Escaped from Submissionbyselfconfidenc120©
I would like first to briefly address the cause of Sexual Masochism and ultimately provide you with the basic skills which are in my opinion enormously useful for ridding oneself from this very unique curse. While some of you (the novice in particular), might believe Masochism is a healthy sexual practice equivalent to normal sexual activity; this is simply not true. Sexual Masochism is a disease featured in the DSM (psychology's holy grail of mental disorders). However, this book can of course be wrong; after all, homosexuality was once in there as well and only later removed. Why should Masochism or having sex with horses and donkeys be any different? While I cannot speak for you as the only person I can truly claim to know is myself, this is the sort of thing that you come to realize from experience; the answer is born from wisdom not logic.
I suppose it's around the time when you find yourself in authentic love that this garbage, this filth is exposed for what it truly is; a disease. The good news is, while you might not believe me, having tried time and time over, failed, already have given up on yourself- masochism is a curable disease. It is important to understand that this sort of Masochism; the prolonged, intense, and developed breed of Masochism most of us suffer from is a disease of physiological and psychological origin; probably both. The second point is that Sexual Masochism is, in nearly all circumstances, intimately bound to the presence of acute anxiety in conjunction with the desire to inflict pain upon others.
Best and most effective method:
When we feel an intense desire to inflict pain upon another individual or group of people, this sadistic desire often becomes inverted when it does not find an outlet- in the form of a desire to have pain inflicted upon us. You see; the fantasy is not "having someone inflict humiliation upon you"- YOU are the one inflicting humiliation. You are the Master; the Mistress; the Dom; the owner; we inflict pain vicariously, through the eyes of our imagined mistress/master. Desire to inflict pain > search for someone to inflict pain upon > lack of available individual to inflict pain upon > desire to inflict pain turned unto oneself > search for someone to inflict pain upon you. (Freud)
Therefore, I find that the best way to combat Masochism is to build a sincere love for all people (thus eliminating the initial source of the Masochism). In addition, sexually fantasize over dominating a female. (Females should not fantasize over dominating a male as feminine sexual submissive behavior should not be negated in its entirety only moderated). This will provide you with an outlet for your masochism/sadism (they are really the same thing) and lead you towards the healthy path of the male being slightly dominant. I would advice the female to fantasize about being dominated by a male in order to cure her Sadism. However, for both sexes a release of the original inversion will nevertheless be necessary.
For this reason, fantasize over dominating a female while every so often appease the remaining masochistic desire and the desire will gradually become less and less. Once felt that you have a hold on your former need of submission, gradually decrease the fantasies over dominating a female to having actual sex with a female- with you having the slightly dominant role (fantasizing is fine too; no shame in that)- which is what nearly all women really want anyway. Our sexual desires also often conform to reality. Therefore, when out in the real world; stand up for yourself- don't be a push over. Being walked over leads to aggression later on- eliminate that cause of anger from its source.
Learn to love women; do not hate them; do not wish to dominate them. No one actually wants to give to their mistress; they only take from her vicariously. Rather, learn to love women and develop a desire to give to them. Know that most women who you are considering as a sexual partner really do wish to submit to you on some level. You should not want to dominate them for your own sake. You should sincerely want to give to them and make them happy by allowing them to submit to you. Yes, submission is healthy for women in moderation.
Additionally, a desperate desire to rid oneself from the masochistic impulse only serves to strengthen the impulse. Increased need to achieve impulse termination leads to increased anxiety over failure of successful achievement of impulse termination, leads to impulse enactment as in doing so anxiety is decreased from the mere physiological point of view regarding the impact sexual release has on and body as from the psychological standpoint in the sense that it eliminates the cause of the anxiety which is fear of achieving impulse termination. In short; we have a catch 22.
Therefore, it is very important that one never attempt to combat Masochism by means of simply "pretending not to be a Masochist". Instead of feeling fear in conjunction with guilt- feel embodied with an ability to change in conjunction with a sense of responsibility in doing so to the best of your ability. It is literally a mental disease; not something that that is healthy and should be continued but not something that one should be ashamed of or "must not do under any circumstances whatsoever" either. So often I would loathe the impulse, feel enormous guilty, vow to desist from the act after each and every time and of course barely make it through the week.
Both contemporary and non-contemporary experts alike believe a cause of Masochism is a fleeing from the stress impulse into infantilism (the humiliation aspect merely utilized as a means of reverting psychological maturity to the level of the child in order to achieve this aforementioned purpose); to digress into childhood; to escape from oneself; to escape from the peril of life; to be once more a baby in the warm bosom of his mommy; in order to protect, discipline, and love him. It is truly a divine and awesome moment in ones life, that piercing call to live, that sudden cognition of truth, when we are able to see life and gaze directly into it's eyes as it's beautiful name materializes before our minds as if it was there since the dawn of time; growth.
Are you ready for responsibility? Are you ready to meet life's calling? Are you ready to grow up and live? Or would you prefer to forever remain in the cradle; crying on mommy's shoulder? Pardon me for the cliché, but the choice yours.
Most experts in the field agree that an effective method of combating Masochism is by means of conditioning. That is to say, not to fight the desire, but to change the desire. Our bodies, differing from our souls, are governed by pleasure. Consequently, bodily desire is contingent upon the quantity of pleasure evoked from the fulfillment of the desire. Imagine that every time you eat sharkskin it would be accompanied by an instantaneous, immensely painful, electric shock. Following a given period of time, assuming you did not enjoy eating sharkskin in the first place, not only would you not feel a desire to eat sharkskin, but you would develop an intense desire not to eat sharkskin; that's right, you would despise sharkskin. What if, however, prior to receiving the shocks, you received a more than modest quantity of pleasure from eating the sharkskin? If our theory of pleasure is correct, even following the shocks, the desire for sharkskin would remain, and would only desist once the pain evoked from the shocks exceeded the pleasure evoked from the consumption of the sharkskin. Up to that very point, when pain exceeds pleasure, even following to the shocks, you're primal desire for sharkskin would remain. P (pleasure) > D(displeasure) = Desire. P < D = - Desire.
This holds true for our sex impulse as well. For nearly all of us, the ontological reason why we experience such an insatiable urge for sexual humiliation and the like is because it provides us with enormous evocations of pleasure. Consequently, once the pleasure evoked from healthy, normal, consensual, masturbation or sexual intercourse exceeds the pleasure evoked from being sexually humiliated, the Sexual Masochistic desire will be tremendously crippled. For this reason, when masturbating or engaging in healthy sexual intercourse, that is, when the male is active and the female passive, the female being the receiver and the male the provider (correlating to testosterone levels healthy within males which is predominantly characterized in the sexual realm as Freud refers to as sex-active and estrogen levels healthy within females characterized as sex-passive; therefore healthy sexual activity = male-active, female-passive), try to make it as pleasurable an experience as humanly possible. It is easier said than done. In order accomplish the aforementioned, the subsequent pleasure inducing methods are found to be most effective within patients suffering from Sexual Masochistic Disorder as well as other Sexual Paraphilias.
Method B When engaging in healthy sexual activity.....
Try to delay premature climax and elongate pre-climactic pleasure for as long as possible.
Very often, due to our already conditioned desire for Sexual Masochism, it is difficult to achieve an erection and/or sexual arousal by any means other than Sexual Masochism. Under these circumstances, it is consequently often necessary to manipulate the Sexual Masochistic impulse as a springboard for normal, healthy sexual activity (active-sex). Try to achieve an erection by means of engaging in preliminary Sexual Masochistic fantasies, then once an erection is achieved and Libido (what Freud refers to as our sex drive) is enacted, change the scenario to a healthy sexual fantasy (where you are the sexually-active partner). Once you manage to make that switch, switching to the right side of the road so to speak, then prolong the active-sex (and the pleasure aroused from it) for as long as possible. It takes considerable effort to disengage in Sexual Masochistic role play once initiated; be exceedingly careful to ensure that you do indeed make the switch and don't merely end up continuing the Masochistic fantasy. Again, only use the masochistic fantasy as a spring board towards healthy sexual activity; not as an end in itself.
Do Not attempt to stop cold turkey. If you try to exclusively engage in active-sex (including step two) and repress you're passive-sex desire completely (you're need for passivity during the sexual experience) into the subconscious, what will ultimately happen is that you will end up developing a neurosis. I will elaborate; you have all this passivity, excess estrogen, excess anxiety, call it what you wish, inside of you, and it needs an outlet. If it does not find one, it will be repressed into you're subconscious, consequently leaving you crippled with manifestations of paranoia and frigidity and the like. The key is to gradually decrease the sexual passivity. Therefore, when you do decide to engage in Sexual Masochistic fantasies (differing from step two, this time it not serving as a springboard) every subsequent engagement without exception should contain a lesser or at most equal quantity of passivity. For example, if you are passive in sexual activity to the extent that you feel the desire to engage in oral sex with males, switch to strap-on fantasies with a female. This will provide you're passivity with release (the female having an artificial "sexually-active-device", while simultaneously increasing your active-sex drive (engaging in sexual activity with a woman instead of a male).
The next time, engage in regular active-sex, prolong it, and make it as pleasurable as possible. Then, once you feel the strain and longing for passivity, fantasize over pleasuring a woman orally and the like without the strap-on (this remaining in the realm of passivity, her forcing you to do so and what not). The time after that, have her merely engage you in regular sex, with her being on-top and having the dominant position (in-order to provide you with some passivity, while gradually decreasing the quantity, as opposed to quality, of passivity present). Obviously, there are numerous variables to consider and levels to progress towards, differing significantly for every individual. What will ultimately follow for everyone though, once the pleasure evoked from active-sex exceeds that of passive-sex, the desire for passive-sex will ultimately digress and fade into nothing but the occasional desire to be called a dirty name and the like every so often; possessing nothing but the harmless colossal remnants of a once very alive passivity. Obviously, if possible, when engaging in passive-sexual fantasies, such as Sexual Masochistic ones, try to lessen the pleasure evoked from the experience as much as possible (one successful method is to cause the room to have a foul odor when engaging in the Masochistic Sexual fantasy and a pleasant one for active-sexual fantasies).