Guilt Ch. 03

That only served to make it worse, until finally he pushed her away. Had she done that with the man too?

The thoughts he struggled to bury far within his mind just would not stay there, now while at his office he felt deep suspicions.

Where was Janet? What was she doing? Once when she mentioned she was going shopping, and then over to visit with her Mom he had snarled at her.

"Shopping? Again? You sure are doing a lot of that lately!" He snapped at her in a loud voice. Janet looked at him in shock, then broke into tears.

Dave just left for work, left her like that. He was angry at everything now, it appeared. He knew that Janet was still in a fragile state, but the thought of her willingly cheating on him just would not go away. In the torment of thinking about all of that, his own guilt at what he had down with Carla down in Dallas faded.

That evening he waited until she was in one of the other rooms, then he checked the cupboards to see what she had purchased. She came out and caught him just as he closed the cupboard door, having found nothing he could see that was new.

She knew instantly what he was looking for.

"I didn't go, honey." Was all she said to him, an unhappy look on her face. Then she turned and went back into the other room.

Dave went into the living room and sat down, feeling terrible. More than a decade of marriage, total trust was now shot all to hell. Before, he would never have dreamed of checking on her, in all of that time he had never seen the inside of her purse. If he needed something she kept in there, he had always asked for it and she would get it for him.

Now he found himself sneaking a look in it when she was in the bedroom or laundry room, checking for scraps of paper with phone numbers.

He found nothing, that frustrated him even more.

He even spent quite a bit of time checking the history on their computer and trying to hack into her email account but couldn't figure out her password.

He got caught at that also when it became locked up from too many attempts.

"It's Dave1978." Janet told him one evening as he sat reading his own emails. That made him blush, he never bothered to look after that, since she knew he had been checking she could just hide anything she might not want him to see.

Janet again had a very sad look on her face as she turned and went into the kitchen.

He had done his level best to remember what Randy looked like, the only time he had ever seen the man was that brief moment at the night club over a year before. Try as he might, he just could not place a face to him.

That was another torment, he wanted to know about the face, know the man who had invaded his wife.

Was the man younger, stronger, better looking? Was Janet lying to him about the sex, had she liked it better than with himself? Now she tried to go down on him, suck him, where did that come from?

All that had happened that first night was that he had watched Janet dance with the man, finding her beautiful like he always did. He never really noticed or thought about the man she was dancing with. Janet only rarely accepted a dance with anyone, Dave had never minded the few times she did, it was always with friends or someone they knew. This man had been polite, he had asked Dave for permission first. When Dave told him it was up to Janet, he was mildly surprised when she accepted, she almost never danced with a total stranger.

It was just a dance, Dave did not notice the man or even look at him carefully. He wished he had.

That had been over a year ago, he found himself wondering about that, how could that be? Had Janet been cheating on him all this time?

He now found himself checking nearly every tall younger man he saw, wondering if that was him?

But he hid most of that behind a mask, miserable, but trying to not let it all show. Janet seemed to be happy most of the time, even more so than before she became ill. She didn't even appear to be too upset when she caught him checking up on her.

The hours that she had sat in their living room staring at nothing, the excuses she had made at bedtime all vanished.

That just added to Dave's overwhelming suspicions.

He even checked the medicine cabinet, to see if she was taking some kind of medication, but she didn't seem to be.

Of course the things piled up in his head and began to affect his work.

"What in the hell is this?" Martha yelled at him one day, she had just walked in and tossed one of their account files on his desk.

One glance at the cover page told him the problem, it was full of typos and the bid totals were off by several thousand dollars.

"We will lose our asses if this keeps up, fix that!" She stomped out. He came in and worked all day Saturday by himself on that one, wondering the entire time what Janet was doing. When he rushed home that afternoon, he found her in the living room, watching a movie on TV with the kids.

Sunday afternoon Dave was at the house watching the kids, he preferred that to going with Janet on her weekly shopping trips. He now hated the idea of her being by herself anywhere, even if it was just the store.

But he hated the store even more.

Janet had the habit of comparing the price of every single item before she bought it, shopping for her was an all day event. Before, he had paid no attention to her shopping, now he found himself wondering where she was, who she was talking to?

The hands on the clock that he checked constantly appeared to move so very slowly.

Little Sarah was at the point where she was barely walking, so that meant he needed to keep an eye on her. The two older kids were into their little hand held toys, always busy sending messages back and forth with someone somewhere.

Dave was sitting in his chair watching Sarah negotiate climbing up on the couch, then up onto the back of it, down the full length on her tummy and then back down, over and over.

There was a knock at the door.

Janet's mother Sandra stood there, a sack of clothes in her arms. Sandra was an older spitting image of Janet, and she always had a smile on her face. She seemed to spend about all of her time making cute outfits for the other two kids when they were little, now she was in her own seventh heaven making clothes for Sarah.

"Hi, Mom, come on in. Want some Tea?"

"Sure, that would be good, David." Sandra called him "David" to his face but she always called him "Dave" when he overheard her talking to Janet.

That was a little bit odd, just something he had noticed.

"How are the kids?" She asked, setting down her bag.

"Fine, the usual mayhem." He watched as Sarah ran over and jumped into her lap, demanding a hug. Then she wandered off to her own room, where a huge pile of toys lay scattered all over the floor.

"And how is Janet?" She asked.

"Janet? She is fine, why?" Dave instantly felt defensive.

"No reason, I have been a little bit worried, she was so down but now she...." Sandra let it trail off.

"Are you guys doing OK....?" She added, offering him a sidelong questioning glance.

Dave looked at her, realized.

"You know about that, don't you?"

"Yes. She came over and told me. She was upset and afraid about what you would do."

Dave went and got the Tea, brought her a cup.

"So. How are you dealing with that, are you all right?" She pressed.

It popped into Dave's head how when a really sticky subject came up, people talked around it without actually saying it.

"You mean about her cheating on me while I was out of town, right?" He decided to be blunt, it was obvious Sandra wanted to talk about it with him. He took a sip of his Tea, looking at her.

"Yes. Janet told me, she felt terrible, she was terrified about it, afraid you would leave her."

"I thought about doing that."

"I know, I am sure you did. But she loves you, you know."

"Yes, I know. Now she seems to be trying so hard to be happy and normal, it's just that...It bothers me. If she could do that once..?"

"She won't. Janet isn't like that, that was just one of those things. You were out of town and she was badly depressed, I couldn't bring her out of it either. It takes time, I am sure it wasn't something she set out to do. It might have been better if she had just not told you."

"I think that would have been even worse if I ever found out..." Dave looked at Sandra, then his own guilt poured over him. He felt tears well up in his eyes, looked quickly away.

He might as well have written it on his face.

"David?" She asked.

He didn't answer.

"David?" She repeated.

The thought of Carla and what had happened down in Dallas was all he could think of.

"Oh, my God. What is it? Oh, no, not you, too? Did you...?"

Dave poured it all out, it came out in a rushed jumble of words. It had all been an accident, just dinner with a co-worker, then later a place to stay. He had woken up, honestly thinking it was Janet reaching for him like she sometimes did in the middle of the night. Carla's body, similar enough to Janet's to create a moment of confusion, then it was too late.

That was bad enough, but then she had appeared in his room the next afternoon, the mistake became compounded. An accident in the fog of sleep and alcohol was one thing, the wild rutting the next afternoon and evening was quite another.

Sandra sat quietly and listened as he let it all out.

"You didn't tell her?"

"No."

"But she told you?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to leave it at that?"

"I don't know."

That moment the door opened, Janet came in carrying a couple of paper sacks.

"Hi, Mom! Dave, can you give me a hand? There are several more in the car." She didn't seem to realize that she had interrupted their discussion, she just went into the kitchen. Dave got up and went to the car, began unloading. He brought in the last ones, set them down.

Sandra and Janet were both looking at him.

"What?" He asked.

"Mom wants to take the kids for a few weeks, so we can go do some of the things we talked about."

"What things?"

"Maybe a cruise, maybe go to Las Vegas, maybe go to France or Greece or Mexico or something?"

"I do have a month's vacation saved up, we could, I guess...?

"Oh, let's, honey!" Janet acted all excited.

"You guys have been talking about this for awhile, haven't you?" Dave grinned at them.

"Yes. You work too hard, honey. We need some time to ourselves." Janet smiled at him.

Dave nodded, Janet busied herself putting everything away as Dave went into the other room. Her Mom followed him back into the living room, sat down.

"Janet and I talked earlier, it just sounded like a good idea for you kids to go away for awhile, just the two of you. Call it a second honeymoon, start over." She grinned at him.

"You didn't tell her anything, did you?" Dave whispered to her.

"I didn't know until just today, and no, I won't. But I think you kids should go have some fun together, it will be good for you. Take her to neat places, fancy dinners and dancing, fuck her senseless!" She had a huge smile on her face.

Dave's jaw dropped, he had never heard Sandra say the word "fuck" before.

They both started laughing, just then Janet came in.

"What's so funny?" She asked.

"Your Mother told me to take you someplace nice, then fuck you senseless!" He couldn't help himself, that was hilarious the way she had said that.

"Oh, goody!" Janet grinned, giving him a big hug.

"Well, I am out of here! See how the clothes fit Sarah, OK?" She said as she left.

"Your Mother is a damned old busybody!" Dave grinned at Janet. Forgotten for a moment was his problem.

"Yes, but she is our busybody!" Janet said, releasing him. She seemed to be so happy, that made Dave feel good.

The next day Dave told Martha he wanted to claim some of his vacation time. She frowned at that, but she had to let him have the time. Then her expression changed.

"OK. Probably a good idea, maybe we can get you reloaded. You have been a bit of a putz lately. But give me as much lead time as possible, I have to have someone here to cover the office while you are gone."

Dave nodded. That night when he got home Janet had brochures from about every possible vacation resort there is on the planet. He decided to just let her choose.

It took her a week, she booked a several days long cruise ship to Alaska, a short stay and some deep sea fishing for Dave since she knew he always wanted to do that. Then from there it was a flight to a fancy resort in Mexico. They had just a few weeks to prepare.

A few days later Dave noticed Janet suddenly was looking darker, she told him she had been going to the tanning salon every day to get ready.

Instantly he was suspicious.

"Really? It gets you tan like this that fast?" They were lying in bed, he had looked at her closely when she came out of the bathroom. There were no tan lines at all.

"Yes, you should go a few times too, that way you won't get sunburned in Mexico."

"I notice you are turning brown all over?" He said.

"Yea, the beaches there are all topless."

"Topless, huh? You are going to run around with your bare titties hanging out?" He teased.

"I don't know, maybe." She grinned at him and snuggled up.

"So you tan in the nude?" He asked.

"Yes, I have to to get brown all over, honey."

"Who is around when you are tanning?" He asked her.

"Nobody, just the other women."

"No men?"

"No. There is a section for them that is separate, but not very many even go there. It's mostly a woman's spa. They have a lounge area and lockers, and separate tanning rooms. There is also a sauna and hot tub, it's really nice."

"No men?" Dave asked again.

"No. Just couples once in awhile, why don't you go with me sometime? You could use some color before we go."

"Maybe I will."

Monday morning a week later was when the next first signs of trouble started. His boss Martha asked him to come into her office.

"This is Carla, we borrowed her from the Dallas center, she will handle your office while you are gone."

Dave stood there for a moment in shock.

"Hi, Dave!" She said brightly.

"Hello, Carla."

"You two know each other?" Martha asked.

"Yes, we met down in Dallas when Dave was there to work on the breakdown." Carla told her.

Martha looked back and forth at them for a moment, a quizzical expression on her face. She really never missed much, part of why she was the company President.

"Good. That makes it easier, you two will be working together for the next week or so, to get Carla up to speed on where everything is." Martha said.

Dave flushed, he had not expected this at all.

"Well, let's get to work!" Carla told him, getting up.

Reluctantly, he followed her down the hall to his office.

Inside, she pushed the door shut.

"I know most of it already, I just need to know where the files are and I need access to your database." She told him.

"OK. It's all pretty easy." Dave was still flustered.

"Relax, Dave." She looked at him pointedly.

"I won't say anything, what we had was just a fling."

"I...we shouldn't have..." He had trouble meeting her gaze.

"I know. But it was a hell of a lot of fun! Best ever for me in fact!" She grinned at him.

Dave felt himself flush even more at that.

Then they went to work, Carla very quickly got up to speed, by the end of the first day Dave was confident she could handle the job. The only problem he had was every time he looked at her he remembered the couple of days in Dallas, the way she had eagerly joined him in a crazy session of illicit sex.

He felt the same glimmerings of being aroused, he just could not help that.

That night, when Janet came to bed she found him solidly erect. That was a surprise.

"Excited about the trip, I see?" Janet smiled at him, sliding into his arms. Dave climaxed very quickly, the vision of Carla walking towards him naked in his mind's eye, her soft breasts swaying with each step. That vision remained as he used his hands gently on Janet, knowing she had not reached her own peak from his other far too quick effort.

After, he felt ashamed and lay there unable to sleep for a long time. It was the vision, the memory of Carla that set him off, not his wife.

The next morning, he left for the office nearly a half hour early. Carla was sitting behind the desk, going over some paperwork. She looked up in surprise.

"Early I see. Want some coffee?"

Dave nodded, she hopped up and poured him a cup.

"I was hoping you would be here, I wanted to talk to you." He said.

"OK." She smiled at him.

"It has really been bothering me."

"It? You mean our having sex? It doesn't bother me at all." She kept the slight smile on her face.

"I never told Janet, but while I was gone she...there was some other man."

"Oh! Now I see why you were acting oddly."

"Did it show that much?"

"No shit! Anyway, what are you going to do about that?"

"I don't know. I guess we are hoping that the trip....?"

"It might be good for you guys to get away, sort everything out."

Dave nodded.

"There is one thing. If it doesn't, you can come see me any time you want to. I wouldn't have taken this job, except I knew you would be here." She smiled, her hand came up and fiddled with one of the buttons on her blouse.

Once again, Dave felt himself begin to erect as she looked him straight in the eyes. He almost stood up and reached for her, but just then Martha came in.

"I see you guys are hitting it early!" She grinned, sounding pleased.

"Yea, we have it all under control." Carla told her, as Martha went on by into her office.

That afternoon, Dave went in and asked Martha if he could just let Carla take over for the rest of the week.

"Can she handle it all?"

"Yes, I am sure she can."

"OK. Take off, get the hell out of here and go have some fun. Don't come back until you have everything straightened out at home."

"OK. Thanks." He turned to leave, then it hit him. Straightened out at home? He stopped and turned back. Martha was looking at him intently.

"What?" He asked her.

"Expense account, David. You spent nearly $400.00 on dinner and drinks on one meal down in Dallas, when I see that I know damn good and well there is a woman around somewhere. No way did you put down that much food and booze by yourself." She grinned at him.

Dave turned bright red.

"I can reimburse..."

"Don't worry about it, shit happens. It was Carla, wasn't it?" She grinned.

"Yea." He admitted.

"That explains everything, no wonder she volunteered. Now get out of here, sort things out with your wife."

He turned to leave.

"David?" She called out.

"Yes?"

"It all washes right off, I wouldn't even tell her if I were you!" She laughed, went back to her paperwork.

Dave figured Martha thought his being upset was because of his own indiscretions, she couldn't know about Janet's?

Or could she? It was beginning to look like everyone on the planet now knew about it.

Janet wasn't home when he got there. He realized she must be down at the salon. Jumping back into the car, he drove down there.

Her car was pulled up in front, so he parked and went in.

"Can I help you, sir?" A very pretty young lady at the reception desk asked him.

"Yes, I am looking for my wife, Janet." The young woman checked the schedule.

"She is in number 5, she will be out in a few minutes. You can wait in the lounge if you like."

Dave went in and sat down, there were stacks of magazines, all of them about tanning and body building. Another young woman came out, she was dressed in a leotard and obviously nothing else. She eyed him with suspicion, then gathered up a backpack from a row of lockers and left. A few minutes later another woman came out, she was wrapped in a huge towel.

"Oh! Hello! I'm sorry, I didn't know anyone was out here." She said, a startled expression on her face.