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Click here"I'm not done with you."
- COMMENTS
shewolf13about 3 years agoImpossible to focus on content with your stylistic choice of using the ampersand. Are you fourteen?
Anonymousover 3 years agoMy first ever comment. I had to. I absolutely loved it, I need more.
Anonymousover 3 years agoReally enjoyed this and hoping there’s a part two! Story wise it’d be interesting to see how their dynamic works out seeing as they’re both some kind of pawn in another persons game and what they do next. Loved the detail— some bits were a bit odd what with breast sizing etc but it’s a story and It’s fine if you keep it up due to suspension of disbelief. Really good read!
Anonymousover 3 years agoTbh i couldn't really get through the description of the initial assault. The descriptions kinda feel like someone who hasn't fought in a fight and a bit incel-ey. Like the use of female is strange, vodka doesn't work immediately, and cup size is pretty universally inches between band size and bust so a b cup will never be surprisingly plump.
Theres also a lot of "i anticipated this or that" and it make the narrator come off as like he thinks he's some galaxy brain instead id have him respond instead of predicting or predicting shell do something and then she does something else.
thedusty1over 3 years agoAuthorReally focused on creating a very descriptive experience. I spent months editing to ensure readers can enjoy a rough fantasy that is clear & well written. Please leave a constructive comment.
