CSI:NY When You WalkbyPelaam©
I was asked to write a story with this pairing by Babycas
The quotes are from song lyrics and the songs and artists are listed at the end of the story.
Pelaam© July 2009
"Oh you, you're so hard to get to
Oh you, you don't wanna play."
"We're getting worried about Danny," Mac said, his eyes reflecting his anxiety as he spoke quietly.
"Why?" Don was instantly on the alert. He had been away for the last three days and on his first day back Danny was unexpectedly off.
"He looks so tired. He's skin and bone anyway, but I'd swear he's lost weight. I've seen bags under his eyes you could pack a week's worth of clothes in. He's still beating himself up over not coming up with the answer quicker in our last case. I tried to chat to him the other day, but he clammed up and almost bolted out of here."
"No one knows anything? Nothing's happened recently?" Don queried.
"He's got a house-guest," Mac said thoughtfully. "But that's all we know. I tried to chat before you went away, but then he talked without saying anything. You get my drift? I even tried to get him to join us all for a drink, but he wouldn't come. We care, Don, and we want to help if we can. He and you seem to hit it off well together. I thought maybe if you had a word?" Mac trailed off hopefully.
"He's in tomorrow. Leave it with me," Don said squeezing the older man's shoulder.
Don stared after Mac's retreating form and gave a soft sigh. He had reconciled himself to never being anything other than a friend even though his feelings for Danny had become much more than simply fraternal. Don did not know what was wrong, but the older man had no intentions of trying to take advantage of the ingénue. He gave a frown as he stood. He knew how difficult Danny really found opening up to people and his crazy, distorted self-image, but if there was a problem there was a whole team ready to help. Whether Danny realised it or not, the team did care, almost as much as Don himself.
Shrugging on his jacket, Don headed home.
"For it breaks my heart to be in love
When you don't know"
"Oh can't you see, you belong to me
How my poor heart aches"
Don watched Danny predatorily. Now that Mac had mentioned it, the younger man's lab coat did seem looser on what was already a slender frame. Don also noticed that there seemed to be weariness, a resignation, in Danny's eyes as well as dark shadows beneath them. They younger man had taken the last case too much to heart, openly berating himself for not help solve it quicker. Whatever had affected Danny so deeply had started then. He noticed a wince of pain as Danny reached for something, the blond rubbing at his upper arm, before moving closer to what he needed. 'A houseguest' Mac had said, Don's eyes narrowed, warning bells ringing and all his cop instincts sending out alert signals. He did not like what he was seeing. He fully intended to act on his concerns.
Danny performed his job like an automaton, distanced in his own mind from the people around him. He wondered if things would be different today. Would today be the day that Curtis took their relationship further. A part of him shuddered at the thought; it was not what or who he wanted. However the destructive inner voice insisted that it was all he was worth; to be Curtis' toy. The older man had said as much himself. He was worthless, useless and would lose everything if his co-workers found out what a pathetic deviant he was. Glancing at his watch he noted that his shift was over. He took off his lab coat and began to move shakily towards his fate.
Outside his home, Danny paused before entering. He repeated the mantra of what Curtis expected from him when he came home, petrified of making a mistake. His hand touched his underarm. He had received a brutal pinch there for putting Curtis' slippers on in the wrong order. 'Left then right' he reminded himself. He was so engrossed in his memories that he did not see the shadowy figure following him.
"Was it something I did in another life?
I try and try but nothing comes out right."
"your lips are venomous poison
You're poison runnin' through my veins."
Danny entered his apartment and began to disrobe. His jacket was hung and his shoes were placed beneath it. His socks and shirt went into the clothing hamper that was positioned there. He looked down at his body. He hoped he was losing the fat that Curtis had pinched and shown him when he first moved in. Danny had only been having the single meal-replacement drink that Curtis insisted upon. He had not eaten anything else, determined to do something right for once.
He stared at the collar that sat on the clothes peg next to his jacket. Danny was not certain he really wanted or needed a Master and still resisted the final step. Curtis had been so attentive and loving when they first met and had made it sound as though being a sub would be just what that Danny needed. To have someone who would take care of him, free him from responsibility, focus their attention on him, make him feel loved, needed, worthwhile. However, now those things seemed to be as far away as ever but Danny could not bring himself to tell Curtis to leave. If he lost the older man, if Curtis walked away from him, he would have no one, nothing and would be truly lost and alone.
He entered his own sitting room, head down, awaiting Curtis' greeting. He hoped tonight would be a favourable one. He was desperate for some kind of affection. He felt so alone, so isolated, so worthless, it was almost like a physical ache deep within his chest. The discontented grunt carried to where he stood.
"You're a fool, Daniel," the older man's voice cut deep into Danny's heart with its clear tone of disapproval. "Come here."
The kiss was hard and demanding with hands gripping with bruising tightness, but it was affection and Danny whimpered needily. He was pushed backwards before he could lose himself in the kiss and a cold hand pinched at his stomach.
"I think you're starting to lose that fat, Daniel," Curtis said. "I told you I would make you attractive."
Danny glanced at his belly critically. Curtis had pointed out the excess flab the first time he had seen the younger man without a shirt. Danny had been controlling his eating under Curtis' guidance ever since.
"Thank you, Curtis," he said.
"Make me some coffee," Curtis responded, waving Daniel towards the kitchen. "Then I want a foot massage. I have some shirts that need pressing and my bed needs changing. I bought what I wanted to eat tonight and I expect it on time. Don't just stand there, Daniel," Curtis chided. His smile was supercilious as the blond scurried to obey. "It's taking longer than I thought, but I will break you."
An insistent ringing at the front door had Daniel emerge from the kitchen with wide eyes.
"Danny, it's Don. Open up."
"Leave it," Curtis hissed.
However, Danny did not even hear the whispered words. Not thinking about how he looked, he rushed to the door to gaze anxiously at Don.
"Get dressed and get a change of clothing you won't be back tonight. Something's up." Don followed Danny into the apartment, noting the blond did not head to his own bedroom, but the guest's. His eyes raked over Curtis as he took an instant loathing of the older, corpulent man. "I'm sure you understand the demands of a job like Danny's," he said, uncaring of the furious gaze aimed in his direction. He wanted Danny out of there and away from the man that every cop instinct he possessed told him was a predator and Danny his prey. The big man's heart ached as Danny returned a look of sadness, wariness and anxiety clouding his beautiful blue eyes.
"Let's go," Don said matter-of-factly. As much as he wanted to give Danny the reassurance everything was alright that he knew the blond needed, he had to get him away from the other male first.
"Call me as soon as you can," Curtis said.
Don bristled at the command. It was not a request and his eyes narrowed as Danny immediately agreed, his friend's orbs now holding fear. Gritting his teeth, Don turned on his heel expecting Danny to follow.
Danny clutched at his overnight bag as if it was a lifeline. Don had seen, Don knew what kind of deviant he was. He would lose his friendship, maybe even his job. He bit back a groan as he saw Mac in the car and Don slipped in beside him muttering words Danny was too distracted to hear. He huddled in the back, praying that something of his relationship with the two men and his job could be salvageable.
"When you feel your heart is breaking
Hold on tight to your dream."
"When you're weary, feeling small
when tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all."
Don kept silent as the two men entered his apartment. Then his anger erupted. Unthinkingly he spun round and grabbed Danny's upper arms, shaking the smaller man roughly.
"Just what were you thinking?" he demanded. Anger evaporated instantly at the sight of the tears that immediately started to fall.
"Don't hate me, please don't hate me," Danny begged, his voice hitching.
"I'm sorry, Danny," Don said, pulling the blond into a hug. "I don't hate you. I could never hate you. Don't cry."
"He said...he said I was fat, stupid, useless. That no one would want me near them if they knew what I was really like," Danny choked out against Don's chest.
"No, Danny, no," Don groaned. "You're none of those things. I want you. I love you." Don's eyes widened as he realised what he had let escape, but Danny seemed too distressed to have understood or even heard the confession
Danny's sobs wracked the slight frame and Don knew he had made a terrible mistake in acting so angrily. He held the blond tightly until just tremors remained and then manoeuvred the distressed man into his bedroom. Part of him knew he should just settle Danny and leave, but another wanted so much more. Instead, murmuring a constant litany of encouragement, Don helped the younger man strip to his underwear and into his bed. His own clothes were thrown carelessly aside. Danny was showing all the signs of descending into shock, his skin clammy, body shivering, disorientated and Don wanted to ensure Danny was sleeping naturally before he reluctantly went into the spare room.
Don crawled into bed and reached out for Danny, holding the shivering man and pulling him tightly against his own warm, broad chest. Don observed angrily that Danny was too thin; he could feel sharp hip bones and could have counted Danny's ribs as he slid his hand down over the lightly furred chest. He wound himself around the slender body, trying to envelop it with his own warmth and overcome the chills wracking the man he secretly loved. From within the cocoon of his arms, he heard Danny make a soft murmur of appreciation and press himself closer.
The younger man sought out his warmth, stretching along Don's body and burying his face against the junction of neck and shoulder. Don's arms tightened around him protectively, moving unceasingly, rubbing cool, bare flesh. He tried, and failed, not to notice how good the slim body felt. The shivering began to ease, the shakes becoming more intermittent. Danny's skin began to warm and to lose the clamminess that had worried Don. He felt the younger man let out a long, grateful sigh and relax slightly in his embrace, snuggling down contentedly as the last shiver receded.
A new problem began to assert itself for the older man. With Danny's growing warmth came a different kind of heat. Don could not deny how good Danny felt in his arms, in his bed. It had been almost easy to push such thoughts away when they were in work and when Danny had become so distressed. Easy to try and pretend he was acting like a concerned brother, not lover. But now, with silky hair brushing his cheek, a lean body pressed against him and the feel of bare skin beneath his hand, Don groaned in a mix of need and frustration.
He had dreamt of this so many uncounted, lonely times, imagining what Danny's body would feel like against him, under him, surrounding him with tight heat. At that forbidden thought, his already-erect flesh gave an involuntary throb and he heard a gasped breath from Danny. Guiltily, he loosened his grasp only to inadvertently brush across flesh as hard and needy as his own.
"Danny?" He could make out wide, indigo eyes regarding him with a mix of longing and shock. Then Danny tilted his face and their lips brushed. Don groaned, seemingly aware of every millimetre of the slight body in his arms and the lips that parted enticingly beneath his. "I'm sorry, Danny. I've wanted you so long, loved you for so long. But you're not in any shape for dealing with this now. You need time."
"I need you," Danny whispered. It was more than he could ever have dreamt of to even consider he might be wanted by the older man. "Please, Don."
Don stared, torn between wanting to claim Danny and wanting to give the younger man time to think. He remembered Danny's vulnerability, his low self-esteem, his distorted body image. He made his decision and pressed their lips together again, licking at the seam, surging into the dark depths as Danny ceded to him.
"You feel so good," he murmured. "This isn't a one-time thing, Danny," he warned before nibbling down the vulnerable throat. "I meant what I said. I love you and if you don't feel the same tell me now, while I can still stop."
"I've loved you for the longest time," Danny said shyly letting a hand roam hesitantly over the muscular planes of his lover's back. "But I thought that I'd be seen as some kind of deviant. I was afraid I'd lose your friendship, my job, everything I held most dear."
"There is nothing wrong in loving, Danny. I wish I'd known sooner. I wish I could have saved you from ever getting into Curtis' clutches. Let me show you how it should be, love." Don shifted to lie atop the warm body, propped up on his elbows and gazed lovingly into the awed azure eyes of the younger man, his team-mate, his friend, his... A slow smile crept across his face as he knew he could add another to the list: lover.
He bent down, wanting to know every millimetre of this new and long-desired treasure. He started by kissing the corners of Danny's eye, feeling lashes flutter against his skin. He let his lips move to his lover's temple, kissing softly. He nuzzled closer, uncovering his lover's ear with his nose and giving the shell a long lick. That elicited a soft, pleasured cry. He wordlessly rumbled his approval before sucking the lobe, tasting, feeling, learning what pleased his mate most. His tongue then explored the contours of the ear, following the shape to slide deeper and Danny shivered deliciously.
Danny was shuddering helplessly, tremors coursing through his body at each touch that caressed him with love. His hands were clutching futilely at Don, his breath coming in wet, open-mouthed pants.
"You, what can I do for you?"Danny was amazed at the effort it cost to form and speak coherent words.
"Let me love you this time, sweetheart," Don whispered hotly into the small shell. He helped Danny out of the briefs he wore and removed his own boxers.
"Oh yes," Danny sighed, his voice tinged with wonder. Instinctively, his legs parted and Don took his place between them as naturally as if they had done it a thousand times before. Their shafts rubbed, hard and swollen with mutual desire and Danny moaned at the new sensation.
Don ground his hips gently against his lover. He knew that this time would be quicker than he truly wanted. Danny had endured too much for anything more strenuous and, in all honesty, Don wanted the first time they made love fully to be after he had wooed the beauty in his arms. He claimed Danny's lips in another kiss, taking his time, exploring the sweet, warm cavern.
"I'm so close already that I don't know how long I'll be able to last," he husked as he reluctantly relinquished the lush lips
"Really?" Danny asked.
"Feel for yourself."
Cautiously, hesitantly, Danny took the thick shaft in his hand, and Don arched at his touch, groaning. Danny instantly stilled, looking for permission to continue. At the nod he began exploring it curiously, committing everything about this new part of the older man to memory; its length, girth, slight curvature, how it felt hot and hard in his palm. He let his fingertips glide lightly along it, circling the head, following the curve up to the tip. He spread the slick fluid seeping from the tiny slit over the domed head and down the shaft to a low, deep groan from the older man.
Don could stand it no longer. His hand caught Danny's wrist and held him still. He took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut, concentrating deeply. Danny waited in silence, apparently understanding the older man was too close. After a few seconds, Don let out his breath.
"I told you," he said
"You are so beautiful," Danny whispered. He let everything he felt for Don show in his eyes.
At that moment Don knew that just as he had fallen hopelessly, helplessly, in love with the younger man, incredibly, jubilantly, the feeling was returned. It took his breath away with its promise. What he now wanted, now needed, was to bring his beautiful, exciting, adorable lover to the most intense climax of his life. His eyes lit up with anticipation.
Danny saw and his own eyes widened, uncertain as to what the look foretold.
"Don?" he whispered.
Don resumed kissing him slowly and deeply. He wanted his lover to be as aroused as he could make him, not concerned about what they would do.
"I'm thinking of all the things I intend to do to you and with you," he husked in a low sultry tone. "Once this is behind us and I've wooed and won you."
Danny's hips raised, his hard erection grinding against his partner's groin as the seductive words were burnt into his memory.
"I'm already yours," he moaned.
"Just as I'm yours, sweetheart," Don vowed. He reached for Danny's erection to feel for the first time the slender, throbbing shaft, the perfect curve, the smooth head, the hard orbs in their velvety sac. As he stroked his lover's length, his own erection throbbed in tandem.
He encouraged the lush lips to part and engaged the slick muscle inside in an ageless dance. He relished the long, satisfied mewl from the man in his arms. Don synchronised deep, sensual plunges of his tongue with slow, firm strokes of his hand. Almost immediately, Danny was writhing erotically beneath him, his body silently begging for more, for completion. Low whimpers were almost ceaseless as slender hands opened and closed pleadingly against Don's back.
"Is it good, my love?" the older man asked.
"Yes, yes, oh, Don." Danny was beyond words to express how he felt or what he needed. He gave himself completely to the older man, trusting Don to care for him. His body arched as he was pulled higher, inexorably to the climax he could feel building within him. Don's lips were at his throat, biting, sucking, marking.
Another stroke, one more, the powerful hand cupped his sac, rolling his high, hard orbs making him cry out. Another slow, deliberate stroke and suddenly he was coming, sobbing incoherently, clutching at Don. The convulsions that shook his slender body seemed to go on forever before he fell back against the pillows, limp and spent.
As Don watched the younger man reach his peak, the sensation of his release pumping over Don's hand was enough to trigger the older man's climax and his seed jetted onto Danny's skin.
"Sorry," Danny whispered sadly as he regained his wits.
"Sorry, couldn't stop it," Danny murmured, regret in the expressive orbs.
"Don't ever feel sorry for coming apart at my touches," Don admonished, locking his ardent gaze with the saddened one. He shook Danny for good measure. This was too important for the younger man not to hear correctly. "Have you any idea how seeing you give yourself to me, come at my touch, made me feel? I felt so good I came with you, love, and you weren't even stroking me." Don could see at the confused look that it was something the younger man had not considered. Don made a mental vow to help his lover improve his self-esteem. "I want that, Danny. I want that very much." He kissed the lush lips and felt the tension leave the thin frame.