by MattressThrasher
Repeat this Mantra:
"Once a CHEATER, ALWAYS a CHEATER…!!!"
"Once a CHEATER, ALWAYS a CHEATER…!!!"
"Once a CHEATER, ALWAYS a CHEATER…!!!"
"Once a CHEATER, ALWAYS a CHEATER…!!!"
"Once a CHEATER, ALWAYS a CHEATER…!!!"
So what if she was getting some good stuff on the side. What be the problem with that?
It seems like the story was going along comfortably at 40 mph, then you jumped to 75 mph towards the end and finished the story too quickly. I'm guessing that you were anxious to finish and publish the story. If you are going to write LW category stories you will need to grow a thick skin quickly if you don't already have one. You will definitely get nasty comments from readers representing one of the sub genre's found in LW. It is impossible to please everyone. I did not think the story was horrible, but I have to admit it wasn't to my liking because the wife deserved far more punishment. So, this time you've pissed off the BTB and anti-cheater camps while making the wimps, RAAC camps and husband haters happy. I say... give it another shot and try again.
Decent story, but the ending was abrupt and you need an editor. I don't mind a cliffhanger ending when it makes the audience think-this one didn't. You gifted her with a reconciliation without dealing with the fallout: no details on her remorse, none on the lover's punishment. With some polishing and added depth, this could be good. As it is, meh.
very good story. I wanted more! What happened to Steven? If she missed her hubby, why did she go to Las Vegas and leave her girls? Wouldn't her parents question her about her girls weekend? If they didn't make love for a month before his last trip, that suggests a level of disrespect or indifference to her husband.
Still it was a good story. A few editing problems, but by the sheer number of comments you are on to something. Don't worry about the anons that call your character a wimp. We know it isn't true. Please write more!
So there was a much longer story, but you never did a full backup so when your hard drive crashed you just had this middle section left and you cobbled together an explanation of who you are to start it off and then you finished the story with a tear filled phone call that was one part confrontation, one part toothless demands (ohhh, counseling) and then you took the kids home.
Really.
Hope you continue the story about "Don't Do Anything Stupid." Did they destroy Steven, did they have him arrested for blackmail? Crossing state lines for immoral purposes? Did he find out how Steven got his hooks into Jamie ? Enjoyed the story.
Nothing worse than being left hanging. I looked through all of the comments hoping the author would post something on whether this was all he was going to write or what but I didn't see anything. Like I say WTF!!
but this one takes the cake. How dumb can a guy really get? What the fuck is he going to do with the evidence? Stick it up his stupid ass. This story is so stupid it actually is funny. What's sad is that some of the readers actually thought this was good. My the standard of erotica on this site is going down the sewer.
For those who didn't like the story or thought I ended abruptly or just didn't like it, you have every right to. I rushed through the writing and the ending, well there was no ending and for that I apologize. I'm going to rewrite the story, it will still have the same story line, I'll just do a better job this time. I was lazy and I am sorry about that. Thank you for taking the time to read the story and the comments. I'll try and do better.
just read your message to the readers. Good story and up to the end was a solid 4 but you got busted back to a 2 as there was no real unding. Good story and with a little polish and a good ending it's a solid 5 in my book....
but you need to set your own pace for your stories. For example, this story could have been a two-parter where the first part is discovery and second part the aftermath. One reason for this ending is that (a) sole focus on revenge on the lover and (b) no path back for the couple. In this story, the wife so disrespected the husband by bringing her lover to their home and bed as well as going on a Las Vegas trip with her lover. Of course, she treats her husband like a roommate and nanny. Perhap, the rewrite might include Jamie's POV to make her seems more human and less of a bitch. Most husbands in this situation would not take her back especially when she used every chance to dump her kids to be with her lover. Also, what is the point of making her watch the videos - so she can provide commentary on how he can improve his lovemaking? I also did not like the fact that the husband used a medical emergency with a child to bust her on the affair. Why add parental guilt to keep her home when the issue is whether she wants to be with him after the kids grow up? It would have been better if he had told her that he came home early, found out she was missing and he was there for their child's injury. Let her decide to come clean or keep lying even under those circumstances. I would let her be blackmailed once again giving her a chance to come back to him. The way this story ends the husband is forcing her to come back or she will lose her kids not the kind of reason you want your wife to stay with you long term. Good effort and thanks for writing.
Not finished? I do not know if his wife and him have got together again permanently or what really happened?
Why would you even consider keeping this piece of shit. Sorry.....there's no fucking way I could look at myself in the mirror knowing I allowed the slut back into my life.....fuck her.
Considering this is an early story in this author's LW repertoire, there sure are lots of comments. I don't have time to read them all this morning, only about one third of them, but they echo my thoughts pretty well. Spelling and grammatical errors definitely are distracting and an editor is sorely needed. The ending does not resolve the conflicts set up in the story, so the reader is left hanging (and if this was part one of a multi-part story, it should have been so-labelled in the title). Some elements of the plot were not original (finding the DVD's of other women being blackmailed, for example). While plagiarism is a sincere form of flattery, or however the saying goes, it would be better to come up with some unique ideas for a story rather than repeating other plots, even if done a bit differently. And finally, our hero did seem a bit wimpish. Not saying he needs to assault the bad guy, but really, his mild acceptance of the adultery and his procrastination seem to suggest he is not much of a former marine.
How can you take the Cheating Slut back…??
Have You NO BALLS…??
What a a Cuckie…!!
....that he's a cum sucker because that is what he'll be sucking from her cheating pussy from now on.
but only with the WCTU personnel. TK U MLJ LV NV
She may love him and be lonely but this kind of cheating is unacceptable . Running off to Vegas would have ended it for me.
where is the finish. what happened to steven? really he wants to save his marriage. how about a post nup. she messes up again and he gets the kids and she gets nothing out of the marriage. no if ands or buts.
Dump the whore - put video on line with email to everyone she knows with the link
I found this rather poor after reading your latest story due to the ending and hubby taking the cheater back. Wifey being lonely is a bullshit excuse at best seeing she never talked to her husband about it, but a mother leaving her kids alone so she could go away for a fuckfest is completely unforgivable and needed to be mentioned in the story.
The guy is too much a wimp and the "keep us together for the kids" is a tired and worn out cliche. So is the "but I was soooo lonely."
It's OK not to like the ending.
It's ok to write an alternative in which the bitch is burned in order to make your little 3 inch Can't-get-a-hard-on floppy flaccid pee-pee get a minor zing BUT this fucking story is finished,
Why?
Because the writer says it is.
So fuck off white trash losers
He rushed the ending. The wife stops having sex with him and spends a week with her lover, he contacts a dovorce lawyer, and then suddenly he's willing to take her back. Why? And the bit about counselling. The counselor can't decide anything. It's up to the husband and wife.
Not sure how you went from this crap wimp ass castrated cuckold story to your latest one? But perfect the latter
MT,
I think it's a good story. Liked the ending. I see the usual suspects (hate mongers) got after you. But, I'm betting your downloads--the real measure of success--on this effort were pretty high.
Matt Moreau
ending was unfinished i thought, needs another chapter for better resolution.
why are there so many husbands in a lot of stories on this site that are willing to wallow in another man sperm once it in their wifes cunt. go figure.
First, you used the excuse that she was lonely and he was never home! Okay, but not right for what she did.
Now, she is seen frolicking, holding hands, kissing and had taken the time to get a track phone...Hello...she thought about her conduct and willingly took steps to cover it. She also was distant and cold to him and even the videos and recordings depicted her having great sex and...she always looked forward to it. Finally, a girls trip wknd - to Vegas. Come on, a wife not wanting to get a divorce or caught would have said NO to that trip so Mr. Author - this woman is an out and out cheater and - Loves It!!!
Our Marine loved his wife and children but how in the hell can you justify a supposedly intelligent man deciding to accept his wife back after what he now knew, saw and heard!???
You write well and I give you cudo's for that but your ending was ridiculous...and cutoff short! I think we all knew you would pull this stunt because of your choice of words and thoughts throughout the story so...
...you have her as two different people and you hsve him as an intelligent man and a total wuss....geez.............
But after she had Steve in their house and then went to Vegas with him, I don't think reconciliation was realistic.
You started with strong male character and a weak wife, and by the end you had a wimp husband and a slut. With weak characters like these it is easy to see how you ending up with such a lame ending. This story started out good but then fizzled. At the end I was left thinking WTF that is it, so I gave it a "2" for the good start.
he wrote this dumb assed story about a moron and his whore
You did do something stupid, continually. The grammar and the sentence structure in most of your tales is terrible. GET A DECENT EDITOR?
It's always sad when children are present and there's a cheating parent. However this guy basically blames only his wife's lover, and seeks revenge against him even before he finds out that he's a blackmailing jerk. What about her, screwing in their marital bed, 69ing, what else, and how many times, including a weekend out of town. Then all of a sudden, it's just difficult and we need counseling? Sorry, he's a weakling, being a former Marine not withstanding. How could he ever look at her and not see the images of her with him, including the intimacy of his friend's description of the wife and lover holding hands and kissing in public. How disrespectful and degrading to the husband and to the marriage as well, not to mention the children. What does this behavior portend for the future? Selfish bitch!
Your writing shows promise and there is distinct level of growth as a writer. However you need an editor. I would love to work with you as you could do a lot more with an extra pair of eyes and another perspective.
Go fuck yourself Grammar police. She is a cheating skank. Once a cheater always a cheater.------Hey, are you the spelling police too--Dick Heads.
Those who have read my comments before already know that I don't knock the plot, and I don't go harping about what a "real man" would do or anything like that. I save that kind of stuff for when I'm writing my own fiction, and only comment about the technical side of others' work. So here are three things that I think you really need to address:
1.) If you're going to give your characters a specific background, for the love of God, PLEASE make sure you do the homework necessary to make it believable! You lost me from the moment that I read that your character, "...went into the Marine Corp." No REAL Marine would EVER make such a bone-headed mistake - it's the UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS. Get it right. "Corp" is pronounced KORP; it is typically short for Corporation. "Corps" is pronounced KORE, and is the correct spelling of that most august institution. So why is this an issue? Simple: by getting something that basic wrong, you make your protagonist sound like a complete poser and a rube. Not a very good start.
2.) GET AN EDITOR. You obviously don't know when to correctly use "to", "two" and "too", nor do you have a grasp of what a sizable portion of the English language actually means. Don't get your panties in a twist; anybody reading this would come to the exact same (and incredibly obvious) conclusion. There are more spelling and grammatical errors in your work than I've seen in almost anything else on this site...at least, anything that wasn't written by someone who admits that English is not their first language.
3.) There is only one real rule (in my opinion) when it comes to writing fiction: ALWAYS MAINTAIN YOUR READER'S ABILITY TO SUSPEND THEIR OWN DISBELIEF. In case you don't already know, "Suspension of Disbelief" describes the ability of someone who is reading fiction to actually set aside the fact that they know what they're reading is not real. With suspension of disbelief, the reader is able to immerse himself or herself into the world that the author has created. The characters take on a personal meaning, the situations are more visceral, and it's a far better read as a result. Without suspension of disbelief, however, all it is is words on paper. The reader will not be able to get anything out of the story, and it will have been a monumental waste of everyone's time even publishing it. So I think I'm justified in saying that - no matter what the plot direction is: if couple splits, stays together, or does both - the plot, the spelling, the grammar and the exposition (explanations and/or descriptions) must all work together to keep that suspension of disbelief going. You lost me after the second paragraph (yep, it was that whole "Marine Corp" thing), and even though I tried mightily to give it back to you, those other errors just kept hammering it home that you were out of your depth, and this just wasn't believable.
You have talent. You just don't have any real discipline or second-line tools (such as an editor) which will make your work stronger.
Hopefully, your future writing will see improvement as you incorporate the feedback that others are giving you.
I agree with a couple of points ENTROPY made, at least he didn't say he was a medic in the Corps. I can't see a Marine taking back a women who cheated to the extent this woman did. Just can't see it. The bitch took a trip with the asshole. Just can't see it.
And let's be clear: I'm not the least bit faithful to you! Sorry, but re-read what Ntropy said. Then re-read it again. Then there's Anonymous right before me- he was right, too. See how that works? A comma, followed by "too," with two "o's?" Yeah.
Protagonist was an officer, a college graduate; that means it's (notice the apostrophe?) incumbent upon you to write in a fashion in keeping with having graduated college.
...but too freely given. His wife cuckolded him for weeks as he was gathering information and she gets off exhibiting no remorse except for being caught. I guess some guys like to be cuckolded but I can't get it. In the end Steven and Jamie, especially Jamie got a pass while the dumb bastard is saying "I love you so much"
I believe in forgiveness and reconciliation but the way this shook out she'll be between the sheets with someone else for just another "short fling"
That said I didn't find the writing all that bad and the 1st person voice was believable even though he is a stupid fuck.
A WIFE does not do what Jaimie did, while her husband is off busting his butt trying to make a living for his wife and children. A wife does not plot and plan, then fly to LV to fuck for a week while her husband is off busting his butt, being cut off from his family all the while.
No, I don't agree with the ending of this story. Perhaps because I'm not forgiving? If my wife of almost 40 years had an affair, I'd shitcan her. If she had even one drunken fling where she had her legs spread with a cock driving in and out of her hole, with the plan of ejaculating inside of her, she's shitcanned.
If my wife gave another man a romantic kiss, tongue and everything, I'd shitcan her. Wives do NOT do things like that. A slut? Yes. A whore? Yes.
I screamed to myself each time you wanted to save your hook-up wit yo ho Jamie. You're delusional if you thought you still had a marriage. When I read bullshit like this, I can't help but think it's written by another fucking shrink trying to drum up business for the trade. I gave you three stars only because you weren't too wimpy to go after yo ho's john.
I have to disagree with this ending. her cheating was to monumental for reconciliation. All the she was cheating, he hadn't started blackmailing her yet. All the disrespect, anger and cutting him off was just too much. Another story where the husband is punished for working to support the cheater. How anybody can think it's his fault for her cheating is just plain hard to believe. She is definitely one who needs to be dumped. She just did too much to forgive.
as soon as he learned of her cheating he starts saying how he has to forgive her and no divorce. he doesnt even wait to find out what was going on. i think forgiving is the right thing to do in certain situations. this was total bullshit. talk about not doing something stupid, how about writing a story with some semblance of reality. what waste of time.
Everything cannot be better than ever. Once a spouse has cheated there is ALWAYS a question as to her faithfulness. Trust can never be totally regained. Stupidly plotted with a male character acting in an inconceivable manner. 1*
Corp is short for corporation, the Air Force is a corporation, the Marine Corps is a cult. Get it right next time. Haha.
Story was pretty good. I realize that the husband was trying not to go to jail so his kids would have one viable parent. I don't agree with the reconciliation with no accountability on her part. If the husband is ready for more of the same later, that's up to him, but what kind of an example is the selfish bitch going to be for her daughters. She has too much time on her hands if she can go to the gym 4 times a week. First thing that needs to happen is she needs to get a job. Preferably at an all female facility. He absolutely can not trust her ever again. She plotted and schemed to do what she did, and cut her husband off from sex while she was at it. The fact that she talked about her marriage to another man shows enough disrespect for her marriage that that would be grounds for divorce. Then she's seen around the town where they live and her husband works. That alone could seriously undermine his reputation, business wise.
Keep writing, enjoyed the flow, some mistakes but hey, we'll all hear about it from the anal retentive English majors. I bet they correct so much of this stuff that their computer screens are red from all the correcting they do.
A man watches his wife fucking another man in HIS bed and he wants to work through it? Seriously?
I'm sorry, even with our kids, my wife and I would have split the sheets and it might very well have been brutal. For the asshole, for certain. For my ex? As brutal as possible while staying out of jail.
Now after 40 years of marriage? I love her as much as the air I breath but I can assure you, I'd kick her cunt out so fast it would beat her to wherever she went. And that wouldn't even be for fucking another man, it would be for even kissing another man, romantically.
And her good friend Kathy set her up; what a bitch!!
Steven was scum; but Jamie was right down there with him.
BDEarth
women like this give all women a bad rep. She betrayed herself, her husband, her marriage, and her family. A total piece of trash. Where is the medical testing and such, the guy was a male whore, god knows what diseases she has brewing in her.
First, let me say that I enjoyed your story. The plot was a good one, and the pace of the story was very good overall. I strongly suggest that you get a good editor, though. You made many simple spelling and grammar errors that a good editor would have caught and fixed. On a personal level, while I really loved the way the husband took revenge on the blackmailer, it seems to me that the wife got off way too easy. There should've been at least some consequences for her. But hey, it's your story, not mine. Like I said, I liked this story and I hope you keep writing.
Get lonely, don't cheat and am not a week willed fool as is this character. Please state up front you like wimps so as not to waste people's time. Nice writing, but left this reader disappointed. If that is your goal, good job if not be honest up front.
At least have the decency to warn potential readers that your male characters are punks who want to get venereal diseases from their cheating slut wives.
Her excuse was that she was lonely...give me a break!
i missed the part about him blackmailing his wife. he had copies of bank statements, and phone calls.
Liked your style, your narrative, your flow of events BUT...
Two things...No tests for STD's?
and...you took her back?
Good grief, she was running around like a sex starved, loving fiance' with this guy, making LOVE - not just sex and spending a planned weekend in Vegas with him? Respect for you...Don't think so!
Doesn't matter he was a con, she was HAPPILY fucking around on you and NOT giving you any sex, love, consideration or companionship...No Excuses!!!
You're a good writer so I'll definitely read your offerings but please...NO WIMPS! Sorry for the kids but this happens a lot in todays society!
Thanks.
The thing that bothers me most is that ole Dave seems to have the IQ of a bag of hammers. It's too bad that he and Julie have already reproduced.
I'm all for reconciliation but not at any cost. Julie was sorry that she got caught and could care less about Dave. Just a very sad story with a sadder ending. No BTB was necessary (and probably not ever necessary) but Dave had himself and his daughters to protect. He really let the girls down,
Agreed with previous comments, plus wanted to add some more. Her only punishment was knowing she had been caught.
1. He needed to get HER to supply HIM with one of her youngest, slimmest, sexiest friends for him to fuck while SHE had to watch. Let her live with that emotional pain for the rest of her life.
2. She needs to sign a post-nup, saying she cheated, she admits it and agrees that if she does it again, she leaves the marriage with NOTHING. And, she should be forced to give a video confession, in case she later tries to recant her post-nup.
3. She needs to be subjected to the most thorough test for STDs that has ever been conducted. Then she needs to be committed to an abuse clinic that specializes in sexual addiction. She is an addict, and she WILL be looking for her next 'fix' soon. Without help, she will relapse.
4. Everything he collected needs to go into a private safe deposit box that she knows nothing about.
It appeared that this woman had replaced her husband with her lover for every role besides being the father of her children and paying her bills. So, her quick turnaround when she was caught really did not fit the circumstances. Furthermore, it seems she pretty much got off without a hitch for her transgressions. That was not very satisfying.
make sure you leave room for the run-off. TK U MLJ LV NV
Sorry, based on your plot and what he saw, the possibility of reconciliation is 0. Same as the rating this deserves.
I agree with some of the other commenters, especially Texas_Air_Force. Wifey got off too light. She was sorry for getting caught, not the cheating. Has she done this before?? Hubby just hit him once to knock him to the side walk? I would have landed a kick so hard to his nuts that he would have to be castrated. Then I would have punched him in the face again, then walk away.
Too many word errors. Did you proofread your story after you wrote it? At least get someone else to edit and proofread.
4 *'s
It was all being recorded to be given to the cops. The plan was to not do anything stupid that could wind him up in jail, so he could only use enough force to be considered defending his wife. Besides, the real pain inflicted on the asshole was that he drained his bank accounts, maxed out his credit (and presumably kept the booty from it) and turned him into a fugitive. The kind of revenge that keeps on giving.
If this is the "new and improved" version, with the errors corrected, I am glad I didn't read the original.
There is also a major hole in the storyline. Steven, the blackmailer, obviously has hidden cameras in his apartment (at least in the bedroom) with which he records his trysts. All the activity of the husband and his hacker friend would have been on camera for Steven to see upon returning from LV.
just sayin
The first thing he says to his wife in person after she gets back from Las Vegas after fucking her lover is "I love you very much."
Somehow I don't think that's what would have come out of my mouth.
This thing has more holes in it than Swiss Cheese!
In order for a blackmail charge to stick, you need the police, not a P.I., because the defense can cast doubt on the evidence; ("Why did you not contact the police immediately, when Mr. *.* called you and threatened you that evening, Mrs *.*?)
And of course, under cross-examination, she would most certainly spill ALL the beans, and our courageous band of vigilantes would be joining Steven in the huskow.
I don't even know if this one is worth trying to salvage, though.
you don't bring in the trash, you throw it out!
He treats the wife like nothing big happened. Oh honey, you just fucked a guy several times, were intimate enough with him in public to suggest real intimacy in your private meetings with him, and then went to Las Vegas with him! No big deal. He's just a predator. This is a little hard to swallow. Also there are misspellings and improper use of words. "Too" and "to" are not interchangeable.
Steven got a lawyer and traded the blackmail for the assault charge for striking him - which was on the video - thank you very much - you idiot. Dumb story. Drove it right off the cliff.
Sorry but I still don't like it. Cheaters are not good people, hence they are not good spouses or parents. Done. She has got to get out. He has to keep the bad influence away from his daughters. They cannot grow up thinking that it is okay to cheat on your family. They cannot grow up with a father that will not protect them from a mother that cheated on ALL of them! She sent her kids away, so she could fuck another man in their house! Total lack of respect for them all. She was in Vegas humping her boyfriend when her daughter needed her mother in the hospital! Total lack of LOVE for her family! No need for "revenge", just a need for a solution to having a bad wife and a terrible mother. From the total ignorance displayed in this plot, my guess is that the author is not married, or has not had any children.
the only one who betrayed him was his own wife. The other guy, predator or not, didn't owe him a bit of allegiance, but she did. She was lonely, she was horny, well boo-hoo. I bet he was lonely on those trips he was making. You know, the ones that paid the bills and let her be a mom and shit like that. I don't remember a job, bet there wasn't one, so too much time on her hands. Hubby might have loved her better than French Toast, but she was the fuck up, not anyone else. No reason to take her back, she put herself ahead of everyone in her life and she lied to all of them, too. Pretty well written and gets cudos for that but the content wasn't all that likable, especially the decision to forgive her before he even confronted her. That little hissy fit that he threw after the daughter got hurt didn't amount to anything and wasn't really all that impressive.
Too much words for a little story. Nobody would act as circuitous as hubby does. Simply kill the guy and sell the wife to a whore house.
He loves the cheating slut of a bitch enough to keep her. I personally would have buried the both of them, but then that's me. Otherwise it's a good story.
Typical 'She was bored and needed someone else to fuck' story. The biggest problem was that he should have burned her just like they did the asshole. She will tell him that she really loves him and that she's sorry, give him lots of attention, and be back to fucking someone else within a year. He should have cut his losses and taken her down also. She sure didn't give him a break when she fucked the asshole in his bed.
How do you instantly forgive her after seeing her 69 someone and how am I supposed to swallow this crap that apprently they still had issues in their marriage when he forgives her immediately. Don't get me started how rushed this felt.
i can understand his willingness to try to keep the marriage(for the kids) but he needs to exact a little retribution from her....she also needed to be checked over for std's george
She had a several months long affair, I guess. Although that's not clear. There were several trysts, though. Then fucks him in the marital bed, and goes on a five day trip to Las Vegas. Too much intimacy! He then immediately forgives her and reconciles, even though she's regularly dumping the children on her parents to continue her adultery. Fine mother, fine wife, selfish bitch! Not really much of a recommendation for a successful marriage in the future. All of this negativity criticizing the story, despite the fact that I usually like reconciliation stories.
What a pathetic wimp husband and what a sorry slut wife. She sits on her sorry ass all day long and whines because she's lonely. Her solution- Find a big dick to stuff her twat while husband is out of town. What a whore. She doesn't need a counselor she needs to go work at a brothel.8294
These stories are so sad... They try to make these guys out to be so tough... But they are only cum eating cucks who couldn't get a real woman if life depended on it. They could only get whores and sluts.. And really who couldn't get that.. Just another cuck
the police should have been informed about the blackmail so they could have the evidence and arrest the guy on the spot.