Eyes Like Winona Ch. 05byCruel2BKind©
*First things first.
I am VERY VERY VERY sorry. :(
I got a new job recently, and it's been taking a lot out of me. No excuse, but that's why it's taken so long. This chapter is short, but I'll try as hard as I can to get back on a 'chapter every two weeks' schedule.
Thank you for everybody who read and voted on 'The Goats'. It's a bit too late to vote on it now, but if you haven't already, check it out. A couple of you have been commenting that it's my best work, and extra-special thanks to them. ^_^
Enjoy... I love tragedies with happy endings, and we're getting closer to the end.
All characters are 18+*
"Neil? NEIL! Wake up! It's almost noon! SHIT!"
I blearily opened my eyes. The sun was shining through the window of the room that I shared with Ben, and his voice was loud and panicky in my ear. He was shaking me. I realized that I was nearly two hours late to my factory job.
My first instinct was to jump up. But then I just moaned and curled up tighter. I felt so bad.
"Stop it." I whimpered, pushing Ben's hands away.
He stopped shaking me and pressed his hand against my forehead. It was cool, and dry.
"Ah Shit, you got a helluva fever Neil. I'll call in for you. I was wondering why the kids were making so much noise. They didn't have their lunches."
I ignored his babbling as I curled up tighter. I had been sick for the last day or so. A bug was no reason to stop going to work. It was just a handy excuse for how miserable I felt.
I guess it had just built up. I had been so tired and stressed. I was normally good at waking up as early as I needed, but this time I just hadn't had the energy.
I closed my eyes and smothered my face into the pillow, feeling how feverishly hot my face was against the cool cloth. My throat hurt, and my head ached. I could hear Ben on the phone.
"Hi, I'm just calling on behalf of my brother, Neil Raimus? He's calling in sick. He overslept. I'm very sorry about how late I'm calling. ... A-huh, a-huh, great! Thanks, I'll make sure he calls."
He hung up the cheap cell phone that our entire family used. I pushed the blankets off of me. They were too hot.
"You are lucky... He just said to make sure that you call him when you're up and make sure you get to work tomorrow."
I nodded, burying my face in the pillow. I was so tired. At least now I got the chance to sleep in.
I could hear Ben getting ready but I ignored him. I just wanted him to leave so I could be alone.
"Neil!" I flinched, but didn't get the tissue over his cock in time. I could feel his hot slimy come oozing down my cheek, and over my lips. I was repulsed, but I didn't wipe it away. I just stayed on my knees, dazed.
"Are you okay?" Browning asked quietly.
I shook my head and wiped my face with a tissue, refusing to answer him. I couldn't have told him what was wrong.
I had to go back tonight. I had to suck cocks and dress in my skimpy revealing clothes, but the part that I dreaded the most was having to be with Drake and know that he didn't want to be with me.
I took a deep breath. I didn't know what to do.
When I got to the corner, Drake was inside. Jose was smoking a joint, blowing smoke rings.
I sat on the bottommost step, and my stomach felt tense and heavy with something close to dread. I was afraid of when I was going to see him. Underlaying that was just the plain worry of what would happen when Toby came home tomorrow. The fear of discovery, the pain of rejection, stress and tiredness all combined into a hot heavy lump of lead that weighed down my stomach.
"What's wrong?" I jumped a little and looked up to see Jose, looking down with detached curiosity. He normally didn't speak to me at all.
"Um. Nothing." I whispered.
He didn't buy it, and he offered his joint. I had never smoked before, but some impulse told me to take it.
I inhaled the smoke deep into my lungs, and the next second red crosses were dancing in front of my eyes as I coughed and gasped for air. My lungs felt like they were on fire, and I was coughing so hard that it was difficult to suck in air. I could hear Jose laughing, not unkindly, as he scooted down to be on the step next to me and clap me on the back.
"First time, eh? Smooth?" I laughed weakly through my coughing, even though my throat tasted like ashes and blood. Why did people do this!? If everybody's first pull on a cigarette did this, then why did anyone smoke at all?
He fumbled a bottle of water from his pack and I drank gratefully, even though it didn't seem to do much. Eventually the coughing eased, and I started to feel calm. I looked around, and the streetlights seemed too bright, my muscles seemed so relaxed.
"Am I high?" I asked quietly. Jose laughed. I giggled with him.
"I'd say you are."
I stopped laughing right away and looked to the top of the staircase. A customer was hustling down the steps and away, but Drake was at the top of the stairs. Quiet. His eyes, his dark beautiful eyes seemed very large in his face. Very sad.
Jose looked between us and nodded his head, as if he had expected something like this. He sat on his side of the stairs.
I looked down at the cracked sidewalk under my feet, feeling sick and ashamed and very relaxed from the pot. It was a strange feeling. When I sensed Drake sitting right next to me, inches away, as if nothing had changed; I flinched from the surprise.
"Hey." He said softly. A greeting, nothing more, nothing less.
"Hey." I whispered, still shrinking slightly away from him.
A car pulled up and I jumped up to speak to them, feeling worried and confused. The man behind the wheel was a slim black man with a shiny high brow where his hairline receded. His eyes were dark and ashamed behind goldrimmed glasses, and he wore a sweater vest over a blue shirt. He looked like a librarian.
"I've never done this before." He blurted, looking at my face, and then down at where my jean cutoffs ended, and then at my crotch, and then tearing back to my face.
I smiled at him. I preferred the shy ones. They were gentler, less dominating, less sure of themselves. "It's easy. Just tell me what you want to do, and with who. I'll tell you what it costs."
I could see his eyes linger on Drake, flit past Jose. "I... I'd like to spend time with you." He murmured very softly.
I shrugged. "I don't take it up the ass, is that going to be a problem?" He shook his head, frowning in a way that was almost comical.
"Alright. Just find somewhere to park... Tonight I'm in room three, kay?"
He asked me what my name was, and I said Ryan. He went off to park his car.
"He's with me." I muttered. I felt my face flush when they both looked at me. I just felt so confused when Drake looked at me with his subdued expression. I wasn't sure if I loved him for taking care of me, or hated him for how confused and lonely he made me feel.
"Kay." Drake murmured. "Be safe."
He always said that. It was like a farewell for him. Whenever I went home, he said 'be safe', whenever I was with a customer. It was just now that I realized how often he had told me that. How much he had really meant it. I remembered the scar under his nipple, where he had been mutilated by a skinhead.
"Thanks." I whispered, hopping up the steps and into the building. Before I started to cry or laugh or do something stupid.
The night went by very slowly. Every minute I was with Drake seemed drawn out, like a string of taffy.
We never spoke. But he still sat next to me. He didn't touch me, but the look in his eyes was so compelling. So friendly and sad and trusting. I didn't know how to feel.
Part of me was venomously angry at him. I wanted him to make up his mind and either reject me or be with me. Pick one or the other. The rest of me was just lonely and confused.
I had the feeling that he wanted to talk to me. But he didn't dare with Kirk and Jose around.
The hours passed, slowly. And I waited with a sick stomach to see what he would decide.
The night ended as it always did, with Ferdinand pulling up and telling us to go home for the night.
Kirk was still inside with a customer, but the rest of us were on the steps. I got up, hearing my knees pop quietly. I started to walk away, tensed up, waiting for. . .
I flinched. It was still a real shock to hear my name coming from his mouth. I looked around, making sure that Jose was out of hearing range. Hearing my name from his mouth made my chest feel hot, choked up. "Yeah?" I whispered.
He hesitated. "Um. Nothing. Nevermind." He shook his head and then blurted it out. "I thought you said you weren't going to try pot?"
He sounded confused, but I heard disappointment in his voice. I was so angry and hurt that I just started to walk away. I felt like I was nearly trembling with nervous furious energy.
I didn't look back.
I didn't want to go home right away. I was just too angry. Hot tears were falling down my cheeks, and I couldn't tell if they were from anger or sadness or frustration. I didn't even know how I felt. I knew that I still was badly infatuated with Drake. I didn't know if I hated him or wanted to take him back. I didn't know if we were still going to be friends after I left or if he really would try to never see me again.
Drake was the first real friend of mine that had been gay, and out about it. He had taken care of me. I wanted him to stay as my friend.
I turned a corner again for the second time. I realized dimly that I was still in my whore clothes, but I was too tired to change. I was just going to go around this block one more time to try and vent some frustration, and then I would go home anyway.
I checked my watch. It was three thirty in the morning, and I was starting to feel a little sick. Normally I changed into my regular clothes and just walked straight home. I felt uneasy, and angry at myself.
I turned around in my tracks and started trotting home the quickest way. My detour had brought me into an even shadier part of the city. I just wanted to be home already.
A car was going very slowly behind me. I noticed sickly that there was nobody around. I started to walk faster. There was an intersection about four hundred yards. I just had to get there, into the bright yellow sodium-arc lamps.
I looked over my shoulder. The other intersection was closer, but then I would have to go past the slowly moving SUV.
I decided that I was being silly, jumping at shadows. I kept walking, panting slightly from the exertion of walking fast. I nearly jumped at the brief muted roar of the engine.
The SUV's engine squealed and it creaked at the side of the road. The window rolled down and I saw 'Benji' smiling at me. 'Stanley' was driving. I felt my stomach sink with relief and annoyance and anger. I was wearing my whore clothes. They had recognized me.
"Hey Ryan." Benji grinned. "What are you doing so far away? Taking a walk?" Some of the uneasiness came back. I stopped walking. I didn't want these two to know where I lived, or even which direction.
"I was just walking to the store." I lied blithely. There was a 7/11 nearby, though I wasn't sure how late it was open. "I'm not working anymore tonight. If you go back to the apartment, I think that Jose is still working."
A blatant lie. A pathetic attempt to make them leave. Benji opened the car door and got out. I edged away. My heart was beating in my chest, jackhammering desperately against my ribs. I wondered if this was what having a heart attack felt like.
"Hey, we had a lot of fun the other day. We were just going home from this party. Wanna come home with us? We got all the good stuff... Poppers, pot... Even a little coke, if you're into that stuff. We can have a party!"
Stanley echoed him from the front seat. "Yeah, a party!" His face was even redder than usual, and I realized that both of them were already intoxicated on something or the other. I was scared, really scared.
I shook my head, still edging away. "I'm really sorry guys." No I wasn't. "I'm off work. It's late, I... I just want to go home." My voice was starting to show how scared I was. Benji advanced one step and reached drunkenly for me. I flinched back and took another large step backwards. Stanley was driving forwards to keep up with me, Benji was starting to walk purposefully towards me.
I just gave up all pretenses. I bolted. I was so fucking scared. My breath was coming in in harsh little pants that sounded like screams.
Then I felt like I was choking. Both of my shoulders jerked back sharply and forced my air out in a cough. Benji had grabbed my backpack. Before I could squirm out, he had me in a bear hug. I kicked his shins, I tried to bite his muscular forearm. My throat was constricted and wheezing with fear.
"Come on Ryan, don't be like that."
He was dragging me. Dragging me into one of the narrow fissures between the two tall and unforgiving buildings. One was a dead-quiet parking structure. The other was an office building. I got air into my lungs and I screamed, but it sounded weak and thin.
"Help! Help me!" I screamed. He shoved a hand over my mouth and I struggled, but his arms were hard, like bands of steel holding me still.
Stanley was there, suddenly. He was laughing. He was right in front of me as Benji held me still. I could feel Benji's cock digging into my back.
"Why so coy, darling?" He hissed. "You do this all of the time. We're just gonna have some fun, okay? Shh..."
His face was blurry. My face was wet with tears and snot. I was dressed in a tank top, cutoff jeans and a prayer. He fumbled with the buttons on the shorts. I struggled, bucking my hips, squirming.
Benji shook me. He had one hand over my mouth and he shook my head violently, up and down, back and forth. "Stop it." He snarled harshly in my ear.
When he was done, my neck hurt from the violent treatment. My head felt jumbled and confused. I had bitten my tongue and I tasted blood.
I could hear the car door opening. They were dragging me into the van. I felt so sick, so scared. They dragged me in the back and I saw that all of the seats except the driver's and passenger seats were put down. My knees burned on the carpeted floor of the van as they forced me onto my hands and knees and shut all of the doors. It was so dark. I couldn't see anything.
Benji's body was forcing me down. His hand was over my mouth and his heavy body was trying to crush me flat to the floor. He was fumbling with my shorts, trying to yank them down.
He swore. "Hey, Chris? Hold his head for me, will ya?"
Stanley/Chris snarled at him. "No names!"
While they were distracted I sunk my teeth into Benji's hand as hard as I could. I tasted blood, and I felt something snap.
Benji howled, snatching his hand from my mouth. I sucked in breath to scream, but Chris grabbed me in a headlock and started to choke the life from me. He was shaking me. Shaking and bruising and I couldn't breathe and I couldn't see and I couldn't even close my eyes as I gargled with pain.
He released my neck. But then he held my arms in front of me, pinning them to the carpeted floors with his knees and holding my head in his lap, covering my mouth with his hand while Benji finally succeeded in yanking my shorts down to my knees. I tried to kick him, but without having to deal with my upper body, he was able to hold me down easily.
I couldn't move. A surge of panic-ridden strength had me bucking and struggling like crazy, even as I gasped for air. I needed to make somebody hear me. Somebody had to see the car rocking back and forth. Somebody needed to realize what was happening.
I froze and my sphincter clamped down hard with shock and revulsion. He was sticking his fingers up my ass. It hurt, and I realized that I had stopped struggling. That I was trembling in their arms like a wet dog. I couldn't even make sounds anymore.
"Yeah... Yeah, that's it... You like that don't you Ryan?" He jabbed his fingers in and out, making me whimper and hiccup sobs into Chris's hand. It was going to happen. They were going to do it to me.
Chris must have sensed me relaxing slightly, and he shoved my upper body to the ground, holding me still. My arms were crushed under me. His weight was on my upper back, keeping me pinned. I could hear Benji spitting.
"Jesus, put a condom on. You don't know who he's slept with, or what he's got. He's probably crawling with every disease there is!"
I moaned into the carpeted floor. I could remember something. Something on the corner of my mind, something that I couldn't quite remember, bring into focus.
"Loosen him up for me, Babe." Chris murmured. It felt like my shoulders were dislocated. He was heavy. His voice was excited and tender. Tender.
He was heavy, but I heard him swear as I thrashed once, like a beached fish. His hand slipped off of my mouth, and for a second, my scream was so loud, that I shut up out of shock. He pressed his hand back over my mouth. I felt like I was being split open. Like I would be able to pull open my buttocks later on and I would see nothing but a deep bloody chasm.
"He's tight." Benji grunted. I went limp. Tears streaked down my face, and I was whimpering. But my mind felt strangely calm. Almost serene. I needed to be able to move my hand. My right hand. Right now, it was crammed under me and their combined weight was too much.
Chris was stroking my hair with his free hand. His knee was digging into the center of my back, like a red-hot bar of lead. "Hush, Baby-boy... This ain't so bad, is it? It's a party. We're having fun, right? Right baby?"
My right arm was numb. No blood was reaching my fingers, and I could feel numb tingling all the way up to my elbow.
Benji was swearing, bumping his hips so hard that my vision was blurring, I was being jerked back and forth by the force of his fucking. The pain was so bad that I didn't really register it anymore.
Benji jerked in five more times, and went limp over me, panting. I squealed with panic. I couldn't breathe.
"Get up! It's my turn."
Benji was up. I could move my right arm, but I moved it slowly, inching it as they switched places. I could see Chris rolling a condom onto his thick freakish penis. Drake had told me that his penis was so thick because he had undergone a girth-enhancement surgery. He had injected pockets of fat all around his cock to make it bigger and thicker.
I moved my numb arm, and I jammed my numb fingers into my pocket. I could barely feel the cylindrical shape as I tightened my fingers around the small spray can and slid my thumb onto the trigger-button.
I jerked my hand out and pressed the button, pointing the little can at Benji's face. I expected it to come out a spray, and dimly surprised when the mace came out in a thick line, running down his face like slimy tears.
I turned, feeling Benji recoil away from me, screaming with raw pain, writhing and trying to wipe his eyes.
"Tio! Tio, are you okay! What did he do to you?"
His hands raked through my hair, trying to grab me, but I recoiled, slipping out of his distracted grip and kicking away from him, my feet at his midsection. I fumbled backwards, grabbing for the metal handle to get out of the fucking van.
I pulled on it and it didn't bulge. I felt a weak sob tear out of my throat. I fumbled with the little lock-bar at the top of the door, but my fingers had no dexterity. They moved like they were asleep.
"You little shit!" Chris roared.
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out when he got on top of me, his fist crashing into my back, my side, my shoulder, my ear.
He had one knuckle raised. Each punch was like a blow from a sledgehammer. When he hit my ear my vision exploded bright red and I keened with fear and pain.
I turned onto my back and scrabbled at him with my hands and feet. I managed to lodge my foot under his ribs and heave him off of me. The lock finally gave and I fell out of the car, hitting the damp asphalt, scraping skin from my elbows and cheek.