Finding Love

“I lie there,” she wept, “wanting him to fuck me so badly. Oh God, Michael it’s so…so…it’s hell. I think at times I’ll go out of my mind. He…he…lies there snoring and I’m soaking wet longing for him to…to just take me, and if I try and wake him he says things like, ‘For God’s sake leave me alone and go to sleep’. Michael, it’s so humiliating.”

I knew from my own experience with Judith exactly what she meant; the longing for release from the pressure of sexual desire that in the end could only be achieved by one’s own hand.

Hannah pulled herself against me as we sat on the divan, and I hugged her, trying to think of an appropriate response. It all seemed so crazy; a beautiful woman that her husband didn’t want!

Thinking of Ken’s age that by then must have been around fifty eight or nine, I said, “Perhaps he’s impotent. Have you tried to talk to him about it?”

“Of course I have, Michael, and he denies he’s impotent and accuses me of being oversexed.”

“If he is impotent then he may be too proud to admit it…you know…the male ego thing. Have you suggested he see a doctor?”

“Yes, I’ve tried that too, but all he says is that there’s nothing wrong with him and it’s me who ought to see the doctor. Michael, I’m barely forty and I’m still fertile. I want…I need a man…”

I thought of the cotton night dress and said rather stupidly, “Perhaps if you tried some sexy night wear and underclothes…you know, sort of lacy.” My thoughts were that if Hannah was wearing a suit of armour I’d fight my way in.

Still sobbing and soaking my bare chest she said, “I’ve tried all that, Michael. The very first night I went to bed in something seductive, do you know what he said?”

It was a rhetorical question so I didn’t seek to answer it.

She went on, “He asked, ‘How much did that cost?’”

That brought on another storm of sobbing.

I didn’t know what to say next, but what I did know was that all this close hugging had got me stirred up and I had to fight down the desire to cup her breasts with my hands and kiss her; but since she had trusted me with her problems, I restrained myself.

Hannah now lay in my arms, exhausted by the emotions she had experienced. I let her lie there for some time and then asked, “Do you feel like any supper?”

The mundane nature of that question at such a time struck me almost immediately, but Hannah said, “Yes, darling, if you don’t mind getting it ready. I want to go and clean up my face, I must look a terrible mess.”

She rose and looking at me said, “Thank you for listening, darling, then adding, “You do know I love you, don’t you?” She hastened from the room.

I stood looking after her for a moment, cursing the pyjama shorts that revealed so much of what I was feeling. Then to try and distract myself I headed for the kitchen to prepare supper and interpret what Hannah had meant when she said she loved me.

I was in the midst of a rather pointless philosophical debate with myself about the meaning of love, when behind me I heard Hannah say, “Michael, look at me.”

I turned and then became almost paralysed by what I saw. I have always thought black underwear and night dresses a bit of a sexual cliché, but what I saw now disposed of that view.

Hannah was clad in a lacy black nightdress that was more flesh than cloth. It barely covered her genital area, and her breasts pushed against the lacy top that gave a clear vision of pink nipples that looked long and hard, as if she was sexually aroused.

She was clearly shaking with emotion when in a quavering choking voice she asked, “Do you think I look sexy in this, Michael?”

I was starting to shake myself and I felt as if I had something caught in my throat as I struggled to speak.

“Y-y-you l-l-look b-b-beautiful,” I managed to squeak.

I felt as if I might ejaculate as I stood there and my condition became even more potent when Hannah came close to me, her breasts touching my chest.”

“You want me, don’t you darling? You want me very badly, so why not? We both have partners who don’t want us, but we want each other. I love you, I’ve loved you since the day you first came to our house. I said and did nothing for Judith’s and Ken’s sake, and for our sakes, but now, why not darling? I want you so badly…don’t make me beg, Michael…”

I could feel her body moving against me and smell her female fragrance. I wanted her as I’d never wanted a woman before – even Judith in our earlier days. Yes, I wanted her, and yes, I loved her. I had been attracted sexually to her from our first meeting and had grown to love her since she came to spend so much time in our house.

I felt Hannah pulling down my pyjama shorts and then taking my penis into her hand. “You want me so much, Michael, so stop fighting, it will only hurt both of us.”

“I stepped out of my shorts, and sweeping her up into my arms I carried her to the lounge, laying her on the divan, and then almost ripped off her nightdress.

Her beautiful breasts were now exposed, their long pink nipples surrounded by deeper pink aureoles. I saw the strip of black pubic hair running from her mons to where the clear indentation of her vulva began. She parted her legs and extending her arms to me said, “We’re both too needy, darling, don’t wait, come into me now.”

With a groan I came between her legs, her hand holding my penis and guiding me to her entrance. I slid into her warm moist depths and felt her vaginal wall flexing round my length.

I had only time for about three or four strokes up and down her tunnel when I began to discharge into her. At the same time those legs that I had once imagined winding round me, did just that now. My hands were under her buttocks as I thrust my semen deep into her, hearing myself crying out, “Oh Hannah, Hannah…I love you so much.”

Hannah was making little mewing sounds of anguished pleasure until suddenly she gave a mighty convulsion and screamed. The she was working rhythmically with me softly begging me, “Fuck me to death, Michael…fuck me to death my love.”

I finished ejaculating, but still clung to her, unwilling to be separated from what I now knew to be the object of my profound love. Far from “fucking” her “to death,” I knew I now had a long term investment in her living body.

Even after Hannah’s aftershocks had ended we still lay united, unwilling to let go of that brief moment of deep satisfaction. Before my marriage there had been many one night stands and even a few more extended relationships, but this was something different. This was the fountain of love that I would want to return to again and again to slake my sexual thirst; whatever the difficulties ahead, I knew this was “The Woman.”

What Hannah was thinking at that moment as she lay under me, her eyes with that dreamy look of a sexually satisfied woman, I did not know, but she was sensing enough about me to say, “Do it to me again, darling.”

My penis had partially slackened in her, but had quickly grown hard again, and this is what Hannah had felt. Her tunnel was already filled with my sperm that I had added to her own massive lubrication.

As I moved in her soft, wet vagina there were squelching noises that with any other women I might have found off-putting, but with Hannah they were welcome. They seemed to symbolise the openness that existed between us, and carried a promise of exploratory delights to come.

As I now moved slowly in her flooded depths all the frustrations of past months seemed to flow out of me; I had a beautiful pulsating woman under me…one who wanted me…not just someone to fuck her, but me. There was none of the remoteness I had experienced with Judith; Hannah was right there with me, whispering repeatedly, “I want you…I love you…,” and I saying, “I’ll never let you go, never.”

Perhaps in the act of love making these words are said by many people, words that come easily in the height of passion, but die with the end of their union. I had never said these words to any woman, and I had never meant anything in my whole life as much as I did now.

This time Hannah orgasmed before I did and I had the profound pleasure of watching her pass through the storm of her climax. She began once more with the little mewing sounds interspersed with broken sentences; “Don’t…stop…darling I’m going to…I’m…oh God I love…, and then a scream as the climax hit her and her cries and words became unintelligible. I saw the waves of anguished joy reflected in her face as she continued to look at me, her eyes wild and pleading.

As she came down from the heights I burst into her with my sperm feeling it pouring into her already flooded vagina and spill out from her. Her own orgasm now fading she still held to me, thrusting with her hips to get my emissions deep into her, responding to that instinct that seems to engulf all of God’s creatures – the urge to impregnate and be impregnated.

Again we lay, still genital united, looking deep into each other’s eyes, but it was those eyes of Hannah’s that really could see into the depths.

“You love me, Michael,” she whispered, “I can see it in you; you love me like life itself. Be warned, my love, I shall cling to you until death now, there’s no escape for you, my darling.”

“I don’t want to escape,” I murmured, and kissed her deep and hungrily.

That our situation was fraught with difficulties played no part in our thoughts that night. It was not until the morning that thoughts of Ken, Judith and Bernadette began to occupy us.

But for the moment our first action was to clean up in preparation for a night of love and exploration. Showered, we retired to the bedroom that Hannah used when she stayed with us. It had the advantage of a spacious double bed.

Our immediate sexual needs now gratified, we took time to search each other out.

As I looked at Hannah lying naked on the bed I was struck again by her beauty. She had flawless skin with not a blemish visible, smooth and with that bronze shade of gypsy colouring, her black hair spread out like a fan and descending below her shoulders. Her moist lips parted in a sensual smile showing even white teeth.

I touched her hair with my hand, then leaned over it to kiss the top of her head, then worked my way down to her forehead, her eyes, the tip of her nose and chin. All the while her hands were playing with my face and hair as she murmured words of tenderness and love, sighing with each new kiss.

Finally our lips met and parted as our tongues took turns to seek out the recess of each other’s mouths, and our lips softly writhed together. There was no hurry, no violent need to sate our lust, just the desire to touch and love.

She arched her long neck slightly, inviting me to kiss her there, and having done so I moved on to kiss that sweet warm place where the neck joins the shoulders forming a slight tender hollow. I let my hand begin to caress her breast; it was firm with up pointed nipples, yet soft and welcoming to the touch.

She drew my lips to a nipple and I took it into my mouth, sucking and licking the succulent morsal lovingly, taking care to cause no pain. Hanna’s sighs grew deeper as she held my head to her breast; then she whispered, “The other one, darling or it will get jealous.” I took the other nipple into my mouth.

Slowly and carefully I kissed, licked and sucked my way down to her mons. I felt her trying to draw my head to her vulva, but a resisted. I would play with her, tease her and try to drive her into a state of sexual frenzy.

I moved to her feet and began sucking her toes, then kissed my way up her legs. Reaching her thighs her sighs became whimpers as I sucked on the inner flesh, and then finally softly kissed her vulva.

This gave rise to an outburst from Hannah, “Oh God, yes Michael yes, do it to me.”

Unhurriedly I parted the lips of her vulva to expose the sensitive pink inner lips, and kissed them, breathing in the musky odour of her genitals and tasting her lubricant that was now flowing freely.

The frenzy that I had sought to inspire in Hannah was working, but it was also working on me. I opened the inner lips and thrust my tongue deep into her vaginal tunnel then lifting the little hood that covered her clitoris, I began to suck on it to the accompaniment of Hannah’s now unrestrained cries.

I could feel her orgasm approaching as her body seemed to vibrate and her cries changed to the now familiar mewing sound. She was clutching my head to her as I moved my stimulation from clitoris to vagina and back again.

Suddenly she gave a mighty convulsion, screamed out, “Oh Michael,” and began a series of tumultuous spasms that forced me to hold tightly on to her thighs as my face became soaked with her female fluid.

When the paroxysms had passed she laid back, her legs open and drawn up in an attitude of surrender, I came over her and penetrated. This time I was able to luxuriate in the cloying moist warmth of her vagina tunnel. Her hands almost languidly stroked my hair and face as she murmured, “Yes Michael, yes, enjoy me my darling.”

I moved slowly in her for a long time, looking into her eyes, trying to communicate silently the love I felt for her and the desire I had for her. It is at such a moment that one comes to recognise whether what is being done is pure lust, or whether that wonderful mixture of love and lust.

I felt the first surge of sperm up my shaft and apparently so did Hannah. She thrust up with her hips crying out, “Deep darling, put it in deep.”

The sperm spat out from my urethra and Hannah continued to cry out, “Deeper, deeper darling,” as the upward thrust of her hips became more urgent and my thrust more intense.

Once more that instinct that has been called both a curse and blessing, the desire to fertilise and be fertilised, that hope that one little spermatozoa will reach its goal and begin the process of new life took control. That after all, and even given the so-called “Recreational sex,” is what the coupling of a man and woman ultimately means; the miraculous act of creation.

With any other woman, including my early days with Judith, I would have by now exhausted my sexual potency for the night. With Hannah it was different. To use a metaphor, if I had been eating a meal, it would have been a meal so made as to increase rather than decrease my appetite.

That was a lesson I began to learn that night, and to have reinforced in time to come. The more I had of her, the more I wanted. I am no sexual athlete. I have no giant penis or massive testicles. All are adequate but not exceptional. It was not for these things that Hannah made love with me, but because, as I was to discover, she truly did love me.

Still unwilling to part from her when I had fired my load into her, it was Hannah who pushed me off. I thought this indicated that she’d had enough, but not so. She began to slowly masturbate me, gently flicking my foreskin over the crown of my penis.

Gradually, from its half slackened state, it rose again under her ministrations. Then to my amazement she did what no other woman had ever done to me. My penis, covered with the residue of my sperm and her juice, was taken into her mouth. She sucked and licked her way back and forth along its length.

After five minutes of this loving treatment I felt yet another surge of semen up my shaft. I cried out to warn her, “Hannah I’m going to come.”

She held tight to me and the first spurt of semen shot into her mouth. Having already discharged several times that evening there was only a relatively small amount to purge from my testes, but what there was Hannah swallowed with apparent delight.

I got my punishment after I had finished and Hannah came over me and kissed me, forcing the mixture of our fluids into my mouth.

“There,” she said, chuckling in her deep throated way, “We’ve now tasted each other properly.”

I silently agreed. For all our other sexual activity, I think it was that kissed that put the seal on our bond. From this point on nothing else would do but that we had each other.

For the moment we were sated. Hannah turned her back to me, but drew my hand over her to cup a breast. “Let’s sleep, now, darling, there’s tomorrow and the next day and the next day.” She drifted off to sleep, and soon I followed.

Some time in the early hours I woke with an erection. I was still pressed up against Hannah’s back, and yielding to temptation I probed her from behind, seeking her vaginal entrance. I was rather startled when I felt Hannah’s hand guide me to her entrance, and her sleepy voice said, “Yes, darling.”

I slid into her and began my back and forth thrust, then I felt Hannah give a powerful push backwards and heard her say, “Yes, darling, oh yes…” Then the familiar mewing sounds began culminating, not in a scream this time, but a low sobbing wail. At the height of her orgasm I came into her, once more at her behest thrusting in deep.

When it was over Hannah disengaged from me, turned to face me weeping and burrowed herself into me like a soft little animal seeking shelter.

“Don’t leave me,” she wept, “Don’t ever leave me.”

Near tears myself because of her apparent distress, I said, “Hannah, no matter what, I’ll never leave you.” That seemed to calm her, and she drifted off once more. I lay awake for some time, pondering with amazement at the joy that had come into my life.

With the dawn came reality. Hannah had already gone from the bed and I could hear her talking to Bernadette in the kitchen. I rose and realised that the remains of our night time activities had left its marks upon me, and the dishevelled bed. Not only could I see the result, I could smell it as well. A shower was in order, and fortunately it was Saturday and there was no call to go to work.

I took a leisurely shower, and after dressing I went to the kitchen. Hannah was there preparing breakfast and Bernadette was seated at the table, her head barely rising above its top. She extended her arms for a good morning kiss, which I duly administered.

Adults often do not realise how perceptive children can be. They can perceive our moods and on this occasion Bernadette had zeroed in on Hannah’s mood very accurately.

“Daddy, Nanna’s very happy this morning; she’s been singing to me; and doesn’t she look pretty.”

I felt my face flush and looking over at Hannah who had her back to us I thought I could see her shoulders shaking with silent laughter. When she did turn to face us I saw the truth of Bernadette’s remark. Hannah looked positively radiant.

She gazed at me with a devilish look in her eyes and said, “Good morning Michael, did you have a good night because mine was wonderful.”

Taking up her satirical vein I replied, “Not too bad, I’ve had better.”

We stood for a moment looking at each other, then to Bernadette’s puzzlement, we burst out laughing. No doubt she wrote this off as yet another of those adult peculiarities.

We needed to talk, but with Bernadette present it was difficult. It was not until early afternoon, when Bernadette had decided to go and play in the garden, that our chance came.

I came straight to the point. “What are we going to do, Hannah?”

Hannah was equally straight. “We carry on as we have been, with me coming here when Judith goes away. We simply take what time is given us.”

“But Hannah, after last night I…”

“I know darling, but that’s the way it’s got to be until the situation becomes clearer.

“It’s clear enough to me now, Hannah. I’m not letting go of you and…”

“And I’m not letting go either, Michael; just be patient and I think things will work out.”

She glanced out of the window to see what Bernadette was doing, then came to me and putting her arms round my neck and pulling close she kissed me and repeated, “be patient.”

Her closeness had set me going again and she knew it.

“I thought this might happen” she said, smiling, and removing her panties she leaned over the kitchen table and said, “Take me like this, Michael.”