Flashback: Cousins Ch. 04

November 1989, Yellow Pines, Virginia

This year Thanksgiving was at my parents' house. I flew down from New York a few days before for a much needed vacation. Dennis was with me and my parents instantly liked him. Of course they did - he was successful and Harvard educated. My mother kept hinting around if 'he was the one.'

I wasn't sure if he was the one. I liked him - but the wanton side of me was still there. Our sex was just ok, and more than once I had to fantasize about Robert in order to get off. Dennis had no idea about it and I figured it was a good thing.

I was sitting leisurely on the couch, drink in hand when Robert arrived with a woman at his side. She looked very cultured and I immediately got jealous. I wondered how long they were together. I hadn't spoken to Robert in at least 3 months and he never said anything about it before.

He introduced her as Pamela and she nodded politely to my parents. I began to hate her.

Next in was Brett. I quickly avoided his eyes as he ushered in a trashy looking blond. It was the first time I had seen him since that night. Robert told me that he always asked for me, but our secret would be safe with him. I hoped it would be.

"Who are those guys?" Dennis asked.

"They're my cousins," I said, clenching my jaw. "I'll be right back, I have to use the bathroom."

I went down the hall to bathroom hoping that Robert had seen me. I waited for ten minutes, but he never came. I sighed and went back to join Dennis. He was talking with my father about some financial something or other. I pretended to listen while I spied on Robert and Pamela. At least he noticed me and his face lit up. He brought her over.

I stood up and gave him a brief hug. When I pulled back, he smiled that old smile at me. I half smiled back.

"Beth - I want you to meet Pamela, my fiancée."

That was the hardest dinner in my life to choke down. I sat next to dinner and willed a few pieces of turkey into me. I didn't have any problem with the wine, though. After my fourth class Dennis whispered something about me getting drunk. I ignored it and tried to hide my sullenness. I didn't want Robert to see how upset I was.

I'm not sure if anyone knew just how upset I really was, but people avoided me a little after dinner. My mother asked me if I felt ok, so I told her I really wasn't and I needed to lay down. Dennis, always the faithful one, offered to come upstairs and sit with me. I smiled wanly and told me it ok - he could watch football with the guys.

I was alone in my old room. Tears were rapidly welling up in my eyes. I couldn't believe they were getting married, but I had to accept the reality of the whole thing. He deserved to have a life with someone who could be committed to him. We couldn't do that - we would be the disgrace of the family and I could never do that to our parents. We had talked about it enough times.

I lay on my bed thinking about it for a long time and then at last I fell asleep.

A knock on the door woke me and I told whoever to come in. I figured Dennis was checking on me.

But then I smelled him. I knew his smell. It musky and sexy and it always drove me wild. I turned over to look at him with bleary eyes. Suddenly I wasn't rational anymore. I didn't want to lose him to that ice queen. With anger welling up inside of me, I beat his chest with my fists and he had to grip my arms hard to stop me. I shook my full head of hair and tried to get away from him.

"Beth! Get yourself together!"

"How could you do this to me?" I sobbed.

"Please, don't - you know it would happen to us some day."

"But how long..."

He didn't say anything. He let my arms go and looked at him.

"You were seeing her when I was in LA, weren't you?"

He looked away - guilt was on his face.

"Oh fuck, how could you do that? You betrayed us both!"

He buried his face in his hands. "I know...I know...I'm so sorry, Beth. I wanted to tell you, but I didn't want you to stop seeing me when you were town. I was so addicted to you."

I sobbed again and threw myself back on the bed. He was quiet for a while.

"Beth, what we did was wrong. I have to make a life. You need to as well. What about Dennis? He seems like a nice guy."

I grunted.

"Beth - I'm going to do this. And I want you to back me on this. You know we need go our own ways."

"When's the wedding?" I said in a muffled voice. I couldn't look at him.

"Next June. It will be down here in Virginia. Will you come?"

"If you want me to."

"Of course I do."

"And where you going to live?"

There was a slight hesitation before he said: "Westchester County. Her family got us a house in White Plains."

My head shot up.

"Are you fucking serious! That's in my back yard!"

"I know, I know. But I got a job teaching at Columbia and she's a lawyer in the city."

"What are you gonna do now, flaunt her in my face whenever you come into the city for a posh evening on the town?"

I saw him stiffen slightly and I put my head down and sobbed some more. He stroked my hair lightly.

"I'm so sorry...I hesitated about Columbia, I really did. I had another offer at UCLA, but I wanted to come back East. Pamela is from New York and wanted to come back here too."

I said nothing. What else could I say?

He pushed back my hair and leaned over me. "Please sit up, let me see you."

I reluctantly sat up. Tears streamed down my face. He handed me a tissue and I wiped them away. He held my hands in his.

"Remember that night seven years ago in this room?" he asked softly.

How could I forget, I thought.

"Yes, we were sitting right there." I pointed to the floor.

"Yes and you turned me on to coke and blow jobs all in the same night," he laughed.

I laughed a little too and tried to hold back another sob.

"Beth, we had some good times, but I love Pamela, and I want to marry her."

"But you love me!" I wailed.

He held me close. "I love you too, my sweet. I always will. But we have to go on."

He was getting too sappy for me all of a sudden. I turned away thinking this bitch softened him up.

"Fine, get married. Have kids. Have a fun life." I said angrily. "Just get the fuck out of here."

He sighed deeply and left, shutting the door behind him. I went back to bed and sobbed miserably in my pillow. I wanted to just die.

May 1991: New York City

I was sitting in my favorite café in the city sipping coffee enjoying the Times. Work had been a little grueling so it was great to get out of the office and enjoy the spring warmth. It was a beautiful day and I took it all in. My long flowered skirt fluttered in the slight breeze and I pushed my sunglasses up and began to read the paper.

I was immersed in something when I heard a familiar voice.

"Beth, is that you?"

My heart froze as I looked up and saw Robert standing there. He was in a suit and looked absolutely amazing. I was absolutely shocked to see him and it took me a minute to recover.

"Robert! Hi!" I said and moved my paper so he could sit down with his coffee.

"How are you cousin?" he asked.

"Oh, you know - working hard. What about you? Oh, congratulations on the birth of your son."

"Oh yeah, thanks. It was just an amazing experience."

"I'm sure it was."

He blinked at me a few times and looked me over. There was an awkward pause. Finally he spoke:

"You look really good, Beth, how's life treating you?"

"Pretty good I guess."

He nodded.

"Are you with still with Dennis?" he asked after a pause.

"No."

"Oh, well I'm sorry. I know your parents liked him a lot."

"Yeah, well he was a bore."

"Oh..." his voice trailed off and he wasn't sure what to say next.

"So what are doing in a suit? I thought you college professors dressed casually."

He laughed. "I'm going on a job interview."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I'm sick of teaching. I'm looking at a job at a big civil engineering firm uptown."

He told me which one and I said I had heard of it. We did their account once.

We chatted for a little while longer and he said he had to go or he'd be late. I smiled good bye and he said he'd give me a call and maybe I could drive up to see the baby. I waved good-bye and watched him hail a cab. When he was gone, a few tears burned my eyes and I silently cursed myself.

Things were miserable for me after he told me of his engagement. I flew back to New York and was glad I had to go to Dennis' parents for Christmas. I didn't want to face him and that bitch. And when the wedding came up, I arranged for me to be out of town on business with no time to fly to Virginia. I sent a brief note and that was it.

I managed to avoid him except for the day of his father's funeral. It such a sad and tragic day for everyone. My uncle was still so young to die, but a heart attack took him and he was gone. My heart went out to Robert at the service and I wanted to go to him, but he had his wife. She was doing what I desperately wanted to do. I was so bitter that day - angry that my uncle had to die so soon and angry that I had stand by and let Robert be comforted by someone else.

I did manage to get over to him at one point and hug him. He didn't seem to know who I was - he was so grief-struck. I knew how close he had been to his father.

Then just two months ago, my mother told me that Robert was a father. At first I didn't take the news well. I was depressed and jealous, but I knew deep down that I could never, ever be the mother of his children. No, having the baby confirmed to me that the marriage was probably working and he was happy.

I went home that night feeling a little blue and decided to take a warm bath and enjoy a glass of wine. I turned on some Clannad and lay in the tub as the sweet Irish voices filled my apartment.

Seeing Robert brought a lot of memories to the surface. Starting with the night of our high school graduation (9 years ago!) through New Orleans, Penn State and those wild days in LA. We had the most incredible sex and if that wasn't dangerous, many times we fucked in public places and even had strange men participate. Robert said he loved to see me get fucked by another man.

As I reveled in those memories, my hands were sliding across my breasts. The warm soapy water made my skin very soft and very sensitive. I thought about one time in LA when we picked up a guy and spent the next several hours fucking in my hotel room. As I rode the guy's cock, Robert made me suck his. Both of them played with my breasts and brought me to an earth-shattering orgasm. My hands pinched and pulled my nipples making them hard and I gasped at my own ministrations.

Another time in LA, Robert brought me into the men's bathroom at a biker bar and made me give blow jobs to all four guys who were in there. By the time I was done, my face and hair were covered with cum. And of course I had to finish up with Robert. He fucked me from behind while they all watched.

My hand moved down between my legs where I moved my fingers inside my aching pussy. It had been a while since I had sex. The last time was with Dennis and, as usual, it just wasn't enough. I always wanted Robert. His tongue, his fingers and most of all, his cock. My finger found my clit and I began to rub it urgently. In my mind I was in that bathroom in New Orleans with my back to him and my legs open. His cock slid in and out of me and my breasts heaved with every thrust. It was our first fuck, but I never forgot the details of that night.

My fingers plunged in my pussy and I arched my back, moaning. My other hand pulled my nipples hard and little shivers went through my body. When the release came it was sweet, but after I calmed down, I realized it just wasn't enough.

Sighing, I let the water out and dried off. I wrapped my silk robe around me and toweled my hair off. I guess I'd have to do with another glass of wine and a joint. I fell on my couch and started flicking through channels on TV.

I must have dozed off because when the buzzer for my door went off, I nearly jumped out of my skin. I glanced at the clock - it said 10:30. I couldn't imagine who would be here at this hour. I went over to the unit and pressed 'Talk'.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Robert," came the static voice on the other end.

My heart skipped a beat and then I buzzed him in. What did he want? Then more importantly - how did I look? I decided that there was no point in trying to change. He had seen me in many stages of dress and undress as well as many mornings where I was hung over, coked out and looking pretty used up.

There was a knock on the door and I opened it. He was still in his suit and the look on his face told me what he was there for. He shut the door behind me pushed me against the wall in the entryway. There were no words spoken - there didn't need to be. We clutched each other tightly and kissed hungrily. It had been years since I last touched him and my body was starving.

His mouth was all over my face - kissing and licking. His hands were pulling apart my robe. He grunted when he realized I had nothing on underneath. I stood pressed against the wall and let him have his way with me. It felt so fucking good. He took each of my wrists and pinned them over my head while his mouth moved down to take first one nipple and then the other into his mouth. I cried out in pure ecstasy as he sucked them hard. He never forgot what I wanted.

I stood against the wall in complete surrender to him. My pussy was practically leaking as I was so wet. I had to have him so bad and I told him so.

"How do you want it?" he growled and he bit my nipple lightly.

"Right here. Up against this wall," I panted.

He released my arms and unzipped his fly. His cock was already stiff and ready. I guided him to me, but I wasn't really tall enough to get it in. He accommodated me by lifting me up by my ass and impaling me with his cock. My arms went around his neck and began to ride him.

His thrusts were hard and brutal. He bit and licked my breasts whenever he could. His hands gripped my ass and his finger rubbed my asshole. I trembled all over and pulled his cock deeper and deeper into me. I wanted it to go forever, but I couldn't hold back any longer.

"Oh fuck...I'm gonna cum, baby," I moaned.

"Yes, do it, Beth...CUM."

I held onto him for dear life as the orgasm ripped through me. It was a hundred times better than the one in the tub and it left me weak and spent. But he wasn't letting go of me until he came and he did right after me. He practically howled as he let his cum lose in my spasming cunt. I clung to him and felt his whole body tremble.

At last he let me down and we both stood there breathing heavy. I tied my robe back together and we looked at each other. His face split into a wide grin and we started to laugh.

"Nice to see you too, Robert," I joked.

He laughed and I saw him as he was 9 years ago - young and carefree. But when he stopped, I saw that he had aged a little. His hair was maybe a little thinner on top and there were creases around his eyes. But his body was still in incredible shape. I led him into the living room and we nestled on the couch.

"I'm so glad you came by," I said, leaning against him. "I've missed you so much."

"When I saw you today, I decided that I couldn't go another day without you seeing you and doing..."

"I know."

We were silent for awhile. I was wondering if we could do this again soon and I asked him.

"Well...I think so. I got that job I interviewed for, so I'm going to be in the city every day."

"That's great!"

"Yeah, but Beth, I have to very careful. You have to be careful too. You're known in this town..."

"I know, I know. We'll just meet here. It's safe and very discreet."

He stroked my hair.

"God, Beth, you don't know how badly I've needed you..."

"Not getting enough in your marriage?" I asked. It wasn't meant to be a dig, and he knew that.

"Pamela is a wonderful wife and mother, but she isn't passionate - like you."

I smiled. So I did have one up on her after all. He kissed the top of my head.

"Can you stay tonight?" I asked.

"Yes. I told her I got detained so I was getting a room in the city. I'm all yours, cousin."

I laughed and suggested we move into the bedroom.

So just like that it started again. We usually met once a week at my place. I always cooked a romantic dinner which included plenty of wine and usually a joint. Both of us had outgrown the coke and preferred something a little mellower. But the sex never got mellow. We fucked each other like crazy - always as if it was our last day on earth. You never knew what was going to happen in the future so we took advantage of it now.

The only thing that disappointed me was the fact that we couldn't go out in public. We were too well known in our social circles and if anyone were to see us - it would be disaster for our careers and families. I suggested a weekend away, but he couldn't do it. Even though he was betraying his wife, he felt he needed to be there to help with the baby. I couldn't argue with that and had to settle with our weekly trysts.

Then one night it came to an end. It was about 6 months after he started working in the city. He showed up later than usual one night and he was a bit drunk. Something was wrong.

"My company laid me off along with 20 other engineers," he said as soon as he entered my apartment.

"Oh Robert, shit...I'm sorry! What are you going to do?"

"Take some time off and look for another job. Pamela's salary at the law firm is enough to pay the bills, so there is no hurry. I'm just pissed off because it means we can't be together."

"But you'll get another job in the city and things will be back to normal," I said hopefully.

"Maybe, but things are a little tough right now."

He slumped down on the couch gloomily and loosened his tie. I went to him and rubbed his shoulders.

"We'll figure something out."