Culture Shock

She couldn't put her finger on the words she was trying to express. It was like she needed a holiday from her stressful reality.

Elaine was instantly excited by the discovery of an email from him. Just seeing his name on the email sent ripples of pleasure across her skin. She clicked it open and read his words, her smile returning.

Greetings Elaine,

I hope you enjoyed our last conversation as much as I did.

I did a little research and came up with a few websites with good information and you'll find them listed below. You should start at the first one listed, and work your way down. You may take a quick look at each, but please begin your journey at Castlerealm in the section titled 'subSpace'. I don't think you'll want to stop reading once you start. Just work your way down the index. Oh, and when you get to the 'checklist', make sure you do it and keep a copy for yourself. You may want to update it as the 'submissive' in you develops further. If you have any questions about it, feel free to ask.

I hope to see you this evening, but I may be up to an hour late.

Gary

Knowing he'd be late, Elaine felt a little deflated. Shereally wanted to see him again. Remembering she had his picture, she popped it up on her screen and swooned. Instinctively her thighs pressed together and the pleasure prickling her skin rushed to her pussy.

His eyes...

Her nipples throbbed to erection, almost painful in their hardness. Biting her lip, she reluctantly minimised his picture and took a deep breath, separating her thighs. Entering Castlerealm, she started reading...

**************************

"Hello."

The greeting popped up on her screen just as she'd begun filling out her personal copy of the BDSM Checklist. Blinking, Elaine glanced at the time before typing. It was nine forty-eight P.M. "Hello, Sir," she messaged, sitting up a little straighter.

"I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long."

"No. Honestly, I've been reading, Sir," Elaine typed back. "The last couple of hours have just flown by."

"I'm not sure if I should be pleased or disappointed."

Elaine's mind snapped to attention. "I'm sorry. I don't understand."

"Pleased that you've been reading or disappointed that you'venot been working on school stuff."

"I'm ahead of my school stuff, Sir."

"I'm pleased then."

Elaine glowed. "I'm glad."

"What have you been reading?"

"Just as you suggested:Castlerealm. I'm up to filling in my checklist."

"Great."

"Um," Elaine hesitated. "Will I be sharing this with you?"

"Only if you want to."

"It's a bit personal."

"Chuckles."

Elaine grinned and typed, "Well, it is! Aren't you guys supposed to instinctively just know exactly what a girl wants without her having to say? It's so embarrassing." Elaine wasn't sure if she was being playful or just honest. She bit her lip.

"You are adorable."

Elaine blushed crimson, her fingers tingling and beginning to tremble. She wanted to ask, 'Why?' Instead she typed, "But it's true! Aren't guys just supposed to know what we want? You know, like everyone out there has a perfect match somewhere and you've just got to find it? Because when you do, you'll know? Surely you don'thave to tell someone exactly what you want them to do to you."

"Elaine..."

"Um. Yes?"

"If you were with me right now, kneeling before me on a soft cushion, looking up at me with those big brown eyes of yours... Wouldn't you want me to tell you exactly how to please me at that very moment?"

Elaine swallowed. "Well... Yes. But guys are different. They're a mystery." She sent a tongue poking out.

She had to wait a moment for Gary's response. "That's the second or third time you've sent the 'poking tongue out' icon to me. Please know that there are times when you would be well advised not to send it. Now isnot one of those times, but I am telling you so you are forewarned. Just think about it before you send it, okay?"

"Yes, Sir." It was obvious he wanted her to listen, so Elaine held her tongue.

He didn't disappoint her. "Men and women are not so different. We both have expectations and we both consist of explored and unexplored territories. We both have comfort levels and we both have limits to which we would go to please our partners and to please ourselves. Men and women are both looking for the person that suits them best, and they are both easily caught in a web of secrets, lies and deception. Taking some of the mystery away on the one hand may seem to sterilise the process, but on the other it lays things on the table so you discuss them and save any potential heartache and pain. All one needs to be is honest."

A long stretch of silence passed. Elaine consumed his words carefully, as a food critic would digest an entrée. There were only two words she could think to say. "Yes, Sir."

"Look at my picture. Come back when you have looked at it for ten seconds."

Elaine thought she had been away for about 10.6 seconds. After gazing into his eyes, and putting up with about 5.1 seconds of painful throbbing in her nipples, she was back. "I'm back, Sir."

"Smiles. Well, what do you think was going through my mind when that picture was taken?"

"Hmmmm..." Elaine typed, sending it as she pondered. "You were in love with the person taking the picture."

There was a hesitation before he typed, and Elaine smiled. "That's right. I probably shouldn't ask this, but what do you suppose I was actually thinking at that moment?"

"Can I take another look?" Elaine asked.

"Sure," he replied. "Five seconds." His smile arrived a moment later.

"You were thinking you couldn't wait to fuck her."

Five seconds passed. Then ten. Then twenty. Finally Messenger said Gary was typing and he was taking ages. Elaine was trying to think of how to do a back flip with a one-and-a-half twist. Then stupid Messenger said he'd stopped typing. Then started again. Elaine's heart was beating hard.

What did I say? Oh, my God! Please! I'll do anything! Just don't end this now!

"I want to meet you one day."

Elaine's heart stopped, her hands freezing over the keyboard.

That was out of character wasn't it?

FUCK! What does he mean?

Hello? Talk to him, stupid! And be honest! It would be amazing. Well, it would be! Don't be afraid!

"That would be amazing," she typed reluctantly, refusing the temptation to lie. She held her breath. No other words came to her. He'd made her quiet and reflective, unsure of what she meant... or of whom she was. He did this to her regularly. Strangely sheknew it would get better. She justknew.

'Thinking before speaking' was a new part of her that she was trying to get used to, but that she liked. He seemed to encourage her self-control, but at the same time he encouraged her to let go. It was weird. Enlightening. Uplifting even.

She felt as though she could do no wrong in his eyes. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew the thought wasn't quite right. But she held onto it. It felt good to hold onto it.

"I just mean one day. I don't mean tomorrow. You read me well, Elaine."

"I didn't think you meant tomorrow."

"It could be in twenty years, when we are old and grey... well, I will be."

"You will not. You're only thirty-four."

"You've read my profile."

Elaine gulped, blushing and realising the conversation was hurtling in a direction she wasn't expecting. "Yes."

"Then you know where I live."

"Yes." She was determined not to lie.

"You live nearby, don't you?"

Elaine hesitated then typed and pressed 'send'. "Yes."

Almost simultaneously, he had rushed a disclaiming message, "Don't answer that!"

Elaine wished she hadn't answered. But there it was in their log, just a few lines up. She wondered if Gary was staring at her admission too. First it was the time zone, and now she'd admitted she was 'nearby'. She hoped it was sufficiently vague.

Why? she wondered.

"I'm sorry. I should have said you didn't have to answer."

"I'm committed to answering your questions honestly."

"That's exactly what I was thinking... And exactly why I tried to stop you. Or at least give you an option not to answer."

"Thank you for trying."

"Thank you for telling me. But I have to say..."

"Yes?"

"You are going to drive me nuts if I can't see you."

"I'm not ready yet," Elaine said, remembering Simone's advice and sticking to her guns.

"I know," typed Gary. Elaine felt his desire. She felt it penetrating her skin. "Don't respond to my frustration, Elaine. I want you to be honest with yourself first. If that means leaving and not talking to me again, I'll get over it. But while you stay, you should know there are two distinct parts of me. The physical,act before you think, 'me'. And then there's the mental 'me'; the part that thinks first, and remembers my responsibilitiesbefore I am tempted to act. It's a balancing act sometimes."

"The second part is an important part. I couldn't be with someone whose second part wasn't strong," Elaine typed, further surprising herself with her candour. "Especially when the same is expected of me."

"Point taken," Gary typed. A second or two passed. "I was referring to lust, though."

"Lust?"

"Yes. Lust," he typed. "Desire. Unstoppable, unbridled yearning. Need."

Elaine's body shuddered as if a chill wind had blown through her room. She glanced at the door, to see if it had opened. It hadn't. She knew what he meant. She knew his words were his own step over the line. He had admitted to Elaine something no one before had admitted. Ever.

He wanted her.

A thrill ran the length of Elaine's body, from the roots of her hair to the tips of her toes.

"I understand." If she'd been in front of him, she'd have gasped.

"Do you?"

"Yes. I have needs too. I'm just not sure what they are yet."

"Yes," Gary typed. "Yes... You are right."

"I..." Elaine typed, unsure of her words. "I'm just figuring it out."

"It's okay. I'm sorry, but shit, Elaine..."

"What?"

"Iso want to ask you, 'How close by?' But I won't. I just want you to know I am wrestling with myself."

"Thank you for not asking."

Silent seconds passed. "I'm going to be looking for you, everywhere I go."

"Don't, Sir..."

"I'm not on the rebound, Elaine. I've been waiting for you a long time."

"How do you know it's me you've been waiting for?"

"Let me tell you a story."

"Okay..."

"I first started going to the chat room where I met you many years ago. It was a nice way to kill an hour or two. I could visit whenever the writing bug hadn't bitten me, but while it was in some ways frustrating, I always thought it was worth it."

"Frustrating?"

"Yes. Seeing new people come and go and hook up in like five minutes flat... It's just so unrealistic, and plainly false. It was frustrating to see so many people with a healthy interest in the lifestyle fall through the cracks and be swallowed up by people who knew nothing. I'm talking about the users and the control freaks... people like that. The genuine newbies get hurt and end up turning away from the lifestyle, thinking it's worse than the life they have. It's just sad."

"Does that happen a lot?"

"I'd say nine out of ten newbie subs get hurt simply by hooking up with the wrong person."

"I feel very lucky. Why did you keep going back?"

"Because even the most troll-infested chat rooms need a few voices of experience. That's the reason I kept going back. To add my voice to the chorus of people who are 'real' in there."

"That's very noble. I know that sounds sarcastic, but I really do mean it."

"My heart is pure, Elaine. It's fragile but it's mended and whole again."

Why does he keep saying things like that? She bit her lip. "Okay..."

"And that's all I've ever thought. I've always consideredthe Internet to be fraught with problems: not knowing who is really at the other end, dishonest people, etc. Dominants come across lots of half-hearted subs too. Submissives whose hearts aren't in it, thrill-seekers, players, etc. Online, Doms have to be careful and take their time just as subs do. I've heard of a few couples successfully meeting online and moving into real life and living happily ever after. So it does happen. But I've also seen countless failures. Countless. So I chose not to seek anyone. You can ask Simone, for the last year, I've been dead against it. I never expected to meet anyone online."

Elaine didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to feel. He was talking like 'they' were a fait accompli. It scared the wits out of her. She was dumbstruck.

Mercifully, Gary continued. "I go to parties and munches, Elaine. Occasionally to annual events, things like that. I'm involved in a small group of seven people, myself included. We get together now and then to talk and share experiences and knowledge. Once in a while we have a newbies night if there are enough people interested. The last one was a couple of months ago. Half of those who promised to come didn't turn up. Of the three that did, none of them came to the following munch. One of the guys seems good. He might come back... Anyway, the point is, I've accepted I'm unlikely to meet someone given my current circumstances, and I haven't been too concerned about it either."

"But one day you will be?" Elaine was shaking.

"I thought I might put an ad in one of the lifestyle magazines. I figured my picture might get a few bites."

"Yeah," Elaine typed, smiling. "A few."

"The girl would have to enjoy living in the boondocks."

"Where?"

"I just mean in the middle of nowhere."

"Oh. Sorry. City girl."

"I get it."

"No, I mean..." Elaine blushed.What DO I mean? "I mean I come from the city. I didn't mean I don't have a highly romanticised idea about living in the open spaces." She sent a wink.

He sent a smile. "Enough intimate talk for the evening."

"Yes, Sir."

"Time for bed."

Elaine sighed. "Yes, Sir." She looked at the clock and shook her head, wishing time hadn't passed so fast. "Thank you."

"Tell me 'what for', Elaine."

"For spending your time with me. Half the time I can't believe I'm here. The other half I can hardly think straight."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm okay. Just frustrated, Sir," admitted Elaine. "It's been a long day."

"But you've not played."

"Oh, no," Elaine messaged back quickly. "I won't until after I've seen you on Friday night. I remember."

"Good girl." Gary had accidentally called her that before.

Elaine read his words again and smiled, remembering. This time she really liked it. It was hers. Her praise. He was pleased with her. "Thank you, Sir."

"Oh shit, I did it again, didn't I?"

"Yes, Sir," Elaine typed, smiling from ear to ear. She sent a big grin to let him know.

"I guess you don't mind then." He sent back a smile.

"No. Not if I've earned it." Elaine found the icon of the little person blushing and sent it.

"Smiles."

"Smiles too."

"Good night, Elaine."

"Good night, Sir."

"Sweet dreams."

God, I wish! "Thank you. Sleep well, Sir."

And she signed off.

Chapter 10

12.06 A.M.. Elaine's teeth were brushed, skin moisturised, ready for sleep. Kneeling tall on her bed in the dark, she'd opened the sliding window widely. With her elbows resting on the windowsill, she smelled the fresh air. A warm breeze caressed her face, billowing the gauzy curtains.

Street lamps and house lights dotted the hills that rolled into the distance and Elaine stared. Her room was on the opposite side to the quadrangle and looked away from the city. Until then Elaine had wished she had a view of the bright colourful lights and the promise of excitement. But it wasn't the city she was thinking about.

She smiled and closed her eyes.

Into her mind came Gary. He smirked at her as though he were waiting for her to speak. His arms were crossed and he was tapping his foot. It was a parody, but she sensed he was serious under the humour. He wanted her to hurry up and get to know herself. He knew they were right for each other.

What is it he sees in me?

It warmed her to know she was desired. She sighed softly, opening her eyes and gazing into the distance.

Maybe he's right,she thought. But I'm not rushing this. I mustn't rush it. It's too dangerous. I want to trust him so badly. But minimising the risks is important. I read that again and again. I'm going to have to ask him for references before I get in too deep. And I'm going to have to check them too. If I ever do meet him, I want to look into his eyes with confidence.

Elaine smiled to herself, her gaze focussing on a single, twinkling light, set alone in the hills.

God, his eyes...

C'mon, think!

I'd have to meet him and get to know him, to see what he was like and to connect with him. And we'd have to be attracted to each other.

Interested friends. Then again I could just meet him and fuck him.

Elaine laughed at her audacity. Amusing herself, she ran with the thought.

He'd be perfect. He's from out of town and he's hot. It's obvious he wants me, and God knows I could do with a good hard fucking. And with my virginity taken care of, there'd be no pain! We could get a motel room...

Elaine bit her lip.

I couldn't do that.

Could I?

No.

I couldn't.

I couldn't bring myself to commit such dishonesty to MYSELF, let alone him. He'll always see me as I am. No matter what mask I wear. He'll know me. He already knows me.

We've only known each other a few days, and already he knows more about me than anyone else on the face of this earth. I couldn't look into those eyes and lie. God, those eyes... I want to take another picture of him. But I want him to be thinking of ME as I click the shutter. I want him to be thinking of fucking me... I want him to... I want... I want him...

"Oooohh!" Elaine gasped. The middle finger of her right hand had dragged too firmly across her clit and the poor little bud, unable to contain itself a moment longer, had jumped for joy, causing her pussy to contract tightly. For a moment, in Elaine's ears it sounded like she was standing in a wind tunnel. She'd been caught by surprise, her eyelids springing open and her hand bouncing off her flesh, frozen in mid-air.

How long have I been doing that?

Suddenly it was so quiet she heard her pussy drip on the bed beneath her as she kneeled by the window. Shaking her head, she slid it closed and climbed between the sheets on her bed. Lying on her back and listening to her breathing slow down, she calmed her beating heart.

As Elaine caught her breath, she remembered the faint flickering light that had originally mesmerised her.

He's out there somewhere...

***************************

Thursday morning.

My first official day of 'seeing what it's like to be an exhibitionist,thought Elaine ruefully, rolling out of bed and standing in front of her mirror, completely naked.

She'd always thought sleeping naked would be a thrill, but stripping off her nightie had actually been a relief compared with wearing the scratchy thing. She simply hadn't been able to get to sleep with it on. Breathing had proved to be enough to make the material move slightly over her sensitive nipples. It had been maddening.

Her body was buzzing with need. She fixed her gaze on her nipples and they started to throb softly, without even touching them.

Fuck... Stop!

She dared not see what they felt like, though she longed to pinch and pull them. Grabbing her towel, she gritted her teeth and headed for the shower. Acold shower.