. Manson's a great guy. It's not like I've been bitten by Dracula or possessed by the Devil!" No one listened to her. Even Erika, Evan's most tolerant girlfriend, turned away from Evan when she asked Erika to join her in Manson's bed. She grew isolated more as time passed and complained about it to the only one who would still listen.

"Never mind your friends," Manson told Evan with a strange tone in his voice. "They may be beautiful people, but if they don't like me, too bad. You want me, Evan, right? Forget them. Stay with me. I will give you everything."

Evan embraced Manson's words and allowed herself to drift far from everyone but him. She tried not to let her new closed world get to her. Manson was always there, soothing her horny body and uneasy mind.

"Oh yeah," Evan breathed, clawing her cleavage with long nails as she recalled one of Manson's favorite techniques. She stabbed her clit with the stake in the same motion, clenching her jaw and throwing back her head. Recollecting the changes in her life filled her thoughts with further joy.

Then she got to the recent developments and felt disappointment. The press became more interested in Evan than ever before when she began dating Manson. Evan had to work hard to avoid their attention. Fans took the opposite tack. "Why are you with such a weird older man?" they asked Evan. "Aren't you afraid of him?"

"No," Evan insisted. "I love Manson. He loves me. Accept us, please." Her fans turned away, shaking their heads just like her friends.

Movie producers did not follow this lead. Evan retained a strong independent film career and continued to wow critics as she picked and chose her roles. She preferred scripts that intrigued her and did not care about awards or money. Her true fans and friends would always be interested in her no matter what, Evan believed. Manson was such a person and supported her. She was content with that.

Evan's confidence was only on the surface, though. She was anxious inside, dismayed by the consequences of her new love life. Everyone but Manson saw her as a stranger now, even her own family. The press kept lampooning her too, making up rumors that Manson would not prove wrong. Soon it even affected Evan's work relations.

"You're a fascinating young actress," the Oscar winner Michael Douglas told Evan when they starred together in "King of California" and developed mutual respect. "You're perfect for your role in this film and I am certain more great parts lie ahead of you. You remind me of Erika when I first met her in 'Traffic'. You're someone whose talent can only grow. However, you need to ditch this rock star you're dating. Staying with him can only hurt you."

Evan rejected this advice and continued seeing Manson. "It's my choice," she said when asked why. "I know what I'm into and it's not as bad as it seems. I can live my life. Let me be who I want to be." Fans and friends alike continued to disregard her pleas.

It wasn't until her last movie, "The Life Before Her Eyes", that Evan found someone willing to give her sympathy. Uma Thurman and Evan were playing older and younger versions of the same character and this encouraged them to get very close to each other. They didn't sleep together since Uma was not into women, but Uma did give Evan much advice.

"Just live," Uma said. "You control who you are and where you're going, not anybody else. If you let them dictate your life for you, that's one thing, but you're not doing that. That's good. If you like Manson, stay with him and let it develop. Sooner or later people will get used to you. I've seen it myself with all my failed relationships and years of celebrity. You need to unwind and take things as they come, Evan. You didn't think fame would be that easy, did you?"

Evan smiled and quoted "Kill Bill", her favorite film of Uma's. "For a second or two, yeah, I actually did."

Settling down for a while, she resumed her enthusiastic relationship with Manson. He was happy she was with him but also seemed distressed by something. Evan probed and learned things she had never known. Manson admitted a cocaine habit. It was a rumor the press had long suspected but never been able to confirm. Manson had hidden it from Evan as well. "I'm getting off it now," he said. "I love you and I know that as someone who's performed in multiple anti-drug films, you wouldn't want to be with me if I continued doing cocaine. Therefore I'm quitting, Evan. I'm quitting for you."

Evan was overjoyed by this, yet disturbed that Manson had kept it from her. She helped her rock star through his withdrawal, using techniques from several Narconon texts Erika had given Evan over the years. Manson had been in rehab before but did not want to go again because of increased press attention. He asked Evan to aid his self-therapy instead and she agreed. Evan didn't want Manson getting hooked on some other drug while he got off cocaine and she also wanted him to find and face the causes of his addiction. Evan was knowledgeable enough about "cold turkey" drug-kicking techniques to use Narconon for this and separate the Scientology aspects from the programs. Evan was tolerant of Scientology, thanks to her friendship with Erika, yet she knew she did not want it as a strong force in either her life or that of her greatest love.

Narconon worked very well for Manson, better than all his prior stints in rehab. Thanks to it, he kicked both drugs and excessive alcoholism. A doctor attended Manson throughout, monitoring him with regular physicals. After three months on the vitamin and exercise regimen, his health was restored. "How did you know about this stuff?" Manson asked. When Evan told him, Manson demanded to meet Erika. "I want to thank her." Evan rejected the idea, believing Erika detested Manson. Then she remembered someone else she hadn't talked to in a while, Erika's brother Dane.

Dane and Evan were lovers no longer. She had stopped seeing him after his exit from acting and subsequent arrests. Upon contacting Dane, Evan was surprised to learn he had recently broken up with her older brother Ira. She always knew Ira liked guys and girls but he had kept his relationships mostly secret from Evan even as they acted together in several films. "I was forlorn," Ira explained when Evan asked him about Dane. "He was fun for a while. Then Dane got into his church and met this weird woman and he didn't have time for me anymore."

Evan called Dane back and invited him to visit her and Manson. She told Dane what she had done to help Manson and he was pleased. "It's good Narconon worked for you," Dane said. "It doesn't always succeed since you have to stick with it on your own and not be turned off by its closeness to Scientology. But if you are able to manage the program, you will never touch drugs again."

Invited to visit, Dane re-entered Evan's life and brought his friend Jessica with him. Evan was shocked when she met the Scientology cleric Jessica and her vile followers. Together with Jessica and Dane, the latter trio of nasty bull-baiters personified every horror story Evan had heard about Scientologists. The fact that Evan had never before known anyone like them worsened things. Evan was terrified beyond all reason that Dane was with such people.

As she visualized them, Evan shivered. The Wicked Witch's theme from "The Wizard of Oz" had played in her mind when she first saw Jessica and now it did so again. Jessica wore a black skirted suit and had her dark hair in a bob surrounding huffy wide-mouthed features. Evan thought her voice might be hypnotic if one did not already know the things it espoused. Her hazel eyes appraised the world and found it wanting. It was unnerving in particular that Jessica's left eye did not seem to follow her right. Evan conjectured that it was glass.

Jessica's snow-white skin and looming heavyset figure might be beautiful if not for the ugliness within them. Her three fat, short and lean minions followed her like an entourage in their bright-colored coats. Dane came along as well, a stocky young man with a hangdog face and a dark buzz cut. Jessica had a black falcon with her on the first day too, but Manson asked that she leave her pet outside his house and Jessica did not bring it again.

The group of Scientologists spoke much to Evan and Manson when first they visited, pleased that they had found success in Narconon and offering further church programs. Manson turned them down flat. "I got off drugs without all this," he said. "I don't want or need any of it. Thanks, though. No offense."

Evan's reaction was more confused. "Dane, I've been your friend and Erika's for five years now. You've never approached me about joining Scientology before. Why is it necessary?"

It was difficult for Dane to answer and he looked away whenever Evan brought up Erika or the rest of his family. Jessica and her three followers — by this time Evan had learned they were brothers named Feshbach — interposed snide commentary and scripture, irritating Evan further. Evan grew bothered by these fanatics and Dane's simpering acceptance of their presence. At one point she cussed out them all and threw their literature at Dane. The group admonished each other for their attitudes, then left. Evan and Manson were certain their self-reproach was false.

Jessica, Dane and the Feshbachs returned the next day. This time they were more earnest and did not bring up religion. Unsettled, Evan and Manson spoke with them. Dane and Evan were friends again for a while and she shared with him her conflicted feelings about Manson. Evan also told Dane about her new film "The Wrestler" and her kidding acquaintance with co-star Mickey Rourke. In good spirits, Dane shook hands with Evan and then offered to clean up her current image as Manson's toy by installing Jessica as her publicist. Evan said no and the now unwelcome guests departed again.

Manson consoled Evan after these visits, telling her not to feel angry. It wasn't her fault that Dane and the Feshbachs were who they were. "My namesakes both had terrible experiences with Scientology too," he told Evan, referring to the actress Marilyn Monroe and the serial killer cult leader Charles Manson. "I was into it a little myself in the nineties, so I know it's not all bad. However, it sure doesn't do much to dispel its dark side, huh?"

Evan agreed with Manson, although she hoped that Erika was still one of the exceptions to Scientology's troubled image and not the same as her brother or his new associates.

"If you have faith she is not like them, so do I," Manson told Evan. "All my years in the music industry have taught me never to take people at face value. Look at me. Am I my name? Am I really who I appear? What is real anyway? You can't find the truth, you just pick the lie you like the best. As long as you know everything's a lie, you can't hurt yourself."

"Not everything's a lie, Manson!" Evan insisted. "Our love is real, isn't it?"

"Yes, I suppose it is," Manson said after considering. "You're right, Evan. I'm glad I met you. Before, I had trouble getting close to people. I was always afraid they would leave."

Evan stroked herself with greater fervor, recalling the coupling that followed Manson telling her this. She inhaled and exhaled, trying to banish all negative thoughts from her mind.

Jessica and the Feshbachs intruded with their smart aleck sneers. Evan used memories of Manson and his support for her to make them go away. She also remembered Erika and that not all Scientologists were evil. Erika liked me for me, Evan brooded, even though she rejected me after I started dating Manson. She was my friend and a good Scientologist. She lived the values of her creed in a way the Feshbachs did not and therefore proved that they alone did not represent their religion.

Please tell me Erika hasn't become like her brother now, Evan prayed to God. I know Dane had problems and sometimes looked for help in the wrong places, but Erika was smarter than he was. She let other people be themselves. She was my friend and lover and I want her back someday. I need her to accept Manson and me. Erika's taught me so much. Please, give me the bravery to reach out to her!

Manson joined in Evan's prayers and even enacted an augury with his associates from the Church of Satan on her behalf. "Erika's alright," Manson told Evan after the ceremony. "She may be a different religion than I am, but like me she accepts that carnality is humanity's true nature. I know this because the Friendship and my church have said it to me."

The Friendship, Evan reflected, a Masonic order spread out around the world. Erika's a member and her boyfriend Doug Ramsay is a Viceroy. They inducted me; however, I'm not very active. Like the Church of Satan, all you have to do to be a Friend is hold the membership. The society won't solicit you unless they find you're someone they want, but once you're in, you're in. They won't expel you, although they may investigate and punish you if they find out you don't share their values. I know they did that with Hitler, Napoleon, the Borgias and other people who used what they learned from the Friendship to harm humanity. Often when the Friendship has had to censor a member the effects have upset balances all over the world.

It was due to these upset balances, and their dreams of a world united, that the Friendship avoided conflicts whenever possible. Friends demonstrated the sort of honesty, tolerance and charity espoused by Aristotle, Cicero, Thomas Jefferson and the other philosophers who have served as their leaders. They aided people and deserting someone was not in their nature. Evan was surprised when Erika and so many other Friends cut themselves off from her just because of the man she loved.

Even the Friendship had secrets, Evan recalled, slowing the caresses she gave herself. It had existed for thousands of years and seen many empires rise and fall. The society's development and mistakes had earned it many enemies and allies. It had also witnessed other secret societies destroyed by public mistrust and outcry. Because of all this, the Friendship maintained its status as a little-known urban legend. In many cases, even leaders were not aware of the identity of other members until a need arose and a special word or gesture was exchanged.

I know Erika is still a good Friend, Evan said to herself. Manson's more active in the society than I am and he checked out her status. I was surprised when he also learned there was a Friend among the Feshbach family, Jessica's twin sister Melissa. She's a Scientology cleric who lives the Friendship's values, even though so many others in her religion reject them. I was pleased to discover Erika was one of her confession cases. Now I'm trying to stoke up the strength to approach Erika again and revive our past closeness. Manson is helpful in this, though he's letting me lead.

Evan's hands vibrated as she recalled that Manson was also stepping out of her life now. "You're distracting me from my art," he told Evan. "My image is hurting yours. I know you love me and that I will always love you, but it is best we take a break."

Feeling her heart shake in her chest, Evan ground her teeth together at the memory. "All right," she answered Manson. "You have a point. Perhaps you are not the right person for me. I've also been a little ill around you ever since I found out about your drug habit. Our lovemaking has been fading of late. Maybe I'm getting bored like I did with Jamie. I will do as you ask."

They parted, remaining close but no longer intimate. Evan began dating other people, including "Mysterious Skin" actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Joseph and Evan had known each other for years through thespian guilds and were good friends. She desired more but he wanted to take things slow and other people had distracted them both. I am willing to wait, Evan decided. At least I know Joseph is interested from the way he looks at me. I also appreciate his take on celebrity.