Falling for Matthew

She smiled and said; "The evening's not over yet. Come back in an hour and a half?" She didn't phrase it as a question, but couldn't help the question mark slipping in towards the end. She looked at me pleadingly, clearly not certain I would say yes. "I haven't given you your present yet."

I gave her a quick kiss. "I'll be here, just don't forget to open the window."

Her parents would have a fit if they knew how many times I'd snuck into their daughter's bedroom over the years. They were strict in regards to more than just her curfew; I wasn't even allowed in her room unless they were home and her bedroom door was open. Not that they had much reason to worry, Jane had never allowed me to move past some heavy petting. In the past I'd commended myself for my patience and for respecting her wishes. Lately I'd started to wonder if maybe I just wasn't as keen to get in her pants as a normal guy would. When she bring me a present to the restaurant I'd figured she couldn't afford one with her rather intense saving scheme for her trip. Maybe she figured a blow job would be cheaper. Or maybe she's a decent girlfriend who figured I'd want and enjoy that more than something she got me from a store. I felt disgusted with myself for thinking so little of her.

Instead of driving home, I headed to Matt's place to wait for her parents to go to bed. I let myself in through the back door, closing the door softly behind me, and snuck down the hallway. I knocked on his door as a matter of habit, not bothering to wait for his answer before opening the door. It wasn't something I hadn't done hundreds of times before, but Matt still looked surprised.

"It's been months since the last time you snuck in here. What's up?" He closed his textbooks and put away his homework. I sat down on his bed and leaned back against the wall.

"Jane wants me to come around at 11.30. I thought I'd wait here with you. Is that alright?"

He shrugged; "Yeah, sure. What do you wanna do? I've got a couple new episodes of Breaking Bad on my computer."

I just said; "Sounds good." and starting making myself more comfortable on his bed. Soon we were both on the bed next to each other in our customary manner, watching the flatscreen hooked up to his computer.

"So what did Jane get you for your birthday?"

"Dunno yet. That's why I'm going back there later." I felt oddly uncomfortable answering his question and kept staring at the screen, seeing nothing.

"Oh, right." He sounded slightly annoyed with me again.

Feeling irritated all of a sudden I forgot my hesitance about the subject and demanded; "What is your problem? You've been annoyed with me pretty much all day!"

"Forget it. It's nothing." He just shrugged off my outburst as if it was something I did all the time.

"Do you not like Jane or something?"

"I like Jane just fine. I'm just less sure you like her anymore. One minute you look like a five year old who's told to go to bed early just because she comes over to say hi and the next you're flirting with her just like always. You can't go around messing with people's heads like that! You're a better person than that, or at least you used to be until you started acting all weird. What's your problem with her? It doesn't look like you've been fighting or anything."

I let out a sigh, knowing full well that I could never tell him the truth. He's my best friend and in that moment my longing to tell him how I felt and to touch him was so strong it felt like physical pain.

"No, we haven't been fighting. She hasn't done anything wrong either. I've just had my eye on someone else for a while now. It's awful I know, but I can't help it. It''s all I can think about, but I know nothing could ever happen there so I put off hurting Jane for as long as possible and in the process hurt her a little bit every day instead. I feel like such a shit."

To my surprise, Matt didn't yell at me or tell me what a dick I was. He just put his arm around me and let me rest my head on his shoulder.

"It's tough, man, I know. But you gotta get your head straight before you head over there. If you take her virginity tonight while you're obsessing over someone else, or if you dump her next week, she's gonna hate you. Really properly hate you."

"That's not what she meant when she said she was gonna give me my present tonight, trust me. We are not at that stage yet. She's not ready. I haven't even seen her naked yet!"

Matt was considerate enough not to express his surprise. He just sat there holding me. Fighting the urge to bury my face in the crook of his neck, I wished I could stay in the exquisite torture of his arms forever.