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So that's me. I hope that gives you a fairly good view of myself. I didn't expect to go into such detail but once you start writing, it all just flows, I guess. You're probably thinking I'm a bit whacky, and you'd be mostly right!
OK, now my son. Well he's a pretty impressive young man. He's 20 now and if you looked at him you've never believe something that big could come out of someone as small as me. He literally towers above me at 6'2" he's quite built, very well toned after having started weights a year ago. He held off from starting earlier because he thought it would stunt his height. It's a good job he did! I've met plenty of short, well-built Asian/Indian guys who just don't do it for me. For me, height is far sexier than build. I like to feel like I'm with a MAN, and height does that more for me than build.
Mobeen is also very smart. Academically gifted, in fact. He already speaks 6 different languages fluently (non of which are anything to do with his course!) and has scored top of his class in every exam so far in Uni. Back at school he used to get teased, called a boffin (nerd) and such. It didn't help that he actually looked quite geeky with thick lenses in his glasses. But in the last couple of years, he's transformed into a pretty magnificent hotty. He's lost the glasses and chooses to wear contacts now. He's slim and toned all over and seems to have grown a few inches in a late growth spurt. He's also found a neat trendy haircut that suits his face better.
He'd always been likable and popular. Even in school, though he was the nerdy one, other kids liked to hang out with him and he had a wide circle of friends. He even used to get invited to parties all the time. Now, together with his physical appearance, he's quite a charming and seductive package – and I can say that objectively.
I know that he's popular in Uni, looking at his facebook page makes me a bit jealous when I see all the girls who are asking for him all the time. So many unsubtle offers from so many girls; he was clearly having a whale of a time! I felt bad for his girlfriend Karen, quite a stunner herself. But she didn't seem to mind. She seemed to be quite playful about their antics online. Young people! So free and spirited!
My son definitely has my sex drive – as I mentioned earlier. He and Karen stayed at my house for a few days and they were at it like rabbits. She's a very loud young lady and her yelps and squeals could be heard all over the house. She was also full of a lot of praise for him, often very clearly shouting how much she loved his 'huge cock' in her pussy.
That's where everything started actually so it's very lucky I arrived at this point. You see. I never thought of Mobeen as anything other than my son. I mean, I cared for him and loved him – as best I could despite my emotional and mental state. I never had any other thoughts of him apart from the obvious maternal feelings a mother has for her kids.
It's only when Karen came on the scene that I began to think of him differently. I think Karen was majorly involved in his transformation, from geeky teen to stud-muffin, so I'm very thankful to her for that!
Despite what you might be expecting, when I saw him in this new light I didn't get any feelings, down there I mean. Strange that I should feel I have to clarify that, no? Like, usually a mother wouldn't have to state that she didn't get the hots for her son. But I guess my story is slightly different, you could say, heheh.
Anyway, I saw him as this really good looking guy and I felt proud of him. It felt like I'd accomplished something just by seeing him turn into this confident good looking and well adjusted young man. I did feel attracted to him. Not in any sordid way. Just in the way that I found his new confidence in himself attractive. I wanted to hang out with him more and took a lot more interest in his studies and student-life. He talked about that stuff with a lot more confidence and passion and I enjoyed being swept up by his enthusiasm. He was much more entertaining now and I simply enjoyed spending time with him. It didn't change what I felt for him as his mum.
As I said before, it was Karen that was the catalyst of change in our relationship, though not in any direct way. You see, while she was staying over I'd overhear them in his bedroom in the evenings. It's not like I tried to listen in – I kept trying to emphasise that to FJM all those weeks ago! It's just that, well, Karen, is so bloody loud you can't help but hear them.
I tried to block it out mentally but let's be honest, fucking noises aren't the kind of noises you can do that with. Not consciously anyway.
So there I would be, trying to do something, anything to muffle out their noise. I watched movies on my laptop with my head phones on and it worked for a while but I guess some part of my mind was still thinking about them.
I can't explain it, I don't know why, but that was just the case. I think it was a new experience for me. Having someone in my house, knowing that two people were having such fun together. Part of me felt a bit left out. It sounds absurd, I know. I mean, I know it's my son and his girlfriend. But there's something in a person, which feels a little off put when two people are experiencing something so intense and they're not a part of it.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't want to be a part of it as such. I didn't think of it in that way. I was very aware that it was my son and that there are boundaries. It's just that I felt like a bit of an outsider. And it wasn't nice feeling like that in my own home. It felt a bit lonely. And loneliness can be a pretty evocative feeling, especially when it drives someone to find illicit companionship.
And that's where things started going a little 'strange', shall we say. Because, rather than listen to my movies on my laptop with my ear phones on. I found myself pulling the ear buds off every now and then to listen in on them.
At first it was just to check whether they'd finally finished their relentless rutting. But then, and more often, I found I was just listening in. I admit I was a little titillated. I knew it was wrong and that I was probably breaching some trust but I couldn't help myself.
I'm not sure if I could say I got turned on. I wouldn't describe it as such exactly. It was more like when you catch your neighbours at it. The salaciousness and scandal of it. It was more of a voyeuristic thrill. That I could hear them and they didn't know. I felt sneaky more than anything. And it was that sneakiness that I think got me a little excited. Excited in the wrong way. Not that there's any 'right' way of listening in on someone else's private lovemaking..
You see, I stopped thinking in terms of my son and his girlfriend and just imagined it as two other people fucking. In my house. So close by. In such wild abandonment. I wasn't part of it physically, but in a strange way, I was there. I was listening to it and by defacto that MADE me a part of it. I was able to share in the thrill, albeit from a quiet unobservable distance.
I got hot from it. At first I couldn't even understand why but I did. I have too high a sex drive to question it too much. So before realising it, while pressing my ear to the wall (yes, I really did begin listening on them!) I found myself squeezing my thighs together a little, feeling those early tingly feeling down there.
I didn't think about whether it was right or wrong. Once your mind is in that other place, your judgement is impaired. My judgement on most things is broken anyway!
So a little squeeze of my pelvic floor muscles, soon became just a light brush with my fingers over my panties, to a little tickle, to a gentle stroke, to a light massage to a heavy petting and so on.
Three nights into Karen's stay with us and I was shamelessly fingering away at my coochie as I listened into the two lovebirds. I say that, except I didn't actually feel ASHAMED. Don't ask me why, I just didn't. It's only later when I spoke to FJM where he insisted on dissecting my thoughts and emotions that I really wondered, and worried about why I didn't feel embarrassed about doing that.
The thing is, that's not how things changed between Mobeen and I. Listening in on his lovemaking wasn't what lead to he and I to rediscover each other. I could masturbate to their sexy noises and passionate gasps and moans without even thinking about the fact that it was my son in the next room. It was something else entirely.
You see, Mobeen and I have always had a very open and trusting relationship. I say that to everyone. My kids treat me like a friend rather than a mum. I prefer it that way. Some say because it saves me of the responsibility of actually being a parent. I say, fuck them (including YOU FJM! Yes, FUCK YOU!!). They're my kids and I know better about their welfare than anyone else. I love my kids and I love how they're able to come to me for anything. They know I'm not accepting of everything, but they also know I won't tell them off for asking or speaking to me about it.
So it's in this context that Mobeen one day asks me about a threesome. Over the phone, just casually. Not even a stutter of nerves in his voice as he asks if I'd be interested in joining him and Karen for a threesome. Apparently they'd enjoyed it so much when they were over during the holidays, especially when we went out clubbing. They thought it would be fun. Karen thought it was be really hot.
He asked me very innocently, like he was asking whether I'd be interested in watching a film on a Saturday night. If that doesn't surprise you, then I guess you'll be even more surprised when I didn't even think of it as any big deal. I just said, 'no' because it might be inappropriate.
That's the kind of relationship we had. He was open enough to come to me with something as incredible (well, I say incredible but I just didn't see it like that) as that and I didn't batter an eye lid.
I didn't even think of it as weird. You'll notice that I just said 'no' because I thought it might be inappropriate. I didn't even think about right and wrong and the moral bullshit that FJM gave me a hard time about when I told him!
I don't know why I didn't see it like that. I still don't see it like that. It's not for not understanding what a threesome is. I've seen lots of threesomes in pornos. I know exactly what it is and exactly what he meant when my son asked me to join them. For a moment I got a little bit excited at what a kinky and sexy experience it would be.
I've never done anything like that that and I considered, if only briefly, what it would be like. I didn't really think in terms of 'this is my son and I'm his mum and this is sick and this is wrong'. I can't explain why I don't see the world like that.
Believe it or not, when I said 'no' it was mostly because I was worried it might damage their relationship! I figured, young lovers were often trying new experiences without really understanding how it might effect them long term. I actually felt a bit privileged and pleased that they'd ask me to do this with them, like I could guide the young lovers through it. Not that I had any experience of it myself!
The whole incest thing didn't once cross my mind!
After asking me, Mobeen just went on to the next topic like normal, talking about some other aspect of what's been happening with him at Uni. There was no awkwardness. No feeling that he'd been shot down. No feeling that our relationship had changed in some profound way. Just normal.
I had absolutely no idea it was anything as monumental as it was until I told FJM about it. And even then, laughably, it was because I was trying to prove that my parenting was fine because my relationship with my son was open, objective and trusting. Hence he could even come to me with a request like that. I still think that it validates my parenting so fuck you FJM if you think differently!
It's funny that a throwaway argument between me and FJM could end up where it did though. You see, he and I had argued about my parenting many times. Many, many times. It just so happens that on this occasion I mentioned that conversation with Mobeen. I probably would have mentioned it in some other context anyway. It's just one of those things.
Anyway, once in FJM's hands, it had be dissected, categorised, understood, observed, tested, interrogated to the nth degree. Like I said, to me it didn't mean anything significant. But to him, well, it meant all sorts of seedy unhealthy feelings being harboured by two sexually repressed individuals for each other. The notion of incest didn't occur till he mentioned it.
I can't explain why I didn't see a threesome with Mobeen and Karen in terms of incest. Maybe the presence of a third person changes the whole mother/son dynamic. It changes the whole context - in my mind at least. I don't know.
Maybe if Mobeen had just come to me and straight-up asked for sex it would be a whole other story. Maybe that would have horrified and sickened me like I'm told it should have. But what can I say, that's just not how I saw it.
FYI, incest with my son, still does not horrify or sicken me as you can probably tell. I have absolutely no moral issues with it, far from it; I feel it's my duty to accept his love in whichever way he wishes to express it for me. In return I feel honoured that he accepts my love in return. Any attempt to paint something so beautiful as something so dirty is clearly morally corrupt in and of itself.
Maybe something is only ugly because the words with which we use to describe it are poorly constructed and ill-conceived? Perhaps it is the words that should be changed and not the beauty we seek to articulate. Hmmnnn. Philosophical, no? FJM taught me that!
Anyways, back to my story. I was simply not seeing the issue when FJM talked me through it. In honesty, FJM didn't see it as an issue either. He understands morality better than me but the difference between us is that he's in defiance of it. I'm merely ignorant towards it. You judge who is the most delinquent ;)
So it turns out, through talking it through with FJM that my baby boy might have a bit of a sexy interest in me. And that I might in turn have a sexy interest in him.
It wasn't shocking at all to me. A bit surprising hearing it being articulated like that but I wouldn't say I was shocked. Intrigued and curious is more like it. A little bit titillated. I can't help it. My mind thinks about sex so often it enters into the frame at any given opportunity.
I explained to FJM that I'd had a few fantasies about it – just imaging what a threesome would be like and well, all hell broke loose then! You see, I wasn't thinking about it as a mother-son taboo breaking thing at all. That's just not the bit the I found thrilling, at the time. I do now, incredibly so! But not then.
When I fantasised about it, it was more in terms of how kinky it would be in a little group. Touching and kissing and fondling. Three bodies close together, enveloping and mingling into each other, slowly becoming one. The contrast of two hot bodies against mine, one masculine and rough, the other gentle and delicate. The intoxicating mixing of pheromones, feeling the angry heat of a man and the delicious sweetness of a woman. I found THAT bit erotic. I've seen loads of threesomes in porn, it's HOT. Foursomes – HOT. Anysomes – HOT. You see, I've never actually experienced anything like that and I imagined and fantasised what it might be like.
Truth be told, I was more interested in Karen than Mobeen. I've never been with a woman before and I was curious about what it might be like. I wouldn't say I'm all that into lesbian porn but I'm definitely a bit curious. It doesn't turn me off, not at all. It's so hot when it's done right. When it's sensual, and soft, and playful and delicate. I've heard many times how women are much gentler lovers and oral sex is mind-blowing. I've imagined what it might be like to taste a woman, smell her, pleasure her and have her do the same to me.
I've been approached by women many times in a club. Woman of all sorts. I'm not turned off by it, though I am a little unsure of it. You see, I'm actually looking for a guy. But sometimes it's nice being in anther woman's company. Dancing with a woman is fun in a different way to dancing with a man. It's more playful and things happen easier without people getting too hung up about what it means. I can slow dance with a girlfriend and we can rub up against each other, even squeezing each other's bums and it's all just being playful.
One of my girlfriends actually calls it the pussy-rub dance where we press our hips together and grind against each other. And it's not just girly playfulness, we're literally enjoying how nice it feels down there, rubbing against each other like that. We joke about how our pussies are in love with each other!
I've kissed a woman only once. In a club. She was cute and she just came out and said she was hot for me. I didn't really know what to do. She kissed me and I didn't pull away. It felt quite nice and we just kept kissing. We went to a dark corner of the club and we just fooled around a bit, kissing and touching each other. She tried to touch me under my panties but I pulled away then. I don't know why, I actually wanted her to but it suddenly just felt weird. And nothing more happened after that. She asked me if I wanted to go back to her place I just chickened out!
So, there you have it. Believe it or not, in my mind, I was hotter for Karen. Not my son. Though he was of course present and participating.
It's only when FJM and I sat down round his place that one time that it all changed. I don't know if he was leading me on with his questions of whether he was just exploring something that was always there but I hadn't realised. It was with FJM that I really started thinking about Mobeen in that way. And I got hot! So hot! I realise now that it was the taboo aspect of it but I just didn't see that at the time.
FJM and I shared a mutual fantasy that day. It was mostly me telling it but he was prompted and adding his bit every now and then. I explored my feelings about Mobeen much more that time and it got me more turned on than I'd ever realised it would.
This time, Karen didn't actually feature so much. It was much more about the interaction between me and Mobeen. How I felt about him watching me. Playing up to him. Wanting to impress him and please him. Wanting to tease and tantalise him. Wanting to pleasure him and ultimately have him pleasure me.
It was mind blowing, one of the best fantasies I'd ever had! I found I could talk about it easily, and be really naughty. Imagining Mobeen, tall and muscular, me small and petite. Being taken by him so thoroughly, his massive frame, enveloping me as I accommodated his huge girth in my warm wet pocket.
I felt stupid for having thought about Karen so much and ignored this bombshell of forbidden eroticism. My son, Mobeen, fucking me, his mother. It's fantastically mind-blowing!
I imagined him taking me with powerful strokes, angry for having denied him my coochie for so long. He, having lusted me for years and me inadvertently getting him hot with my playful ways, not knowing that lurking in his pants was the massive cock that he would conquer my tight little cunt with. In my fantasy I begged him. Pleaded with him. I wanted him to take me, all of me. Take me deep and hard. Satisfy himself with my body. Satiate his hunger. Punish me for chasing other guys when my true master was sitting out home fantasising about me whilst brandishing his lethal weapon.
I imagined him, ploughing me, stretching me, opening me up with his big cock. Showing me what a real man feels like, how a real man fucks a woman. I imagined shamelessly offering up my pussy to him, gagging for him to take me repeatedly, forcing me to take his entire length and girth.
