Enchantress 7 - The Royal Family

"What? You have no reason for this, I'll sue! I'll have your crown!" he screamed as he was being dragged away.

Nick called out to the struggling guards, "Remind Mr. Morose about the anal probe, this fellow looks overdue."

"What are the charges your majesty?" asked a young guard.

"Breaking and entering, attempted assault, suspicion of espionage. He has spies inside the castle. Find out who they are and what they know. If Harleigh Rhodes reenters the castle she needs to speak with Mr. Morose also. Espionage."

"Spies?"

"The men who broke in here a few months ago knew exactly how to get to the king's apartment. Someone told them exactly where to find his majesty. Our king didn't stand a chance." Nick saw the anger grow in the guards, King Verence II was well loved by his guards and they are still in mourning for him.

When the young guards left, Annabelle whirled on Nick and said, "What was that all about?"

"I sent Princess Llywella to the Mayor's office to discuss the honorary duchy, but he sent her away. He refused to talk to a princess. Right after you two became duke and duchess, his daughter ran out of the castle and ran all the way to his office. Twelve minutes later he burst in and demanded to talk about the Duke of Lancre."

"Do you think he gave out castle design to somebody?" asked Preston.

"I don't know. I'd like to think that if he was the source of the leak, it was because he was mouthing off at a party trying to be the big shot. I don't want to think it was intentional." Nick paused at the door to the wedding reception. "Gotta put my happy face on again..."

He opened the door and inside Marlon had taken over and was telling stories about Gaspode. The group was laughing and Glenice leaned over and rubbed the king's pet wolf Remy on the cheeks and said, "Talking dog, that's funny, isn't it boy."

"I've only heard stories," said Remy. "He was my grandpa but I never met him."

Glenice shrieked and fell back and landed on her husband's lap. "Remy! Don't scare the guests," said Nick.

"I'm not going to apologize for being a talking wolf."

"This is real?" gasped Glenice.

"Yeah, sorry," apologized the king. "Don't worry, he's the only one."

"Ummmm," Remy looked guilty.

"No!" gasped Prince Marlon.

"Remy, what don't I know?" demanded Nick.

"You know that wire hair bitch that hangs around the scullery?"

"DIBS!" called Marlon. "I want a male puppy!"

Everyone started laughing and Octavia covered her mouth trying to hold back her laughter. Nick turned to Octavia and said, "You knew?"

"I was in the kitchen and I heard some tiny voices calling for momma and found the litter in a box in the scullery."

"They all talk?" then Nick noticed that the entire crowd was laughing so hard they were aching. "Sorry, but that's life around here. Lancre is a very magical place and we are a very magical family. Your king and future kings are going to be well versed in magic." Suddenly it got very quiet.

"You have nothing to worry about," said Princess Annette, "mom and dad have only used their magic for the defense of Lancre... that and making dinner."

Dilwyn Howell rose and said nervously and bowed stiffly to Octavia, "I read your book ma'am... yer majesty, and I want to say thank you." He turned to the other guests, "They saved the whole planet! They saved the baby planets, and a planet eater came and our king led it away. I say that we got the best king and queen any kingdom could ever want.

"I heard he saved King Verence from a wizard wot wanted to take over the world," said one of the family members.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to terrify you..." Nick felt the old sorrow and insecurity welling up. "I just want to meet people. In Creel Springs I knew everybody, now I'm locked up in this gilded cage..."

"No, yer highness, it ain't that," said Mikol Gorski the farmer from Mad Stoat. "Hell we ain't scared of nuttin' now, we have the greatest king on the disk, it's just..." He walked up to Nick and said, "None of us knew just how great you and the queen are... I just want to shake your hand."

As they shook hands Nick said, "This is YOUR day, what do YOU want?"

"I heard you're unbeatable at darts, I want to prove that wrong."

"Ok, that one is true. Let's go... I'm not going to show mercy just because it's your wedding day."

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The court waited idly for the king to arrive at the weekly meeting, he was a few minutes late and finally Lieutenant Reziko Pants, the king's personal bodyguard and senior training officer for the Lancre Watch stepped in the room and called, "All rise! The King of Lancre!"

All of the court members, including Marlon, who had taken over as the Lord of Health and Safety rose as Nick entered the room with Reziko, Findlay MacIver and Queen Octavia who was wearing her deep crimson robe and had her staff, Virga. Virga was a stout piece of Sapient pearwood, a magical wood that is considered the most valuable substance on the discworld. Virga started as a walking stick, and sapient pearwood is known for generating feet and walking behind its owner wherever he goes. Imagine luggage you could never lose. At the top of Virga was a sphere that looked like it was made of wood, but it occasionally opened revealing that it was the fabulous, fabled, Eye of Knute.

"Please, everyone, take your seat. First, Lord Worblehat Stein, congratulations on your nuptials, try to stay awake." Then he gave Marlon a wink which caused chuckles around the room. "Second, Earl Buckminster Hargrave has graciously agreed to amend his position on this committee and work with Duke Preston Prescott, Duke of Lancre on national security. Thank you Buckminster."

"I tried to retire but you wouldn't let me go!" said Earl Buckminster Hargrave.

"There's a difference between internal and external security, and I want you two to apply your experience on those differences." Nick suddenly grew very cold. "Two months ago we lost our king to two gods damned women hiding in a fucking cave." The room grew deadly silent, no one had ever heard Nick swear like that. Not even after he was thrown from a horse had he sworn so viciously, but then, no one has ever murdered his king. "Call me paranoid if you want, but in the past 20 years we've been attacked three times because we're seen as nice. NOBODY attacks Überwald, and they've never been accused of being nice. I hereby declare that we are going to exercise the gods-given rite of retaliation."

"Who?" asked Earl Horace Giffard, the lead lord in the House of Lords, "who are we going to retaliate against?"

"Every principality that sent a man to kill our king. Mister Morose has been collecting information from the prisoners and quite a list is growing. Tonight, I am going to verify that list." Suddenly a knock came at the door which is never knocked on when the court was meeting. Without asking who was without, Nick said, "Enter!" thinking that it was his and Octavia's lover, Ning Hau Chung who was a vital part of this exercise.

"Milord!" Lolar Hampton, the Duke of Warwickshire entered the room and dropped to one knee. He was joined by Colonel Handpipe, the commander of the Army of Warwickshire. "Sire, we have five hundred men under arms for your upcoming operation."

Nick turned to Marlon and said "Prince Marlon, can you cover this meeting? I need to speak with Lolar."

"Yes sir," said the crown prince, then Nick leaned over to Octavia and they kissed (a first for a royal staff meeting) and Nick rose followed by Reziko and walked out with Lolar Hampton and Colonel Handpipe. The meeting broke up in an uproar, never has a king walked out on his court to confer with a foreign power, and Lord Harcourt, the ancient exchequer of the kingdom rose and said as such. Marlon was able to restore order but something was up. Octavia simply smiled and said, "I don't think that was a foreign power anymore."

Out in the corridor lit only by a flickering torch Colonel Handpipe said, "Milord, the Ramtops is being looked at by the entire disc, you and I both know that through no fault of your own, being caught by surprise like that has turned the Ramtops into a target for foreign powers. I beg you to consolidate your Ramtops allies into a stronger, more formidable Lancre."

Nick turned to Lolar and said, "Well, old friend, what do you propose?"

"Your majesty, allow us to federate with you and join your crusade."

"All principalities are required to participate in the Lancre Highway watch, from the smallest barony to the largest duchy, including any and all city-states. Can you agree to place your highways in the hands of the Duke of Lancre?"

"Duke of Lancre? There's no..." realization spread over his face, "milord is learning politics after all! Would this Duke of Lancre be the brave Captain Prescott?"

"It surely is," grinned Nick as he suddenly realized he needed an Oath of Fealty. He's going to have Findlay draw one up.

"We will gladly and proudly abide with your rulings and demands." He knelt on one knee again and proffered his sword and Colonel Handpipe knelt next to him. "I promise on my honor that I will forever be faithful to the king, never cause him harm and will observe my homage to him completely against all persons in good faith and without deceit."

"Colonel Handpipe, what is your first name?" asked Nick.

"Colonel."

Nick nodded; it made sense. He eased the sword from its scabbard and tapped Lolar Hampton and Colonel Handpipe on the shoulders and said "I knight thee in the name of the Kingdom of Lancre. Arise Sir Lolar Hampton, arise Sir Colonel Handpipe." He returned the blade to Lolar and they shook hands and Nick said, "welcome to Lancre, uh... I guess your borders are our borders now."

"I've been wanting to do this since you were coronated," said Lolar.

"Don't you feel like you're giving away your birthright?"

"Hells no, my son will still be duke when I'm gone. I feel like I'm giving away many of my headaches and all it costs is some tax money."

"I'm going to treat you like any other principality, I'm not going to interfere with your system of delegation, but I insist on the highway watch and insist on flying the flag of Lancre above the flag of Warwickshire." He patted Lolar on the back, "it's good to have you aboard." They stepped back into the court room and everyone looked their way. Octavia was at the head of the table and she turned to see Nick as he reentered the room.

"Did something happen?" asked Octavia trying to read Nick's smile.

"Gentlemen," said Nick. "The independent duchy of Warwickshire is no longer our ally." The room was filled with murmurs of shock and many openly questioned the sanity of their new king. But Nick raised a hand and silence returned. "Instead of being allies, they have requested to join the Kingdom of Lancre. They have sworn an oath of fealty and Duke Hampton and Sir Handpipe are now knights of the Kingdom of Lancre and have sworn an oath to me, their king."

Shock ruled the room, the borders of Lancre expanded without war? No deaths? No beheadings or public floggings? Is that even legal? The royals of the court were stunned then rose to shake hands with the newest lord in Lancre, Lolar Hampton, as Queen Octavia kissed their newest knights.

"You realize that Lancre now shares a border with Überwald," said Earl Hargrave.

"Is that a bad thing?" asked Nick.

"Warwickshire always used to be our buffer between Lancre and Überwald."

"In my lifetime Überwald has always been an ally, we will have to work on maintaining that friendship, I will speak with Sarafine von Überwald about this. Duke Prescott, can you ask your mother-in-law for a meeting with the heads of Überwald?"

"Yes, milord."

"I cannot believe our borders have expanded!" gushed Lord Baltimore. "How did my wizards miss this?"

"Get used to it, there's going to be more of this between now and Hogswatch," said Nick. He winked at Octavia who banged a mug on the table and shouted.

"Gentlemen!" she called, "Gentlemen. The king requires a list of ten names from each of you, a list of men, be they young nobles or commoners, men who would properly fill in as a baron in an expanded territory. We need the names of young men who could lead a barony by next week, have your people work on it."

"No nephews or in-laws!" Nick nearly shouted. "I don't need nepotism; I need hard men who can do a hard job but maintain their loyalty to their people!"

"War is it then?" harumphed Earl Giffard, the lead lord in the House of Lords.

"No, we're not going to war, we're going to acquire."

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Queen Octavia along with her bodyguard Lady Annabelle Prescott and two Warwickshire knights on horseback rode her carriage through the King's Tunnel, a mile long tunnel under Breeders Peak ridge. They left the tunnel and traveled up Nana Partridge's driveway to the cottage where she and Nick raised six children. But she didn't go to the cottage. It was tiny now, as small as it was the day they first saw it. As their family grew, the cottage grew, and the farm flourished. But their business didn't involve the cottage. She saw Hollie in front of her cottage trying to get her broom to fly, but their business was in the small guard house near the cottage.

On the porch of the cabin sat two dwarves, Axemir and Eryri Stronginthehead. They were sitting out enjoying the last warm evening before winter set in. "What brings the queen out on a soft evening like this?" asked Eryri as she puffed on her clay pipe.

Octavia sat in a rocking chair next to Eryri and said, "I need a reason to visit with my oldest friends?"

"My queen, I know for a fact that you have friends that are much older than us," chided Axemir.

Ignoring his bad pun, the Queen continued with her errand. "I come to ask one or both of you to serve on the King's court. Or, failing that, we would appreciate any other dwarf that is as literate, well spoken, and loyal to the crown as you."

"Checking boxes on a shopping list, my queen?" again Axemir was chiding her, but he didn't sound amused.

"To be brutally honest, yes." Octavia leaned forward and looked Axemir in the eye. "You don't give a damn about our position, you're calling me 'my queen' just to amuse yourself. We need someone with that kind of courage on the court to speak up for the dwarves and the miners. If you don't do it, I'll ask Klayre Mac Síthigh."

"Klayre digs ditches," spat Eryri. {In dwarven conversation this is equivalent to accusing someone with having romantic relationships with a farm animal}

Octavia never heard Eryri swear so viciously, the dwarf and Octavia have been friends nearly as long as she's been married to Nick. The queen shrugged her shoulders and said, "He volunteered."

"I don't know if we have the time," said Axemir. "When our holdings were small we could shut down whenever we wanted but your husband gave us nearly every mine in Lancre to manage."

"That's why we come to you," said Octavia. "You've been cracking Lancre rock all of your lives; nobody knows the dwarves of Lancre like you. And you stand in good favor with the Low Queen Blodwen Rhysdottir. You've dug your way down to this position." {This was the same as telling a human they climbed their way to the top}

"We'll do it. I'm taking a year off anyhow," said Eryri.

"You're having a baby?" gasped Octavia. Eryri nodded and the women hugged, having a baby is the only thing Octavia knew that would keep Eryri out of a mine.

As they hugged, Axemir cleared his throat and said, "What do you want Princess Hollie?" Hollie had quietly walked over to the guard shack.

"Something is wrong with Mark, he won't talk, he won't let me in his house." The young witch was in tears. "It's something horrible, I just know it."

"Ok, we were just leaving and his house is nearby." Octavia remembered being 16, she was living in a magical boarding school on a round world and had such a crush on a young boy. She knew it wouldn't work because Draco didn't believe in female wizards, but he was so hot! Everything was extremes with him, minor events were horrible or incredible depending on what it was.

With a final hug and an assurance that the king would deliver Eryri's baby, Octavia boarded her carriage and they had their leave and headed down to the village. Hollie was floating next to Octavia on her broom. She wasn't flying, she was floating on her broom and holding on to the carriage letting it pull her along. Mark's house was a tiny house next to the hardware store, maybe two rooms in size, about the same size as Hollie's cottage currently is.

Hollie let go of the carriage and flew to the porch and climbed off her broom without realizing that she flew. "Mark honey, please let me in," she said as she knocked on the door.

"Hollie, please, leave us be," came the weak voice from within.

Hollie heard the bolt slide back and the door opened, she knew that Mark didn't do that, it was her mom. She walked into the dimly lit house and there was a woman on a bed, she was clearly in pain and Death was standing over her. "Oh no!" gasped Hollie. "Is this your mom?"

"Yes, I tried to help but..." His face screwed up in anguish, "she's refusing all help, she wants to be with dad." He struggled to hold back the tears.

Octavia gasped, "Oh Marge," Marge Ivers was an acquaintance that Octavia met often in the village. The queen bowed deep to death and said, "Have you been here long?"

"A FULL DAY ACTUALLY, SHE IS FIGHTING AND HOLDING ON FOR SOMETHING."

With a painful effort, Mark knelt next to Hollie and said, "Mom, the queen is here, maybe she can fix you, she can fix anything." He gently ran a finger across his mother's cheek. "This is Hollie mom, you remember her, don't you? Hollie and Octavia?"

Marge Ivers opened her eyes slightly and the pained expression on her face softened. Her hand reached out and Hollie took her hand. The woman whispered something that no one caught and she put Hollie's hand on Marks hand and patted their hands, then she finally relaxed.

The spirit of Marge Ivers stood next to Death and looked at the young couple weeping over her corpse. "It took so long for that boy to bring her here so I could see them together... so stubborn!"

"YOUNG MEN ARE LIKE THAT IN MY EXPERIENCE," said Death as he severed the blue line between her spirit and her broken body.

"I will take good care of Mark," said Octavia as Death and Mark's mother faded. When they were gone she said, "Hollie, get over to the Watch House, tell them that Margaret Ivers passed from her wounds in the Battle of Creel Springs, we need an honor guard and a grave in the memorial cemetery." Hollie looked at Octavia with her eyes full of tears and tried to make some words but Octavia said, "Go! Now! We take care of our own, and this is part of that promise."

Hollie stepped out on the porch grabbed her broom and without thinking she flew over to the watch house. As she did that, Octavia helped Mark into a chair and turned him so he couldn't see his mother in the dim candlelight. "Let me see to you." She ran her hands over him. His (and Hollie's) main concern was his testicles that were kicked savagely when he was beaten. They were nearly healed and Octavia helped with the pain and swelling, but his poor eye, it was ruined.

"She wanted to go be with dad," said Mark in nearly a whisper. Mark's dad died several years ago when he was kicked by a horse. "That's why she didn't want treatment."

"She's with him now, and I'm going to do you a favor," said Octavia. "Only Hollie will fully appreciate it..." She placed her hand over his ruined eye and rearranged some things and when she took her hand away, his eye was fully functional, but it was solid gold, just like Nick's eye. She turned her attention to his knee. The knee was bad and the splint was falling apart and the running around wasn't helping. "When we're done tonight you're coming with me. You'll be living in the castle for a while so we can deal with that knee."