El Paso - Jake Rivers Ch. 02

The shot had caught him right at the back of his neck, below the helmet and above the top of the body armor. He died instantly, Lina. He never knew what happened. He was a man you can be proud of. He gave his life to save mine. His comrades in the 82nd Airborne will remember him with respect.

Love, Joey

Billy, the fun loving paratrooper was gone and I was shocked at how quickly his face faded. Less than a year after I met him, he died in that war, the reason for which I could never begin to understand.

It didn't make any sense to stay on base – I probably didn't have any choice anyway – so I moved to Palo Alto and took a job with Stanford doing research on early childhood education. That was the area I studied for my master's at San Diego State. I met Billy when he was in San Diego visiting his older brother who was career Navy.

I changed my name back from Mayfield to Donahue – I'd never gotten around to changing my California Driver's License and it just seemed easier. I got $250,000 insurance from the government for Billy's "service to the country." I gave half of it to his brother so he and his wife could buy a house in San Diego.

I invested what I had left and forgot about it. I didn't really feel like I deserved it so I just ignored it. I get statements once a quarter but rarely did more than glance at them.

I'd never slept with anyone before I met Billy and he was gone so damn fast. Now Jack had stirred up my passions, banked like a fire for the night, awakened with the dawn. How could that fleeting, gentle, quickly passing glance of a kiss wake up these hormones so long dormant?

I didn't read too much into this – I was still the shy girl afraid of relationships and commitments. My daddy convinced me I was pretty but ... still, I don't think I really believed it. I was lonely. I was tired of being lonely. Daddy said I should get a Boxer to keep me company.

Felina? Who was I really and what did I have to do with the girl in the book, Felina/Faleena? Was there a wild young cowboy in store for me?

I cried then in the lonely dawn; I cried for Billy and his life wasted too early. I cried for Faleena and Texas Red ... so much love wasted so young with such violence. I cried for myself because ... I didn't know, I just cried.

TIERRA AMARILLA VALLEY - JACK

After a quick breakfast we took off in my truck up I-25 to Santa Fe and on up US 84 to Tierra Amarilla. Lina was fascinated with the yellow color of the land. I explained to her that's what Tierra Amarilla meant. When we got to the town of the same name we turned off for the ranch.

I introduced Lina to my mom, María, and my dad, John. I could see my mom's eyes light up as she wondered if this was theone. Lina stayed in my old room and I slept over the garage. This was my mom's doing – surely she didn't think I had indecent thoughts?

We had a light lunch and retired to our respective rooms for a short siesta. I dozed off for a while, then put on my old jeans and boots and went looking for a horse with some spirit. When I was in high school I was pretty active in the local rodeos. I was never really serious about it – it was just something for fun. I did wind up a pretty fair bronc rider though. Now whenever I came up to the ranch I liked to take on one of the three or four horses that liked to jump around a bit.

Dad had told me of a new horse he'd bought. It was a stallion with the color called locallybayo coyote... a dun with a black stripe down the bony ridge of his back. He was dark-maned buckskin with zebra stripes around the knees and hocks.

It felt good to ride an animal with such spirit – even to the point I was laughing the first two times he pitched me off. The third time I stayed in the saddle – I think more due to the horse deciding he was bored that to any great skill of mine. I put it though its paces and was really impressed with it. Dad had brought it for breeding and I thought it would work out well.

When I dismounted and took the saddle off, I heard a gentle clapping and turned to see Lina applauding me.

"Hey, you reallyarea cowboy! And here I thought you were just a stuffy old professor."

I smiled and said, "Yeah, but you didn't see the first two tries."

I turned and showed her the ground-in muck from the corral on the back of my jeans. Mom came out then and kidnapped Lina so I went up and took a shower and put on some clean clothes.

After dinner, Dad and I retired to the screen room in the back of the house with cold beers.

I'd finally gotten my dad to call me Jack instead of Juan. "Jack, you know that mom had a long talk with Lina." He laughed a bit and continued; "I think she regrets putting you in the garage. I'm afraid she sees granddaughter written all over this girl."

"Jeez, Dad, I just met her two days ago. I don't even know what kind of toothpaste she uses."

Dad laughed at that. I thought it was kind of funny too, like toothpaste was part of making a baby. She did look good in those tight fitting jeans, though.

Mom and Lina came in. Mom asked, "What are you two good for nothings up to?"

Dad smirked and said, "Oh, we were just talking about toothpaste."

Mom smiled at him and said, "Okay, no more beer for you guys."

We talked for a while about dad's book. He answered a bunch of questions from Lina. He was fascinated with her name being Felina Donahue. We brainstormed but couldn't come up with any coherent theory that would tie together the two traditions.

The phone rang and dad talked for a while.

"That was Andy Sheedy. He's been so helpful in the past so I gave him a call on this little conundrum we have. He's really excited; he thinks he has found something ... maybe just what we are looking for. I invited him for dinner tomorrow night."

We talked some more about what Andy might have to say, but we were just guessing. Mom and dad went on to bed and I took Lina out for a walk in the warm summer evening. It was not as hot as in El Paso since the altitude here was much higher.

I somewhat naturally took her hand as we walked in the quiet night.

"Hey, Jack? Don't you think it's a good thing they don't arrange marriages anymore?"

I laughed, "I guess mom gave you the full treatment? What a nice guy I am, and all that?"

I turned serious and apologized, "Sorry about that, Lina. She means well – it's just that, hell, Lina, she wants grandkids."

"That's okay, Jack. She's really sweet." Mimicking my accent, she continued, "Hell, Jack! I want grandkids too."

She caught me on that. Without thinking I swatted her behind, over the tightly stretched jeans.

She didn't say anything, but I'm sure I turned at least three shades of red in the half-moon glow. Thinking about what I briefly felt (actually it stung my fingers), I considered that there was a hell of a lot of woman under those Levi's.

The next day passed slowly as we awaited the purportedly exciting news from Andy Sheedy. I took Lina for a horse ride to some springs up in the hills, which watered a large grove of trees. She had never ridden before so I made sure she had a gentle horse. Truth be told I picked a gentle horse too – I seemed to have some nasty bruises in embarrassing places, gratis of the spirited dun.

It was a nice place and mom had packed a good lunch. Afterwards we were lying back against the saddles, watching the clouds go by. I noticed that Lina kept turning the lovely ruby/diamond ring around. I wasn't sure whether it was just a nervous habit or whether it was a memory of a loved one. I was almost afraid to ask but then Lina saw me watching her twist the ring.

She took it off and handed it to me. It really was quite beautiful.

"It's been in the family for ... gosh, forever it seems. When I got married my grandmother gave it to me and said to never let it out of the family. Billy, the guy I married was in the army and didn't have much money but he was happy."

I was a good listener so Lina went on to tell me the story of Billy ... of the short time she knew him and of the way he died.

"It almost all seems like a dream now. It's been a little over two years since the funeral. I try to remember his face but it seems blurry until I look at his picture."

We lay there, side by side, and dozed off to the quiet burble of the spring. I awoke to see Lina's face quite close to mine. Her eyes seemed a darker green with a smoky look in them. Her face looked mottled like she had been crying. We lay there like that for a long moment.

"Jack ... kiss me, Jack."

I didn't know what was going on but I sure wasn't going to argue. Our kiss was somewhat tentative at first – she pulled back and stared at me after a moment. She leaned her head back down and Lina kissed me
with a passion I'd never experienced before. I put my arms around her and, as the kiss grew in intensity, slid my hands down to the back of those tight jeans and pulled her close.

She ended the kiss and she put her head in my neck and we lay like that for a long time. She was gently sobbing and I felt her warm tears sliding down my neck. She hadn't complained about the location of my hands so I left them there ... enjoying the feel of her ripe, firm body.

She finally sat up and took my face in her hands, holding my head and looking into my eyes. She kissed me again, short but with a lot of intensity. She suddenly seemed at odds with herself and jumped up and walked over to where the horses were. I saddled her horse and helped her up, and then saddled mine. We walked the horses slowly down the hill to the ranch house and the answer to the mystery she had brought into our lives.

I tried to talk to her a couple of times – I guess I wanted to understand what had happened. It meant a lot to me but she had this enigmatic expression on her face and didn't say anything. I wasn't sure if I'd never got married because I didn't understand women or if it was the other way around: because I'd never been married I couldn't understand what had happened at the springs.

The thought occurred to me that women were a lot like the weather: changeable, temperamental, placid to passionate and back in a moment's time ... and definitely not predictable.

BELLE'S STORY - LINA

Riding back down to the ranch I wasn't sure whether I was excited or mortified by what I had done, by what had happened. It was obvious that Jack was confused and wanted to talk about it but I had no idea what to say to him.

I don't know who kissed him at that lovely glade by the murmuring springs ... but it sure wasn't me. It frightened me somewhat that I could do something so ... so blatantly forward. I was hugely embarrassed but at the same time I felt an excitement that I'd never felt with Billy. Sex with Billy had always seemed good but I'd always had this strange feeling that I was watching myself – that it was someone else in bed with him and I was on the sidelines.

But when I kissed Jack – I had no idea about what made me do that – I felt a passion, a connection I'd never felt in my life. Trying not to look at Jack ... but still looking at him with a sidewise glance now and then, I tried to figure it out. Sure, he was attractive in a brownish sort of way: brown hair and darker brown, almost black, eyes. A great tan that showed a lot of outdoors life and he was obviously smart. He was tall with even features.

He was clearly as inexperienced with women as I was with men – I found that endearing. He acted somewhat diffident but when I saw him ride that awful horse I saw a wellspring of passion in him that was totally unexpected.

Why did I kiss him? Because I could? Because I wanted to? Maybe ... just maybe because I had to. I felt there was this woman inside of me that wasn't so shy, that wanted to engage a man on equal terms. I wanted to – and this embarrassed me to even think it – well, to participate in sex and not be an observer. I felt like woman as eternal girl; I felt like woman as courtesan. I felt confused.

We went back to our rooms to clean up for dinner. After I took my shower, I stood in front of the mirror to really look at myself – as a woman, not just a body. With a critical eye I stared at my body as I twisted and turned, trying to imagine what Jack would see if he were here looking at me. I decided I looked pretty damned good, that I had that elusive thing called sex appeal and that if Jack could see me now he would be a little weak in the knees.

For the first time in my life I felt proud of my body; I could see I really was as pretty as my dad had always told me. I looked at this woman in the mirror, this woman with no secrets; I stared at her and asked her if it were possible for her to fall in love with Jack in just a couple of days.

I smiled an enigmatic little private smile ... and answered with a wink at myself as I put my hands on the full roundness of my buttocks where Jack's hands had so recently been. Jack didn't know it but he was going to be my life's companion. I remembered one of the stanza's of that old classic, "Be My Life's Companion," and was touched because Jack actually was thirty-three:

"I know a man who's lonely, and he's old at 33.

No one wants to be old at 33.

Your disposition sours like a lemon on a tree.

Don't let it happen to you, and don't let it happen to me."

Yes, I thought – with a woman's wisdom – Jack was the one and at my twenty-eight we were just the right age for each other.

I was a bit daring in my dress, a low cut sleeveless white blouse that showed a fair amount of décolletage, and a fairly conservative jean skirt that reached to just above the knees. I used one of my more alluring scents – I had been scandalized after I had spent so much money on it. But now maybe it would turn out to be money wisely invested.

I went down to dinner – I ran into Jack coming in the front door just as I reached the bottom of the stairs. I gave him a big smile and kissed his check demurely. Taking his hand I walked him back to the kitchen where his mom, María, was putting the finishing touches to the dinner she was preparing.

She looked at me and saw ... something, for she gave me a big hug and had a smile on her face that stayed there the rest of the evening. I don't know if she really liked me or if she just saw a baby machine that would give her grandchildren.

Jack's dad brought Andy Sheedy in and we sat down to dinner. It was clear that Mr. Sheedy was excited – he moved around like he was going to pee his pants. After dinner we moved into the large family room for the dénouement of the mystery about Faleena.

Andy finally began. "You can look at the actual letters later; I made you two copies of everything I could find. For now, I'll just summarize for you.

"What we mostly have is a series of letters from Belle, Dallas Stoudenmire's wife. These letters are ones she sent to her sister in Ohio. A friend of mine is writing a biographical history of Dallas and found them after much research. He scanned the letters and emailed them to me. If you want, I can also send you the digital images.

"I'm summarizing here, and also doing some reading between the lines to give some clarity. The bottom line is that Faleena didnotdie in the alley behind Rosa's Cantina. She knew nothing of guns and when she shot herself she had the gun at an angle, and while it did a lot of damage to her body – I guess her left breast was forever disfigured - it didn't kill her.

"Dallas was standing over the two star-crossed lovers, finally feeling bad at his role in the tragedy. He saw a faint pulse beating in her neck and chased the crowd away. He had a couple of his deputies take Faleena to his house to 'prepare the body for burial.' Dallas had a pine box made and had a fine burial done for the two 'dead' lovers. One coffin was for the dead Texas Red and one was filled with rocks for Faleena.

"Faleena did almost die from loss of blood, but Dallas' wife, Belle, nursed her back to health. She came to love Faleena like a sister and wanted her to have a good life. Dallas had the reverend at the Lutheran church in town prepare a marriage license and Belle gave the young girl a ring that had been in her family since they had migrated from Europe. Not much is known of the ring but it is purported to be made of diamonds and rubies and is supposed to be incredibly valuable – more as an heirloom than its intrinsic value.

"Dallas went around to town to the 'admirers' of Faleena and asked them for money to get her started. After she recuperated they snuck her on the train for the growing city of Los Angeles. No one heard anything else about her after she left; nothing is known of her life after she reached California.

"There was one additional letter from a member of the town council to his brother complaining of the 'high handed' way that Dallas made him contribute a hundred dollars. That's about it. What do you think?"

We were all stunned for a minute, thinking about the implications. I looked at my hand and twisted the ring off. I handed it to Mr. Sheedy and he stared at it for a long time, and then looked at me with tears in his eyes. He passed the ring and everyone looked and marveled over it. It seemed conclusive proof that Faleena had lived and that the stories my dad had told me were true.

We all talked excitedly late into the night. When we were left alone, Jack took me outside for a short walk.

"Whew!" he exclaimed, "that was really something. I'm happy for you that we found the connection. Dad was excited and is going to do an update to his book and re-release it."

We walked more and sat down on a bench underneath a huge cottonwood tree. Jack turned to me and looked deep in my eyes.

"Lina," he started but then choked up and put his arms around me, holding me tight.

I knew this man was not one to trifle with ... that this was not the time for playing the coquette. I held his head lovingly and kissed him with a clear signal of how I felt.

We sat there for a long time, holding hands, kissing, talking in low tones – both of us amazed at the intensity of our feelings.

The next day we drove back to El Paso.

TO HAVE AND TO HOLD – JACK

If I was bewildered by the rapid sequence of events, I was even happier at the outcome. Without knowing it I had been searching for Lina in my life for many years. It was rapid, this developing love of ours. Maybe I should have looked askance at how quickly Lina became part of my life.

She hadn't said the magic, "I Love You" as yet but I felt it. She was a warm, loving woman and as dad had told me when we left the ranch, "She's a keeper, son." There was no questioning my mom's feelings on Lina.

We spent the next few days sightseeing. I wanted to show Lina my country. She called in and asked for another week off which she got with no problem. We talked a lot about what Andy had discovered. I talked my dad out of revising his book – I wanted to write this story myself!

The night before Lina was to return to the bay area we went to dinner at Azulejos again. This time we both had several of their incredible Margaritas. We had a lot of fun and laughed a lot. Afterwards I walked Lina back to her room. I was going to kiss her goodbye at the door but she asked me in.

She walked into the bedroom to "refresh herself" and came back wearing a quite revealing diaphanous pale blue baby doll gown. I stared at her, the question in my eyes. She smiled, a slight sensuous smile, and nodded her head with a brief movement. She walked slowly towards me, the womanly sway of her hips drawing me in.

She wrapped her arms around me and whispered in my ear, "I love you Jack. I've loved you for years ... I just hadn't met you yet."

She shuddered slightly and with a wan smile led me through the door of the mini-suite into her bedroom. The lights were off and the open curtains of the top floor room allowed a subdued stream of yellow light to flow across the turned down bed.