Eye of the Beholder Ch. 04

Another dot connected. When he gave her those soulless stares, that trance-like gaze like there was nobody home. If the Terrell she had once known was really who he was at his core, he wouldn't have walked away from that without severe psychological trauma.

With each bit of information, Renee found herself getting angrier by the second.

Why the hell didn't he just tell her?

He could have filled her in and let her know. She suggested therapy anyway when she thought it was just a bad case of depression; she would have gladly gone with him under these circumstances. What he went through must have been terrible but voluntary.

He put her through a personal hell that she never asked for and felt that she had no escape from. In other words, there was only so far her sympathy could go for him.

"Anyway, after you left, Rell had beyond a nervous breakdown. We had to put him in a psych ward for a few weeks. I guess in the back of his mind he knew he lost someone he loved and it sent him into a downward spiral. We thought he was doing well so we let him move back into the condo, but he had an episode a few weeks ago. Now Mama and Daddy want him to move back home."

"What?" Renee said, stunned. "Where is he now?"

Tia pointed to the hallway. "He's been in that bed for almost two days now. We tried to get him out but figured it was easier to work around him until the last minute."

Renee started towards the bedroom.

"Don't," Barrett whispered from behind. "Not without me."

Tia heard Barrett's comments and nodded. "I understand, but Rell is heavily sedated at this point. He's on too many medications and antidepressants to count. I... I'm not sure if it would do any good for you, Renee, but if you think it will, by all means go ahead."

Renee locked eyes with Barrett and lead him down the hallway. Her old office was wide open, well-lit and empty. The door to her bedroom was closed. She bit down on her lower lip, squeezed her eyes tight and turned the knob.

Right away, she was hit with a stale, musty odor. Her pupils adapted to the darkness enough to spot the faint outline of a body. The sound of jagged breathing left her unnerved, but she ventured deeper into the room. She cleared her throat to make her presence known but he didn't move an inch. Instead, she heard him say:

"Tia?"

Renee looked back at Barrett with slight worry in her eyes. "N...no," she faltered. "It's not Tia. It's... Renee."

This time he did move, albeit slowly. He first turned over on his back and then struggled to sit up but eventually succeeded. When his full image came into view, it disturbed Renee so much that she put her hand to her mouth.

Terrell was literally half of his old self. The tall, once-muscular man had disintegrated into a thin, sickly frame. He looked a good ten years older than he really was, and when he tried to smile, the wrinkles and lines in his face emerged even more.

"Renee?" he looked genuinely happy to see her. "You came back."

A floodgate of emotions came pouring out. She felt like crying, felt like screaming, felt like confronting him angrily. But none of those things would have been right. His sedation was evident from his partially dilated pupils; Renee considered the notion that he might not have fully realized she was there in the flesh.

"I just came back to get my things," she said nervously.

"Aren't you back to stay?" he pouted and stared at her, then tapped on the edge of the bed enthusiastically. "Come sit with me."

It didn't occur to her how far gone he was until he did that. He was beyond sedated; he was almost childlike.

Even Barrett had a slight look of pity on his face. He looked at Renee and nodded confidently.

She rested on the edge of the bed and came face-to-face with him for the first time in a long time. It was nothing like she had anticipated. The Big, Bad Wolf was no more. He'd been replaced by this frail and fragile version.

"I um..."

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Renee."

Her heart broke in two when she heard him say that. A tear slid down her cheek and she shook her head. "Terrell..." She quickly realized there was nothing she could have said at that moment that he would have clearly understood. But she knew it would be the last time they ever saw each other.

He reached out to hold her hand. She reluctantly put her palm in his and it felt like she was touching skin and bones.

"Terrell," she repeated. "Tia's taking good care of you." She tried to wipe away the flowing tears, but they were coming too fast.

Tia was right -- she hadn't moved on from the situation. She hadn't even started until that moment.

"Don't cry," he soothed.

"I'll be fine," she assured. "I want you to take care of yourself and I want you to remember this." With a shaky breath, she sobbed and simply said:

"I forgive you. I know it doesn't make any sense now, but at some point you'll think about it and you'll want to know that I forgive you."

Tia walked past Barrett and knocked lightly. "I found your things, Renee."

She let go of his hand and stood up.

"Goodbye, Terrell."

He yawned and lied back down, turning over on his side. "Bye, Renee. See you later."

With Barrett carrying her belongings, they headed to the front door. Tia hugged Renee one last time; they knew it would be their last goodbye.

Heavy rain was still pummeling the downtown area when they left. Renee climbed in the passenger's seat and Barrett put the boxes in the backseat. They both buckled their seatbelts and he turned on the ignition, but took a firm hold of her hand.

"It took a very brave person to do that. Didn't expect anything less from you, though. You okay?"

For the first time ever, Renee nodded her head and actually meant what she was about to say.

"I'm okay. I'm finally ready to move on. I don't know how long it's going to take and I don't care. I'm just ready to start over... with you."

Barrett unfastened his seatbelt and leaned over, his lips covering Renee's mouth. The bond of their supple lips pressing against one another, tender kisses and caresses of her lips with his tongue was heaven-sent. He nipped at her bottom lip and pulled away when she moaned for more.

He grinned devilishly and put the car in drive. "Ready to go back to Texas?"

"Yes." She smiled and put her hand in his. "I'm ready to go back home.

***

"Mornin'."

Fresh from the shower, Barrett rubbed a towel vigorously against his wet hair and smiled at the gorgeous creature sitting in the middle of his bed. She was sleeping when he slid out, undetected, but they had become so use to each other that when one of them rose, the other didn't stay in bed for too long. He wanted her to sleep in to her heart's content; getting up every morning at 6 a.m. and barely getting eight hours of sleep justified crashing until noon on the weekends. It was barely past 9 and he felt guilty, but at least she looked well-rested.

His curiosity piqued when he saw her turning casually through a photo album, and the contents of the unopened boxes she'd brought back from Detroit had been emptied and were scattered around her in bed. She was swimming in a sea of trophies, ribbons and certificates.

"Morning," she said with a shy, adorable smile, patted a barely inhabitable space on the bed.

"Come here, I want you to see something."

"I will if I can just..." he took one sweep of his big arm, moved the trinkets and created space to sit down. "There."

Her radiant smile never ceased to send that sharp pang in his chest whenever he saw it. If all she did was smile at him for the rest of his life, he'd be the luckiest man on Earth.

"What am I lookin' at, love?"

Barrett grabbed his reading glasses from the end table and slipped the frames on. His eyesight had never been great, but never bad enough to warrant prescription glasses. He'd become a fan of wearing them lately solely to see Renee's reaction. She obviously had a thing for a man in a pair of sexy specs.

Renee tapped her finger against a picture of a just-married couple standing outside some tropical island. The woman, petite and perky, had striking, ebony skin, tight, jet-black coils and a very beautiful, very familiar smile. The man was almost the complete opposite; he towered over her, had a lighter complexion and what looked to be green eyes and was very heavy set. He had his arm around the woman and stared at her with a loving smile, while she gave the camera a grin for the ages.

"Your parents?"

"Their wedding day," she nodded.

"What were their names?"

"Marie and Paul," she smiled. "Marie and Paul Thomas." She turned the page and the plastic crinkled, made her frown. "This is a very, very old photo album. I know it's what's inside of it that matters, but I'm attached to it. Oh!"

Her fingertips drummed against the page frantically.

"This, this is my mom when she was seven months pregnant with me."

Barrett grinned. The apple certainly didn't fall far from the tree. Marie, dressed in a pair of jeans and a crop top, cradled her exposed belly and beamed proudly at the photographer. She showed him one picture after another; her baby pictures, adorable photos of her kid years and so on.

Barrett's feelings for Renee evolved so strongly over the course of all these months. As it was, their relationship had no label; they were much too entwined emotionally, physically and financially to just be boyfriend and girlfriend, and if these damned two weeks hadn't gone like they did and interrupted his plans, he would at least been able to call her his fiancee. Trying to find the right time to propose was not like trying to figure out when to say I love you; after all, it was a fact that they both loved each other.

He was conflicted — she was in better spirits, sure enough, but he had seen little glimpses of old habits during private moments when she thought he wasn't around. He mended the broken chain bonded to her physical desires, but he questioned wanting to take her hand in marriage if she wasn't completely ready for it. Still, he couldn't help entertaining the idea of being able to fill up their own photo album with pictures of each other, friends and family.

"I miss them," Renee stated, sighed deeply.

He put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.

"Oh trust me, I know what that's like," he nodded, lips brushed against her forehead. His cell phone rang and he parted from her to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Barrett, you sittin' down?"

Brandi was on the other line, sniffling and crying through her words.

Barrett's heart hammered in his chest. Brandi only ever asked if he was stationary when something bad happened.

Oh, God. Not Eden.

"Is Eden okay?" he asked frantically, pacing the floor.

Renee climbed out of bed and walked to him with a worried expression, holding his hand. He squeezed it tight, waited for Brandi to compose herself.

"Eden's fine," Brandi confirmed.

The weight of the world was lifted from his shoulders, but a tenseness still lingered within him. He went down the mental checklist of people, all of whom Brandi eliminated.

"Then what, Brandi?"

"Daddy," she blubbered. "His wife said he don't have much time left and --"

Barrett felt his blood boil. He had gotten scared, damn close to losing his mind over that bastard?

"That's too bad," Barrett said, deadpan, like he couldn't care less.

"Barrett --"

"Brandi, I love you, but you know how I feel about him, okay? W-when he passes, maybe I'll send flowers or something. BIG maybe there. But I'm not going to his funeral and I sure as hell don't want to see him before he dies."

"He keeps askin' for you to see him --"

"I don't care!"

Barrett's roar frightened Renee enough for her to slacken the grip on his hand. He glanced over his shoulder, eyes full of remorse and brought her hand to his mouth, kissing the back of her palm tenderly, still holding the phone to his ear.

"I'm sorry," he apologized to his love and his sister. "I-I didn't mean to yell at you, Brandi. God, you're the older one. Don't you remember the hell he put us through?"

"Like it was yesterday," Brandi countered. "I've been seein' Daddy for the past year off and on. Every single time I went, he asked for you and it took a good long while 'fore he realized his oldest son doesn't want to see him because he hates his guts!"

"Damn right, I do," Barrett said proudly. "He ruined our lives."

"And we carried on," Brandi reminded him. "Times were tough but look how we rebounded. You wouldn't be on that farm, in that big ass house if Mama hadn't picked herself up like the strong woman she was. You believe me or not, but when Mama passed, she didn't have no ill will towards Daddy. Said she didn't want to leave this world with hate in her heart. Why can't you do the same thing, Barrett? If not for yourself or that sweet woman you got by your side now..."

He looked at Renee and swallowed.

"... Then for Mama."

Barrett exhaled and shook his head. He didn't want to see that man with every fiber of his being, but he believed the tidbit she shared about Ma. Even though she wasn't around, God had blessed him with her presence all those years. And true, a lot of his mindset changed now that he had Renee to think of. Between Ma's wisdom and wanting to give Renee the stable, peaceful life she deserved, he wanted to be a better man. Having hate in his heart for the man who gave him life down to the bitter end wasn't the way to achieve that.

"How long has he got?"

"I-I don't know. A few days at the most."

Silence.

"I'll think about it."

"Barrett --"

He hit the end button and turned to Renee.

"My... father," he said with a strained tilt of his head, "is on his deathbed. Wants to see me."

"But you don't want to see him," Renee stated.

"No, I don't," Barrett said with a shrug, sat on the edge of the bed. "Haven't seen him in years, don't see what the point would be. W-what, to say sorry?" he said, scoffing with disgust, his olive skin flushed red with anger.

He couldn't remember the last time he cried — years and years ago — but he quickly turned away from Renee when his eyes began to well up. He shed too many tears as a youth, wishing things hadn't gone how they did, wishing he had a normal relationship with his father. It made him angry, embarrassed that despite how hard he tried not to care, he did.

"Barrett." Renee slid her hand against his cheek. "Look at me."

Reluctantly he faced Renee, mouth contorted in an angry sneer, silently crying.

"You need to go," she encouraged, dabbing at his tears. "I know you really don't want to — neither did I."

He wiped at his eyes with a balled fist, exhaled and nodded reluctantly, hunched over.

"I'll go with you."

"No," he declined, smiling weakly through the immense pain he felt. "I want you to stay here and relax. Brandi'll be there waitin' for me." He stood up and pulled her to her feet, one hand resting on her hip and the other cradling her round face, thumb caressing her soft skin.

"Well, I'll be waiting for you when you get back."

She ruffled his long, scruffy hair between her fingers and they both chuckled, smiles dissipating and replaced by intense stares of affection and love. He dipped low and took hold of her mouth, kissing her deeply and groaned when she closed her eyes and whimpered into him. He never wanted to let go, and judging from how deeply her fingernails dug into his forearms, she didn't either. They parted, both miserable at the prospect of being separated.

"It shouldn't be long," he promised. "I'll call when I get there, and you call me if you need anything."

"I will."

He threw a few day's worth of clothes into a duffel bag and made his way outside to the pickup truck. Renee followed behind him, arms folded with a solemn smile on her gorgeous face.

"Drive safe."

Barrett nodded silently, started the engine and watched her get further and further away in the rear view mirror until she was no longer in sight.

***

"Checkmate!"

Wesley cackled and slammed down the king piece so hard that the other figures scattered and rolled off the table.

"Have you ever heard of hubris, young man?" Thelma said through annoyed slits.

"Hubris? Yeah, I heard of him . He's that guy that works at the bar down the road, but who cares? I WON! Haaaa," he gloated, stood up and did a couple of hip thrusts and gyrations that made Renee snort the water she was drinking out of her nose.

With Barrett gone, she was starting to feel lonely. Who made better company on a Saturday night than Wesley and Thelma?

"Alright Wes," Renee warned. "You won. Time for another game."

"How 'bout Pictionary?" he suggested eagerly.

"Now we're talking!" Thelma cackled, rubbed her hands together in anticipation. "Why, I was one of the best drawers in my art class in high school. Even won the 12th grade art contest! See, our assignment was to..."

"Zzzzzz..." Wesley snored, mouth open and eyes closed.

"Wes! Stop it!" Renee suppressed laughter, knowing that Thelma enjoyed their friendly rivalry.

"Let's get it set up. I'm sure Renee's drawing skills are lovely," she said, batting her eyelashes in Renee's direction, voice dripping with honey. "You, on the other hand — I've seen your sorry excuse for drawing. Hmph! A pre-schooler could do a better job."

"That's it, old lady. You and me, Pictionary, in the living room!" Wesley stood up triumphantly and slid his chair underneath the dining room table.

"Bring it!" Thelma shouted.

A light knock at the back door drew Renee's attention.

"Can I take a break from refereeing to get that?" she joked.

"I guess," Wes smirked, helping Thelma out of her seat only to have her swat at him like a fly.

Renee unlocked and opened the door. A woman with a short, blonde pixie cut, chubby cheeks and glasses stood on the other side.

"Can... I help you?"

"Barrett," the woman said desperately, her voice very familiar. "Is Barrett here?"

Wait a minute.

"Sarah?"

When Renee connected the dots, she couldn't believe it. The formerly svelte, modelesque bombshell at put on at least fifty pounds and chopped off all her golden locks. She was dressed in a wool jacket, blue jeans and flat boots, a far cry from her tank top and daisy dukes ensemble she loved wearing.

"Yeah," she confirmed, embarrassment present in her voice. "It's me."

A plethora of potential reactions, mostly negative, played in Renee's mind. After all, she cheated on one of the most amazing men she had ever known right under his nose with no concern for his feelings. What stopped her from slamming the door in her face?

The pity in Sarah's hazel eyes, for one. That feisty, bitchy aura that followed her before was no longer present. In fact, she seemed to emit friendliness and modesty . Plus, Barrett had done a pretty good job of blasting her the day he found out she was cheating. More than anything, she just wanted to find out the reason behind her visit.

Renee glanced over her shoulder and slipped out of the door undetected; if Wes or Thelma found out, she'd only get yelled at and called every derogatory thing they could imagine.

"He's out of town," Renee explained.

"Oh."

The two women stared at each other under the porch light, shifting uncomfortably as awkward silence hung over them.

"Look, I know it doesn't make any sense to come back," she confessed. "A lot's happened since I left Quentin. I heard through friends that you two were together and... I'm happy for him. I didn't know too much about you — I still don't — but I heard you were a good woman."

Renee stood, stunned, but continued to listen.

"I just wanted to thank Barrett. I made a lot of mistakes at both of our expense, but what happened needed to happen, if that made any sense. I ended up movin' to another town, enrolled in college, found an apartment."